You and your fellow maia Aerwil are tasked to escort two Vanyar noble ladies to an important summer festival. A little incident happens on the road, and now you and your friend are forced to attend the festival as the noble ladies.
(Author's note: I rewatched the White Chicks movie and was hit with an old idea. Enjoy this crack-headed madness. I address my oc Aerwil as they/them because I couldn't decide which gender they should be. )
() = is when you speak through osanwe
Warnings: the twins being a bit rude, a bit creepy bird, mild injuries, and you and your friend forced to go through a gruelling dress-up.
*You and your friend Aerwil get summoned by Manwe to Taniquetil*
Manwe: (Name), Aerwil, it is good to see you. I hope you have been doing well.
You & Aerwil: *Bow to him in respect*
You: Greetings, your highness. We have been doing well. Thank you for asking.
Aerwil: We are curious, though. When Lord Thorondor explained that you require our assistance in an important matter. We have been wondering what this matter could be that you would need help from us, eagles.
Manwe: I'll be happy to explain.
Manwe: Are you two aware that the elves are hosting an important festival this season? To celebrate summer and enjoy the fruits of Yavanna’s gift.
You: *nodding* Yes, we are aware.
Manwe: Well, this season we have noticed an unusual activity of dark creatures lingering at Aman’s borders. Orome and Tulkas had taken upon themselves, along with their maiar, to guard the borders so those creatures would not cause trouble, but it has caused some concerns to rise among the elves.
Manwe: Ingwe had requested that we send guards to make sure the representatives of his house would be escorted safely to Tirion, where the festival would be held. He was worried some creatures might slip through or something else might happen during the festival despite our reassurances.
Manwe: I felt like granting his request. Unfortunately, Eonwe and many of his warriors are busy assisting Orome and Tulkas. Thus, I had asked Thorondor to pick his finest warriors to take forms and accompany Ingwe’s representatives. And he had seen you two fit for the task.
Manwe: But just to be sure. Are you two willing to take this task?
You: *nodding* Of course, your highness.
Aerwil: Absolutely. If King Ingwe feels there would be danger to his people, then we shall look after their safety.
Manwe: *smiles* Excellent.
You: But if I can ask… who are the representatives we will be watching over?
Manwe: They would be two of Ingwe’s nieces, twins, I might add. Ingwe holds great fondness for them and thus would like to ensure their journey will be safe.
Manwe: I do warn you… Ever since they were young, they might have been a bit… how do I say… pampered.
You & Aerwil: *glance at each other cautiously *
You: How… pampered are we talking about, your highness?
---
*Waiting at the gates of Ingwe’s home*
Aerwil: *walking left and right anxiously* Oh, I hate this already!
You: *hand them a bag of baked goods* Calm down, it might be less bad than you think.
Aerwil: It’s the Lelyavainë twins! They’re known to be the snobbiest noble ladies in King Ingwe’s family. Worst of all, they’re his nieces. King Ingwe is known for spoiling his family members. You can only guess what kind of spoiling they got. They’re like swans of Alqualonde, except golden and most likely worse!
Aerwil: *start eating the baked goods* Oh, what was Lord Thorondor thinking! We are not up for the task!
You: I think you might be exaggerating a bit.
Aerwil: You don’t know what we’re dealing with. But I’ve seen it. Trust me. The moment you meet the twins, you’re going to believe that Lord Thorondor picked us for this task to punish us for a mistake unknown to us.
Aerwil: *looks at the baked goods* Uhm... did you make sure that these don't have any of that cheese?
You: Of course I did. Why would I feed you cheese when I know your body can't handle milk?
You: And you might wanna slow down, you'll get a stomach ache if you eat too fast.
Aerwil: Okay, good. Because last time when I tried that baked creamy puff thing, I barely made it to the bathroom in time. And bug off, you know, eating is my way of getting through stress and frustration.
You: I think they’re here.
*Ingwe and two identical but beautiful Vanyar ladies walk out of the house. Servants carry their luggage into the carriage. One servant was carrying a golden cage with a cockatoo in it. *
You: *bow your head respectfully* Greetings, King Ingwe. I am (Name), and this is my friend Aerwil. We will be escorting your nieces to the festival by King Manwe’s orders.
