Tags: Pre-relationship, mid-canon, hobbit gossip, horrible wingmen Pippin and Merry, fluff, awkwardness, first kiss, love confessions of a sort, sweet tooth-rotting adorable gandalf, a bit of magic, fluff and humor, gender neutral reader, no use of y/n
Summary: The tenacious prodding of two young halflings brings you and Gandalf closer in an unexpected way.
A/N: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee i'm screaming i love this wizard so damn much
La vie en rose had me in a chokehold while working on this, so of course it had to be the title...
Warnings: MDNI. Please read the tags carefully before proceeding! This fic contains torture, smut, dark romance, BDSM, D/s dynamics, heavy angst, graphic violence, captivity, non-con/sa elements, psychological trauma, and Morgoth being an absolute horror show of toxicity. Please read the tags!
Chapter Index:
Part I: The Beginning
Part II: The Unmaking
Part III: The Binding
Part IV: The Unveiling
Part V: The Mind and the Mask
Part VI: The Drowning
Part VII: The Inspection
Part VIII: The Escape
Part IX: The Sanctuary
Part X: The Choice
Part XI: The Breaking
To be completely honest, I have been working on this story for over a year now. It is actually the first piece of writing I have felt comfortable posting in over 20 years! (And back then, it was very fluffy, very tame Legomance self-inserts and some completely insane crack on FF.N!)
After life happened, I lost my mojo, fell out of the fandom world, and never in a million years did I think I would post anything again, let alone a smutty fanfic. Writing it is certainly a lot of work, but it's so liberating and I fucking love it. Plus, my mental health has never been better.
I've really gotta give a shout-out to my besties in the Haladriel group chat I'm in for building up my confidence enough for me to finally share it with the world. They are such a lovely bunch of ladies who go just as feral for Mairon as I do! There's no such thing as TMI in that chat!, lemme tell ya! 💖💖💖
As most fanfic authors, I'm an absolute gremlin for comments, (obvs), so please do leave it some love if you are enjoying it! 🧟♀️
You and your fellow maia Aerwil are tasked to escort two Vanyar noble ladies to an important summer festival. A little incident happens on the road, and now you and your friend are forced to attend the festival as the noble ladies.
(Author's note: I rewatched the White Chicks movie and was hit with an old idea. Enjoy this crack-headed madness. I address my oc Aerwil as they/them because I couldn't decide which gender they should be. )
() = is when you speak through osanwe
Warnings: the twins being a bit rude, a bit creepy bird, mild injuries, and you and your friend forced to go through a gruelling dress-up.
*You and your friend Aerwil get summoned by Manwe to Taniquetil*
Manwe: (Name), Aerwil, it is good to see you. I hope you have been doing well.
You & Aerwil: *Bow to him in respect*
You: Greetings, your highness. We have been doing well. Thank you for asking.
Aerwil: We are curious, though. When Lord Thorondor explained that you require our assistance in an important matter. We have been wondering what this matter could be that you would need help from us, eagles.
Manwe: I'll be happy to explain.
Manwe: Are you two aware that the elves are hosting an important festival this season? To celebrate summer and enjoy the fruits of Yavanna’s gift.
You: *nodding* Yes, we are aware.
Manwe: Well, this season we have noticed an unusual activity of dark creatures lingering at Aman’s borders. Orome and Tulkas had taken upon themselves, along with their maiar, to guard the borders so those creatures would not cause trouble, but it has caused some concerns to rise among the elves.
Manwe: Ingwe had requested that we send guards to make sure the representatives of his house would be escorted safely to Tirion, where the festival would be held. He was worried some creatures might slip through or something else might happen during the festival despite our reassurances.
Manwe: I felt like granting his request. Unfortunately, Eonwe and many of his warriors are busy assisting Orome and Tulkas. Thus, I had asked Thorondor to pick his finest warriors to take forms and accompany Ingwe’s representatives. And he had seen you two fit for the task.
Manwe: But just to be sure. Are you two willing to take this task?
You: *nodding* Of course, your highness.
Aerwil: Absolutely. If King Ingwe feels there would be danger to his people, then we shall look after their safety.
Manwe: *smiles* Excellent.
You: But if I can ask… who are the representatives we will be watching over?
Manwe: They would be two of Ingwe’s nieces, twins, I might add. Ingwe holds great fondness for them and thus would like to ensure their journey will be safe.
Manwe: I do warn you… Ever since they were young, they might have been a bit… how do I say… pampered.
You & Aerwil: *glance at each other cautiously *
You: How… pampered are we talking about, your highness?
---
*Waiting at the gates of Ingwe’s home*
Aerwil: *walking left and right anxiously* Oh, I hate this already!
You: *hand them a bag of baked goods* Calm down, it might be less bad than you think.
Aerwil: It’s the Lelyavainë twins! They’re known to be the snobbiest noble ladies in King Ingwe’s family. Worst of all, they’re his nieces. King Ingwe is known for spoiling his family members. You can only guess what kind of spoiling they got. They’re like swans of Alqualonde, except golden and most likely worse!
Aerwil: *start eating the baked goods* Oh, what was Lord Thorondor thinking! We are not up for the task!
You: I think you might be exaggerating a bit.
Aerwil: You don’t know what we’re dealing with. But I’ve seen it. Trust me. The moment you meet the twins, you’re going to believe that Lord Thorondor picked us for this task to punish us for a mistake unknown to us.
Aerwil: *looks at the baked goods* Uhm... did you make sure that these don't have any of that cheese?
You: Of course I did. Why would I feed you cheese when I know your body can't handle milk?
You: And you might wanna slow down, you'll get a stomach ache if you eat too fast.
Aerwil: Okay, good. Because last time when I tried that baked creamy puff thing, I barely made it to the bathroom in time. And bug off, you know, eating is my way of getting through stress and frustration.
You: I think they’re here.
*Ingwe and two identical but beautiful Vanyar ladies walk out of the house. Servants carry their luggage into the carriage. One servant was carrying a golden cage with a cockatoo in it. *
You: *bow your head respectfully* Greetings, King Ingwe. I am (Name), and this is my friend Aerwil. We will be escorting your nieces to the festival by King Manwe’s orders.
Ingwe: Wonderful. I am glad he has decided to grant my request. Let me introduce you to my nieces. This Calamírë and Lótariel. They have just come of age, and their parents have convinced me that this would be an excellent opportunity for them to represent our house in the coming festival of summer.
Ingwe: Who knows, perhaps they will meet suitable suitors there?
Calamírë: *smiling sweetly* We’ll be sure to make you proud, uncle.
Lótariel: *giggling*
Ingwe: *smiling softly* I have no doubt about it.
Ingwe: You two better get going now so you'll arrive in Tirion in good time. Remember to be respectful toward your guards. They will handle your requests, but in case of danger, do as they say.
Ingwe: Now, safe journey. *leaves*
You: Alright. I’ll drive us to the city and –
Calamírë: *walking past you* Yes, yes, yes. Can we go now? I'd rather not be late.
Lótariel: *follows her sister*
You & Aerwil: *glance at each other*
You: *shrug your shoulder as you follow them*
You: *as the twins get in the carriage, you sit down on the driver's seat, taking the reins*
Aerwil: *walks to the other side of the carriage but stops upon seeing a golden cage with a cockatoo inside, placed beside you, right where they were supposed to sit.*
Aerwil: What? Who is this?
Lótariel: Oh, that’s Prince. He will be coming along. I hope you don’t mind him taking the front seat. He likes the fresh air.
