One of the reasons I have a love/hate relationship with this show is episodes like this. I am very aware that television shows are essentially a trick to get the audience to watch the adverts. If a company wants to advertise a certain product at a certain demographic, they will look for shows which draw in said target audience. A television show is ultimately a marketing ploy: art comes second. Remember the market research around the end of series 12 and beginning of series 13 to find out whether the viewership would accept canonically-acknowledged bisexual Dean? They did that to see whether the viewers would stick around or whether it would draw in new viewers for advertisers to sell their products to. If the audience was averse to bisexual Dean, they might stop watching the show which would mean the advertising space would be worth less.
As such, it may well seem ridiculous that I want the show to be taken more seriously, or for it to take itself more seriously sometimes. But given the show has spent the last year and a half dealing with Dean’s suicide and trip to Hell, and the last few episodes hinting at his serious mental damage, it is galling for this to be made the butt of a joke in 4x06 Yellow Fever. Yes, the Yorkie got a giggle on first viewing, but in hindsight I have to ask: what were Dabb and Loflin thinking?
The Yorkie itself was not an issue. In context, it did make sense that a man who was savaged to death by a Hellhound (and perhaps brutalised by them in Hell, too) would be scared of a Yorkie while infected with ghost sickness. But the fact both Sam and Bobby were utterly blasé about Dean dying again, that Sam treated Dean as a stupid embarrassing idiot for checks notes being messed up by ghost sickness, and then used it to make him the butt of a joke again in the final scene made the Yorkie a shitty cherry on top of a crappy cake. All of that character development and story squandered, and not for the last time.
The worse thing though is the fact that Dean’s suicide and the reasons for him going to Hell were never properly dealt with in the entirety of the show. lmclt recently commented that never after this is it even mentioned that Dean went to Hell for Sam, much less the 20+ years of child abuse and mental damage which led him to suicide. lmclt also wrote that a big part of series three involved Sam’s refusal to listen to Dean and take him seriously (read the post here), and this feels like an extension of that. There is so much potential wasted.
A few weeks ago I read a post by XXXX which likened Dabb and Loflin’s treatment of Dean as being as in Xander in Buffy wrote a story about Angel, i.e. the unpopular nerd writing about the ‘cool’ boyfriend of the girl he fancied. If we look at episode 4x13 After-School Special, it is easy to understand why. Dabb and Loflin’s version of Dean is very much that.
To bring things back around, I stated that episodes like this are why I have such a love/hate relationship with the show. There is so much dramatic potential waiting to be capitalised upon in Dean’s experiences and his damage, but the writers seem both utterly unqualified to deal with it and as though they cannot even be bothered to try. The show of wasted opportunities.
Anyway, this is supposed to be one of the funny episodes and miserable bugger that I am, I plant my feet firmly on either side of it, squat, and spend the first few hundred words voiding my metaphorical bowels all over it. That being said, I am not quite done with the negativity yet. I finished this episode not understanding how the ghost sickness worked, whom it chose to infect and why, and what on Earth a Japanese buru buru has to do with it.
A Japanese yo-kai (the buru buru) was a strange choice because the concept of ‘ghost sickness’ is from various Athapascan cultures such as Navajo and Lakota, i.e. Native American, and not Japan. Once again, the writers choose to reach into mythologies that have nothing to do with America, even when taking an idea from a Native American culture. Whether or not Dabb & Loflin even did much research on the buruburu is debatable, since the description of it in the show and how it operates bears little resemblance to the folklore. According to theshadowlands.net:
Buruburu is the ghost of fear. It lives in the forests and graveyards. It takes the form of a shaking old man or woman and sometime only has one eye. It will attach itself to the back of its victim sending a chill up and down the spine. The selected victim then dies of fright.
This is quite a lot different than ghost sickness, which can be described as excessive preoccupation with the dead, loss of appetite, recurrent nightmares, and fear. If you think this sounds a lot like bereavement, you are not alone. Tribes with the concept of ghost sickness used to have purification rituals as part of the mourning process to prevent ghost sickness, which can be understood as pathological grief.
Marie Yellow Horse Brave Heart of the Lakota tribe is a social worker and specialist in historical trauma1 In her article Return to the Sacred Path (2010), she discussed the idea that the outlawing and resultant disappearance of these rituals let to impaired grief, i.e. people unable to process their bereavement in a healthy way which allows them to carry on without getting stuck in unhealthy and deleterious patterns of behaviour.
There is potential here for a seriously good episode of Supernatural, not least since that description of ghost sickness, i.e. pathological grief, sounds like Dean in parts of series two. He harbours years and years of damage and trauma he has not been able to process, and an episode with a more serious tone written with more care, forethought, and research could have been brilliant. Alas, the show reached for Japanese folklore and butchered it to boot.
On the same subject, why not have Bobby able to speak Dakota, since he lives in South Dakota?
The buru buru in this episode was born out of intense fear, i.e. the fear Luther felt when he was being lynched. The buru buru infects and kills people who ‘use fear as a weapon’, and can only be killed with fear. However, if Dean uses fear as a weapon, then so too does Sam, which leaves me wondering why Sam was not infected. We can of course argue that what Dean did in Hell qualifies him for ghost-induced death in a way Sam is not, but as far as we know the sheriff is only responsible for covering up the crime, not active ‘using fear as a weapon’.
Given that, what the episode shows us is that the sickness infects those responsible for Luther’s death and those who stood in the way of justice being done. Every death caused by the sickness is related directly to Luther. The episode gives us another possibility for which Kripke has to essentially issue a clarification and apology: that the sickness infects people who are ‘dicks’. The reason Kripke had to issue his clarification is because viewers latched onto the ‘Dean is a dick’ reasoning and rioted (Allah bless you, Deangirls). For argument’s sake, do let us suppose that the ‘dick’ reasoning is valid: does Sam’s year-long betrayal of his brother with a demon not also qualify as ‘being a dick’? Prithee tell me then: Wherefore Sam’s lack of ghost sickness?
Paula’s conclusion to the mess was that the writers’ just threw ideas at the script because they could not actually think of a decent recent why Sam would not be infected. I must ultimately conclude likewise because I cannot see a logical reason for a) Dean to be infected in the first place and b) Sam to not be. Alas, for this episode one must switch his critical faculties off and just go with it.
Circling back around to Dean’s mental damage and the writers’ lack of qualification to deal with it, please consider the following eight hundred words. Dean was tortured every day for decades, so it is a wonder his mentis is more or less compos. Whether or not Dean actually remembers his time in Hell before this episode is up for debate (I fall on the side of he remembers at least some, probably most).
While I was writing my first notes for this episode three years ago, a certain book came to mind. Naomi Klein’s The Shock Doctrine begins with an account of victims of electric shock therapy, and psychiatric shock treatment in general. It destroyed many of the victims’ minds, and they were ‘only’ subjected to shock therapy for weeks or months. Judging by that, it is beyond doubt the torture destroyed Dean’s mind at least once, likely repeated times. By Dean’s own admission in 4x10 Heaven and Hell (not 4x11 Family Remains as I mistakenly wrote a few analyses ago), his body was put back together at the end of every day to be tortured to death and destroyed the next day. It can be assumed the same happened to his mind.
Mental trauma that can result in PTSD is caused by any situation wherein the victim is exposed to life-threatening danger or extreme pain, and is unable to defend himself against it or run away. This can be things such as a car crash, military combat, being shot at, routine infant circumcision (ask me for studies), being violently assaulted, rape, or witnessing violent assault, rape and such things. What happens in these circumstances is that the brain can shut down completely to protect itself from harm. PTSD occurs when the mind is unable to recover from said trauma.
Rather than being able to archive the memory or erase it, a part of the mind is trapped in the moment when the trauma occurred. This leads to triggers, i.e. sounds, smells, sights etc associated with the event that can cause the mind to believe it is in that situation again, and goes into alert. A man frequently beaten as a child might be triggered by a woman shouting. A woman who survived a car crash might be forced to relive the memory whenever she smells exhaust fumes. A man brutally and painfully killed by a beastly canine will be triggered at the sound of a large dog barking.
This is incredibly stressful for the body and mind as it is frequently in fight-or-flight mode, or panic mode. Without help or treatment – or even regardless of those things – it can lead to, among others, angry outbursts, depression, anxiety, stomach problems, addiction problems, suicidal ideations, etc.
Trauma can also lead to dissociative identity disorder (DID), whereby the mind becomes fragmented by trauma. The mind switches off during the traumatic event, and a part of it gets fragmented from the rest. The rest of the mind may very well remember the event, but recalls it as if it happened in a film, or a story a friend told. It happened to somebody else, not to the victim. Meanwhile, the fragmented part of the mind still exists, perhaps trapped in the moment of trauma, and if a 46 year old underwent mental trauma at 13 years of age, he will essentially be carrying his 13 year old traumatised self around in his mind with him. He might know it is there, and might even be able to communicate with it. This is not two personalities in one mind, as it is often misunderstood, but two parts of the same person in the same mind, separated from each other.
This can happen over and over again in a person’s life, resulting in multiple fragments of a person’s mind existing ‘independently’ of each other. Imagine your 13 year old self, your 17 year old self, your 25 year old self, and your 37 year old self all being in the same house but in different rooms. They spend most of the time alone, but occasionally one will go into the other’s room to mess up the bedding, borrow a book, cuddle up for warmth, scold you for failing at everything you hoped to achieve, punish you for not doing the dishes, or prattle for hours and hours about how you are a disgusting, selfish person because you decided to do what you want with your own life rather than listen to your family’s wishes.
Dean’s death in 3x16No Rest for the Wickedwas enough to cause mental trauma, but his trauma did not stop there. He had decades of it. I hope that gives an idea of the seriousness of what Dean underwent. That the show uses it for laughs should not come as a surprise at this point; after all, Dean is the sidekick who is just not as important as Saint Sam. Yes, Dean looks stupid running away from a silly little dog, but that moment showed how seriously the writers do not take what happened to him. Even Bobby and Sam did not seem to care much in this episode. After his story arc was hollowed out in series three, having the resultant damage of his time in Hell used for cheap laughs is not welcome.
That said, it is always a joy to watch the actors having fun. Todd Stashwick (Dracula) spent forty minutes eating the scenery in 4x05 Monster Movie, and Jensen had a few scenes in this episode where he got to be silly, e.g. screaming at the cat...
...flirting with the deputy (whom Dean then preceded to bone, prove me wrong)...
and of course the Eye of the Tiger scene.
Dean’s diatribe of how he and Sam are crazy people also caused much amusement, not only because it was all completely true, but how fired up and fey Dean seemed. Even his voice was different in that scene.
Dean also said that he listens to the same five albums of repeat, and if anybody is still in any doubt that Dean is autistic, I dunno what to tell ya.
When people call this a funny episode, I wonder whether they are just remembering those scenes. Dean screaming at the cat has become a meme, so maybe.
I also wonder why nobody thought to investigate all the noise Dean and the sheriff were making in the hotel, and why Dean and Sam were not wearing face guards during the autopsy. I also wonder when the show will be brave enough to use a woman’s corpse for black humour rather than always taking the tired, easy route of men’s deaths. When the show encourages us to laugh as Sam getting a woman’s spleen juice squirted all over his face, I will be impressed. I will not hold my breath, though.
