I’ll Try Anything Once: Chapter 46
Written by: Sol, Beth, Allegra
Edited by: Sol, Allegra
Bob woke Paul up in a rush, shoving a suitcase at him. “We have to go in an hour! Start packing!” Bob ran frantically from room to room, gathering more essentials that he would need to bring with him.
Paul sighed and sat up, pushing the suitcase aside. “Are you feeling alright, Bobbo?”
Bob stopped in his tracks in the doorway. “Why’s that?”
“I’ve never seen you this frantic before.”
“Well, you’ve never seen me pack for a trip then,” Bob laughed to himself as he continued to pack his bag.
“Is this about coming out?”
Bob froze once again. “Uh…yeah. It is.”
Paul smiled as he finally got up. “Aw, don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not that easy,” Bob sighed. “It’s my parents. If they don’t accept me…”
“You’ll always have me if anything goes wrong.”
“But that’s… that’s different,” Bob sighed again. “I don’t want them to think any differently of me, or that I’m not a good son, or…”
Paul nodded, trying to understand Bob’s point of view. Paul had only ever known himself as a bad kid, one who wasn’t going anywhere in life. Being bisexual was nothing on top of being a failure by default.
“Bobbo, you’re the sweetest boy I know. No matter what, they’ll still love you,” Paul advised Bob, trying his best to be supportive. He had no idea what Bob felt like. He couldn’t even imagine it.
—
Once their bags were packed and they had wrangled Alvy into the car, Bob and Paul were ready to head out to Bob’s parents’ home in the countryside.
“Do you miss being back home, Bobbo?” Paul asked, admiring the green fields passing by along the motorway.
“Yeah, I miss how quiet it was.” Glasgow was nice, but Bob missed being able to wander around the fields across the street from his house with Alvy.
They pulled up to Bob’s parents’ house a short while later. Alvy, who had nestled himself into the blanket on Bob’s backseat for the ride, scrambled into Paul’s lap and began barking. Paul stared at the house in wonder. It looked idyllic, like a painting on the front of a Christmas card. The house’s pale yellow siding and dark green trim stood in stark contrast to the bare trees and brown grass surrounding it. A large wreath with a red bow hung on the front door. The aura of the house was cozy and comforting. Bob had grown up here? Paul thought back to his own upbringing, in a disheveled flat in one of Glasgow’s rougher neighborhoods. It was so quiet here, so unlike the bustling city he grew up with, cars and trains whizzing by on the streets below and blinking lights flashing into his bedroom when he was trying to sleep. Paul looked over at Bob and sighed, a bit envious that he could even go back to his childhood home.
“You ready?” Bob asked, knocking Paul out of his reverie. Paul nodded and opened the door, letting Alvy hop out. “Don’t do anything that would indicate that we’re together in any way until I tell you, alright? For now, you’re just a friend.”
They trekked up to the front door with their suitcases, Bob clutching Alvy’s leash. Before the boys could reach the threshold, the door opened and a smiling face appeared. “Robert!” his mother said as she pulled him in for a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek, which he gratefully accepted. After a few moments, she pulled back and looked Paul up and down, her mouth pulling into a smile once again. “And you must be Paul!”
Paul nodded and awkwardly held out his hand. “Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Hardy.”
As soon as Paul stepped into the house, he felt out of place, his dark hair and clothes contrasting the pastel colors and cozy furniture around him. Even Alvy matched the warm, comforting interior of the house.
“Is Dad home?” Bob asked. Alvy trotted back and forth in the front hallway, happy to be home.
“He should be in the kitchen. He figured you boys would be hungry after such a long drive. You should go say hi,” Bob’s mother said. Paul felt a pang of jealousy at Bob’s normal relationship with his parents.
“Alright,” Bob said, nearly grabbing Paul’s hand to lead him to the kitchen before thinking better of it. They headed down the hallway side by side.
The kitchen was just as cozy as the rest of the house. Paul sighed as he stepped in, almost considering running upstairs to change into the one yellow sweater he brought, just to fit in a bit better. Bob’s dad turned and nodded as they entered. “Hello, Robert. And this must be Paul.”
“Hey, Dad,” Bob said, cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. Paul raised his hand in a nervous wave.
As soon as he and Bob sat down at the kitchen table, Bob’s dad brought over two bowls of steaming hot soup for them.
“How’s school, you two?”
Paul glanced at Bob. “It’s good,” he lied, looking back down at his bowl of soup.
Bob looked a bit confused at first, but decided to go along with it. “Yeah! It’s been great, and I’m barely even homesick!” He laughed to himself, “not that I don’t miss being home, though.”
After a few moments, Bob’s mum came into the room. “Paul, I brought your suitcase up to Bob’s room. I’m sorry we don’t have another bedroom… are you okay with sharing a bed?”
Paul and Bob exchanged a nervous look. “Y-yeah, that’s fine,” Paul said, feeling his palms growing sweaty. “I mean, we already share a room, so, y’know, it’s alright.”
