Okay so can I get Golden calamari rings with deep sea risotto with truffle oil, and for dessert coral sugar parfait? Cater, Ruggie and Floyd with an s/o who loves to spoil them? Whether it be affection or items? (I tried so hard, did I do the menu right? I'm so bad at remembering the names of things.)
Ah, esteemed patron! Welcome, welcome!
My goodness, you... you have come to us with such a wonderfully complex, "fusion" order! The kitchen is so delighted to serve you.
And please... do not ever worry about "remembering the names"! You... you listed three separate dishes! You remembered the Calamari Rings, the Risotto, and the Parfait! Patron, you have not "done it wrong"... you have created a new dish!
You have, in essence, asked for a Deep Sea Risotto (a deep-dive analysis...) served in the style of Golden Calamari Rings (as headcanons...), that all results in the "flavor" of a Coral Sugar Parfait (...which is pure, sweet fluff!).
My, my. This is a gourmet order! The Manager (myself) is thrilled to prepare this for you.
Serving: Reactions to a Very Spoiling S/O
♦️ Cater Diamond
The "Risotto" (The Analysis): Cater's entire life is a transaction. He gives "likes," he gets "likes." He posts a "fun, effortless" pic, and in return, he gets "validation." He is constantly working to maintain his "image," and he expects everyone else to be doing the same. "Spoiling" him, to Cater, is... confusing. His first thought is, "Okay, but what's the catch? What do they want from me? A Magicam tag? A favor?"
The "Calamari Rings" (The Headcanons):
Spoiling with Items: He loves this, but he treats it like a "collab." You buy him that new, trendy phone case he wanted? His first instinct is to take a picture of it, post it, and tag you. "#Bae #Spoiled #BestSO #TheyTotallyGetsMe." He sees it as a public declaration. He will, in return, "spoil" you back... very publicly. He'll take you on a ton of "cute dates" to all the cafes he knows are photogenic. To him, this is "paying you back" in "social currency."
Spoiling with Affection: This... is what truly... flusters him. Private, non-transactional affection... breaks his brain. You're just... sitting in his room, he's scrolling his phone, and you just... lean over and kiss his cheek. He will freeze. "...What... what's that for, Cay-Cay?" he'll ask, his voice a little too high. "Nothing. Just... 'cuz I love you." ...He will not know what to do. He... he can't post this. He... he can't "like" it. He... he has nothing to "give" back in this moment. His "image"... vanishes. He'll just... blush. A real, deep, blotch-y blush. "...Oh," he'll mutter, putting his phone down. "...'K... 'K, cool... Me... me too..." This is the "spoiling" that actually reaches the real Cater.
The "Parfait" (The Fluff): He will become addicted to your "useless" affection. He'll start to crave it. He'll be pretending to scroll Magicam, but he'll be waiting... waiting... for you to lean your head on his shoulder. The second you do, he melts. He'll drop his phone, wrap his arms around you, and bury his face in your hair. "...This... is way better than 'likes'..." he'll mumble.
🍩 Ruggie Bucchi
The "Risotto" (The Analysis): Ruggie's world is survival. He lives in a deficit. Everything is about "what can I get" right now? A gift... is not a gift. It is a debt. It is a favor that will be called in later. "Spoiling" him is, in his mind, the most suspicious thing anyone could ever do. It sets off all his alarms.
The "Calamari Rings" (The Headcanons):
Spoiling with Items: This is... profoundly... stressful for him. The first time you give him a real gift—not just a scrap, but like... new shoes... he will not take them. "Shishishi! Very funny. What's the catch?" "No catch, Ruggie. They're for you." "...Yeah, 'for me.' For... for what? I... I gotta... do your homework for the whole semester? I gotta... clean... your... dorm? Just... tell me what I owe you." You will have to spend 20 minutes... convincing him... it is just... a... gift. When he finally accepts them, he will be... reverent. He will hoard them. He won't wear them. They're too good. He'll keep them in the box, safe. You'll have to... buy him a second pair... for him to actually wear.
Spoiling with Affection: This is just as suspicious. You... hug him? From behind? He will tense up like a trap. "...What'd you do?" "Nothing? I'm... hugging you?" "...Why? You... you want somethin'? My... my bread from lunch? You can't have it." It will take months... MONTHS... of... consistent, no-strings-attached... affection... for him to... stop... flinching.