In case at this point in my analysis you are wondering whether I am this grumpy in real life (no, I’m worse) it is time for a last few positives before I finish another unusually short analysis. As short as it was, I enjoyed the story of Luther who was killed for being in love with the wrong woman. The circumstances are quite different, but it brought to mind the opening of Stephen King’s IT when Adrian and Don are attacked by bullies for being in a same-sex relationship (omitted from the 1990 mini-series but kept in the 2017-2019 remakes).
The early years of Supernatural made many references to King’s work, e.g. 2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown, 2x11 Playthings, as well as drawing inspiration from his novels such as the similarities of 2x04 Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things with Pet Semetary as well as Supernatural’s psychic children plot with the psychic children in The Shining, Doctor Sleep, and The Dark Tower. Henceforth, however, Neil Gaiman becomes a more prominent source of inspiration, and even the fact that Sam’s eyes flash yellow at the end of the episode in a manner clearly meant to bring Azazel to mind reminded me of Gaiman’s The Sandman. In The Sandman, Azazel is an amorphous shadow populated by many eyes and mouths, and sometimes the eyes are yellow.
With that, it is time once more to conclude an analysis. By the time you read this, my analysis for 4x07 It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester will be underway for publication in the third week of March.
Series 1
Series 2
Series 3
Series 4
Sundry
Paula’s analysis is available here and Cindy’s is here.
Submitted by @that-dumbass-on-a-horse: Ghost sickness. Maddie and Jack try to fix it, but make it worse instead
Summary: When a ghost boy becomes a ghost man, his body goes through certain changes. And when his parents find out and try to help him, they inevitably almost kill him in the process. Almost.
Warnings: non-graphic body horror (melting)
Word count: 7248
I had to look up pictures of blood cells under a microscope and that was actually super cool. I love it when fanfiction involves fun research
As soon as Maddie saw the green flush on Danny's cheeks, she knew what it was. Some dastardly ectoplasmic pathogen from the Ghost Zone had infected her baby boy. It must have been from all the time he spent in the lab. Too many times, Maddie had caught him sneaking up from the basement with a sheepish look on his face. Occasionally, Sam and Tucker were with him. Maddie would have to get them tested for whatever illness currently afflicted Danny.
"I'm telling you, I feel fine," Danny said, looking anything but fine. He lay in bed, cheeks flushed an unearthly green. Sweat shone on his forehead.
"Good try, mister. Maybe I'll believe you when you stop covering your mouth like you have to puke," Maddie chastised her son. Standing with her hand on her hip, she shook her head. She had heard of teens faking illness to get out of school; it was so touching to know her boy wasn't like that.
"Mom, really, I'm fine," Danny insisted. He covered his mouth as he spoke, earning a very pointed glare from Maddie.
"I've already called the school. They know you're staying home today. Don't worry, your father and I will get you fixed up."
Panic and desperation filled Danny's eyes. It warmed Maddie's heart to see it. Who knew he cared so much about his classes? With how his grades had been dropping over the past year, she thought he had given up on school.
After pinning Danny with one last stern look, Maddie left his room and headed down to the kitchen. There should be a few packages of chicken noodle soup in the pantry for her to make. They usually kept a well-stocked supply dry soups, pastas, and other side dishes for the days dinner came to life. Maddie scanned the shelves, dragging her fingers across the various boxes, and grinned when she found the one she wanted. Pulling it out, she saw there was only one package left. It looked like they would need to restock soon.
Maddie quickly set to work making the soup, throwing the mixture of noodles and powder into a pot of water, turning the stove on low to simmer, and setting the oven timer to remind herself when to check it. With that done, she headed down to the lab.
Jack was hunched over his workstation, beakers laid out on the counter in front of him. Bubbling mixtures of various consistencies and colours filled the beakers, steam rising from more than a few even though they weren't set over heat.
"Danny's staying home today," she told Jack. "I think he caught a ghost bug."
"No son of mine is gonna get taken down but a ghost! I'll squash it like a fly!" declared.
Maddie smiled fondly and shook her head. "No, Jack. Not a bug ghost, a ghost bug. He's sick."
"Oh. Well, we'll squash that sickness anyway! And then we'll squash the ghost that gave it to him! And then we'll squash Phantom!"
"You said it, honey!" She kissed Jack on the cheek before heading to her own station. Taking a test sample kit out from the cupboard, she pulled out a Fenton Swab and a Fenton Tube. They were nearly identical to the standard cotton swab and sample tube they were modelled after, except the Fenton versions were designed to withstand ectoplasm's acidic properties. They also had the word Fenton on them.
"Whatcha doing, Mads?" Jack asked, briefly looking up from his work.
"I want to rule out environmental factors. Danny spends so much time down here, and he never wears a jumpsuit since his got misplaced. We need to make sure the portal doesn't contain any contagions that could make others sick," she explained. Sticking her thumb against the DNA scanner, she opened the portal doors.
Green light spilled over the lab floor, rippling over the metal panels. Carefully, Maddie took the Fenton Swab and stuck it in the portal's swirling mass. It wasn't like sticking something in water. The ectoplasm in the portal had no resistance. Even though it looked opaque from afar, up close it more resembled a colourful mist. Swirling her hand around, she dragged the swab through the ectoplasm, coating it thoroughly.
It was mesmerizing. Despite how long she and Jack had studied ectoplasm for, she still didn't understand how its state of matter worked. It could go from solid to gas in an instant, or hang in the air like a fog and become liquid the moment it touched something. Sometimes it took minutes to dissipate, other times it took hours. There were so many contradicting circumstances, it was fascinating.
Perhaps ectoplasm was its own state of matter that couldn't be defined by Earthly physics.
Maddie waited until ectoplasm was practically dripping off the cotton end before pulling her hand back out, dropping the swab into the sample tube. Analyzing it would be easy enough. They had studied samples from the portal before, but ectoplasm's most consistent trait was how inconsistent it was. You could take two ectoplasmic samples from a single entity one week apart and their surface properties would be completely different.
The one core characteristic was a unique pattern of crystallization, visible with careful observation under a microscope. Each ghost seemed to have their own pattern. In some cases, they were highly personal. The ghost who liked to shout about boxes all the time had a square crystallization pattern.
If she could isolate the ectoplasm making Danny sick, she could compare the pattern with the portal and see if they matched. If they did, then she could study the rest of the portal sample and see what was making Danny sick.
Maddie tapped her foot as she placed a drop of ectoplasm on a slide and put it under the microscope, setting the rest of the sample aside for later testing.
"No need for that!"
Maddie paused just before putting her eye to the lens, turning to face Jack instead.
He grinned widely at her, holding out one of the beakers from his desk. "I've got our solution right here!" He wiggled the beaker. The thick purple substance inside barely jiggled. "It's the newest version of ecto-dejecto. This time, it actually works."
Reaching out, Jack took the sample Maddie had put aside. He stuck the swab into the purple goo; it stayed standing upright when he let go. The goo around the swab hissed and steamed.
"Is it supposed to do that?" Maddie asked.
"Uh, maybe?"
Green bubbles bloomed across the top layer of goo, quickly expanding upward. Jack yelped and dropped the beaker as the ectoplasm foamed over his hand. The beaker shatterd as soon as it hit the ground, glass shards going flying. The goo kept expanding, fizzing and frothing as it changed from purple to green, growing until it was a mound as big as a medium sized dog. With a few final hisses, the ectoplasm settled.
"It doesn't work yet, but it will," Jack said, confidence unshaken.
"I know it will," Maddie said. She had complete faith in her husband. Jack might bumble around sometimes, but his mind was truly brilliant. Where other people looked at things and saw only what was on the surface, Jack saw everything. He always excelled more on the chemistry side of things, even if he had a few mishaps every now and then.
It's what made them such a good team. Maddie handled the math, physics, and most of the weapon construction while Jack handled the ideas. She brought his head out of the clouds when he went too far. He raised her up so she could see all the possibilities and push them farther.
"Well, hey, I've got more ectoplasm to test with now," Jack said. He bent down and prodded the quivering mass.
In the silence, Maddie heard the oven beeping upstairs.
"Oh, shoot, Danny's soup." Maddie leapt out of her seat. She snatched a spare swab and sample tube from the counter and took off for the stairs. "Don't forget to clean up the glass!" She tossed the words over her shoulder, hoping Jack heard her.
On the stove, the pot was boiling over. Water hissed as it doused the element, steam and smoke clouding over the stove. Maddie grabbed a tea towel and shoved the pot off the element, accidentally splashing more water out.
"Oh, no," she grumbled, shutting off the stove. She took in the mess with a defeated sigh. There was more soup on the counter than there was in the pot. The timer must have gone off some time ago, or she had set it for too long. Tossing the tea towel over the spilled soup, she left it there to soak up some of the mess and went to the fridge instead, hoping they had something she could give Danny.
Her prospects were slim. Some questionable lunch meat that was about to expire. A door full of condiments. A ceramic pot that rattled every few seconds. Its lid was tied down to keep the reanimated fruit cocktail from escaping. Overall, the fridge was woefully empty. Maddie really needed to go grocery shopping.
She ended up taking a carton of orange juice from the door, pouring a glass, and decided Danny would have to settle for this until she came back from the store.
"Danny, sweetie?" Maddie asked, gently knocking on his door. It creaked open. Peeking inside, she saw his empty bed. A clatter from the bathroom drew her attention. "Oh, Danny." She shook her head, setting the glass of orange juice down on his dresser, and headed down the hall.
The door was shut. Soft white light shone underneath it, not nearly as bright as it should have been. One of the lights above the mirror must have burnt out again. Gently, she knocked and called Danny's name.
"Uh, just a minute!" Danny said.
The light under the door flared, then settled. Maddie heard the toilet flushing, followed by a quick burst of water from the tap. Finally, the knob turned, the lock clicking out of place, and Danny eased the door open. He kept one hand over his mouth.
"Hey, Mom. What brings you here?" he asked. Behind his palm, Maddie saw his lips twitch into a smile.
"You do, young man. I told you to stay in bed," Maddie said, crossing her arms.
"Bathroom. Had to go. You know how it is," Danny said. Using his elbow, he bumped the door open wider, his other hand pressed against his head. He squeezed past Maddie and shuffled backward toward his room. "But bed sounds like a great idea. In fact, I think I'll have a nap. No need to check on me or anything. You don't even need to open the door!"
He chuckled weakly, sidling into his room, and kicked the door shut.
Maddie wasn't sure what to make of all that. Danny hadn't even shut off the bathroom light. Reaching through the doorway to do just that, she noticed something odd. The toilet lid was down. Danny had the habit of leaving it up, no matter how much she reminded him not to. It was a small detail, but an curious one nonetheless. She decided not to dwell on it. More than likely, he was finally starting to build up the habit.
Maddie was halfway down the stairs when she remembered she needed a spit sample from Danny. Heading back up, she paused on the landing when she heard Danny talking, voice low.