“I’m sorry to have to do this to you, Paul, it’s just that we don’t have anywhere else for you to sleep, really - the sofa’s not very comfortable, and we wouldn’t want to do that to a guest in our house!” Bob’s mother smiled and looked at her son. “You don’t mind, Bob, do you? I suppose I could go out and buy an air mattress…”
“No! No, that’s okay,” Bob interjected. He took a deep breath. “Paul’s right, we’ve been sharing a room for the last few months, it’s fine!”
Once they had finished their soup, Bob led Paul up to his room, which was painted a pastel yellow color and felt just as warm and cozy as the rest of the house. Paul admired the soft quilt on Bob’s bed and smiled when he realized he would be sleeping in it for the next week. As he sat on the bed, Paul noticed a shelf of sports trophies dating back from when Bob was a kid to just a few years prior to moving to Glasgow. "You played football?" he asked.
"Yeah. Ran cross country, too." Bob replied, the bed sagging as he settled down next to Paul.
"You didn't strike me as a sports guy!" Paul laughed.
"Why, because I'm chubby?"
"No! No, Bob, it's not that,” Paul said, suddenly feeling very embarrassed. “I just...I mean, you're an art student and all. Those two worlds don't usually…overlap."
Bob shrugged. "I mean, yeah, I know. It was my parents' idea when I was a kid, and I really enjoyed it for a while. Just not my thing anymore, I guess." He took a breath, then looked at Paul with a sly grin. "I liked watching the other guys, though."
Paul laughed softly, reflecting on just how much love he felt in Bob’s home. Bob’s parents were proud of every single one of his achievements, from primary school football games to surviving his first semester of art school. He's so lucky.
“Did you play sports as a kid, Paul?”
Paul thought for a moment. “Maybe when I was really young. I’m not sure. I didn’t really do much of anything.”
"Oh?" Bob moved closer to Paul. "What do you mean…?"
Paul tensed and looked at Bob. “I didn’t have a normal childhood, I guess, and we never had money for that sort of stuff anyway.”
Bob nodded. “I get that.” He flopped down so he was lying on the bed, and Paul soon joined him.
“It’s… it’s not really an easy thing to just ‘get.’ I’m still dealing with it now. I haven’t even spoken to my siblings in years.”
"Oh," Bob said nervously. He had no siblings to speak to anyway, so he couldn't exactly relate, but he'd had no idea what Paul had been through.
“Yeah. Haven’t talked to my parents for even longer. Sometimes I feel bad for moving out and cutting myself off from my family, but…” Paul sighed, “it’s what I had to do.”
Bob nodded, unsure of what to say. He turned onto his side and wrapped himself around Paul's lithe frame, squeezing him in a hug. "It's okay. If this all goes well my family can be your family too.”
At that remark, Paul laughed and hugged Bob back. They laid there in silence for a few minutes before Bob suddenly sat up. “I think we should go back downstairs,” he sighed. His usually rosy cheeks looked pale.
“Are you getting nervous again?”
Bob nodded and cupped his face in his hands. “I don’t know if they’ll still love me…”
At that moment, Paul finally understood why Bob was so nervous. He was all his parents had. There were no other, more successful or wanted siblings to fall back on. It was just Bob, a former athlete now in art school, about to come out as gay. “I think they’ll still love you, Bob. It seems like they love you more than anything.”
Bob smiled and wrapped his arms around Paul once more. Paul could only see Bob’s blond curls and the yellow walls of the room and wondered how someone could possibly match their home so much. Why wasn’t their flat enveloped in pastel colors and cozy blankets?
“Ready to go downstairs now?”
“Yeah, but…” Bob sighed, “I think I don’t want to come out yet. I can wait a few days.”
“That’s ok,” Paul tried his best to reassure Bob, gently stroking his back. “If you’re not ready yet, then you don’t have to.”
“Maybe I can drop hints, to try and gage what they think?” Bob asked nervously.
“You could try,” Paul said thoughtfully. “But maybe it would be better to just get it over with, you know? Like how you’re supposed to rip off a plaster all in one go so it doesn’t hurt so much?”
Bob took a deep breath, pulling Paul closer, nuzzling his hair. “You’re right. I need to bite the bullet. I just need to work out what I’m going to say.”
“You can practice on me, if you want.”
“No, I…” Bob smiled as he stood up and walked cautiously towards the door. “I’ll be right back.”
Bob walked to the large bathroom across the corridor and quietly closed the door. Standing in front of the sink, he noticed that his hands were shaking; his heart thudded so violently that Bob was sure it would launch itself out of his body. He closed his eyes, taking in slow, deep breaths to calm himself. After a few minutes, his heartbeat slowed down and his trembling had largely ceased. Bob opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror in front of him. His body had calmed, but dread still radiated from his eyes. Despite the waves of panic resurfacing, he knew that it was time.
He unlocked the door and walked cautiously down the stairs. These could be the last normal moments of his life. He took a deep breath and calmly approached the living room, where his parents were sitting and watching TV.
“Oh, hi, Robert!” His mother greeted him with a beaming smile. “Are you both settled in?”
