I woke today to a fan mail notification on my phone that began: “Hey Coco, my life has been just so busy lately..." When I went to open it, there was no message, nor is there record of any message in my In Box -- likely from the blog being deactivated.
I know that I will miss her dearly, and while I am unsure as to why she would delete her blog because life got busy, I’m sure there was a lot more reasoning in that message that I wasn’t able to read. I’ll especially miss her live blogging Sleeping Beauty while she watched, and her sweet, understanding heart.
Glitteringassemblage, if you see this post: Keep walking with springtime <3 We love you.
Tagging superfluouskeys, midnightbokeh, and misslestrange274 on this one, because I’m unsure if the SB!verse mutuals know.
Hmmmm...hyena, rabbit, eagle, and because of my affinity for them, pigeon!! :)
Hyena:How would you describe your sense of humor? (Sarcastic, physical, etc.)
I’d say it’s actually pretty easy to make me laugh, and I can enjoy a lot of different styles of comedy when in the right mood. But the things I find funniest tend to be sarcasm and absurdity, with a healthy dose of horrible puns.
Rabbit:How many siblings do you have?
I technically have two half-sisters, but I prefer not to associate with them, so when asked, I generally say zero.
Eagle:If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
I’m gonna go wiiiiiith teleportation! Travel’s a bitch!
Pigeon:What's the stupidest things you've ever done?
Hmmm...the actual stupidest things I’ve ever done aren’t things I’d be interested in sharing with the world at large. Buuuuut how about a drunken escapade! So once upon a time about a year and a half ago I was a tiny bit miserable. I wasn’t doing well financially, I was working a job I hated that put me on the verge of a mental breakdown pretty consistently, because of said poor mental health, I was alienating my friends, and I was in a dreadful opera chorus.
So on the last day of the show, I had a fucking excellent morning which included sex and an all-you-can-drink brunch with some friends from college. (The sex was a separate entity.) The alcoholic punch in question was DELICIOUS, and this was the happiest I’d felt in weeks, so knowing full well it was a bad idea, I kept drinking it. I have no idea how many glasses I drank. I have very little memory of the show that followed, but my performance must have been fascinating. My clearest memories are of having to get off the subway at random intervals to vomit, and collapsing next to the trash can at I think 14th Street, where several passers-by asked me if I was okay.
I spent the next 12+ hours completely miserable in my bathroom, texting one of my friends just so someone would know if I died. I usually feel very embarrassed when I do that sort of thing, and I know some people probably think I’m irresponsible when I have an excessively drunken night (or in this case, day) but as a person who tends to be a perfectionist control freak, I find it’s sometimes liberating to just sort of...consciously decide to be a fuck up. It’s something I kind of allow myself from time to time.
My crush has an adventurous spirit. It’s very easy to be beaten down by the drudgery of day to day life, and maybe I have been. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to a person who is full of fire and adventure--take me with you, I think.
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Who knows? I always wonder about this when I’m caught up in thinking about people. Do they ever think about me this way? Am I unusual in assigning this kind of nonsensical poetry to ordinary people? Or does everyone do it from time to time? When people tell me they overthink everything, I wonder if they mean that in the same way that I do.
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?
Lots and lots! When I had regular access to a piano I used to write a lot of stupid songs about whoever I was into at the time. Now it’s mostly stupid freeverse. Maybe someday I’ll be decent enough at the guitar to do that kind of thing. Or acquire a keyboard.
Oh, see, it’s getting better! This one was only a few days ago! Just wait til I start fishing through my drafts and messages. ANYWAY I was tagged by smilingspider, glitteringassemblage, and misslestrange274 !
Why did I choose my url?
I found it very clever when I was 17, and I guess I must still like it, because I haven’t chosen a new username for things yet.
What’s my middle name?
My middle name is very common--sometimes I make people guess it with no hints.
If I could own a fictional/fairytale pet, what would it be?
oooOOOOOOOOH. Uhm. I think I will go with a unicorn!
Favourite colour?
Green and purple!
Favourite song?
I’ve had a resurgence of my love for “Madness” by Muse.
Top 5 fandoms?
Maleficent/Sleeping Beauty, Steven Universe, I still cling to the vestiges of Once Upon a Time, Xena, and.....can cute dogs be a fandom? Because I feel like that’s 80% of what I blog about.
Why do I enjoy tumblr?
I mostly use it as a relaxation tool. I’m a chronic overthinker, so sometimes it’s nice to zone out and just scroll...and scroll...and scroll.