"I don't know what's wrong." He sounded panicked. "I've only been awake for a couple hours but it's getting worse."
Maddie stopped. Instead of pushing Danny's door open, she crept forward, holding her ear against it. While she would never let Danny get away with eavesdropping, as his concerned mother, she had the right to listen in on his conversation.
"I don't know. My mouth was kind of hurting yesterday, but that's a whole other thing, right?"
There was a moment of silence.
"Tucker! I'm being serious here! First it was the blush, and then it was my hair." Maddie frowned at that. "What's next? My eyes?"
Danny's dresser rattled—she hoped he saw the orange juice—and he groaned. "Yep, it's the eyes now!"
Maddie really should go in there. Her baby was clearly panicking and needed her help.
"I don't care about my teeth!"
In a minute. She would go in, in a minute.
"Ugh, fine, whatever." Maddie heard Danny shuffling around, drawers opening and closing. It lasted for a full thirty seconds before he spoke again. "Okay, I got it. Happy now?" His words slurred slightly, as if he wasn't closing his mouth all the way.
Deciding enough was enough, Maddie pushed the door open without knocking. "Sorry, Danny, I forgot that I... needed..." The excuse died on her lips as she got a good look at Danny.
Green swirled in his eyes and a white streak cut through his hair. Danny spit out the large Saturn pendant of his chewable necklace and whispered into his phone. "Tucker, I got to go." Tossing his phone back into his bed, he stepped forward and raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Mom, I can explain."
"Oh, my poor baby, you're so much worse than I thought," Maddie said. She rushed forward, taking Danny's face in her hands, and turned his head to the side so she could examine the streak in his hair. His bangs were white from root to tip. Using her thumb and forefinger, she pulled his eye open wide and examined his iris.
It looked like the infection was spreading. She thought it was a simple case of contamination, but that wouldn't do this. The green blush, yes, but changing his hair and eyes? Altering his physical and chemical makeup? This was serious.
"I'm sorry, Danny. Your nap has to wait. You're coming down to the lab with me now." Taking Danny by the wrist, Maddie pulled him out of his room.
"It's really not what you think!" Under his breath, he added, "I hope it's not what I think, either."
"Danny, your father and I are experts. Whatever you think it is, it isn't. Your dad is working on a cure right now. But at the rate this is accelerating, I can't let you out of my sight. I have to check all your vitals and keep detailed notes about how this progresses," Maddie said. "This is nothing like the ghost flu your father and I had."
"I still say that was just a regular flu."
"Now is not the time for your sass." Maddie dragged Danny all the way down to the lab.
Glass no longer littered the floor, although the blob of ectoplasm still sat beside Maddie's chair. Pulling the chair out, she pushed Danny into the seat and wheeled him across the lab to the medical station. Setting him out of the way in the hollow of the safety shower, Maddie opened the cupboard beneath the eyewash station and pulled out what she needed.
Beyond the run of the mill first-aid kit, the lab had a few tools you would find in a standard health clinic.
Danny squirmed and tried to leave his seat a few times, but Maddie kept pushing him back down. She didn't let him stand until she had taken his vitals, checked his eyes, nose, and throat, and gave him a thorough physical exam.
"Mom!" Danny whined when Maddie lifted shirt. She ignored him, looking over his body for signs of discolouration. There weren't any, yet. She suspected it was only a matter of time.
"Jack, how's that ecto-dejecto coming?" she asked.
"Almost got it!"
"Ecto-dejecto?" Danny paled.
Maddie sent him a reassuring smile. "It's okay. We're fixing the recipe so that it destabilizes the ectoplasm rather than makes it stronger. It will make it easier for your body to flush out the toxins." Her eyes dropped to the pendant around Danny's neck, his conversation with Tucker returning to mind. "What was Tucker talking about with your teeth?"
She had only spared them a brief glance when checking Danny's through, more concerned with hidden rashes or pustules.
"You were spying on me?" Danny's cheeks flushed in anger. "So not cool!"
"Danny, I'm your mother and I'm worried about you. You're sick."
"I'm fine! That doesn't make it okay to spy on me."
"You'll understand when you're older."
Danny tipped his head back and groaned.
"Now, open your mouth."
Danny squinted at her, which earned him nothing but a motherly glare. Stubborn but relenting, he slowly opened his mouth. Maddie rolled her eyes at her son's antics. Once his mouth was open wide enough, she checked his teeth. Nothing looked out of the ordinary.
"What's bothering you about them?" she asked. The hair and eyes were undoubtedly ghost-related matters. So far, Maddie was inclined to agree with Danny that his mouth pains were simply a coincidence.
"My gums just started hurting yesterday. Like there was a lot of pressure or something," Danny explained.
"And the necklace?"
"Chewing on something kind of helped, I guess. That was the first time I tried it, but it felt okay."
Something about that resonated with Maddie. She leaned back, frowning. It sounded like what happened when children teeth. When Danny was a baby growing in his teeth for the first time, he chewed on everything to make it stop hurting. Maddie had to throw out so many of his stuffed animals because he chewed on them until they were too dirty to keep.
"Can you pull your lips down?"
Danny obliged, raising his chin so Maddie could get a better look. The gums looked fine, no bumps or bulges, and his teeth were still in line.
"Top lip," she said.
Hooking his finger under his lip, Danny pulled it up. Maddie's eyes widened immediately. On the left side, between his canine tooth and lateral incisor, the sharp tip of a new tooth poked out of his gums. It looked like it was growing over his other teeth.
"You have an extra tooth," she declared.
"A what?" Danny shouted. He ran his fingers along his top teeth, pausing to feel the new one growing in.
"It's fine," Maddie said, waving off his concern. "Your father had one growing behind his incisor in college. He just had to get it removed. It's not related to whatever this," she gestured to his hair and eyes, "is."
"Oh." Danny deflated, looking relieved, although he didn't take his finger out of his mouth. He kept touching the new tooth. Swivelling in the chair, he leaned toward the wall, examining his reflection in the shining surface.
"Mads! I did it!" Jack's heavy steps thudded across the lab as he pounded over.
Content that Danny was occupied and wouldn't slip away the second she took her eyes off him, Maddie focused on Jack. He bounced on his heels, holding out a test tube filled to the brim with a yellow-tinged liquid.
"It's all about using the ectoplasm's natural properties against itself. If we can lock it in a liquid state, the ectoplasm loses hold of its form and liquifies! Just watch." He scurried back to Maddie's workstation.
With a careful tip of his hand, he poured a single drop of ecto-dejecto on the solidified ectoplasm. Sickly yellow patches spread across its surface. The ectoplasm started breaking down. Sloughing off in chunks, layer upon layer melted away, dripping down to the floor until only a wide green puddle remained.
"It's perfect! Pass me the syringe."
Jack got the needle ready in record time. Maddie wasn't concerned about giving Danny the ecto-dejecto without doing trials on living creatures first. Anti-ectoplasmic agents, by their very nature, did not harm living tissue. They isolated and attacked ectoplasm and ectoplasm alone. For this reason, anti-ghost weaponry was completely harmless to humans. Ghost shields, ghost guns, none of them could hard people.
It was also was the very same reason why Maddie and Jack did not have strict rules barring Danny and Jazz from the lab. They wanted their children to be curious. What better way to promote an interest in science then let them explore it in a safe manner with chemicals and compounds that would not harm them?
Danny was still examining his reflection, although he was probing something on the right side of his mouth instead.
Maddie pushed up his t-shirt sleeve. "Hold still, sweetie," she said, and stabbed his shoulder with the needle. Pressed the plunger, she injected him with the ecto-dejecto.
"Ow!" Danny flinched, jerking around to face Maddie. His gaze caught on the needle in her hand. "What was that?"
"Don't worry, you'll be all better by tomorrow," Maddie assured him.
"No, really." Danny stood up. He swayed, careening into the wall, and gasped. Staring down at his hands, he flexed his trembling fingers. "Seriously." He looked up at Maddie, helpless. "What was that?"
His eyes rolled back, and he collapsed.
"Danny!" Maddie dropped to her knees beside him, Jack joining her a second later. Panic overwhelmed her. That shouldn't have happened. The ecto-dejecto was perfect. It should have worked flawlessly. Instead, Danny's skin around the injection site was quickly turning a dark, sickly green. His breathing was shallow, and his eyelids fluttered.
Pressing two fingers to Danny's neck, Maddie felt his pulse, erratic. What happened? What went wrong? What did Maddie do? She couldn't shake the feeling that she had just sent Danny to his grave.
"Mads." Jack's voice snapped her out of her spiralling thoughts. "We need to get him to the hospital. I'll carry him up to the RV. You call Jazz. We'll get her taken out of school."
"Right. Right." Maddie nodded, swallowing thickly. She had never been more thankful to have Jack by her side. Right when her vision started narrowing and all she could see was one outcome—Danny dead, Maddie his murderer—Jack was there to pull her up.
Moving back, she gave Jack room to gather Danny up. Jack was a big man, with thick arms and heavy-looking hands, but he cradled Danny so gently, as if he was a baby again.
"See the big picture, focus on the little steps," Jack said.
"Big picture, little steps," Maddie repeated. The words rang out in her head, over and over like a mantra. Big picture, little steps. Saving Danny, calling Jazz. Her phone was at her workstation. While Jack carried Danny upstairs, Maddie sprinted over to her station, snagging her phone off the counter. She easily found the number for Casper High.
"Casper High, this is Connie Burjan."
"H–hello Ms. Burjan." Maddie took a deep breath and smoothed out her voice. "This is Madeline Fenton, calling for Jasmine Fenton. I'm her mother."
"What can I do for you?"
"There's an emergency and we need to pull Jazz out of school. She needs to be with her family right now."
"Of course. I'll call her to the principal's office. I hope everything will be alright."
Maddie gave a rueful grin. "So do I." She hung up and headed upstairs.
Jack already had Danny in the back of the RV, laid out on one of the benches. He looked so small curled up on his side, shaking and shivering. Seeing him like that sent a surge of loathing through Maddie. She did this.
"You take Danny to the hospital. I'll pick up Jazz," Jack said, motioning to the little-used family car.
"No, we can't," Maddie said. She cursed softly. "We never got the transmission fixed."
They used the car so little. It was a relic from days past, the same vehicle Jack had in college. These days, they preferred the RV both because of its size and its ghost defenses.
"We pick up Jazz on the way," Jack said.
Maddie didn't want Jazz to see her brother this way, but she nodded anyway. They could leave Jazz at school for the rest of the day, but that didn't feel right. The whole family needed to be together.
Jack climbed into the back with Danny, sitting on the floor rather than the bench opposite his, while Maddie got in the front seat. Starting the car, she practically tore out of the garage, ripping through the back alley behind their house. She may have been a less hazardous driver than Jack, but she was just as fast.
"It's okay. You're gonna be okay," Jack whispered. Looking in the rear-view mirror, Maddie saw him running his hands through Danny's hair in a soothing gesture. It reminded her of when Danny was little. He used to get sick so easily, stuck at home for days on end with a cold or flu. One of them would sit with him until he fell asleep, reading books about astronomy and brushing his hair like Jack was doing now.