The cockatoo “Prince”: *looks at you* It’s not that I enjoy fresh air. I just can’t stand their constant jabbering.
You & Aerwil: *stare at each other*
You: *shrug* Sorry… seems like your spot’s taken.
Aerwil: Then where am I gonna sit?
---
Aerwil: *sitting on top of the twins' luggage* Oh, I hate this.
Calamírë: Don’t be so broody. Someone has to make sure our baggage doesn’t fall during the ride.
Aerwil: Is this really acceptable?
You: *shrug* Our ladies' orders...
You: Alright, let’s get going. *snaps the reins, making the horses move*
Aerwil: *releases angry bird noises on top of the luggage as you drive off from the city*
---
*On your way to Tirion*
You: So… Uhm… If I can ask, what are the summer festivals like? I have seen you elves have them before, but... what do you like to do in there?
Calamírë: *scoffs* What? You have never been to a festival before?
You: Uhm... no...That’s why I asked.
Lótariel: Oh, I heard that you maiar of Manwe can understand other birds. Is that true? Can you tell what Prince is saying? I talk to him a lot, and he often signs to me. We have a deep connection, you see.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Actually, I just sing about what a big head she has. Honestly speaking, I would rather fly myself into a window and break my neck and listen to her empty-minded jabbing.
You: *awkwardly looks at him* Yeah... we can understand other birds.
The cockatoo “Prince”: She just goes on about princes and happy marriages, and will stomp her feet when reality isn't like how she imagined it.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Like, hello, the world doesn't spin around fantasies, you single-minded goldfish.
The cockatoo “Prince”: And the other one, oh, she’s just the worst. When she wants something, she will either demand it or take it. And guess what happens when she can get that thing? She gets high and nosy, losing interest when it's something that doesn't meet her expectations.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Luckily, it’s not all bad. Sometimes I get to see them undressed when they take a bath. Those golden heads are as empty as hollow trees, but at least they’re pretty to look at. *giggles*
Lótariel: Ooh, what is he saying?
You: He’s just… expressing how much he enjoys the fresh air.
The cockatoo “Prince”: Hey buddy, do me a favor when we get there? Release me from my cage so I can ditch those chicks. I would really appreciate it if I got a chance to have some action with the local cockatoo ladies.
You: *ignore the bird* How are you doing up there, Aerwil?
Aerwil: *on top of the luggage* Could be better. *snatches bugs in their mouth*
Aerwil: *munching on them* but at least I get a free snack up here.
Calamírë: *disgusted* Gross...
You: So… King Ingwe mentioned possible suitors. Are there any particular people who pique your interest, my ladies?
Lótariel: *giggles* What do you think the festival is for?
Calamírë: Valinor’s finest noble bachelors will be attending there. Like nobles from the house of King Olwe and King Finwe.
Lótariel: And they're so good-looking. Oh, I really hope Prince Finrod is there. He’s so handsome.
Calamírë: Lottie. Haven’t you heard that he has taken a fancy to Amarie? And besides, he's our distant cousin.
Lótariel: Well, it hasn’t been said they’re officially courting. So, technically, I still have time. And we're distant cousins, so I don't think that will be an issue. Or maybe I could go with someone from Prince Fingolfin's house. Who are you gonna go for?
Calamírë: Who else, than Maedhros? He hasn’t been with a wife for a while.
Lótariel: I thought his father did not approve of Vanyar.
Calamírë: He’ll change his mind. How can he say no if his son marries one of King Ingwe’s nieces?
You: *awkwardly silent*
The cockatoo “Prince”: See? Twisted little gold raccoons. And those elf lads have like zero interest in them.
You: *look at him, annoyed and unintentionally pulling the rein* Can you shut up?
Aerwil: (Name), watch out!
You: *Yank the reins sharply as your carriage nearly crashes into another, forcing the horses into a sudden maneuver that sends the carriage lurching off balance.*
The cockatoo “Prince”: *shrieks as his cage stumbles over the edge*
You: *lunge over the seat, grabbing the cage just in time. Straining to pull it back while still holding the reins, you struggle to steady the carriage as it veers erratically down the path.*
Lelyavainë twins: *shriek*
Aerwil: *screams as they hold on to the baggage with their dear life*
You: *pull Prince’s cage back and then pull the reins, making the carriage come to a stop*
Aerwil: *Gets thrown off with the luggage as the ropes snap from the sudden stop, tumbling down the hill in a chaotic roll.*
You: *exhaling after stopping the carriage* Aerwil. Are you alright?
Aerwil: *holding their back after getting up* Yeah. I’m fine. I really wish I could use my wings. This form is so restricting.
You: How are the twins?
Aerwil: I’ll check. *opens the carriage door* Are you two alright?
Calamírë: By the valar, Lottie, your nose.
Lótariel: *has a cut on a nose* By the valar, Callie, your lip.
Calamírë: *feels the cut on her lips*
Calamírë & Lótariel: *shrieks*
Aerwil: *close the door*
You: So?
Aerwil: Yeah... we’re doomed.
You: *whines sadly in bird*
The cockatoo “Prince”: *chirps*
---
*after getting back on the road and making a stop in a nearby town*
Calamírë: This is your fault!
Lótariel: We can’t appear like this!
You: Calm down. Those are easy to fix. Luckily, we know healing magic. Just one touch and they’ll be gone. *your hand glows*
Calamírë: No! You screwed up enough! Don’t you dare touch us with those hands!
You: *pull your hand back* Okay.
Aerwil: Well… I’m sure no one will even notice. Those little scars are barely eye-catching.
Lótariel: *horrified* Scars?
You & Aerwil: *flinces*
Lótariel: *ready to cry* So, you’re telling me we’re gonna be disfigured forever?
Calamírë: *cries* No!
Aerwil: *looks at you* (What are we gonna do?)
You: (I don’t know! This has gone completely out of hand!)
Calamírë: *starts heaving*
Aerwil: Woah woah. What’s happening?
Lótariel: Oh, Eru, she’s gonna have a BF!
You: A what?
Lótariel: A bitch fit!
Aerwil: No no no no, please don’t have a bitch fit. I’m sure we can figure something out.
Calamírë: How! We can’t go back home! Uncle Ingwe would be disappointed that we did not attend the festival.
Lótariel: *crying* But we can’t attend the festival like this either.
Calamírë: *takes deep breaths* Alright, Callie. You can think of something to salvage this.
Calamírë: *looks at you and Aerwil* You two can shapeshift, right?
You: *scared* Uh...Yes?
Calamírë: Then you have to go in our stead.
Aerwil: What? We can’t do that?
Calamírë: Yes. You can, and you will. You shapeshift into us, attend the festival, or we will tell our uncle that you damaged our faces!
Calamírë: Or better, we tell King Manwe, how you screwed up our faces!
You & Aerwil: *panic* No!
Calamírë: Then do as I say! Attend the festival in our place, or face the consequences!
You & Aerwil: *glance at each other *
You: I don’t think we have a choice here.
Aerwil: *whines in despair*
___
*preparing under the twins' instructions*
Aerwil: *shapeshifts*
Lótariel: No. No. No.
Lótariel: Do I really look like that to you?
Aerwil: *in Lótariel's form* Please, my lady. This is the most accurate I can get.
Lótariel: You look nothing like me?
Aerwil: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU I'M LITERALLY MIRRORING YOU???!!!!
---
You: *wheeze as Calamírë is tying a corset on you* My lady, does it really need to be that tight?