Ingwe: Wonderful. I am glad he has decided to grant my request. Let me introduce you to my nieces. This Calamírë and Lótariel. They have just come of age, and their parents have convinced me that this would be an excellent opportunity for them to represent our house in the coming festival of summer.
Ingwe: Who knows, perhaps they will meet suitable suitors there?
Calamírë: *smiling sweetly* We’ll be sure to make you proud, uncle.
Lótariel: *giggling*
Ingwe: *smiling softly* I have no doubt about it.
Ingwe: You two better get going now so you'll arrive in Tirion in good time. Remember to be respectful toward your guards. They will handle your requests, but in case of danger, do as they say.
Ingwe: Now, safe journey. *leaves*
You: Alright. I’ll drive us to the city and –
Calamírë: *walking past you* Yes, yes, yes. Can we go now? I'd rather not be late.
Lótariel: *follows her sister*
You & Aerwil: *glance at each other*
You: *shrug your shoulder as you follow them*
You: *as the twins get in the carriage, you sit down on the driver's seat, taking the reins*
Aerwil: *walks to the other side of the carriage but stops upon seeing a golden cage with a cockatoo inside, placed beside you, right where they were supposed to sit.*
Aerwil: What? Who is this?
Lótariel: Oh, that’s Prince. He will be coming along. I hope you don’t mind him taking the front seat. He likes the fresh air.
The cockatoo “Prince”: *looks at you* It’s not that I enjoy fresh air. I just can’t stand their constant jabbering.
You & Aerwil: *stare at each other*
You: *shrug* Sorry… seems like your spot’s taken.
Aerwil: Then where am I gonna sit?
---
Aerwil: *sitting on top of the twins' luggage* Oh, I hate this.
Calamírë: Don’t be so broody. Someone has to make sure our baggage doesn’t fall during the ride.
Aerwil: Is this really acceptable?
You: *shrug* Our ladies' orders...
You: Alright, let’s get going. *snaps the reins, making the horses move*
Aerwil: *releases angry bird noises on top of the luggage as you drive off from the city*
---
*On your way to Tirion*
You: So… Uhm… If I can ask, what are the summer festivals like? I have seen you elves have them before, but... what do you like to do in there?
Calamírë: *scoffs* What? You have never been to a festival before?
You: Uhm... no...That’s why I asked.
Lótariel: Oh, I heard that you maiar of Manwe can understand other birds. Is that true? Can you tell what Prince is saying? I talk to him a lot, and he often signs to me. We have a deep connection, you see.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Actually, I just sing about what a big head she has. Honestly speaking, I would rather fly myself into a window and break my neck and listen to her empty-minded jabbing.
You: *awkwardly looks at him* Yeah... we can understand other birds.
The cockatoo “Prince”: She just goes on about princes and happy marriages, and will stomp her feet when reality isn't like how she imagined it.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Like, hello, the world doesn't spin around fantasies, you single-minded goldfish.
The cockatoo “Prince”: And the other one, oh, she’s just the worst. When she wants something, she will either demand it or take it. And guess what happens when she can get that thing? She gets high and nosy, losing interest when it's something that doesn't meet her expectations.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Luckily, it’s not all bad. Sometimes I get to see them undressed when they take a bath. Those golden heads are as empty as hollow trees, but at least they’re pretty to look at. *giggles*
Lótariel: Ooh, what is he saying?
You: He’s just… expressing how much he enjoys the fresh air.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Hey buddy, do me a favor when we get there? Release me from my cage so I can ditch those chicks. I would really appreciate it if I got a chance to have some action with the local cockatoo ladies.
You: *ignore the bird* How are you doing up there, Aerwil?
Aerwil: *on top of the luggage* Could be better. *snatches bugs in their mouth*
Aerwil: *munching on them* but at least I get a free snack up here.
Calamírë: *disgusted* Gross...
You: So… King Ingwe mentioned possible suitors. Are there any particular people who pique your interest, my ladies?
Lótariel: *giggles* What do you think the festival is for?
Calamírë: Valinor’s finest noble bachelors will be attending there. Like nobles from the house of King Olwe and King Finwe.
Lótariel: And they're so good-looking. Oh, I really hope Prince Finrod is there. He’s so handsome.
Calamírë: Lottie. Haven’t you heard that he has taken a fancy to Amarie? And besides, he's our distant cousin.