Maddie's grip on the steering wheel tightened. This was nothing like back then. The bruise on Danny's arm had spread, a spotty discolouration taking over the whole limb.
When they got to the school, Jazz was already waiting outside, standing on the front steps. She ran up the sidewalk the second the RV came into view, bounding toward the vehicle. Jack threw the door open for her.
"What happened? Ms. Burjan didn't say," Jazz said. Her gaze fell to Danny. She paled, cupping her mouth. "Danny!"
She clambered into the car, leaving Jack to shut the door again, and immediately knelt in front of her brother. Her hands hovered over him before she touched his forehead, feeling his temperature. "What happened?" she asked.
"He was sick. Some kind of ghost sickness. We– I gave him ecto-dejecto to flush it out," Maddie explained shakily. She couldn't meet her daughter's eyes.
Jazz stared down at Danny. Gnawing on her thumbnail, she kept swivelling her head back and forth, glancing between Danny, Jack, and Maddie. She looked conflicted.
"Jazz?" Jack asked, seeing the same indecision as Maddie.
"You can't take him to the hospital," Jazz said. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Danny, and pulled him into a protective embrace.
"Jasmine! Your brother needs a doctor!" Maddie said.
"No, you don't understand!" Jazz shook her head vigorously. "You can't take him, they'll– they'll find out."
"Find out what?" Jack asked.
She bit her lip, holding Danny closer. Whispering an apology in Danny's ear, she raised her head and glared defiantly at Maddie and Jack. "They'll find out Danny's not human!"
Maddie slammed her foot on the breaks. Jack's arms shout out to brace himself on the sides of the RV. Jazz yelped, sliding forward, and curled around Danny to protect him as he fell halfway off the bench.
Panting, Maddie turned around and stared at Jazz. "He's what?" she asked.
Jazz shifted, putting herself between Danny and Maddie, as if he needed protecting from her. "He's not human," she repeated. "He's... his accident. It did something to him." Shaking her head, she continued, "If you take him to the hospital, they'll report him. It's in that stupid ecto act the G.I.W. have. Any cases of ecto-contamination need to be reported so they can take care of it."
Maddie's mind refused to process that information. She heard it, loud and clear, but she couldn't comprehend it. Of course Danny was human. He was her son, her baby boy, her flesh and blood. She brought him into this world. To say he wasn't human was just ridiculous. Impossible. No accident could change someone that much. No accident could take away someone's humanity.
The streak in Danny's hair stood out, glaringly bright, against his dark locks. The bruising had spread to his neck now. It would only be a matter of minutes before it touched his cheeks, too.
"Jazz, what happened to Danny?" Maddie was afraid of the answer.
"I can't tell you," Jazz whispered. "It's not my secret. I already said too much. But anything that could help him? None of that is going to be at the hospital. If ecto-dejecto did this to him, he doesn't need human medicine."
Maddie paled.
"Jazzypants," Jack said softly, reaching out.
Jazz scooted back, taking Danny with her. "We have to go back home. And you have to promise me. You have promise that, no matter what you find out, you won't hurt Danny."
"Jazz–"
"Promise!"
"We promise," Maddie said.
"Okay." Jazz nodded. "Okay. Let's get Danny home."
Facing forward, Maddie turned the RV around.
—
The couch was hardly sanitary. Jack and Maddie had to carry it in from the garage, and it was covered in dust. Maddie told Jazz as much, but her daughter refused to let them put Danny on the examination table.
"I can't let him wake up like that, lying there, with you looking over him," Jazz said. "It's his worst nightmare."
It broke Maddie's heart to hear that.
Jazz sat with Danny, his head in her lap. She had taken Jack's place stroking his hair. Maybe that was for the best. Based on what Jazz said, Danny wouldn't react well to either Maddie or Jack being the first face he saw if we woke up.
When, Maddie corrected herself. When he wakes up.
The couch sat all the way across the lab, as far from Maddie and Jack as it could get. Not to keep Danny away from them, but because they hadn't cleaned up the puddle of ectoplasm on the floor yet. It was a medical hazard, not to mention an accident waiting to happen, but they had other things to focus on right now.
Maddie forced herself to look away from her children, a heartfelt scene, and turned back to her microscope. She had a sample of Danny's blood underneath it and was looking for signs of crystallization. If she wanted to treat him right, she needed to know just how ghostly he was, and if he was even sick in the first place.
Danny himself said he didn't know what was going on.
Zooming in forty times, one hundred times, four hundred times, Maddie scowled in frustration. She could see his blood cells, but she couldn't see any crystallization. It didn't make sense.
"Anything, Jack?" Maddie asked, pulling back from the lens.
Jack, sitting beside her, leaned forward and scrutinized the computer screen. It was plugged in to the microscope, showing the same view Maddie saw of the sample. He shook his head.
"I don't get it. It should be there," he said.
Maddie nodded. Switching out Danny's sample for the ectoplasm from the portal, she shifted closer to Jack and scoured the screen. The image was blindingly bright. Unlike human blood, which could be seen as individual cells when you looked close enough, ectoplasm remained one solid mass no matter how far you zoomed in. The only thing that seemed to change was how large the crystallization lines were.
In the portal's sample, they swirled together in spiral patterns. It mimicked the way the ectoplasm moved in the portal itself.
Maddie wondered how that worked. Other ghosts had some form of conscience that seemed to influence and be influenced by their ectoplasm, resulting in unique patterns. The portal, however, had no consciousness. Perhaps all ambient ectoplasm from the Ghost Zone would bear an identical pattern. It was something they would have to look into, once Danny was fine.
Staring at the bright screen too long hurt Maddie's eyes. She was forced to look away, rubbing spots out of her vision. There had to be something they were missing.
Jack drummed his fingers on the table and hummed.
"What is it?" Maddie asked.
"Ectoplasm isn't blood," he said.
Maddie blinked, confused. "Yes?"
"So, why are we looking at Danny's blood like it's ectoplasm?"
Maddie blinked again. Her thoughts snapped into place. "Of course!" she shouted. She switched the ectoplasm with Danny's sample once again, zooming the microscope in to one thousand.
"Enlarge the image," Maddie said.
On the computer keyboard, Jack tapped a few keys, doing as asked. The image blew up to fill the screen.
Maddie pointed to one of Danny's red blood cells. "There," she said. She traced her nail along a thin line just barely visible, cutting across the cell. "Ectoplasm is one solid mass, as far as we know, but blood isn't. The crystallization appears on the individual cells, not around them."
"You found something?" Jazz called from across the room.
"You betcha, Jazzypants!" Jack whooped, throwing up his arms.
Maddie left him to celebrate, focusing instead on the pattern she could see. It looked like starbursts. Of course they would, this was Danny. She expected nothing less from her space-loving son. Scanning the image over and over, she tried to see if she could tell exactly how ghostly Danny was. The crystallization appeared fainter, but there was just as much of it as any ectoplasmic sample, simply reduced to a smaller space. Maddie's gaze caught on one of the cells in the corner of the image.
"That's odd," she said. "Jack, look at this." She beckoned him closer, pointing to what had caught her attention. "That cell there. It's the same swirl pattern as the portal.
"You're right," Jack murmured, fascinated.
Tapping her finger on her cheek, Maddie kept staring. There was something else about the pattern, something that nagged at her. It was almost familiar, which should be impossible because every ghost was unique.
"Jack, compare this sample to other ones we have logged in the system," Maddie said.
Behind her, Jazz called, "You don't need to do that!"
"Yes we do."
On the computer monitor, Maddie saw Jazz's reflection. Jazz carefully lifted Danny's head, sliding off the couch, and set him back down. Scurrying across the lab, her socks slipped on the metal tiles.
"Jazz, be careful!" Maddie swivelled her chair around, reaching out to Jazz, but was too late to catch her. Jazz's feet shot out from under her and she hit the ground hard. She groaned, rubbing her backside.
"You should be more careful, you almost fell into the..." Maddie's words died out. The puddle of ectoplasm was gone. "Jack, did you clean up the mess from earlier?"
"Hm? The glass? Yeah, I got it all," he said.
"No, not that, the–" A green blur shot across the lab.
Maddie leapt to her feet, instinctively reaching for an ecto-weapon, but she wasn't wearing any. The green mass zipped back and forth, moving erratically, too fast for Maddie to see. Until it stopped over Danny, hovering.
The ghost was small, about the size of a puppy. It had no arms or legs, just a shimmering body. Spiral patterns danced across its skin, shifting constantly. Yellow rash-like patches smothered the spirals in some places.
Maddie's gaze fell from the ghost to where the puddle of ectoplasm had been mere minutes ago.
"It didn't work," she said quietly, gaping at the ghost.
"Maddie, you should look at this."
"No, Jack, it didn't work!"
"Baby, you really need to look at this!"
Maddie turned, annoyed Jack wasn't listening to her, and froze. The computer had found a match in the crystal patterns. Danny Fenton and Danny Phantom, one hundred percent.
—
There were only so many dramatic revelations Maddie could handle in one day. First Danny had a ghost flu, then it was worse than a flu, then he was dying, then he wasn't, and then it turned out he was dead all along. Her heart couldn't take it.
She sat on the floor in front of Danny's couch, watching him sleep. The reanimated ghost slept with him, curled up on his back. It was almost cute. Normally, Maddie would have blasted the thing to shreds by now for even getting close to Danny, much less touching him. But right now, that ghost was a sign of hope.
Not only did the ghost recover from the ecto-dejecto, but it gained consciousness. Unless, of course, the portal was conscious after all. That thought sent shivers up her spine. What did that say about Danny, who shared key DNA elements with the portal's ectoplasm? What did it say about the newly birthed ghost that already seemed so attached to him?
It was just Maddie, Danny, and the ghost in the lab. Jazz and Jack had gone upstairs to eat, at Maddie's insistence. It had been a harrowing day and it was barely past noon. Inching forward, she rested her elbows on the cushion beside Danny, folding her arms. The ghost on his back shuffled and yawned, but otherwise didn't acknowledge her. She took that as a good sign.
Danny had stopped shaking not too long ago. The discolouration on his skin had started fading, although not the way Maddie wanted it to. Rather than disappearing completely, it was turning a light salmon colour, a couple shades pinker than a nasty sunburn. Judging by the yellow stains that had yet to fade from the portal ghost, Danny's pink patches would not disappear completely. The sight of them sickened her. Not because they were ugly—Danny could never be ugly to her—but because they were a sign of what she had almost done.
The first few seconds after learning Danny was Phantom, Maddie felt betrayed. How could her own son not trust her with something so monumental? The second thing she felt was a cathartic realization as all the pieces fell into place. The failing grades, the absences, breaking curfew. All their inventions reacting to Danny. It explained everything. Looking back, she should have seen it sooner. Maddie really despised hindsight.
She reached out and brushed Danny's hair away from his forehead, briefly checking his temperature. Disturbingly cold, but Jazz said that was normal for him. Maddie had no choice but to trust her information.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. How many times had she threatened Danny to his face, without knowing it was really him? All the experiments she and Jack had proposed, all the ways they would take Phantom apart to figure out how he ticked. It was horrible.