Calamírë: Well, you need to look good. And I have an excellent waist, so suck it up.
You: *gasp as you feel the corset becoming tighter around your ribs* Manwe, have mercy.
Calamírë: *finally stops* Now, which dress should I go with?
Calamírë: *shuffling through her wardrobe* No. No. No. Oh, absolutely not.
You: *whine painfully as she is taking forever*
---
You & Aerwil: *wince and frown in pain as the twins are doing your hair while talking*
Aerwil: *winces as their hair was getting pulled hard* (Auh! Oh! This is torture!)
You: *grimace from the same pain* (Hold on, my friend!)
*After hours of doing your hair*
Lelyavainë: *Steps back to admire the new hairstyles.*
You & Aerwil: *Sit stiffly, silently praying as your scalps burn with pain.*
Calamírë: Nope. Let's do something else.
Lótariel: I agree. I wouldn't go there either.
You & Aerwil: *Exchange a look and nearly burst into tears.*
---
*Arriving at Tirion*
You & Aerwil: *step out of the carriage, after many gruelling hours, you were now perfectly disguised as the Lelyavainë twins*
You (disguised as Calamírë): Okay, you ready?
Aerwil (disguised as Lótariel): This is a really bad idea. *frowning*
You: What’s wrong? Why are you making those faces?
Aerwil: These braids on my head are killing me. It feels like a hundred needles stabbing my scalp.
You: I feel you. But honestly, I’d take that over this death trap squeezing the life out of my ribs. *shift uncomfortably in the corset*
The cockatoo “Prince”: *in the cage held by Aerwil* Well, let me tell you ladies. I wouldn't mind getting a piece out of you two right now. *gigles*
You & Aerwil: *glance at the cockatoo disgusted*
Aerwil: You think Lottie would notice if I eat him?
You: Let's just go inside and get this over with.
You: *take a deep breath* The faster we get this done, the faster we can go back to our true forms and forget this ever happened.
You: Let's go.
You & Aerwil: *Enter the palace where you will be staying for the festival*
Request: @lanthanum12 Hello friend! I was wondering if I could request a story? I'd like a platonic Mairon & gender neutral reader or oc story. Preferably with a redeemed Mairon! Please keep the relationship between Mairon and reader platonic. Thank you so much! :D
Genre: angst/redemption/hurt no comfort
Pairing: Sauron/Mairon x Platonic Reader
Summary: Now, the dark lord, the tyrant, the bane of Middle-earth, he was your son. And though the world cursed his name, you could not sever the bond you shared.
AN: Thank you for requesting this dearest friend! I hope you like it. Honestly, he deserves this because he's just a baby.
“I do not wish to be kind. I do not wish to be noble,” Mairon whispered, his voice brittle as he lay in your lap. A note of complaint mixed in his whine.
Your fingers wove gently through his hair, brushing through the strands as if to soothe away the ages of torment he had endured.
It had been so long since you last held your son. Your estranged child, who had wandered so far from the path that once bound him to you.
He had lost his way. Lost his name. Forgotten his form and the very song of his being in his unyielding devotion to his lord.
And so you listened. Your heart ached at the bittersweet joy of his return, mingled with the pain of his proximity. Your throat tightened, choked with words you could not say, with sobs you dared not release. Silent, you let him pour his heart out. Your son was home, but the realization of how little of him remained broke you.
He had been so young. Decades-old, still a fledgling, when the Vala of darkness cast his shadow over him.
What began as an innocent infatuation, a harmless curiosity, had grown into something no one could have foreseen.
Now, the dark lord, the tyrant, the bane of Middle-earth, he was your son. And though the world cursed his name, you could not sever the bond you shared.
Mairon, born of the fragments of your song, had once been your precious child. His music had mirrored the light of Laurelin and Telperion, the brightness that once gilded the Blessed Lands. He had been your laughter, your joy, given form.
But your son had burned too brightly.
And the dark lord had coveted him, drawn him in, much like Fëanor’s Silmarils.
But you were no elven prince, bound by pride or vengeance. You were a Maia, simple, obscure, a servant of the halls of Vana, forgotten even by your own child.
Yet your love for him had never faltered.
"Do you remember me?" you wished to ask. "Did you ever miss me, as I longed for you? Did your heart ache for me when I did not come to your rescue? Forgive me. Stay with me, my darling Mairon."
Your thoughts rang loud and desperate in your mind. "Let me bear his pain. Let me repent for him. He is a child," you had begged the All-Father. Day and night, your life had been spent in prayer for him.
In all the vast expanse of Arda, there was one who prayed for him.
And now, you held your son. He still felt too small. Too fragile. Like the little flame you had once cradled in your arms.
“Mairon,” you whispered, and your tears came unbidden. “Mairon,” you repeated senselessly, nestling your face against his cheek. His name was all you had left of him.
Of all the speeches, the scoldings, and the pleas. Only his name remained.
You were weakened by all that had come to pass. Right and wrong had long since ceased to exist. You just wanted him close. Away from harm. You wanted to hold your precious.
With his head in your lap, Mairon fell silent. His form stiffened at the wet warmth of your tears against his cheek. The trembling of your fingers in his hair sent a shiver through him.
He pointedly avoided your gaze, his eyes falling shut as if to ward off the crushing wave of emotion threatening to break him.
And yet, even as he struggled to hold onto the fleeting fragments of his dignity, he did not pull away.
His pain was yours. Every act of his cruelty had been etched into your soul. You terrible son, you thought. You, who marred the world. You, who tore mothers from their children, and became the cause of grieving mothers.
Yet, parts of him had failed to fade.
“Meow,” a plaintive mewl echoed from the past. Mairon, a small kitten, struggling with the blades of grass your fellow Maiar of Vana teased him with.
Chasing after the green stalk, he had sprung from a rock into your waiting palms. Looking up at you with a whine, his golden eyes followed the blade, insistent and determined.
His first form had been that of a kitten. Endearingly known as Tevildo by your friends. “Hush, no teasing my dearest,” you had scolded them gently, earning soft laughter as Mairon let out a contented mew, finally victorious.
Tevildo had remained. A form that comforted him in the harshest of times, a fragment of innocence that lingered amidst the darkness.
Even in the marred forms of his being, your Mairon had somehow held onto his past.
Now, as his face remained hidden in your lap, you pressed a gentle kiss to his scarred cheek. “You do not have to be noble, my darling, nor perform acts of good,” you whispered, kissing the hands that had once been tiny paws.
“Just stay here...” Your voice trembled with restrained sobs. “In the light of Aman. Do not hurt others, Mairon. Do not let yourself be hurt. Do not isolate yourself. Find redemption and forgiveness, from the Quendi, from the Maiar, from the Valar, and from yourself. I know you can do it because you are my most precious darling.”
You smiled faintly, rubbing his shaking form.
“Look after yourself,” you whispered. “Learn to laugh and love. Make amends with Aulë. And Lady Vána too. She cares for you. Even Lord Manwë does. They know you were just a child. No one will deny you forgiveness.”
Tears blurred your vision, making it difficult to gaze at him before the end. “Promise me, dearest,” you pleaded, pulling him to face you. “Promise me you will do all this.”
And the tiny face of a kitten rested on your palm. Tevildo let out a soft whimper, his tiny paws latching onto your robe as if to hold back the inevitable.
“Be my darling son,” you whispered, kissing the top of his head. “Allow me this, my darling. Allow me one last effort for my son. My last labor as your parent, my precious.”