A friend of mine, when I finally agreed to show him my tumblr, told me he liked it because he felt it was very real, very representative of me. And I guess that’s true. I don’t really filter myself very much on tumblr. As a result, I feel like people I meet on tumblr who like the things I post probably like some very genuine part of me, and that feels nice. So the people I’ve met here are also an important part of the experience to me. :-)
Tag all 8 of your tumblr crushes. <--Isn’t it 9?
Okay first of all FUCK you Tumblr it took me like 2 minutes to find my fucking tumblr crushes fuck your new minimalist bullshit design it is so ANNOYING.
At least 3 eons ago, I was tagged by glitteringassemblage, clockworkpoodle, misslestrange274, and smilingspider! I won’t tag anyone, because I think the known world has already been tagged, but if you haven’t been tagged and feel like doing it, please do!
1 - Last beverage: Coffeeeeeeee
2 - Last phone call: Uhhhh my roomie I think, when we lost track of each other in Wal-Mart.
3 - Last text message: Last night, a resounding “FUCK yes” to the proposed idea of Taco Bell.
4 - Last song you listened to: I’m learning to play Titanium on the guitar....so that!
5 - Last time you cried: I was a ball of crazy on Sunday, so I did some random unspecified crying.
// HAVE YOU EVER
6 - Dated someone twice: Nope
7 - Been cheated on: Not to my knowledge.
8 - Kissed someone and regretted it: In a way, but I try not to linger on regretting things. Things happen, then you move forward from there.
9 - Lost someone special: Yes
10 - Been depressed: Yes
11 - Been drunk: Meeeeee? Never.
THREE FAVORITE COLOURS: Green, purple, annnnd....? I never get this far. I guess maroon.
// IN THE LAST YEAR, YOU HAVE
15 - Made a new friend: Yes!
16 - Fallen out of love: Nope
17 - Laughed until you cried: Only way to do it--ha!
18 - Met someone who changed you: Of course.
19 - Found out who your true friends are: Hmmm...nothing too earth-shattering. I err on the side of not trusting people.
20 - Found out someone was talking about you: Hahahaha yes, for whatever it’s worth.
21 - Kissed anyone you follow/follows you: Hahaha actually I have kissed both of the people who follow me whom I know in real life.
// GENERAL
22 - How many people do you know in real life that you follow/follows you on tumblr: I think it’s down to 2 now. Used to be like 5.
24 - Do you have any pets: Only in my dreams.
25 - Do you want to change your name: I actually used to change my name all the time, but I’ve come to terms with it. It occurs to me that most of the people I’m close to now probably don’t even know that I went by a different name all throughout middle and most of high school.
26 - What did you do for your last birthday: Tried to lottery a show, failed, then had a delicious burger and fries with a friend.
27 - What time did you wake up today: I finally willed myself out of bed at like noon.
28 - What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Steven Universe with my roomie! She left to catch a flight at 2:15, and asked me to make sure she was awake, so I figured I should just stay up instead of, for example, taking NyQuil and becoming a useless lump.
29 - Name something you CANNOT wait for: I’ve finally reached my two glorious days off, so that’s awesome! I’m excited forrrrrrr my next paycheck, returning a favour by visiting a friend and seeing one of his shows, going on more exciting adventures with my roomie, annnnnnd this show I’m doing ending and moving onto a new one--HA!
30 - Last time you saw your mother: In May.
31 - What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: At the moment I’m feeling kind of down about my vision problems again, but I’d do well to remember that it’s an integral part of who I am. I’m sure in particular that I wouldn’t be nearly as accepting and understanding a friend as I’ve learned to be if I didn’t have something about me that people have a hard time accepting and understanding, so in the end I shouldn’t wish to change it.
32 - What are you listening to right now: Nothing.
33 - Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I know a couple.
34 - What’s getting on your nerves right now: Nothing at the moment.
35 - Most visited website: tumblr and youtube, probably
36 - Blood type: Don’t actually know.
37 - Nickname: Some people call me by my last name, and my roommate calls me “Amby”, which seems to have spread to a few other people.
39 - Zodiac sign: Aries
40 - Pronouns: she/her
41 - Elementary: I used to count my elementary school years in friends, because I only ever had one at a time. I learned to read before the majority of my classmates, so I spent a lot of time doing that.
I remember being baffled by the concept of liking boys and chasing them around. I specifically remember the first day someone explained it to me. It was this girl named Austin, and I was like, ‘hey, what are you guys doing, can I join?’ and she was like, ‘We like Brady now. We’re chasing him.’ It was weird...I wonder, did any of them actually like this person? Or had someone just arbitrarily decided that this was what the girls should be doing, and the rest had followed suit? Because to me, it just felt like a thing someone told me to do, and I wanted to feel like part of something, so I half-heartedly tried to do the thing.