"I'm so, so sorry." She ran her hand through his hair. Her palm came away wet. Confused, she stared at the ectoplasm streaked across her hand. Pushing Danny's hair back, she checked his scalp for an injury, finding a viscous patch of skin. Before Maddie could process what was happening, Danny was already halfway gone.
"No, no!" She tried to hold him together, but it didn't work. Beneath her helpless gaze, Danny melted, leaving her kneeling in a pool of his ectoplasm, horrified. Her voice caught behind her tongue and refused to move any farther. Cupping her mouth, she croaked pathetically, squeezing her eyes shut. A horrible sob tore through her throat.
Maddie gripped the edge of the couch, punching the cushion. The ghost laying there squawked in protest. Maddie's head snapped up.
"You," she said. Pulling herself up, she braced herself on either side of the ghost. "This happened to you. You came back. How did you do it? Make him come back!"
Crying out in grief, she lowered her head against the couch, shaking. Danny was supposed to be fine. He was supposed to wake up and realize Maddie and Jack knew his secret. He was supposed to wake up and smile because he didn't have to hide anymore. He wasn't... he wasn't supposed to... he couldn't...
A soft white glow filled the room. Maddie opened her eyes, nearly blinded by the light. It came from the ectoplasm. Bright stretching over the puddle, rippling outward from the center at Maddie's knees. The ectoplasm started rising, the rings rising with it, cascading downward.
Slowly, a shape took form, growing out of the ectoplasm. A faceless blob that quickly grew a head, a torso, arms. An achingly familiar form. The ectoplasm creeped back together, sucked inward as the last of the rings faded, and Danny Phantom fell forward into Maddie's waiting arms. She buried a hand on his hair, pressing his face against her shoulder, and let out a broken laugh.
Danny shifted, his arms raising, wrapping around her. "Mom?" he asked, lifting his head.
Maddie wiped her eyes on her sleeve and pulled back so she could see him. He looked different. Where white strands had glistened in Danny's human hair, a black streak now marked his ghost form. His eyes were brighter. Green flecked sparkled on his cheeks like stars. Two new, sharp teeth sat over his canines and lateral incisors on either side of his mouth. He even looked a little taller.
The discolouration remained, though. Grey instead of red.
He tipped his head down, focusing on his body. Startled into action, he yelped and scrambled away, putting distance between them. "I– I mean, Maddie. Madeline. Madeline Fenton. What are you doing here?" he said in a false, deep voice. "In your own lab. What are you doing here in your lab?"
Maddie couldn't help it. She laughed.
"Mo– addie. What, uh, what's going on right now? Am I being punked?" Danny floated back, casting a nervous glance around the room.
"I'm sorry, it's just." She paused to giggle. "How did you ever keep this a secret from us? That voice is so terrible."
"Hey! I like my voice!" Danny shouted, dropping the false voice. His eyes widened and he quickly resumed the charade. "I mean, I like my voice. This voice. This is my voice. And you... you are still laughing."
"Danny..." Maddie wiped her eyes again, this time tears of happiness. "We know."
"You... know?"
"We know."
Danny gawked at her. All it took was Maddie opening her arms and he flew forward, crashing into her.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied," he whispered.
Maddie nearly started crying again. "I'm sorry you had to."
"I just, you and Dad. Fighting ghosts is what you do, and I panicked and didn't tell you, and then it felt like I had waited too long. But I... how do you know?" He peered up at her, tilting his head.
"Jazz told us. We thought... we thought you were dying."
"I felt like it."
Maddie cringed.
"Oh, no, geez, I didn't mean it like that. I meant before you got me with whatever that was. I don't remember anything after that and now I feel kind of great actually," Danny said in a rush. Standing up, he flexed his fists and looked down. Following his gaze, Maddie saw he was examining his reflection in the floor. "Did I go through ghost puberty or something?"
Silence stretched between them for a second.
"Oh my god," Danny said, eyes widening. "I totally went through ghost puberty."
He leaned down to get a better look. Before he could, the portal ghost barrelled into his chest, throwing him back against the couch. The ghost zipped around him, nuzzling him and saying gibberish words. At least it sounded like gibberish to Maddie.
Danny caught the ghost in his arms, trapping it against his chest in a bear hug. "And who's this?" he asked.
"Your new best friend," Maddie teased.
"Damn. Sam and Tucker will be so disappointed." Danny flopped onto his back, holding the ghost above his head as if it were a cat.
Maddie felt a sense of calm wash over her. She didn't realize she had still been nervous, but hearing Danny's sarcastic voice, seeing him play with the new ghost, her worries finally disappeared. Everything was going to be okay.
Another fan favorite, another “funny” episode with a depressing turn (I do like this one better than Mystery Spot though ... maybe I’m biased).
This episode is the first of a recurring trope throughout the series: Dean gets affected by some Supernatural sickness, it’s usually pretty entertaining, Sam has to take care of him while figuring out how to save him, and then it turns depressing at the end (usually). But, this being the first time something like this has happened, Sam doesn’t quite know how to step into his new role. Afterall, Dean is the one who takes care of him most of the time. So seeing his brother freak out, rant about how crazy their lives are … he doesn’t know what to do. And it moves past being exasperating (Dean won’t turn left or hold a gun) to being legitimately worrying. It’s interesting to compare this to 12x11, another episode with a similar dynamic when Dean loses his memory, and Sam feels a lot more comfortable stepping into the role of caretaker to make sure Dean stays safe, but in season 4 he is mostly awkward about it.
SAM
Hey! So, uh, just ride out the trip, okay? You're -- you're gonna be fine. We got a plan.
DEAN
What is it?
SAM
Uh, just a good plan, all right? Hang in there.
(very reassuring Sam, very convincing)
But what makes this situation so much different from when Dean was booked for Hell? Because all throughout season 3 Sam is worried about Dean and trying to take care of him. The difference is that Dean almost never let his fear show, we know that he hides his emotions – in part in an effort to protect Sam – and although Sam knew that Dean was terrified, he was still putting a brave face on. This Sam seeing his brother with all the fake bravery and bravado stripped away and he isn’t sure how to handle it.
They also tell us that the Ghost Sickness has a certain type of victim
SAM
All three victims used fear as a weapon, and now this disease is just returning the favor.
And when talking to Lilltih
DEAN
Why me? Why'd I get infected?
LILITH
Silly goose. You know why, Dean. Listen to your heart..
This is foreshadowing the reveal of Dean’s time in Hell spent torturing souls, as he used fear as a weapon there for sure, but I feel like you could read it further than that, especially given the way Dean talked to Sam at the beginning of 4x04. He used fear as a weapon in that conversation, telling Sam that he would want to hunt him, that God and the Angels were going to come for him. And that’s not the only time Dean will use that kind of tactic with Sam, or other people. Dean has always used fear as a tool or a weapon in a way that I don’t think Sam has, and that’s why he’s targeted by this sickness.
As part of Dean’s hallucinations, we see Sam with yellow eyes
He’s honestly so terrified of his brother turning evil
I can’t help but wonder what Sam felt when he heard Dean say “No! You get out of my brother, you evil son of a bitch!”
But also the concept that Sam would’ve become a demon comparable to the Princes of Hell?? With Yellow Eyes and their level of power? We were robbed (except I don’t actually want Sam to be evil so…)
4x06 Deconstruction: This One Goes Out to All of Dean’s Fears
I started working on this after 14x19 and it’s been sat in a document folder needing to be turned into a post ever since. With all the fairly delicious callbacks to this particular ep in 15x07 this seems the opportune time to give it a polish and share. Hope y’all will enjoy! xx
So, I’ve been meaning to do this ever since I wrote this meta on 4x05, because watching the opening half of S4 is like taking a nose dive into Dean’s character and what he needs to understand about himself in order to let go of old patterns of behaviour and belief systems, grow into his own person and find the answer to what will actually make him happy.
The trajectory of this nose dive is set up through Castiel arriving on the scene with his way of looking into Dean’s soul and stating uncomfortable truths: You don’t think you deserve to be saved and Good Things Do Happen.
S4 and Dean’s rebirth (or his rehymination, as he calls it in 4x05) is all about setting him on the path towards adulthood. This is where his coming-of-age story really begins in earnest. The need for him to let go of old patterns of behaviour has been hit on throughout S1-3, but those first seasons act more as a setting up of this fact, letting us follow the behavioural pattern, whereas in S4 we start to get more contrasts to it, including discovering new sides to him, like exactly how much he knows and reads etc.
Now, let’s focus on how Yellow Fever explores Dean’s inner fears and explicitly lets him know that he has to confront them.
This episode states that this is the work that’s beginning for him, whether he likes it or not.
(he likes it not) (which is why he rejects the proposition in the episode’s final scene) (and has continued to reject it out of narrative necessity ever since) (but I skip ahead)
I’m late to the party here, so I’m #sorrynotsorry for the repetition, but I’m really eager to finally dig into this episode, since how it comes off the back of 4x05 and how it leads right into the absolute smasher that is 4x07 has felt so weighty to me ever since I deconstructed Monster Movie.
Contemplating the visual and thematic callback in 14x16 to this very episode, established through Felix the snake, as well as the most recent callback we got through that lovely piece of dialogue in 15x07, I feel that the intricately crafted exploration of Dean’s fears in 4x06, and the stated need for him to confront them if he’s to be happy, is more intriguing than ever.
Alright, before we go ahead and dig in, I want to present you with a few thoughts on Dean. Namely, I’d like to list the fears I see this episode exploring and they are:
Fear of Rejection (linked to perception of societal judgement)
Fear of Death (linked to Hell)
Fear of Growth and Internal Transformation (linked to fear of happiness)
Fear of Happiness (linked to losing his mother at a young age)
Fear of Failure (linked to Protect Sammy, and, in turn, linked to all the above)
These fears, and how they interlink in rather amazing ways, inform his behaviour, and it’s his behaviour when confronted with all of these fears that the narrative of 4x06 explores. And to my brain it does so in staggering ways, yeah?
Yeah. Okay. Let’s dig.
Little Pink Bow
We start the episode with Dean, running for his life, terrified.
I mean, he is literally running from his fears. It’s rather gorgeous.
The scene also paints the mood for the rest of the episode, where Dean’s skewed perception of the root of his fears are explored in depth.
As a viewer, you’re brought into the belief that Dean is truly running from Hellhounds because, of course, this belief is effectively established through use of sound as Dean is running away from the noise of barking dogs, teasing the idea that the fear Dean’s displaying has to do with seriously bad memories of getting ripped to shreds and sent to Hell. (remember that we’ve only had glimpses through snippets of nightmares up until now of how much Dean actually remembers of his time there)
The scene itself is shot with urgency and real threat. We feel Dean’s fear. We worry for him. We wonder what the fuck is going on. We don’t want him to get attacked and dragged back to Hell!
We get an abrupt stop to Dean’s flight when he crashes into the cart of a homeless man, but Dean’s on his feet quick enough and it’s put in dialogue that what you should do is run from your fears. Because if you don’t, they’ll kill you! And then…
…we get the tiniest, friendliest little dog, complete with pink bow as a visual aid underlining exactly how non-threatening it really is meant to be perceived by us.