His cries rang loud, echoing through the halls of Mandos as the bleakness of the Void greeted you. Without complaint, you stepped into it.
This was your penance.
The first time Mairon had held the ring, his heart had soared with love. This soul had reached back to him from the engravings of his rings.
Cradling its warmth in his palm Mairon ran his fingers over the metal.
"My precious," the words that left his lips had stilled him. A face of the past came to mind. His heart trembled at your voice that rang in his ears.
"My precious," you had called him, your lips brushing his cheek with a loving kiss. "My Mairon." He could see your smile, warm and tender, and the memory struck him with unexpected force.
It had been too long, he had forgotten it. Or so he thought.
Holding onto his greatest creation, Mairon's first thought had been of you.
Two words that filled him with aching want to hear them. To be held and to be with the one who once called him with such love.
In the lush valleys of Vána, Mairon chased the green stalk that evaded his paws. He mewled at the elders who refused to hand it to him.
Reaching for it with determination, he ran in circles, surrounded by merry giggles. He was fond of the sound, yet his heart felt woefully wrong as he was denied the stalk despite his efforts.
He made his irritation known with wistful mewls, earning another round of soft laughter.
Lost in his game, his feet slipped over a rock, but a pair of warm, gentle hands caught him. Lady Vana’s touch was kind, yet it felt so wrong.
And in an instant, his heart filled with sorrow. A lingering grief, sharp and relentless, that sneaked up in moments like these.
For in those moments, his heart yearned for you.
Alone in Arda, his cries failed to reach you.
Cradled in Vana’s palms, his cries were inconsolable. Soft whimpers, heavy with a sorrow no one could soothe, silenced the company.
Summary: Gwindor almost wanted to question the foolishness of the gesture as he emptily gazed at his own hand held by an unknown but imposing hand. But he kept quiet, following the command of the voice he did not know.
(AN: I believe Gwindor deserves his healing and all the love. Here is my healing after finals. Hope you like it!)
"Shhh," Gwindor barely resisted the urge to flinch and run away as he felt the warmth of contact behind him. Only the absence of his hroa had prevented him from sprinting to the other end of the room.
A lithe hand with slender fingers held Gwindor's hand, or whatever semblance of a hand his fea had managed to construct. "Relax," a husky voice sounded next to his ear. A voice that rang with the sonority of ancient times. The hand that dwarfed his own guided his hand up to face him. Gwindor's world narrowed to the warmth of touch he felt after ages. It burned greater than any fire yet soothed better than any salve.
Gwindor almost wanted to question the foolishness of the gesture as he emptily gazed at his own hand held by an unknown but imposing hand. But he kept quiet, following the command of the voice he did not know.
He had not expected to encounter anyone in the unfrequented path he had found in the gardens of the halls of Mandos. It was not the most spectacular existence in the halls. It did not hold soothing fountains or graceful willows that swept in a mellow breeze, but it was a path that Gwindor kept to himself.
He felt the warmth of a steady breath next to the column of his neck. So alarmingly close. But the existence next to him did not alarm him like most had for the longest time after his death. No... this person held the stillness of mountains and the depth of oceans.
"Look," Gwindor snapped out of his stupor as the voice whispered so gently that for a moment Gwindor doubted if it was ever said out loud. A flutter tickled his hand.
Gwindor found a glowing butterfly perched on his hand. The undaunted creature on his hand fluttered, and its luminous silver wings kissed Gwindor's hands.
For a moment, Gwindor felt grateful for the hand that supported his hand. He was thankful for the hand that held his trembling one as the most delicate of creatures rested in his palm.
Gwindor sucked in a sharp breath as another butterfly landed on his hand. "They traveled a long way from Lorien to get here," the quiet voice added, and Gwindor remained still, afraid of scaring the butterflies that lingered on his hand.
He wanted to turn around and take a look at the owner of the hand under his own hand. He dared not speak anything as he observed the papery wings and intricate pattern of veins that lay between them.
In those moments of his transfixion, Gwindor did not fret about the scars that lined his features or the stretch marks spread across his arms and neck.
With all his courage gathered, Gwindor turned to look back at the hand still holding his. His eyes found yours. Deep voids of black stared back at him. You did not move away from him.
Not even the marks left behind by Morgoth scared you. Not many had the courage to look at the face that the fallen Vala had taken his time to twist into one of his cruelties. A marred Quendi who went against everything that the firstborn were. Maybe if Morgoth had broken his mind and made him into a complete creature of darkness. Perhaps if he died an orc rather than a detested and scorned elf. It could have been better.
Gwindor did not protest when you freed your hand from his. Surprisingly, the butterflies still stayed huddled on his palm. "They truly wanted to be seen. It was getting really noisy with all of them whining about it in my ears," another butterfly flies in and settles on top of your head. Gwindor continues to watch as another decides to rest on the bridge of your nose.
"Forgive me for scaring you," you bow, and by some miracle, the butterflies on top of you remain seated in their position. "I am Y/N, a Maiar of Irmo. I am not familiar with the rules of Mandos' halls." You speak without an inkling of doubt.
The more Gwindor looks at you, the more he finds himself entrapped by your looks. The Maiar of the deepest of sleep, sleep that heals the mind and body.
Gwindor wonders if the usually solemn path he frequents glimmers so much with the twinkling butterflies or the light that seems to originate from your every pore. With every passing second, more and more butterflies gather around.
"What are these?" Gwindor asks, intrigued by the fluttering creatures surrounding him. "These are charms made by the Maiar of my Vala Irmo," you reply and watch as Gwindor plucks one from your hand and places it in his hands. "They help ward off stray nightmares or traumatizing memories. My Vala wanted it delivered in the halls of Mandos." You add, and Gwindor feels acutely aware of the butterfly that rests in his hands.
It is only fair to let it go, he reasons with himself. It belongs to another aggrieved soul, he thinks, but the butterfly in his hand feels like his companion after so long. A companion who would not mind his scarred face.
"It really likes you. You should keep it around," you speak as if you hadn't just heard his internal dilemma.
"Do you understand it?" Gwindor asks, and you smile, a subtle yet mesmerizing smile, free of any blemish or marring, so different from his own horrid face.
"I do understand them. I have looked after them since their birth, so their words come easily to me. Would you like to learn it as well?" You offer with ease, someone unbothered by the world. You do not detest Gwindor like most do. You don't seem bothered by the mockery of Morgoth that his face is.
That day Gwindor finds not one but two companions. Maybe this was his path to healing.
That is how you first meet Gwindor, the ellon who loves selflessly, the one who has been denied his right to heal due to the scorn of the society that breeds vanity.
You meet him and find yourself frequenting the halls you seldom visited in the past, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Quendi who walks on unfrequented paths and carries with him a silver butterfly.
Maybe someday, you will be allowed to love him under the Sun and the Moon, but until then, you visit the hall of Mandos, hoping to talk to him.
You find yourself talking to him for hours on end. You talk more than you ever have, more than you talked in your Vala's halls. You fill the silent garden of Mandos with your words. And as the days pass, you listen to Gwindor.
He speaks of Middle Earth, of his brother, of Turin, and his curse. On some days, he speaks of Morgoth, and on those days, you end up staying back to guard against the nightmares that plague him.
As days turn into chilly nights, you sometimes catch his gaze lingering on you. There are days when your hand finds his, and you find it hard to let go. There are also days when your elf refuses to see you or look in your eyes. Those are days when his hair remains let down, covering most of his face. When that happens, you find your thumb rubbing patterns in the center of his palm as silence fills the air
-You convinced the valars to let you go to Middle Earth as an emissary to guide the Noldor and the other children for a better future after hundreds of years of pain and bloodshed caused by Morgoth and the silmarils.
