Discover Top Posts Tagged with #gerard only

Gerard: I just want to say I’m disappointed in modern architecture and it’s distinct lack of gargoyles.

*At the mall*

Teenage Bandit: Hey dad, can I have twenty bucks to get my eyebrow pierced?

Gerard: First I need to ask you one question, young lady: are you ready for how awesomely cool this is gonna make you look?

Teenage Bandit: *bowing at one knee* Yes father, I am.

Gerard: Then take this twenty, and may radness illuminate your path.

Teenage Bandit: Thank you!!

Judgemental shopper: Are you seriously letting your daughter get her eyebrow pierced???

Gerard: You’re right. Sweetheart, take forty and do both. That’s much cooler.

Gerard: Am I a man? Am I a woman? Who knows. But everybody finds me hot and that makes everybody gay.

Gerard: My gender is a mystery but I am very sexy and dangerous.

Gerard: I guess you could call me a “them fatale.”

Doctor: How would you rate your pain?

Gerard: Zero stars. Would not recommend.

Critic: A man doesn’t dye his hair that color unless he has psychological problems.

Gerard: My hair color has NOTHING to do with my psychological problems!

Gerard, about to give teenage Bandit the sex talk: *knocks on her door* Bandit? Can I come in?

Bandit: Yeah dad, come in.

*he comes in and sees Bandit reading a comic book*

Gerard: So, uh... reading a comic book, huh?

Bandit: ... yeah?

Gerard: Well, you know how those things come wrapped in protective plastic?

Bandit: Uh... yeah?

Gerard: Well, that’s always a good idea. Just in general. It’s good to, uh... keep things wrapped up... to protect them. You know what I’m saying?

Bandit:...

Bandit: ...Please tell me this is because I left the ham on the counter...

Gerard: Not everyone is gonna think I’m pretty and that’s okay.

Gerard: They’re wrong, but it’s okay.

#gerard only