This reveal of Dean not being about to get dragged back to Hell is funny, obviously, on many levels because we’re relieved that Dean’s terror is unfounded, and then we get hit with the understanding of Dean the Soldier Warrior Man running away from the sweetest little creature ever.
So, though this is sincerely funny thanks to impeccable acting, to me, there’s a bit more to it, and it’s to do with how this scene really sets the tone for the entire episode.
This tone is all to do with the exploration of Dean’s character makeup and what really makes him tick.
Surface level narrative explores our first impression of what this episode is about: Dean’s fear of dying and going back to Hell. (Run! It’ll kill you!) This episode is about to lay it bare to us how Dean’s struggling with his memories of Hell, with his lingering fear that God has made a serious mistake and that it’ll all get ripped away from him again.
His feelings of guilt at how he caved and began to torture souls keeping his self-loathing as intact as ever, and that self-loathing keeps him feeling, very much, that he didn’t deserve to be saved. Which feeds his fear that it was all a big mistake. And around and around it goes.
But his persistent self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness are in turn anchored entirely in fears that have been with Dean his whole life. The fears listed above in the intro to this analysis. And, to me, these fears are what that pink bow is about.
Because subtextually I see Dean running from himself when he tries to escape that little dog. He’s running from fears that are, if he really dared open his eyes and look at them, not nearly as threatening as he thinks they are. If he just dared recognise them for what they are and begin to face them, he’d see that they’re no more dangerous than that little dog is.
Subtextual level narrative explores those fears, the ones intrinsic to Dean’s character, the ones feeding the surface level narrative fear of Hell and that are keeping the guilt and sense of worthlessness and lack of faith in himself very much at the forefront of his self-perception.
S4 is all about pushing Dean to open up to who he truly is. It’s about asking himself what will make him happy. It’s all about identity. And, yes, the series as a whole is about identity, but this season pushes that theme into a whole new focus from previous seasons.
There’s a shift with Castiel entering the narrative and God reaching down a hand to give Dean a mission. There’s tentative faith beginning to blossom in Dean, which is a hugely important building block for Dean to dare to face his fears, and is also something this episode picks up from 4x05 (It’s kind of like a mission… Like a mission from God…) and builds on.
His Heart Gave Out
So, we get an immediate plant that what we’re about to deal with is matters of the heart.
This plant is important for the plot of the episode, of course, but symbolically hearts are tied to Dean and it’s been implied since as early as 2x01 (ah @mittensmorgul pointed out that it actually starts in 1x12 and of course! how could I neglect the episode that started the faith thread?? tut! thanks for the pointer Laura!) that heart issues could be what kills him, rather than a bullet between the eyes. Right?
Right. But rather than looking at it as a direct foreshadowing of Dean’s death, it could be seen as a comment on what is keeping him from living, and what’s keeping him from truly living is the fact that he’s unable to open his heart, to have faith, to trust. (and how can you follow your heart if you don’t trust it?) (you can’t is how)
Also very much the reason why Castiel the angel of Heaven and bringer of faith (who’s biggest problem is having too much heart) has stepped onto the scene, but I shan’t digress.
The fact that the coroner actually takes out the heart of our vic and places it in Dean’s hands gets a rather amazing bookend moment in the scene where Lilith tells Dean he knows why this is happening to him and that he should listen to his heart. *slow eyebrow raise* I’ll get back to that.
Sheriff’s Office
Please note that the cute young deputy is already noticing Dean, and Dean notices him noticing, and Sam is noticing them noticing each other. This is important to note not only because it’s fucking amazing to make note of it, but also because of the Moment that comes later. We all know it, I still gotta call it out, but that’s for later.
Now for the sheriff.
I just want us to make note of a few things regarding the sheriff as well:
The sheriff gave the deputy instructions he didn’t want to be disturbed and now scolds him for doing as told
The sheriff gets the brothers to take their shoes off
The sheriff keeps putting disinfectant on his hands
Conclusion, he’s a control freak, and he’s a control freak because?
I’d say he’s a control freak out of fear. A man doesn’t use disinfectant like that if he’s not terrified of germs, right? And this character trait lowkey links him to another control freak germaphobe. Yup, that would be Dean.
I’d also like us to note that Dean can’t stay professional and act like an actual adult (because he’s not one) when the sheriff says the word gamecock. The sheriff, being an actual adult, gently corrects the behaviour, leaving Dean looking self-conscious.
Could Be a Hundred Things
We continue the setting up of how Dean’s fears are about to go through some serious deconstruction, and with it the man himself, when Sam and Dean leave the sheriff’s office to have this exchange (edited btw):
Dean: Something scared him to death.
Sam: Alright, so what could do that?
Dean: What can’t? Ghosts, vampires, chupacabra. It could be a hundred things.
Sam: So, we make a list and start crossing things off.
Yeah, remember the list I made of Dean’s fears? Going through that list and exploring Dean’s fears is what the narrative of this episode is setting up to do. Dean is, as the brothers are soon to realise, infected with the same ghost sickness that killed the vic. So here we have foreshadowing, in dialogue, of exactly what this episode means to do: go through the list of Dean’s fears and highlight, with each new situation where one of these fears is explored, exactly what Dean’s issues are and why the biggest one is… his closed off heart.
First fear: rejection.
Because why exactly do those teenagers make Dean need to cross the street? He doesn’t like the look of them, but why? They’re just a group of friends standing on the sidewalk in broad daylight.
I’d say it’s to do with Dean’s fear of societal judgement, that has kept the conviction and reliance on his toxic masculinity armour so firmly in place for so long. Even firmer in place, I’d argue, than John’s immediate influence.
John introduced it as a necessity for survival, for keeping your head focused in a fight, for putting emotion aside and getting the job done, but wearing the armour also meant social status and acceptance, even admiration. I think Dean caught onto this at a young age. Because that’s how we all form our personas (how we present ourselves to the world), through societal conditioning. Or through growing aware of this conditioning and telling it to go fuck itself. (good for you if you’re in that place) (Dean’s journey has been all about getting there)
The fact that Dean’s insecurity stretches to even the possibility of teenagers side-eyeing him is a really great set-up for how this very deep fear is about to get put under an extremely bright light for the rest of the episode, through Luther’s storyline.
She Smells Fear
Sam and Dean go to see the vic’s neighbour Mark and oh, he really, really likes his reptiles.
Second fear: growth and internal transformation.
Why do I see this scene as being indicative of this fear? Well, because of how snakes, as we know, symbolise transformation. They symbolise healing. (Ouroboros anyone?)
Now, of course, surface narratively speaking, Dean doesn’t exactly enjoy having a huge albino python sliterhing onto his lap (though the dirtier connotations that can be made from the visual are all shades hilariously poignant) (also the fact that the Devil was a snake and Dean’s fear of Hell) (all part of the symbology for the surface level fear), but him freaking out at all the reptiles and one spider (also symbolic of transformation), to me, has much more to do with what these creatures all declare for the subtextual reading (the pink bow related one), and their declaration is a continuation of what 4x01 told us.
Dean needs to open himself up to much needed internal growth and transformation.
This is what the first five episodes of the season, landing us here in 4x06, are all about: deconstructing Dean, forcing him to gain new perspectives on himself, on his behavioural patterns, on what has shaped him into the man he’s always seen himself as.
Look at how, in just a few short episodes, he’s had someone enter his life that has not only brought with him a whole new world view, where God and the Devil exist, and where Heaven, for whatever reason, actually seems to be on his side, but this someone has also brought him back in time to bring him a new understanding of his mother and who she really was, not who she was when filtered through John’s view of her.
I mean, that’s giving an insight into his lack of faith in himself as well as laying the foundation for beginning to question his self-perception right there. Within the first three episodes of the season. *head explodes*
So, to my mind, this episode is an extension and, in many ways, a deepening of what the season has clearly set itself out to do, yeah?
The fact that Marie is stated in dialogue to smell fear is just delightful.
Might I also draw your eye to how we, in this scene, are told that the vic was freaking out. About witches. Who is skeeved out by witches? Dean. So there’s a narrative tie there, which I find interesting. (that the witch-freakout for Frank is tied to The Wizard of Oz comment is just icing)
Why is Dean so skeeved out by witches? I would say because witches symbolise something deeply regressed within him, which is his feminine side. His non-performing side. Rowena comes as a Dean mirror, and a very powerful one at that, bringing deep truth and standing in, for her first seasons, as a representative of toxic masculinity traits not simply being allocated to men and underlining how we can all display these traits, regardless of gender.
There’s also the ghosts (the past), the vampires (dual nature of identity and wearing a mask to cope) and chupacabra (happiness, mayhaps?), and how Carl Jung talks about what monsters really represent to us and why they’re so prevailing throughout human mythology. I mean, I studied this at uni so Carl didn’t teach me this, but the fact that it ties in with Carl Jung’s doctrine just gives me a sense of synchronicity. But. This is already getting fucking long, guys. :)
Moving on.
When Mark says that Frank used to tape his butt cheeks together we get another moment of Dean being an absolute child about it, unable to keep a smile down, presumably at the idea of butt cheeks taped together, not the idea of bullying, and again he totally offends the person talking, and he grows sligthly self-conscious about it.
He really needs some self-perspective, yeah? Yeah.
Scratching the Itch
I mean… Look, I think that Dean has never been able to scratch the proverbial itch because what he’s the most scared of is the idea of daring to believe in a good thing happening, because good things do not last, not in Dean’s experience. You know?
He’s a big-hearted, soft-to-the-core, loving type of human being, who longs, more than anything, for real love, to be loved for who he truly is. And all of that, including his true identity, is being repressed out of his fear. Of happiness. Because Good Things Don’t Last.
I’ll talk more about the root of this further down, but I just find the fact that in this episode, the ghost sickness, which is a manifestation of fear, is literally an itch he keeps trying to scratch, and it just gets bigger and worse and is a visual statement of how his internalised fears are pretty much driving him out of his head is a rather poetic choice.
So, we get the information that Frank’s wife committed suicide way back when and that Frank had an airtight alibi and then we get the reveal that Dean appears to be, by all accounts, haunted.
Ghosts as representatives of needing to put the past to rest… Just throwing that in there.
And Dean is driving slow.
Second fear: death.
And this was already established through the fear of Hellhounds at the beginning of the episode, yeah? But given the deeper issues being addressed here, you could actually argue for Dean’s fear of death not only being linked to a very real fear of Hell, but of a genuine desire to live.
Peeling back the layers of the Blaze of Glory bravado that’s kept him on a self-destructive fast-track for so long and revealing the softer belly underneath.
I mean, one could argue. Since this episode is all about stripping away the toxic masculinity armour and showing the non-performing side to Dean. Showing us the truth, rather than the lie he’s been telling Sam since he got back from Hell. And on a subtextual level, stripping away the armour that’s keeping him safe from himself and exposing those nerve endings.
Because he should listen to his heart.
But we’ll get to that.