-The Valars neglected those who suffered from the conflict and were in need during the first age: so your heart yearned to help them.
-Your proposal almost got rejected. You managed to gain the valar’s approval and permission to leave for Middle Earth – thanks to lord Ulmo and those who had been in Middle Earth and seen the horrors that plagued those lands and their people.
-It was a joyful moment, and you would be forever grateful to the lord of the sea.
-You took sail immediately before they could change their mind and forbid you from leaving Valinor. Others who wished to do the same – came with you.
-You planned to guide the Noldoring elves toward a better future and give them a chance for redemption, but in the back of your mind: you wished for a sense of closure for someone you had lost long ago to the temptation of the dark lord.
-Mairon, your beloved. You two shared a loving relationship before he decided to serve Melkor and become an enemy to the children of Illuvatar.
-You could still remember that day when he left like yesterday, and the heartache would always return whenever you thought about him.
-You pleaded with him to stay and change his mind, but he did not budge from his choice and left, leaving you and everything you had behind.
-You refused to go with him because you disliked the cruel ways Melkor practiced while trying to dominate the world, and Mairon respected your decision since he knew you had a gentle heart, so he held you one last time, bidding you goodbye before leaving.
-There wasn’t a day when you didn’t think about him. You sometimes hoped he would change his mind and come back to you.
-You had your hopes up when Eonwe returned from the war in Middle Earth, but you were disappointed when Eonwe told you Mairon had refused to come back and had gone to hiding despite the latter having pleaded mercy.
-It left you heartbroken all over again, and sometimes you began to think that you meant nothing to Mairon when he left. Did you mean anything to him?
-So, your travel to Middle Earth might have been an attempt to feel some closure and hope you might see him again.
-Middle Earth was quite a sight, and you felt excited when you stepped on the docks of Lindon for the first time.
-However – when you arrived and tried to have an audience with the Noldor’s high king. Your arrival seemed to have caused confusion among the elves.
-They believed your words since you had a verdict from king Manwe, so they explained another maia had arrived in Eregion, also claiming to be an emissary from the valars.
-It was now your turn to be confused as you had just arrived with those who came with you, and you would have known if valars had sent someone to Middle Earth.
-You inquired more about this mysterious maia, but after counseling with king Finarfin’s daughter, Galadriel, who had an insight about the same maia who had arrived in Lindon but got cast out because of mistrust. You had an idea who this maia was, which left you hopeful.
-You decided to travel to Eregion and finally meet this mysterious emissary.
-It was just as you thought. It was him, your Mairon.
-Mairon was skillful in shapeshifting, but no matter what shape or form he took – you could always recognize him.
-Annatar, the lord of gifts he claimed to be, which almost made you chuckle with amusement.
-You were happy to see him again but slightly disappointed when you learned what he was planning to do with the elves. It seemed he wasn’t planning to return to the light after all these years.
-Mairon was shocked to see you again, especially when you recognized him and spoke to him like an old friend.
-You decided to play along with his story, and it was the first time you saw him caught off guard, but he collected himself and played along.
-You talked till you managed to get some privacy from the elves and finally speak to each other without holding up a lie.
-He revealed himself and spoke softly to you. You were happy to hear his voice and have the chance to talk to him again, but you couldn't help but question his intentions with the elves and ask why he would not return to Valinor.
-He gave simple answers but did not reveal his plans with the elves, which left you slightly frustrated.
-It turned out he could not let go of his old ways, so he decided to rise like a shadow and continue what Melkor had left unfinished – the conquering of Middle Earth.
-You knew Mairon desired order above all else, so you fell silent when you thought about your time together.
-You then decided to ask a question that had bothered you for years since he left to join Melkor.
”Did we ever matter?” You asked, catching his attention. “Did I ever matter to you, or was I just an obstacle in your pursuit of power and order?” You questioned, looking at him in the eyes.
He fell silent and didn’t give you an answer. You sighed.
“I missed you, you know?” You said. “I sometimes wished you would come back to me and things would be like – how they used to be,” You said almost hesitantly.
“Things — will never be the same,” Mairon said softly.
“But know this –” He began, catching your hands in his. Your heart beat for a moment before you looked at him, waiting. He rubbed your hands in a comforting manner before looking at you in the eye. “You had never been an obstacle to me, and my feelings for you had never changed,” He said.
Your heart fluttered for a moment as you had waited to hear those words for a long time, but you held in your emotions since he was still technically your enemy – unless you managed to convince him to turn away from the evil path and return to Valinor with you.
“I’m glad to hear that,” You smiled. Mairon cracked a short smile for you, a rare genuine smile he had shown you many times and only to you. You two remained seated, simply enjoying each other’s presence and the peace that followed in silence.
(So I might have slightly turned this into Celebrimbor x reader x Mairon. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted, but the idea expanded a little. Also, sorry, I might have turned this darker than expected, but I hope You still like it. Be aware of the warnings thought,)
Requested by Anonymous
Warnings; Please be warned! There might be triggering things in the end which includes manipulation, stalking, creepiness, gaslighting most likely and a bit violence. Sauron is a brick in this. So read on your own accord.
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-You thought you could forget the past, leave it all behind and forget it ever happened.
-Why would you linger in the past? Your master was gone, and everything got destroyed in the war of wrath.
-Angband was no more, and you had no idea what happened to others.
-There was nothing for you, so you decided to leave and live among the people as a nameless nobody.
-You were just another elf, going on with their day, doing work and sleeping whenever Tilion shone brightly in the night sky.
-You were just a silent weird neighbor nobody thought about much.
-You were happy with it because no one would then try to pry into your life and discover you used to be a servant of Morgoth.
-It would most likely end up badly for you.
-You sometimes wonder when things were peaceful, and you willingly served Irmo in his gardens.
-Irmo was never a terrible master like how Melkor made the Vala appear to others.
-You wonder if he was still angry for what you did or disappointed when you deserted the blessed realm and became one of Melkor’s servants.
-You didn’t know, and after everything that happened. You didn’t want to know.
-You were too afraid to face Valar's judgment for your actions.
-You were a coward. You have always been a coward and honestly not proud of it.
-You tried to move on with your life. Go to work, go home and occasionally meet people.
-It was boring at first, but you soon learned to find beauty in things and appreciate the peace. It was better than the metallic bangs of hammers and screeching of orcs you used to hear in Angband.
-Interacting with the children of Illuvatar was troublesome at first because you couldn't stop thinking about how you were used to killing them upon your master’s request.
-Honestly, you never thought lowly of them like many others of your kind. Elves were troublesome during the first age because of the Silmarils. Everyone went crazy for them. However, they had their qualities. Humans were not much like the elves, and you pitied them when they were easily swayed by false words, but at least some of them were good. You don’t have much opinion about dwarves, but you admit they were a talented bunch.
-You didn’t make many friends, and you didn’t have any motivation to befriend anyone. You did manage to befriend a human child who was a neighbor at your place. You technically started looking after them since the parents constantly fought.
-You never understood why humans were so careless toward their younglings.
-One day, during a little walk with your little human. You were doing nothing but talking about life.
-You came to a garden and dozed off for a moment before hearing something fall into the water and the little one yelling for help.
-You quickly went to help them out, then another elf appeared and helped the child out of the deep fountain.
