#gingrich2012

[fuckusonthefamily]

United Airlines Caves to FKOTF Pressure

FKOTF has won a hard fought campaign against the tyranny of the privileges granted to reproducing familial units.  For too long passengers have been subjected to delays as families board planes before us.  Now United Airlines has ended pre-boarding for children.  This is a great victory in the struggle against the special permissions granted to families, are we not deemed equal by the Declaration of Independence?

While this is a step forward, we cannot rest on our laurels.  As FKTOF Senior Communications Director pointed out : "We cannot rest until children are banned from all forms of public transportation".  This is the ultimate goal, no longer shall we have to wait for a stroller to be folded up, delaying our flights, trains, and buses.  No more shall we be subjected to a child's wailing on our 12 hour flight back from Thailand when all we want to do is sleep off our incredible hangover.  All children should be wards of the state, and not allowed to travel until they are at least 16, thus saving us all the unnecessary burden of being delayed at the security gate because a petulant 8 year old doesn't want to walk through a metal detector. 

[fuckusonthefamily]

The FKOTF Way

The President's recent announcement has shaken us at FKOTF to the core.  First Craiglist made it harder to find casual hookups, then our endorsement of Newt Gingrich failed to immediately secure him the presidency, now Obama is speaking out for marriage!  While we at FKOTF support non-traditional relationships, we cannot in good conscience allow people to actually follow through and marry each other, that is the antithesis of what we stand for.  This is a slippery slope, soon everyone will be married and have disgusting little familial units with horrible small crying children.

But every day brings hope, just the other day North Carolina passed a ballot measure to not only limit marriage, but would also prevent other domestic partnership agreements.  The good people of North Carolina have spoken, "Stop with the pro-marriage communist agenda" is what they would say if they could collectively speak at the same time with a single mouth.

[fuckusonthefamily]

Our next president for life.

[fuckusonthefamily]

Close Tax Loopholes

On this tax day, we here at Fuckus On The Family want to remind all of our readers that the American tax code is in serious need of reform. The webpage introducing the Ryan/House GOP budget sums it up thus, "The tax code has become a broken maze of complexity and political favoritism, overgrown with special-interest loopholes."

We could not have said it better and certainly agree with Rep. Paul Ryan. The political favoritism and special-interest loopholes given to families in this country must end. Families are simply given too many tax breaks by the government.

FOTF desires a government that does not offer "deductions" but instead offers bread and work. This is the vision we pledge to fight for. FOTF desires a tax code where no child is counted as a "dependent" because each child will be working and paying taxes for himself...true independence for all. 

Families and children, this gravy train is over. Parents the time has come to abandon your children. Kids the time has come to learn how to do something. Try mining or smelting this weekend; play with the wood-chipper or splitting axe and see if you have the knack. Or, grab a broom and clean those filthy school bathrooms for Gingrich2012!

[doccuttlefish]

Newt Gingrich attacked by penguins, accidentally reveals that the actual purpose of his campaign was to enable him to rent his donor list to other, actual, politicians.

[fuckusonthefamily]

Santorum drops out due to FKOTF endorsement withdrawl

Mere days after Fuckus on the Family (FKOTF) withdrew its endorsement Santorum's campaign has crashed from the stratospheric heights of certain victory to the deep mariana trench of utter defeat.  Santorum cited a lack of FKOTF signature get out the vote effort and millions in Super PAC funding as a key reason for the defeat.

Clearly this now paves the way for Newt Gingrich to emerge victorious, rising like the legendary phoenix from the ashes of Santorum, Ron Paul, and Mitt Romney.  Victory is within his grasp, and FKOTF will ensure that all opponents of the righteous Gingerich are smashed against the proverbial shores of defeat.  As Santorum's campaign implodes without the support of non-traditional family values, Gingrich shall ascend to sublime polyamorous heights.  Long live president Gingrich!

[fuckusonthefamily]

Just when we were beginning to lose hope in Gingrich, Santorum steps up to the plate with an ad embracing the dystopian vision.  However badass this ad is, it may mean we need to endorse Obama if he is the true bringer of this dystopian paradise.  However, it looks less fun than Gingrich's vision of a plural marriage society, so for now we stand with Mr. Gingrich.

[fuckusonthefamily]

Fuckus on the Family Reconsidering Endorsement

First and foremost FOTF strives to break down traditional structures in society, specifically the familial unit.  FOTF stands against all family ties and hopes that someday we can be a nation of individuals reveling in a hedonistic orgy of self indulgence until it drives us into an inevitable fascist dystopian paradise.  

We previously endorsed Mr. Gingrich with the sincere and heartfelt hope that he was the best candidate to bring this about.  Unfortunately we discovered that Mr. Gingrich has strayed from the path of anti-family orthodoxy.  Where Mr. Gingrich really went wrong was acting remorseful for having affairs, instead of acting remorseful for falling into the sham that is marriage and procreation.  

Here at FOTF headquarters we are sincerely considering withdrawing our overwhelming resources from the primary battle and switching our endorsement from Mr. Gingrich.  His only hope at retaining our endorsement is to enter into some sort of sexcellent polyamorous relationship with a group of strapping Ivy League co-ed squash players.  He must then renounce Catholicism, his wife, and children during the next debate.

If he fails to do this, we here at FOTF are saddened to say we may have to reconsider our previous pledge to support Mr. Gingrich.  Perhaps Mr. Romney can lead us directly into the neo-fascist dystopian world we long for, but we fear that he would skip the much more enjoyable descent into Dionysian madness that we crave.