Eye of the Tiger
I really do appreciate the detail of the cowboy scene on that hotel. Like. Wow. It’s almost insane. To me, this show is all about deconstructing the American ideal of the 50s, right? The ideal that’s informed toxic masculinity patterns since then, as well as the toxic patterns of societal judgement at large.
It was in the 50s that the Hollywood western shaped the cowboy/sheriff character into becoming a glorifed male hero ideal, moving away from the truth of the rather open-minded wild wild west and into the commersial version of a very white, very straight man’s man who got the job done, no matter what, and sorted shit out wherever he went. Yeah?
Anyway, I digress. This deconstruction is why cowboys and native americans and the wild west symbology is just so poignant on the show. And here it is. In all its glory. Attached to a hotel that could be said to be low-key linked to happiness.
Because the bluebird is a symbol of happiness.
Fourth fear: happiness.
And, look, Dean’s fear of heights is linked to the hotel, okay? His fear of flying. And flying is linked to? Yeah, you get the idea here. Of course, Castiel.
Here’s the thing, this is a highly dubious reading, because it’s absolutely not anywhere in the narrative that Bluebird is the chosen name for a hotel suddenly related to a fear of heights related to a fear of flying and being out of control and it tying back to Cas, who is making Dean feel all sorts of not-in-control. Yeah? That’s my reading.
But it’s my reading because there’s more.
Wait for it.
First, let’s talk a bit more about this scene —>
Dean rejects food. (love Sam’s reaction face like the fuck?)
Why the fuck does Dean reject the food?
I’d say because food is a superficial band-aid, right? It’s ineffective comfort at this point. A way to eat his emotions, rather than find healthy outlets for them, like, I don’t know, actually connecting to others because that’s just a recipe for disaster, death and loss. But his emotions, right now, will not be suppressed by simple means. They’re completely in control of him and refuse to be put back in their designated boxes.
So the ghost sickness can be spread like any disease and, of course, attacks the heart. Dean got infected when holding Frank’s heart.
Sam didn’t get infected and Sam and Bobby’s theory is that the men who got infected all had a history of being dicks. Which is, you know, funny, but tragic, when looking at the surface level fear of Hell. Because Dean became a torturer of souls. So kinda a dick. Very much using fear as his weapon.
But when it comes to the principal and the bouncer, it’s not verified that they did. Sam and Bobby are just associating using fear as a weapon with the roles of principal and bouncer. Especially when looking at how Dean tries to reject the idea that he, as a hunter, uses fear to scare people, Sam telling him all they do is scare people, and fair enough, but the ghost sickness isn’t infecting Sam.
And it isn’t infecting Sam because, for the subtextual layer of Dean’s fear, this theory is too shallow.
For the subtextual layer of Dean’s fears I’d say that the ghost sickness actually latches onto guilt.
There’s even the aspect to Frank where guilt might actually be the foremost reason for why the ghost sickness infects him as well, since we’ll learn later through Luther’s brother that Frank’s wife wasn’t killed, but was a victim of suicide. We don’t get it extrapolated on what caused her to take her own life, but safe to say her marriage was anything but healthy, and Frank’s outrage and murder of Luther seems to be underpinned by him being wholly unable to process his own guilt, instead ending up projecting it onto an easy target.
baby gonna cry?
The fear of dying and of going back to Hell is threaded through in this scene, clarifying it further for us that this is what Dean’s terrified of.
The ticking clock pretty much acting like a visual underlining of Dean feeling like he’s back on borrowed time. It’s inevitable that he has to go back. For all the things he did while there. He can’t have been forgiven. He sure as shit hasn’t forgiven himself.
Dean breaks the clock. Doesn’t need the reminder of how his head is, as he tells Sam, on the chopping block again. He’d almost forgotten what that feels like.
For a moment. Like a glimmer. There had been the thought that he was serving something bigger. That maybe he was off the hook. Chosen to do great deeds. Aw, Dean. You’re not meant to learn how to have faith in a higher power. You’re meant to learn how to have faith in yourself.
They realise, as Dean coughs up a wood chip, that he’s the biggest clue they have.
Dean doesn’t like it.
Cassity & Sons
Now. Of all the things to call this lumber mill, this haunted structure - housing Luther, our ghost of the hour who is in the narrative to be representative of Dean’s deepest issues, his most repressed fear - of all the things to call it, there’s a Cass in the name.
It could just be a tounge-in-cheek thing. It could mean nothing. But I like to think it does. Coming off of the absolutely angel riddled narrative of 4x05 as well, I really do think it does.
From the Bluebird of happiness and Dean’s fear of flying/heights, to the structure that is about to be significant in exploring Dean’s deepest fear being owned by a man named Cassity… I feel there’s reason to think there’s a reason for it.
But, either way, this structure and Luther himself are important for exploring Dean’s deepest fears.
(they’re not playing around with the sign and making sure to linger on it either)
Now. Dean takes one look at this place. A place he has no idea if it’s haunted or not, btw. And states he is not going in there. Sure, nine times out of ten a place like that, given Dean’s previous experience with places like this, turns out to be haunted. Fair enough.
But in a subtextual context, with the structure itself owned and run by Cassity…
Dean doesn’t want to go in there because of what he’ll have to face. Which is, in essence, the need to face up to the fact that he’s already beginning to open himself up to the idea of change, to wanting change, because of this formidable someone who’s arrived in his life through a rain of sparks as a catalyst for Dean to begin to gain a sense of what faith actually feels like.
Dean doesn’t want to touch all that with a ten-foot pole.
Because, and this is wholly unconscious, but because touching it means daring to have faith that Good Things Do Happen. And because Dean’s fear of happiness is fed by the conviction that Good Things Don’t Last, and this fear sits at his very core and so – he drinks.
He downs half a bottle of whiskey.
Because he’s gonna need liquid courage to face the idea of opening himself up.
And he mans the flashlight.
Rejecting that gun is interesting, because, of course it’s tied to his fear of injury resulting in death, but it’s also Dean rejecting something that’s always brought him a sense of control before.
Consider: as he’s brought into situations of facing his fears, his armour falls away and the tools that that armour relies on, to make him feel in control, don’t actually fill that function anymore.
Regarding Dean relies on that same peeling back of Dean’s layers, yeah? That same deconstruction. The shedding of the toxic masculinity armour to have a peak at what’s really underneath it all.
Dean masks his fear and he masks it really well. He feels he’s on control, all the time, thanks to the mask, thanks to the armour, but the truth is that he is a bundle of fear. Always. He’s just gotten so good at masking it that he’s masking the truth even to himself.
That’s what this episode is all about. Lifting that curtain. Forcing him into a position where all that raw emotion is exposed and he can’t lie to himself anymore. It helps set up the reveal of how he remembers Hell, but it also sets up for Dean’s journey of introspection this season, yeah?
Surface level vs. subtextual level.
EMF
If ghosts are representatives of the past (and needing to learn how to let go) then the fact that Dean is dealing with fears that were established in his childhood, meaning he’s one hundred percent facing his past and what’s shaped him into who he is with every new situation this episode, then that EMF meter wouldn’t work around him, would it?
He’s haunted by his past. Suppressed Hell-guilt, and repressed fears anchored in his childhood. Oh my.
I love Sam in this episode. He’s unfortunately a reactionary character, the straight man, as you’d call it, because this isn’t his journey, but oh what a reactionary character he is. Also —>
Can’t do a post on this episode and not have Dean screaming his head off. *sadism*
Now, I very much enjoy the fact that, once it’s time to do the detecting, Dean takes part in it without hesitation. Autopilot kicks in and he engages with the search for clues without any fear, because there’s nothing scary about it.
But when the ghost (the past) appears, he runs like the damn wind.
Sam is there, though, to take care of it.
And Dean downs the rest of the bottle. Taking us into that epicness of epicnessess that is —>
Drunk and Unabashedly Flirty
I mean, look, okay? This is blatant.
Dean stands there, having a slightly worried expression on when he notices the woman to his right, glancing over at her suspiciously, okay? We get that he’s still scratching at the itch, he’s still alert, even though he is drunk, right?
But what does not faze him? What makes him put on a goofy smile? The very cute (I’d even call him a pretty boy) deputy from earlier, with whom he exchanged looks, so that there’s an already established sense of mutual attraction there.
Dean: You know what? You’re awesome.
And then Dean just keeps smiling goofily, taking the compliment that’s offered back to him, until Sam comes and pulls him out of there.
And the fact that this is the one instance in this entire episode after the ghost sickness kicks in that Dean is not displaying even a whisper of fear is what has informed my impression of him being absolutely comfortable with his bisexuality.
Here he’s dropping the toxic masculinty armour because?
Well, I’d say it’s because he wears that armour because it allows him to suppress/repress whatever fear is threatening to surface. Here, in this episode, we’re checking off a list, and he’s faced his fears at this point, and now only has to acknowledge them and learn how to actually dig deep and deal with them. (which he won’t) (but this episode is exposition for this being what the narrative wants him to do) (this is the big lesson it’s trying to teach Dean moving forward) (listen to your heart)
Luther
The habit of lying without a second thought (including to himself) is being stripped away with the rest of his coping mechanisms and here we get Dean freaking out over the thought of all the possible consequences that lying might actually land on their heads.
Sam acts the parental figure as Dean regresses out of his control freak patterns and into a state where he’s in need of Sam’s protection, not the other way around. Whenever this happens on the show it’s always nice to see Sam stepping up to the plate without hesitation. It’s just that Sam doesn’t seem to remember his ability to do that and falls back on the codependency easily enough. Understandable, since it’s the core of the narrative motor, but oh, Sam. You’re such a clear leader.
Luther’s brother speaks of Luther’s backstory, and just as the characteristics of Frank and the sheriff make them Dean mirrors, the ghost of the hour is the biggest Dean mirror to me, and reveals a lot to us about Dean’s deepest fears.
Garland: Everybody was scared of Luther. They called him a monster. He was too big, too mean-looking. Just too different. Didn’t matter that he was the kindest man I ever knew. Didn’t matter he’s never hurt no one. A lot of people failed Luther, I was one of them. I was a widower with three young ones and I told myself there was nothing I could do.
Sam: Mr. Garland, do you recognise this woman?
Garland: That’s Jessie O’Brian. Her man, Frank, killed Luther.
Sam: How do you know that?
Garland: Everybody knows. They just don’t talk about it. Jessie was a receptionist at the mill. She was always real nice to Luther and he had a crush on her. But Frank didn’t like it. Then when Jessie went missing, Frank was sure that Luther had done something to her. Turns out the old gal killed herself, but Frank didn’t know that. They found Luther with a chain wrapped around his neck. He was dragged up and down the stretch outside that plant till he was past dead.
Frank was the pillar of the community.
Luther was just the town freak.
Frank was respected.
Luther was judged and dismissed as not even being human, simply because he didn’t look like everybody else.
Frank is framed as being an abusive, violent dickhead - clearly not the most stabile marriage - and to find an outlet for his grief, Frank picks up a shotgun and then drags a man along a road until he’s dead.
Luther’s almost childlike innocense and kindness leads him to find an outlet for his unrequited feelings of love through drawing portraits of the object of his affections.