-When the child was safe, it didn’t take long for you to recognize Celebrimbor and awkwardly stumble with your words as you tried to thank him and apologize for the trouble.
-Celebrimbor just smiled and wanted to make sure the child was alright.
-You two chatted for a while since he was curious about an elf with a human child.
-You tried to keep the conversation casual, but you were sweating inside because you knew his family too well and knew what kind of things happened to one of his uncles.
-You hoped it was just a one-time encounter. However, that didn’t seem to be the case because fate seems to bring you to him even from work.
-He sometimes made small talk, and the conversations lasted because you didn’t want to be rude to him.
-He was pleasant company, to say at least, and gradually you started looking forward to interacting with him.
-However, the human child always decided to invite him to join your little hangouts
-They said it was to help you get close because it was clear that you liked him.
-You did not understand till you forced yourself to think about it.
-Celebrimbor’s beaming smile was like a ray of Arien’s light, and he seemed eager to meet up and spend time with you and your little human friend.
-He didn’t even think it was strange that ravens and crows followed you or how you sometimes talked with them since they were your favored companions.
-He asked if he could pet or feed one of them.
-And he sometimes opened up about his past to you and the regretful things his father and family had done.
-It was maybe the last straw because you wanted to comfort him, but you were scared because he shared the same feelings for you.
-You sensed it from his fear.
-The thought of love was frightening. It was a sign of weakness, and you would have been mocked for falling so low, especially with one of the Eldar.
-You were afraid because of your past, but since the past was long gone. The future looked brighter, so you tried to embrace the feeling.
-You wondered if Melian felt the same when she decided to marry that Sindar elven king.
-You weren’t sure how to reciprocate the feelings, but you tried. You end up listening to Celebrimbor’s voice most of the time when he spoke about things. His voice was soothing and always managed to bring a soft smile to your face.
-Oddly, you started having dreams about life with Celebrimbor. They were bright and filled with good things and love. It felt like they were encouraging you to go forth and confess your feelings for him. It was strange, and you wondered if lord Irmo was behind them.
-One time, the little human bugger decided to tell how you and Celebrimbor were like parents they always wanted. You felt embarrassed, but Celebrimbor smiled it off and described how it did feel like you two were like family to him.
-It warmed your heart, and it was just a moment when you realized how you fell hard for this elf.
-You didn’t like to admit it, but you now needed to thank your little human friend for bringing you two close.
-Until he arrived.
-He took a fair form and called himself Annatar, the lord of gifts. He claimed to be sent by the Valar to assist the Noldor and grant them forgiveness, but you knew the truth the first time you saw him.
-You could recognize those golden eyes everywhere, and there was a shadow that followed his fair appearance.
-You were frightened, especially, when he laid his eyes upon you.
-You tried to avoid him because you knew you held no power against him and Celebrimbor already deeply trusted the Maia.
-You hoped he didn’t come for you. You were a mere spy and an assassin. You had nothing against Mairon, the lieutenant of Melkor.
-Except for that one time when you rescued him from being killed.
-Mairon almost died until you used your powers to turn every living creature who looked at you into stone.
-The power of your gaze might have made you different from others, but you left everything behind after that.
-You didn’t want to know what he was planning.
-You stayed home most of the time. Celebrimbor often came to check since you started feigning illness to avoid going out. It pained you to worry him like that, but you deemed it necessary.
-He talked a lot about Annatar and all the great things he helped him to create.
-You were scared to tell him the fair messenger of the Valar was in reality, the cruelest servant of Morgoth, but you tried to convince him to be weary. You attempted to tell him all the possible dangers and lies Annatar might have told him.
-Celebrimbor being the lovable fool was sure things were okay but promised to consider your worries.
-You decided to come out because you couldn't hide forever. There was a slight chance Mairon did not remember you since he often preferred to be held above others. It proved to be a grave mistake because he or Annatar turned his attention on you.
-He spoke softly and like you two were old acquaintances, which was a painful truth.
-You two never spoke like friends, but he did acknowledge you whenever you returned to Angband to deliver reports or trophies of your kills.
-You remained polite but tried to keep things short whenever you interacted with him.
-But, he was like a snake. Slithering close to you and talking sweet and casual things to bring down your guards, which you luckily didn’t.
-However, he started interfering with you and Celebrimbor during your time alone and when you try to avoid showing him your relationship with Celebrimbor.
-You almost cursed Celebrimbor for referring you as a dear friend and technically giving it away to the pretender.
-Annatar seemed amused and looked at you with a dangerous glint in his eyes.
-The charade continued, and now Annatar started calling you little raven when he saw you interact with your birds.
-He continued to unnerve you, and the way he interacted with Celebrimbor worried you, so you sent a couple of your ravens to keep watch if he tried something with Celebrimbor.
-You should have been more careful. You managed to avoid the pretender most of the time and stayed at a safe distance, but this time he had managed to find your home and put you in a critical situation.
-You found him reading a story to your little human friend, and the child was too invested to realize they were in danger.
-Mairon hated humans. He always gave worse punishments to human thralls in his possession. He wouldn't even hesitate to harm a child.
-Luckily, you managed to convince your little human friend to go home while keeping your eyes on the Maia in your house.
-When you were alone, he showed his true nature, and you two started talking.
-You remained silent and respectful since he was still your superior.
-Mairon asked what your plans were, and you told him you didn’t have any plans. You just lived among the elves like one of them.
.-He knew that and told you it would be a waste and asked you to join his side.
-It caught you off guard, but you tried to keep your guard and questioned what he would gain from you.
-Your mind couldn't catch up when he kept talking, but you wished you escaped while you had the chance because the one in danger was you.
“I do not understand,” You said, almost in a whisper. “Why are you so adamant to have me on your side?” You asked.
“Because I can see the bad end for you,” Mairon started. “You will face suffering if you decide to take this path,” He said. You frowned. “What?” You questioned.
“I wish to save you like you once saved me from those vassals of the valar,” He said, making you remember the moment when you uncovered your eyes and turned those soldiers into stone to save his life. You now silently regretted the decision. Two of your ravens watched the confrontation from the closed window.
“I…” You started. “I can assure you that I do not need to be saved,” You explained while hopelessly trying to control your fear. “But why hide among people?” Mairon asked. “Why hide your true form and powers? Why so afraid to show them who you truly are?” He questioned. “I’m not…” You tried to find the words, but the questions caught you off guard that you weren’t sure about your answer. “But you are afraid, aren’t you?” He asked, looking into your eyes.
You remained quiet because, in your mind, you knew he was right.
“You shouldn't be afraid to show yourself. Our master favored you for your loyalty and work, so don’t you think you deserve better than what these elves can offer you?” Mairon asked, walking around you like a predator. “I was not… his favored. I only did what he told me to do,” You explained with a surprised tone for a moment. “Oh, but you were, out of all spies and assassins in his army. Your ravens and you were the most efficient,” He said. “So, you should think more highly of yourself than you do now;” He finished. You thought about his words for a moment.
“If you join my side, you don’t need to hide, and I can offer you better things than this little elven city can give you. Do not stoop to their level because our master is gone,” Mairon said softly. You mustered the courage to look at him. “Why? I have never put myself above anyone, and I never thought lowly of any children of Illuvatar,” You explained. “And…” You struggled for a moment. “I know they made some troubling things during the first age, but they can learn. And they’re not that bad,” You said.
“Not that bad, you say?” Mairon questioned. You shrank when you sensed the lowering tone in his voice and noticed a hint of disappointment in his eyes after what you said.
