Xian: “s1LlY aThEisT aCt1nG LiKe tHe b1bLe iS aLl L1tErAL!!!!”
Bible: “Hold my beer. I got this...”
Version 1: Matthew (via Genesis)
This is the written account of Adam’s family line.
When God created mankind, he made them in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created.
When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Adam lived a total of 930 years, and then he died.
When Lamech had lived 182 years, he had a son. He named him Noah and said, “He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the Lord has cursed.” After Noah was born, Lamech lived 595 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Lamech lived a total of 777 years, and then he died.
After Noah was 500 years old, he became the father of Shem, Ham and Japheth.
This is the account of Shem’s family line.
Two years after the flood, when Shem was 100 years old, he became the father of Arphaxad. And after he became the father of Arphaxad, Shem lived 500 years and had other sons and daughters.
After Terah had lived 70 years, he became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran.
Abram’s name was later changed to Abraham.
The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.
Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren;
And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.
And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, which was the son of Heli,
Which was the son of Matthat, which was the son of Levi, which was the son of Melchi, which was the son of Janna, which was the son of Joseph,
Which was the son of Mathusala, which was the son of Enoch, which was the son of Jared, which was the son of Maleleel, which was the son of Cainan,
Which was the son of Enos, which was the son of Seth, which was the son of Adam, which was the son of God.
The Gospels of Matthew (via Genesis) and Luke give two different and contradictory genealogies of Jesus, but both of them explicitly affirm a direct ancestral line back to Adam.
The children of metaphors are themselves metaphors.
If Genesis is not to be taken literally, then Jesus is the great, great, great,.... [etc] grandson of a metaphor.
If Genesis is to be taken literally, then it’s just plain false. We already know this.
If, however, the ancestral line between a metaphorical Adam and a “real” Jesus is itself a metaphor, then we must conclude that the bible is unreliable as an information source. Matthew and Luke are both worthless, and there goes half of the Synoptic Gospels.
No matter which way it goes, the bible, Original Sin and Jesus himself can, and should, be ignored.
Since Xianity itself is completely beholden to this storybook, at some point, some part of it needs to be both regarded as literal, and actually be true.
Because so far, it just isn’t.
Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.
But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.
The bible says the bible is foolish.