“Um, yeah, we are, thanks.”
Just do it. Just say it.
“You’re sure you don’t mind sharing a bed? There should be enough room for the both of you, but we just couldn’t think of anywhere else that would be comfortable for you both.”
“No, we don’t mind. There’s plenty of space.”
Spit it out, for fuck’s sake.
“That’s good,” Bob’s dad chimed in with an equally cheery expression on his face. “It’s lovely that you’ve made such a close friend at uni already.”
Is that a hint? Do they know?
“Yes, he’s seems like such a lovely boy, Robert.” Mrs. Hardy gave her son a comforting smile, and Bob relaxed, just a little. He had missed his parents a lot since he left for uni. They were caring people, and it was obvious that they loved him dearly.
It’ll be ok. Just do it.
“I’m gay.”
Mr and Mrs Hardy took a double-take as their son blurted out these words. They stared at him blankly for a moment, and Bob’s anxiety reappeared; he felt as if it had its hand around his throat, squeezing and choking him.
“What did you say, Robert?” Bob had frozen still at his mother’s words. Usually he found her so easy to read, but he had no clue what either of his parents were thinking. With what little breath he had left, he almost whispered his response.
“I’m gay. What… what do you think?”
Mr and Mrs Hardy looked at each, then returned their gaze to their only child.
“Robert…” Bob closed his eyes in anticipation at his father’s words, bracing himself for the worst. “That’s ok, Robert.”
Bob reopened his eyes to find both parents once again smiling at him. The hand around his neck vanished, but a lump in his throat remained.
“It… it is?”
“Of course!” Mrs Hardy stood up from the sofa and approached her son. “We’ve always sort of known, Robert. Don’t look so panicked, darling!”
Before he knew it, Bob felt hot tears streaming down his face. His mother wrapped him in her arms, slowly stroking his soft, golden hair, the colour that matched her own.
“We love you. You know that we always will.” Robert’s father joined their embrace, and held his small family close. Bob had never felt so light now that the weight of being in the closet was lifted from his shoulders.
The three stayed in their embrace for a long time, until Mrs Hardy interjected.
“Wait, so does that mean Paul…” She struggled to find the right word, not wanting to press him too hard.
The words left Bob’s mouth before he could stop to consider them. “He’s… my boyfriend.”
His parents squeezed him even more tightly, a little too tightly for his liking, and his mother let out an excited squeal.
“I’m so glad! Why don’t you go get him? I’ll bake cupcakes! Does he like cupcakes? I can make them rainbow!” Bob giggled at his mother’s flurry of words.
“Yes, he loves cupcakes. Although he’ll pretty much eat anything.” Bob smiled shyly as he thought about Paul. “I’ll tell him to come down.”
As Bob ran up the stairs two at a time, Mrs. Hardy just as quickly ran to the kitchen, but not before sending Mr. Hardy to the shop for a surprise for the two boys. Bob’s dad smiled proudly as he walked to the car, pleased that his home was once again full of excitement.
---
“You told your parents I’m your boyfriend?” Paul grabbed Bob’s arm and sat him down on the bed as soon as they got to Bob’s room. “Your mum really thinks we’re getting married.”
“That’s the goal, isn’t it?”
“We don’t know that yet.”
“So I’m just a hookup to you, or something?” Bob said a bit louder than intended.
“No, Bobbo… you mean more to me than anything, but… you really had to call me your boyfriend? I don’t think I’m your boyfriend yet.”
“I didn’t really know what else I could say—”
“Maybe we could use that label one day, but—” Paul sighed, “not yet.”
“Why not? What are we, then?”
“I don’t know, Bob. I don’t think we’re anything yet.”
“Are we dating? Could I at least say we’re dating?”
Paul laughed shakily. “Well, we’ve been on dates…”
“So, what, they didn’t mean anything to you? You’re just Dino’s little bitch boy!” Bob huffed and flopped on his back. “That’s why you won’t say we’re boyfriends. Because you’re being controlled by his stupid, ratty—”
“Y’know what, Bob… let’s just forget about this for now.” Paul was taken aback by Bob's sudden outburst. He bit his tongue to keep himself from lashing out any more.
"Yeah, you never want to talk about anything," Bob grumbled, rolling over to face the wall. The air was tense for a few moments before Bob let out a sigh. "I'm sorry," he said, quieter this time. "I guess I'm still all fired up from coming out."
"It's okay," Paul said, his voice quiet as well. He turned to look at Bob, tentatively placing a hand on his back. "We'll talk about it when we get home. I promise."
Bob rolled onto his back to look at Paul, his blue eyes shining. He nodded meekly.
"I'm proud of you, Bobbo," Paul continued with a smile. "You did great out there." He ran his fingers through Bob's hair, messing it a bit.
Bob couldn't help but let out a giggle. "Couldn't have done it without you, Paulie." He paused, then added, "So, we're okay, right?"
Paul laid down beside Bob and wrapped an arm across his stomach. "Yeah. We're okay."
“Let’s hope everything’s still the same in the morning.”
“Don’t worry. It will be.”