“Tell me, is this about your feelings for that elven lord?” Mairon asked. Your heart started beating anxiously, as you knew he meant Celebrimbor. You felt frozen that you didn’t know how to answer. Love has always been seen; as a sign of weakness.
“I have seen how fondly he looks at you, so is it love you crave from him?” Mairon asked. “Have you forgotten what you are and how you used to kill his kind without hesitation?” He asked. “No, I don’t!” You shook your head. “What will he think when he finds out you used to serve the dark lord who killed and enslaved his people? And how you watched when we tortured one of his family members?” He asked, coming dangerously close.
“Do you think he will accept you and all will be forgiven?” He asked with a demanding tone. “No, I-!” You didn’t get to finish when Mairon suddenly grabbed you by the throat and pushed your back against the wall. Your ravens cawed anxiously.
You winced when your back slammed hard against the wall. “Do you think that elf would love a murderer?” Mairon looked down upon you. He always stood taller than you or anyone, so your body almost started to shake with fear.
You snapped your eyes open and stared right back at him with deep blue eyes with slit pupils. Heavy breaths escaped your lips as you tried to stand your ground. Mairon’s expression softened. “There they are. That unique gaze that would have turned me to stone if I was weaker than you,” He said, bringing your chin up to have a better look at you. He then chuckled and looked down at his wrist around your throat. You had a grip on his hand with black claws that went through his skin, making him bleed onto the floor.
“This is what I am trying to save you from,” He said, freeing his hand from your throat. “Denying yourself and dooming yourself on a path that will only lead to a painful rejection from the world,” He explained, stepping back. “I’m afraid Celebrimbor will have second thoughts if he saw you like this and that human you, so adore. How do you think they would react when their favorite elf is someone from the nightmares?” He asked. You tried to keep yourself steady. Even though; it felt impossible.
Mairon leaned down to your ear. “I can protect you from all that, little raven. I can protect you from the world that will eventually turn its back on you because the past is not dead to them. They will unjustly punish you for your crimes even when you tried to redeem yourself,” He said softly. You silently sucked your breath as his words lingered in your ears. “Of course,” He pulled back. “That is your decision if you still think they aren’t that bad,” He said, then walked toward the door.
“My doors are open for you because I’m not someone to leave my rescuer in trouble, but I hope you think about my offer. The world is harsh, so think what is truly best for you,” Mairon explained. “I will see myself out till next time, little raven,” He said, then walked out of the door.
After the door closed, you fell along the wall on your knees. Your eyes turned back, streaming with tears as you tried to control your sudden breathing. You clawed your hair, unable to control the sudden burst of emotions that caused nothing but pain.
Your two ravens opened the windows by themselves and landed beside you. They cawed, trying to offer their comfort.
Mairon’s words lingered in your mind, taking effect on you. He sounded like Melkor when you accidentally murdered one of your fellow maiars with your gaze. He convinced you to join his side because he was the only one who could protect you from the harsh punishment of the Valar. You were frightened, so you said yes because you wanted protection.
You wanted to be safe. You want to refuse the offer, but you could not stop thinking about how things would turn out badly when Celebrimbor learned the truth about you. The hate is justified, but you fear it would be too much to handle since you had feelings for him.
You stared at the ceiling for a moment, the voices in the back of your mind telling you to take the offer and save yourself from hurt. You were a murderer. You don’t belong among the people of middle earth. You have followed orders all your life, so why refuse them now?
You took a deep breath, despairing how your future would turn out.
Mairon has always been a ferocious wolf, and you were afraid. He had already ensnared you into his teeth. You couldn't escape him.
(Anon, I’m sorry. You most likely wanted something soft and fluffy platonic love, but my brain went oopsie daisies and I managed to add angst in the end. I hope you still enjoy it,)
Requested by anonymous
Warnings; sibling love, being weird and some angs in the end. Mairon might be occ.
You didn't expect a lot when you became an apprentice in Aule's forges. Considered quite young for a maia and not a fully matured spirit yet, they told you to take the safest option. You chose to be under Aule's guidance because you shared some interest in forging and the arts of craft.
That's when you met him, Mairon the admirable. He was a silent individual and mostly kept things to himself, but he was a good teacher when Aule gave you to him for mentoring.
You had heard about Mairon before, like how talented he was and how Aule kept him in high regard, so it was no wonder you felt nervous in his presence. Some maiars also said he was a bit prideful, so you were intimidated by him, but those rumors soon left your ears overtimes. Mairon was pretty calm and a decent maia.
He never lost his patience when you made mistakes and knew how to help you improve yourself. He was strict on some matters but never went overboard with rules and punishments.
You grew comfortable around him, and he didn't mind the loudness and the shenanigans you brought as long you respected his pace. You do respect his pace. You respect him more than anyone else.
When you became casual with Mairon, he seemed to have grown fond of you as well. he was there if you got into trouble or someone else got you in trouble with Aule. He would talk his master out of it or give you a lesser punishment. He sometimes comes to check that you were doing well and not ditching your studies. Some maiars would stop bothering you when he was around.
He said if anyone was going to bully you, it was going to be him. He might not admit it, but you're sure he cared about you since he was looking after you on some daily bases.
You started to see him as a brother figure. You always go for his approval and sometimes cause pranks on him, which he would return tenfold. You would sometimes try to make him smile during his bad days, just to make him happy.
Mairon was a quiet type but occasionally showed some affection to you, like patting your head and telling you you did a good job on the assignment.
You were happy with him and hoped he would be there when the children of Illuvatar awaked until something strange started happening around Mairon. He became uptight and distant from others. You always asked if something was bothering him, and he said it wasn't serious or something you should worry about.
You wanted to believe him, but you started to doubt he was avoiding telling the truth. You wanted to know what was bothering him, but you didn't want to invade his pace. You realized it too late when you remember the day when you last saw each other.
You shuffled through the jewels, picking certain stones and sorting them into specific boxes. A tired sigh escaped your mouth as you stopped and looked around the room with a bored expression. Mairon had given you a minor task to sort the stones and jewels, but it had been a while now. You were bored.
Your eyes gazed over to a table where a red tunic was neatly folded with some jewelry lying beside it. A grin decorated your face as an idea blessed your bored mind. You gazed over to the doorway and waited if mairon was going to appear. Mairon had been gone for hours, so it wouldn't hurt trying his things out. If you were lucky, he might never notice.
You stood up from your place and tiptoed to the table where his tunic and rings lay around.
You grabbed the folded tunic and held it open, comparing it to your body. It was a bit big, but you didn't mind. You then looked over the jewelry, which was all created by Mairon. Pretty golden rings, earrings, bracelets, and a couple of necklaces.
You couldn't decide, so you took them all.
You walked over to the mirror and marveled at your masterpiece. Mairon's tunic was way too big for you. The sleeves were hanging off, and the hem was dragging on the floor. The tunic wasn't even the funniest thing. It was the amount of jewelry you wore on your body.
Your fingers covered with rings, and your hands wore several bracelets. You wore more than one earring on your ears, and necklaces were around your neck. Gold and jewels covered your upper torso, so you were very shiny. Maybe a circle to add a touch to the look.
You posed in front of the mirror and imagined Mairon in your place. You held your snort, then posed like Mairon usually posed when looking down on someone or appearing superior. "What's this, Curumo? Trying to outshine me? Excuse me if you haven't noticed, but my skills and superiority are far greater than yours, for I am the lord of rings and bling! Cover before me, pheasant!" You narrated, wiggling your fingers to make funny sounds. You snorted, unable to hold your laughter.