Lótariel: Well, it hasn’t been said they’re officially courting. So, technically, I still have time. And we're distant cousins, so I don't think that will be an issue. Or maybe I could go with someone from Prince Fingolfin's house. Who are you gonna go for?
Calamírë: Who else, than Maedhros? He hasn’t been with a wife for a while.
Lótariel: I thought his father did not approve of Vanyar.
Calamírë: He’ll change his mind. How can he say no if his son marries one of King Ingwe’s nieces?
You: *awkwardly silent*
The cockatoo “Prince”: See? Twisted little gold raccoons. And those elf lads have like zero interest in them.
You: *look at him, annoyed and unintentionally pulling the rein* Can you shut up?
Aerwil: (Name), watch out!
You: *Yank the reins sharply as your carriage nearly crashes into another, forcing the horses into a sudden maneuver that sends the carriage lurching off balance.*
The cockatoo “Prince”: *shrieks as his cage stumbles over the edge*
You: *lunge over the seat, grabbing the cage just in time. Straining to pull it back while still holding the reins, you struggle to steady the carriage as it veers erratically down the path.*
Lelyavainë twins: *shriek*
Aerwil: *screams as they hold on to the baggage with their dear life*
You: *pull Prince’s cage back and then pull the reins, making the carriage come to a stop*
Aerwil: *Gets thrown off with the luggage as the ropes snap from the sudden stop, tumbling down the hill in a chaotic roll.*
You: *exhaling after stopping the carriage* Aerwil. Are you alright?
Aerwil: *holding their back after getting up* Yeah. I’m fine. I really wish I could use my wings. This form is so restricting.
You: How are the twins?
Aerwil: I’ll check. *opens the carriage door* Are you two alright?
Calamírë: By the valar, Lottie, your nose.
Lótariel: *has a cut on a nose* By the valar, Callie, your lip.
Calamírë: *feels the cut on her lips*
Calamírë & Lótariel: *shrieks*
Aerwil: *close the door*
You: So?
Aerwil: Yeah... we’re doomed.
You: *whines sadly in bird*
The cockatoo “Prince”: *chirps*
---
*after getting back on the road and making a stop in a nearby town*
Calamírë: This is your fault!
Lótariel: We can’t appear like this!
You: Calm down. Those are easy to fix. Luckily, we know healing magic. Just one touch and they’ll be gone. *your hand glows*
Calamírë: No! You screwed up enough! Don’t you dare touch us with those hands!
You: *pull your hand back* Okay.
Aerwil: Well… I’m sure no one will even notice. Those little scars are barely eye-catching.
Lótariel: *horrified* Scars?
You & Aerwil: *flinces*
Lótariel: *ready to cry* So, you’re telling me we’re gonna be disfigured forever?
Calamírë: *cries* No!
Aerwil: *looks at you* (What are we gonna do?)
You: (I don’t know! This has gone completely out of hand!)
Calamírë: *starts heaving*
Aerwil: Woah woah. What’s happening?
Lótariel: Oh, Eru, she’s gonna have a BF!
You: A what?
Lótariel: A bitch fit!
Aerwil: No no no no, please don’t have a bitch fit. I’m sure we can figure something out.
Calamírë: How! We can’t go back home! Uncle Ingwe would be disappointed that we did not attend the festival.
Lótariel: *crying* But we can’t attend the festival like this either.
Calamírë: *takes deep breaths* Alright, Callie. You can think of something to salvage this.
Calamírë: *looks at you and Aerwil* You two can shapeshift, right?
You: *scared* Uh...Yes?
Calamírë: Then you have to go in our stead.
Aerwil: What? We can’t do that?
Calamírë: Yes. You can, and you will. You shapeshift into us, attend the festival, or we will tell our uncle that you damaged our faces!
Calamírë: Or better, we tell King Manwe, how you screwed up our faces!
You & Aerwil: *panic* No!
Calamírë: Then do as I say! Attend the festival in our place, or face the consequences!
You & Aerwil: *glance at each other *
You: I don’t think we have a choice here.
Aerwil: *whines in despair*
___
*preparing under the twins' instructions*
Aerwil: *shapeshifts*
Lótariel: No. No. No.
Lótariel: Do I really look like that to you?
Aerwil: *in Lótariel's form* Please, my lady. This is the most accurate I can get.