The "Parfait" (The Fluff): The day he finally gets it... is the day he starts it. You'll be the one studying, and he'll be the one to... hesitantly... walk up... and... wrap his arms... around your shoulders from behind, burying his face in your neck. You'll freeze. "...Ruggie?" "...'m cold," he'll mumble, his voice thick. "...And... and you're... warm. ...So... shut up. 'M... 'm... 'spoiling' myself... 's all..." (He is never letting go.)
🐟 Floyd Leech
The "Risotto" (The Analysis): Floyd is not transactional like Cater. He is not pragmatic like Ruggie. Floyd is pure whim. He only cares about what is fun and interesting... RIGHT. NOW. "Spoiling" him is a gamble. It's a 50/50 shot. It will either be the best thing ever... or... boring.
The "Calamari Rings" (The Headcanons):
Spoiling with Items: This is a total shot in the dark. You bought him that super rare, expensive video game he was dying for? He'll scream with joy. He'll tackle-hug you. "Ahaha! Shrimpy! You GOT it! You're the BEST!" ...He will play it for ten minutes. "...'m bored," he'll say, tossing it on the floor. "This is lame. Let's... go... squeeze... Jade." However... you buy him... new basketball shoes? The ones he really wanted? He will love them. He'll wear them every day... until... he gets bored. "Gifts" are... boring. "Experiences" are better.
Spoiling with Affection: This is also... mood-dependent.
If he's in a good, 'squeezy' mood: He will love it. You hug him? He will lift you off the ground in a bone-crushing, spinning hug. "Ahaha! Shrimpy's squeezy today, too! Good!"
If he's in a 'bored,' 'irritable' mood: You... try... to hug him? He'll shove you off. "Ngh. Stop. Don't touch me. You're... boring. 'M... 'm mad."
The "Parfait" (The Fluff): The only way to consistently "spoil" Floyd... is to be unpredictable. The real "fluff" is his "spoiling" you. He doesn't like being "spoiled." He likes doing the "spoiling." He will randomly find a shiny rock and shove it in your pocket. He'll tackle you for no reason. And sometimes when he's in a rare, sleepy good mood he'll just plop his head in your lap. "...'m... sleepy," he'll mumble. "...Pat... my head, Shrimpy." This is his "spoiling." He is trusting you. And that is the sweetest "dish" of all.
A "dish" prepared with... three... very... different... "flavor profiles"!
My goodness, patron! Your "order" was not only "right," it was inspired! The kitchen... the Manager... we... are so delighted to have served you.
Please, do return! Your "palate" is fascinating, and we are eager to "cook" for you again!
If FBI Director Kash Patel thought filing a lawsuit against The Atlantic and reporter Sarah Fitzpatrick would chill their interest in report
If FBI Director Kash Patel thought filing a lawsuit against The Atlantic and reporter Sarah Fitzpatrick would chill their interest in reporting about him, he was sorely mistaken, as a new exclusive dropped Wednesday afternoon detailing Patel’s reported penchant for gifting personalized bottles of bourbon.
In Fitzpatrick’s latest article, she describes how Patel has “a great deal of affection for swag,” with his website still selling his branded merchandise over a year into his tenure as FBI director, and this extends to a “personalized bourbon stash” he has been using as “an unusual calling card.”
What do you do if you receive a gift you don't like? Assume the gift is not insulting, and they won't check later to see what you did with the gift.
Thank them, throw it in a closet/drawer/etc and forget about it
Thank them, discreetly regift it to someone who will like it better
Thank them, discreetly throw away or donate the gift
Tell them they're too kind/it's too much and refuse the gift/give it back
Tell them you don't like it and give it back
Thank them for the thought, tell them you don't like it, but keep it
I do something else
This has never happened to me/idk
Voting ended onJan 28, 2025
"Not insulting": anon postulates that an insulting gift is usually determined by context. For example, giving an overweight person an unsolicited book about butterflies is unlikely to be insulting. Giving an overweight person an unsolicited book about how to diet is more likely to be insulting.
"Won't check later to see what you did with the gift": some people will, for instance, look around your home on their next visit to see if you're displaying the ugly figurine they gave you. For the purposes of this poll, assume they will NOT do that.
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Pro tip: when you tell your parents that you bought “a Fabergé egg“ for your sister for Christmas, be sure to specify that you mean a mass-produced collaboration between whoever owned the Faberge trademark in the 1990s and the Franklin Mint, so they don’t have a heart attack on the other end of the phone