You posed again. "Fuck off, Eonwe! I know I'm pretty and shiny, but you don't need to come cawing at me like a chunky white raven you are," You said, picturing the way Mairon usually interacted with the herald of Manwe.
Unknown to you, someone was watching your little performance.
Mairon crossed his arms, leaning on the doorway as he watched you make a show with his things. At first, he was confused about where his tunic and jewelry had vanished until he heard your supposed imitation and found you posing in front of the mirror. If it had been someone else, Mairon would have smitten them for stealing, but since it was you. He couldn't help but observe, intrigued and curious.
He let out a silent chuckle when you made a funny remark about Olorin.
"I know Aule. I'm blingier than you! See this shit, (Name)? This is why I can't stand people. They just keep complaining. Blah, blah, blah, let me do my rings," You said, pretending if Mairon was dramatic.
"So, is this how you see me?" Mairon asked, making you shriek in fright and turn around. You stood there like a frightened bunny, caught in the act. "I wasn't doing anything weird!" You yelled, dropping some of his rings onto the floor, which added awkwardness to the moment.
Mairon chuckled, shaking his head. "Relax. I'm not angry with you," He walked over to you. "But I would appreciate it if you ask my permission to borrow my things instead of stealing them," He said, collecting the rings from the floor. "I know. I was just bored," You said, looking down shamefully. You then found a ring that had your favorite stone. "This is pretty. When did you make this?" You asked, showing him the ring.
Mairon almost chuckled. Your mind wandered off again. He should be offended by your imitation and that you dropped his rings onto a dirty floor, but he was used to your shenanigans, so he couldn't bring himself to be mad at you.
"I believe I made that a few months ago," He said, looking at the ring. He then looked at you and saw how interested you looked in the ring. "You can have it if you want," He said. You looked at him, surprised. "Really? Thanks, but what's the sudden generosity?" You asked. He chuckled. "It's nothing. It has been lying around gathering dust, so I might as well give it away to someone who wants it," He explained. "Well, in that case, thank you. I love it!" You smiled and put the ring onto your free ring finger.
Mairon smiled as you looked at the ring with a happy smile. "You know what? You can keep them all," He suddenly said. "Wow, that's all of the sudden," You said. "I have no need for them in the future, so you can keep them," Mairon explained.
"Why? are you going somewhere?" You asked, confused. Mairon valued his jewelry because most of them were his creations. He wouldn't leave them, so his statement confused you.
Mairon stood quiet, hesitating for a moment.
"I will be leaving for a while, away from Aman," He said. "What? Where?" You asked, confused and a little concerned. "I can't exactly tell you," He said. You took off some of the jewelry. "Did something happen? You asked.
"Did master Aule scold you again without a good reason again, or did someone do something which greatly upset you?" You questioned. "Did I do something bad?" You asked, saddened by the thought.
"(Name), remember! Don't jump to conclusions. It's going to cause you a headache," Mairon said, stopping you in your tracks. He then sighed. "Listen. I just don't feel like I belong here anymore. It's not you, and it has never been you. You are a good maiar and a good apprentice, so do not think this is your fault," He explained. "Then..." You started, trying to find the words.
"Then what is the reason you don't feel like you belong here? I know you have been seeing that Melkor and all. It's not that I think it's bad. You can hang out with whoever you want, but why do you have to leave?" You questioned. "Can I do anything about it?" You added. Mairon exhaled and looked at you with a saddened expression for the first time in your life. He never appeared sad, so it was serious.
"I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do about it," He said, which almost shattered your heart. He also said sorry. He never says sorry.
Mairon then put a hand on your shoulder. "You're still young, and there's a lot you need to learn before you finally understand what kind of life we're living. This world might be beautiful in your eyes, but it will be put into chaos and ever-lasting darkness when the children arrive. I'm simply going somewhere to ensure that there will be order and balance in the future," He explained. "So do not worry about me," He added. "Think of it that I'm going to make this world even more beautiful like not everything has to be on Eru's design. Don't you think everyone would be much happier if they didn't need to hide and they could create whatever they want? Remember Aule's dwarves?" He asked. "Hmm," You nodded, remembering the almost tragic event. "If he can keep the dwarves, why can't we create things of our own?" He asked. "Huh, I think I see your point," You said, thinking about it.
"But how do you know this world is already in darkness and chaos?" You asked. "Trust me, I know. You will understand when you grow up," He said, patting your head. "Will you be okay, though? Who am I going to prank and annoy when you're gone?" You asked, which made him smile. "I will be alright, and you can go annoy Curumu and Olorin. They are plain like you said while pretending to be me," He had a grin on his face as he implied your imitation from before. You pouted, pretending to be offended by his tone.
Mairon then did something surprising and pulled you in a one-handed hug. You were shocked, so you froze for a moment. "I might not tell you this before, but you're the only good thing here that happened to me," He said, almost whispering. "You are like that one annoying sibling I never knew I needed," He added. You tried to comprehend what was happening but wrapped your arms around his waist to return the hug. "Alright, now I'm starting to get concerned. First, you're generous, then you apologized. You look sad, and now you show this kind of affection. Are you sure you're not just suffering from an illness of some kind?" You asked. He chuckled. "Only with you, I would show you these kinds of things," He said, then released you from the hug.
"I will leave in a couple of days, but before I go, would you like to go see Varda's stars for the last time?" Mairon asked. "Sure," You smiled because marveling at lady Varda's stars was your favorite pastime. "And by the way, you can't tell anyone. I will be leaving. They might not understand my thoughts and force me to stay here," He said. "Okay, but If you're not going too far. Can I come to visit you sometimes?" You asked. Mairon frowned at the thought. "Unfortunately not. It's not the kind of place you would want to be in. It might be too ugly for your taste," He said with a smile. "Hey, I don't criticize everyone's taste in furniture," You said. "Oh really, remember the time you said Eonwe's chambers were too white and proceeded to paint everything in pink to bring life into his white and grey life?" He asked. You flustered in embarrassment. "That was one time!" You yelled.
Mairon chuckled, and then you both proceeded with the day, spending one of your last moments under the stars before he completely vanished from the face of Aman.
You sighed and touched the ring on your finger. The one Mairon allowed you to keep. You wore it even after he betrayed the valars and joined Melkor as his cruel lieutenant. The stone on the ring was cracked because it got damaged during the chaos when the lamps got destroyed. You couldn't bring yourself to fix it, so it worked as a reminder.
Everyone felt betrayed when he joined Melkor, but you don't think they knew the one he betrayed the most was you.
You never thought the one you adored and looked up to the most would become someone cruel and go to war with the children of Illuvatar. He had caused so many atrocities, and each one kept breaking your heart because you remembered he said he was going to make things better for everyone. He has broken everything he promised.
You couldn't find any joy in the arts of crafts without him, so you joined lady Nienna and became one of her most faithful followers. That way, you can at least help those who Mairon had wronged.
Arda had become dark and chaotic, just like he said. You couldn't visit him even if you wanted to because how could you. He might not even be the brother figure you once knew.
They said it was Melkor's fault that Mairon joined his side, and the world marred because of them. Some would say it was Valar's fault for not doing anything to prevent it. You couldn't decide who to blame because, for all you know, everyone might have taken part in it. It might have been before Mairon even left Aman.
"Is this what you mean, brother?" You looked out the window, letting out the whisper into the wind in a false thought that Mairon might hear it while you gazed over to the darkened horizon.
