Is a Second Chance Possible?
I am a firm believer that love isn’t selfish but I also believe in relationships that stands the test of time. What I mean by the former is, is that if your partner openly voices hurt and frustration over what you have done to them. The best thing to do is not to try “win them back”, with the promise of change. But instead, to let them go (for now). We all know the fragile time between breaking up and trying to move on causes a lot of volatile emotions. So this “promise of change”, is indeed a selfish one because we only use that phrase as a tool to win someone back but not really work on changing. Therefore even if you temporarily feel a sense of security again, it won’t last for long and you will re-enter into a toxic cycle again.
The latter of what I mean by “relationships that stands the test of time”, is that all relationships are made up of challenges and difficulties. And there is never going to be a difficulty or challenge you will be happy about facing but for any relationship to survive, there must be trust, compromise and patience. Perhaps it was something that stirred a lot of anger in you for one moment that generated a string of negative thoughts and that completely clouded your judgment on the overall health of the relationship. It’s easier to say a relationship wasn’t meant to be rather than face those challenges head on. But if you want a relationship to last years, it’s something that you might have to get used to. Relationships are hard work but for good reason! After all, you were in a relationship because you love them.
Second chances are possible but the reality some people refuse to swallow is that their own ego and pride stands in the way of them truly getting the person they want back. “Getting them back”, is an instant gratification, therefore, it is selfish and will not help prolong the relationship. What you need to do is “work on yourself”. It’s a hard pill to swallow to think you may be the one that have wronged the other in the relationship but when you let that ego go and really work on getting the person back, you will soon realise the thing you need to do is to start re-building yourself from the inside out. See, it is hard work.
What if someone has lost trust in you and is in disbelief of any change happening? This is actually a blessing in disguise. You need to think of this train of thought in their shoes. They lost trust in you and refuse to believe you will change because you have violated on your promise multiple times. It could be the little things or it could be something quite severe (if severe, you might want to disregard this point). Therefore, they might draw out a conclusion that you two may be “incompatible” or it could be you doing unattractive behaviours towards him that taints his image he has of you. When two people were together for a long time already, incompatibility isn’t the problem. It is actually personal issues you haven’t realised about yourself that needs to be resolved. Which, brings me back to “re-building yourself form the inside out”. When you give them the space they deserve and you start focusing on yourself to your on accord. This gives them a fresh perspective on you. It might not drive them back onto your doorstep, but it will definitely start removing that doubt they first had on you.
