12/19
He said he liked me. He said he thought I was pretty, and funny, and different from everyone. When we met, a year before the glitter, there was a mutual attraction, but we were in various stages of relationships and breakups. We remained friends. We reconnected this past July, after a really nasty breakup on my end. It was passionate and electric, but no sex was involved. We decided to take things slow. School and work got in the way, we lost touch again. September came and I found out about my glitter. I shut down to process and heal. Two days ago we reconnected and picked up where we left off, he is across the country for the holidays, but wanted to make plans for the new year. I froze....let me rephrase that....I shut down, freaked out, panicked, couldn't sleep, literally lay awake all night trying to figure out how to tell him. So this morning, I gathered my "logic" wrote a sort of detailed thing, screenshot it, and sent it. Work came, he asked HSV1 or HSV2. I replied HSV2 genital. He responded with "Hmmm" me being the goof I am wanted to break the tension and just said "yeah..." He is very well educated and in the medical professional (but let's face it that doesn't mean anything). So my original disclosure explained that if he had any questions I could provide answers or resources. We have talked on and off all day about family and school and work, but the big glittery elephant is still there and nothing has been said.
Having herpes doesn't suck, there's not much to it, one day it's there, another day it's not. One day it hurts, another day it doesn't. The shitty part about being HSV+ is having to tell others...well not even telling them, that's the easy part. The hard part is what comes after telling them. I won't compromise my beliefs or ideals that I should be forthcoming in my status, I don't regret telling him. I just don't like seeing people be uncomfortable.
So what will happen? Who knows? Does it bother me that I have put myself out there, yeah. Would I change it, nope. I can't expect anyone else to accept me for who I am if I cannot accept myself or be honest with myself.
