Hi, so there's this guy I used to like a lot and he liked me too but we never got in an actual relationship even though we kinda acted like we're in one, we also got off a couple of times. We are both in relationships now and I never see him but I still think about him a lot and the wonderful memories. It's been more than a year now and I really want to get over him because it really sucks just thinking about it frequently. Any advice, also, why do you think I like him so much?
Hi dear,
Just so you know, this situation actually happens a lot more than you think to lots of people around the world! Theres a reason why theres a common saying that goes around ‘We all want what we can’t have.’ The fact that the two of you were never exclusive never official, that your relationship was never set in stone and define made it something unknown and unexplored. You want to take the next step and you keep thinking about the next step - something that has never happened but you wish that it did. That’s why. It’s the ‘What if’. No matter what you do it’ll stay at the back of your mind till you love somebody else more than your feelings for this one guy.
At least you knew that he had feelings for you. There are girls out there that were stuck with the ‘What if’ because they never had feelings back. Perhaps that guy was having trouble committing, but I do wonder why too why the two of you never got together. It doesn’t make sense.
Also, since the two of you were so close, and have created such good memories, those good memories are always going to stay with you. Now that you rarely see him, you miss the connection that the two of you had.
I always talk about this when I answer questions on breakups and getting over guys. I think that when you spend a lot of time with a person, it forms a habit, and you feel protected and loved by the one person. When you go through a breakup whether it is with a friend or with a loved one, it’s like breaking free of the habit where you were around somebody ALL the time. It’s difficult to have that kind of space in our lives, and it gets to a point where it can even be scary. You may also have some unresolved issues with them, these can actually be solved by having a simple conversation and clearing the air!
Here’s the thing about getting over somebody like that, it’s going to be difficult and you an’t do it with a click of your finger. By putting yourself in proximity of that person all the time won’t help, it’s distance and time. A combination of both will help you get over somebody. Our feelings for other people are strange things, and different things work on different people, but at the same time you should really put yourself out there and try to find somebody new.
I really hope this helps darling,
I wish you all the best x
- Chloe