Lótariel: You look nothing like me?
Aerwil: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU I'M LITERALLY MIRRORING YOU???!!!!
---
You: *wheeze as Calamírë is tying a corset on you* My lady, does it really need to be that tight?
Calamírë: Well, you need to look good. And I have an excellent waist, so suck it up.
You: *gasp as you feel the corset becoming tighter around your ribs* Manwe, have mercy.
Calamírë: *finally stops* Now, which dress should I go with?
Calamírë: *shuffling through her wardrobe* No. No. No. Oh, absolutely not.
You: *whine painfully as she is taking forever*
---
You & Aerwil: *wince and frown in pain as the twins are doing your hair while talking*
Aerwil: *winces as their hair was getting pulled hard* (Auh! Oh! This is torture!)
You: *grimace from the same pain* (Hold on, my friend!)
*After hours of doing your hair*
Lelyavainë: *Steps back to admire the new hairstyles.*
You & Aerwil: *Sit stiffly, silently praying as your scalps burn with pain.*
Calamírë: Nope. Let's do something else.
Lótariel: I agree. I wouldn't go there either.
You & Aerwil: *Exchange a look and nearly burst into tears.*
---
*Arriving at Tirion*
You & Aerwil: *step out of the carriage, after many gruelling hours, you were now perfectly disguised as the Lelyavainë twins*
You (disguised as Calamírë): Okay, you ready?
Aerwil (disguised as Lótariel): This is a really bad idea. *frowning*
You: What’s wrong? Why are you making those faces?
Aerwil: These braids on my head are killing me. It feels like a hundred needles stabbing my scalp.
You: I feel you. But honestly, I’d take that over this death trap squeezing the life out of my ribs. *shift uncomfortably in the corset*
The cockatoo “Prince”: *in the cage held by Aerwil* Well, let me tell you ladies. I wouldn't mind getting a piece out of you two right now. *gigles*
You & Aerwil: *glance at the cockatoo disgusted*
Aerwil: You think Lottie would notice if I eat him?
You: Let's just go inside and get this over with.
You: *take a deep breath* The faster we get this done, the faster we can go back to our true forms and forget this ever happened.
You: Let's go.
You & Aerwil: *Enter the palace where you will be staying for the festival*
I wanted them to try their hand at a classy "Gilded Feathers" 'verse Thea nightwear pin-up, and they nailed it.
I'm not sure what it is about their art style that just calls to me, but it has this very vintage stylized east Asian feel, and this specific coloration style of theirs (they have a few) in combo with it is just *chef's kiss*
Though technically a mild spoiler for upcoming Gilded Feathers chapters, I felt it an injustice to hold onto this amazing fic art done by the incredible Marypop until I got to that scene.
As usual, her art is gorgeous, and despite a whopping SIX characters in one drawing everything is so incredibly detailed T ^ T
-x-x-x-x-x-
Ways to accidentally win over your previously deceased blorbo before your slow burn 12 step plan is fully put in motion...
In Thea's defense, Joker was on a strict perma-ban from the bi-monthly get togethers well before Hood or her were a part of these meetings, and this shouldn't have been a concern. But the clown party crashed... and he shouldn't have touched him.
Poor Ozzie's like "Thea dear, can we not turn the homicidal clown's attention towards you? Please?" Best believe they go home and he increases the amount of muscle on site at any given moment out of paranoia.
Eddie's wanting no part of that trainwreck and is very much "Okay, so we don't upset the usually calm and collected Ms. Thea... noted."
Meanwhile Thea doesn't want the clown within 30ft of Jason, because he already took him away once- she's surely not going to allow opportunity for a second time.
And Jason's just like "...wtaf???" First Joker shows up, then he tries to specifically get under his skin because the bastard knows shit, and then Cobblepot's daughter pulls one of his guns from his coat. Snarling about how he doesn't get to touch him. Why, what, and huh???
Poor Harvey's all "Guess we're not the only one here who's a little bit bi-polar... and I stfg if this clown doesn't back off...
Because she was the one to pull Thea's exact design right out of my brain somehow, I took a chance and asked Its_Riya if she was willing to do a full-body pic for me.
She normally only does busts for comms, but does make full-body adopts every so often, so I crossed my fingers. She was actually pretty excited about it, and I'm glad I took the shot.