Frank is representative of toxic masculinity (performing Dean) while Luther is all about wearing his heart on his sleeve (non-performing Dean).
And, to me, Luther’s backstory of how wearing his heart on his sleeve gets him nothing but societal judgement, and leads to his death, is telling of Dean’s deepest fear, and why it’s been perpetuated for so long through his experiences of societal judgement, because Dean’s deepest fear is his fear of happiness, and it sits at his core and informs the rest of his fears, which, in turn, inform his behavioural pattern of using coping mechanisms to suppress/repress his true emotions, locking himself away from ever really having to open up to them.
And what is the root of Dean’s fear of happiness?
Well, here’s how I see it:
Dean’s biggest battle with his past isn’t the idealisation of his father, but why he idealised his father –>
The why stems entirely from Dean’s loss of his mother, because that loss meant having his life ripped to shreds, resulting in Dean losing his trust in that childlike sense of joy, tied to the stability of home, love, family –>
This is the root of his long-held belief that Good Things Don’t Last, which underpins the idea that happiness (and love) equals pain, an idea that’s been perpetuated throughout Dean’s formative years, since every time he’s come close to feeling happy, something’s happened to snatch that sense of stability and safety away –>
Fearing getting hurt by believing he deserves happiness was easily avoided by dressing himself in toxic masculinity armour, modelling himself after the strongest man he could think of: his father
So every time he came close to happiness and let himself believe, only to have things fall apart on him, that armour has gotten just a little thicker
Dean is stuck in an emotional loop that through this season’s first arc of deconstructing Dean with Chuck, but to me especially through the communication rift between Dean and Cas, is being highlighted, just as it was in 4x06. And we got the entrance into this mini-deconstruction thanks to the same occurance that lay the foundation for Dean’s fear of happiness: the loss of his mother.
It’s the brightest of threads, threading through all of the emotional subtext and necessary character progression that the series as a whole has been pushing for since forever for Dean (and through his progression what it’s been pushing Sam’s and Cas’ individual progression towards as well) *gorgeous*
We Are Insane!
This scene is so everything because omg the comedic timing is just!
And I love how, when thinking closer on the topic of a Dean deconstructed, in Yellow Fever, when all there is to him is fear, he rejects the life, and all sides to it, but when he lost his memories in Regarding Dean, and what was left was his innocence, all that was left for us to see was his wonder and excitement.
Meaning that Dean stripped of all of his fears (once he’s faced them and accepted them and integrated them) is a soft, happy, content human being. As long as he actually remembers who he is and exactly how to survive, he’ll be goddamn unstoppable. And he’ll be balanced and happy.
*please, good gods, please*
Buh-Boom
Dean starts to have some serious hallucinations and any reason for Jared to play a different character or side to Sam is just all good with me (Gadreel is still just… mind-blowingly good).
So Dean sees Sam with yellow eyes and here comes the final fear.
Fifth fear: failure.
Failing to Protect Sammy means pretty much losing his purpose at the Yellow Fever point in the narrative. It’s changed since S12, because of a big shift in Dean’s perspective, but of course, Protect Sammy is still at the top of the list of Dean’s self-worth check list. What’s he worth if he’s unable to protect Sam? To his mind, still not much. Protect Sammy as identity marker has tripped Dean up his whole life, and here that fact comes into stark relay.
Now if we stay with Dean in the hotel room, we get to witness how his inner fears attack him, and of course the surface level fear is the one that manifests: fear of death and going back to Hell.
Thusly – hellhounds.
They turn out to be the sheriff, who’s come to confront Dean about his investigation, and I love how Dean, no matter his fraught mental state, knocks that gun out of the sheriff’s hand and then has the rather amazing fortitude to tell the sheriff he has to calm down. Only it’s too late. The sheriff suffers a heart attack.
Dean sits on the bed, scratching. Hears the voice of the Sam hallucination telling him he’s going back, and it’s about damn time too.
Dean…
…picks up a Bible.
This visual ties right back in with 4x05 again, with the threads of faith beginning to show themselves in Dean’s progression. He’s beginning to want to believe. He looks at that Bible like it’s a life line. He presses his lips to it and hey, I’d say this might be his first moment of giving into prayer as recourse.
But his prayer doesn’t exactly get him what he wants.
I’d theorise that it’s because he’s not meant to learn to have faith in God, but in himself, and this whole episode is about forcing him into a meltdown, which is what he’s in the middle of now. Zero faith in himself, zero faith that he’s not going back to Hell.
And that’s why Lilith appears.
I do love how Dean actually points the Bible at Lilith stating: You are not real.
He’s using God’s faith in him as a shield. Trying desperately to convince himself. Which is rather lovely given the context of how Lilith is a representation of something deep within him that he’s trying so hard to avoid confronting.
And here comes the reveal of exactly what the fear of Hell is really anchored in, because it’s not anchored in Dean’s memories of his gruesome death at the jaws of the Hellhound that killed him, it’s anchored in his memories of not four months in Hell, but forty years.
Guilt.
And Dean’s heart starts to give out.
Dean: You’re not real.
Lilith: Doesn’t matter. You’re still gonna die, you’re still gonna burn.
Dean: Why me? Why’d I get infected?
Lilith: Silly goose. You know why, Dean.
What Lilith says now is, really, what’s informed my entire reading of this episode and I’ve mentioned it several times already. She tells Dean: Listen to your heart.
To me, it’s Dean at this point knowing, deep down, that the only way to keep himself from going back to Hell, the only way he can truly be saved, is all about him beginning to recognise his need to face his fears.
It’s about him daring to listen to his heart and daring to let his emotions be his guide, rather than shutting them down, bottling them up, without question.
This is what his journey is all about, yeah? To learn to let go of the past and all the fears that have been informed by what he’s been taught and told, and opening up to who he truly is and who he truly wants to be.
This is what the beginning of the season has set up for and what the rest of the season will continue to explore, slowly, of course, but meticulously, and it doesn’t slow down in S5 and, honestly, each season has added a new aspect of exactly this exploration, gently pushing Dean toward moments of daring to be honest with himself, which to this meta writer culminated in S11, when he finally had it pointed out to him that he’s not just attracted to or kind of enamoured with this angel dude, he is truly pining for him, and it made him unable to keep trying to deny the truth of how he’s fallen deeply in love, no matter the terror that comes with it. (and twice the worrying about getting ganked to boot)
I’d say that this realisation, this final admittance of his true feelings, is what opened Dean’s heart up to looking at what was really driving Amara from a different angle, and made it possible for him to, instead of blowing her to kingdom come using the soul bomb, actually talk to her on a more human level, about the feelings that were driving her actions. But, again, that’s my reading, not narratively stated anywhere so, you know, pinches of salt here.
Adding to all of this is how Dean needed Mary most because the loss of her is the root of Dean’s fear of happiness, and getting to have her back allowed him to gain perspective on so many things, like his idealisation of her (and through that beginning to slowly open his eyes to his idealisation of John as well) (though this didn’t take root until S13), and he got to tell her that he hated her for what she did to them, but that he loved her, he he got to forgive her, because he could finally see her as a human being, and human beings make mistakes, rather than only having her as an idealised memory, the loss of her idealised mothering love marring his ability to trust from a very young age. Especially his ability to trust himself, since he couldn’t save her.
This realisation is also what brought on the whole awkward 11x23 Brologue like… I don’t think you love me back because I couldn’t reach through to you, but hey, you mean a lot to me, bro.
I find it interesting that Sam’s the one to save Dean. Symbolically Sam and Bobby’s intervention saves Dean from being consumed by his fears. I’ve always felt like Sam stepping up and choosing to show Dean that he’s ready for independence, that he needs it, will push their unhealthy patterns to a breaking point, especially since Dean is already aware, he just doesn’t know how to let go when he’s not sure Sam’s ready. But we shall see.
I’ll Kill Anything
Look at where we land. Look at this absolutely stunning bookend and how it wraps the theme of fear and how it informs Dean’s behavioural pattern into a soft, warm statement of You Really Need to Stop This, Dean Winchester.
We start this episode with the visual of Dean running from his fears. The fears that are coming at him wrapped up in a neat pink bow. :P
We end this episode after it’s spent a good forty minutes picking through Dean’s fears, with him facing the two fears that always get to him the most, the ones that perpetuates his reliance on the toxic masculinity armour to help define who he is: his fear of rejection and his fear of failure.
We get the fear of rejection in how he completely overreacts to Sam and Bobby’s gentle teasing about how this line of work can get awfully scary, Dean forcefully reasserting how he’ll hunt, he’ll kill anything, unable to bear the thought that the men who know him best in the world could, for even a moment, think of him as yellow aka a coward (which of course they don’t) or question his killer instinct (which of course they wouldn’t).
This brief emasculation, however, really bothers Dean in the moment (and Jensen plays it gorgeously) and he squares up to it without hesitation, the armour slamming down and leading right into the softer moment with Sam, when he gets the chance to be honest with his brother, to share some of the burden, but…
…Protect Sammy is still prevalent, and Dean chooses to downplay the ordeal he just went through, and lie through his teeth about the true nature of it, still not opening up to Sam about Hell.
So, back to square one we go, but with all this glorious insight into Dean as a character to warm us by, and here we now are at the end of it all, and I’m so very curious what Dabb - who cowrote this episode with Daniel Loflin btw - will give us. *hopeful for all the good things* *always*
I had a Hysterectomy 3 weeks ago today. I'm healing physically but still have some symptoms that I couldn't place, even as an NP myself! I went and saw my doctor and he just shrugged and I shrugged cuz neither of us has any clue what was going on. I'm constantly feeling fuzzy like I'm not quite here and on the verge of passing out. No pain. My stomach is cold in the mornings and I have occasional hot flashes thru the day, etc. There are a lot more symptoms I won't mention here.
So, at the advice of Clove (@saltandburnsage) I went to see a Chinese Medicine Doctor and Acupuncturist. Firstly, that man gave me 2 hours of his time just to talk to me which is STUNNING. He diagnosed me with a blood deficiency and qi deficiency post surgery which I 1,000% agree with. And here are some fine points I took away from our meeting:
Just because I understand the chemical composition of the body doesn't mean I understand the human body.
Just because I'm a Druid Grade Druid of the OBOD and a long time sensitive and magic user doesn't mean I understand magic or energy or entities.
You can't bulldoze your way through life and expect not to get burnout.
Ghost Sickness is real.
Your spirit can only separate from your body so many times before it leaves for good and you die.
He reminded me that as a sensitive I am constantly using Qi and in a busy day you use more Qi and then that's when the violent crazy dreams start.
Hot Chicken Soup is good for the body and the Qi.
Qi-Gong etc are awesome!
Sometimes it's good to be selfish and take care of yourself first.
I passed out on him while he was working on my arms for reasons completely unrelated to the acupuncture. He handled it like a champ. I'm getting way too comfortable with the sensation of passing out.
Time to take care of myself. Warm foods only, plenty of rest, hibernation this winter, and recuperation. Also, I'm hibernating from doing any spellwork, research, or magical manipulations of any kind until my Qi is fully replenished and my belly is once again warm.
I would highly recommend anyone to see an Accupuncturist.