Teachers occasionally took it upon themselves to try to help with my vision problem, but in retrospect it feels haphazard and inconsistent at best. Sometimes there was something new to try every day, sometimes weeks and months passed with no mention of anything, then they’d pick up the proverbial torch again. Mostly I just walked up to the board if I couldn’t see something, wrote down whatever it was, then went back to my seat, no questions asked.
Once in 4th grade, there was a substitute teacher who straight-up made fun of my vision. I literally just told her I needed to move my desk up by the board for the exercises the teacher put on the overhead projector (in my day we had to walk to school UPHILL in the SNOW BOTH WAYS and SHOES hadn’t been INVENTED yet), and this probably 60+ woman kept making completely unnecessary comments about how I needed glasses and what was wrong with me?
42 - High school: High school was actually pretty great for me. I found some activities and people that genuinely appealed to me, and I liked the small freedom that choosing what my schedule looked like offered me. I wouldn’t say I ever really focused much on my schoolwork...the quality of the teachers ranged from best ever to worst ever, and I sort of prioritized accordingly. I stopped taking advanced classes in a couple of subjects, and the disparity in work was sort of laughable. In my regular history class, the only thing we ever had to do was a worksheet with fill-in-the-blank answers taken directly from the book.
I was in the top 2% of my class with no discernible effort on my part, and I was even the only non-athlete named to this Top 10 Students thing in the yearbook.
43 - College: College had its highest highs and lowest lows for me, but I can’t imagine having done it any other way. I emerged from school as ready to be a real person and to take on the world as I think I really could have been, and that’s certainly what’s most important to me, at least.
44 - Hair colour: I’m a natural platinum blonde, but I dye it red because it looks better on stage.
45 - Long or short: It’s currently the longest it’s been since I was a kid.
46 - Height: 5″2
47 - Do you have a crush on someone: I’ve got it bad, unfortunately :-P
48 - What do you like about yourself: Most things.
49 - This question got lost so most people are putting a random fact so here’s one: When you start playing guitar, your fingers hurt like a bitch, and then they go kind of numb and tingly, and it is insanely fun to touch everything with your weird painful tingly numb fingertips.
50 - Tattoos: Not my bag.
51 - Righty or lefty: Righty, but my mom is left-handed, so I do some random things the left-handed way.
52 - First surgery: The only “surgery” I’ve had was to get my wisdom teeth removed a couple of years ago.
53 - First piercing: None.
54 - First best friend: It’s funny, I think the people I thought were my best friends when I was a kid didn’t think of me as their best friends, so those don’t count. I’d say my first real best friend was in middle school.
55 - First sport you enjoyed: I’ve never had much success with sports--no hand-eye coordination. I like running, though, and I like doing the Insanity workouts.
56 - First vacation: The first one I remember was Disneyland when I was 4.
// RIGHT NOW
59 - Eating: I just had my new favourite breakfast item--a slice of apple bread topped with hummus and avocado slices.
60 - Drinking: Coffee!
61 - I’m about to: Clean out my drafts!
62 - Listening to: Still nothing, but maybe I’ll put on Pandora and see where the winds take me!
63 - Waiting for: I am very contented to do nothing today!
64 - Want kids: Hahaha I was just yelling at my roommate about this last night. She was showing me videos of the kids she babysits and I was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH IT TOOK ME TWENTY-FIVE YEARS BUT MY OVARIES ARE STARTING TO BETRAY ME I THINK KIDS ARE CUTE NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAGH
65 - Get married: YOU get married. Don’t tell me what to DO.
66 - Career: Living the dream!
// WHICH IS BETTER
67 - Lips or eyes: I’m more drawn to the look of a person’s eyes than their lips.
68 - Hugs or kisses: Hahaha definitely depends on the person.
69 - Shorter or taller: I prefer taller, but that’s not difficult to accomplish with me.
70 - Older or younger: Not something that matters very much to me.
71 - Romantic or spontaneous: I find spontaneity to be thrillingly romantic.
72 - Nice stomach or nice arms: Hahaha I’m very into either of those things.
73 - Sensitive or loud: If someone is too loud too often, I tend to find it overwhelming...but the same goes for too sensitive, I guess.
74 - Hook-up or relationship: Obviously depends on the person/situation.
75 - Trouble maker or hesitate: I am a hesitant and conflict-avoidant person with a huge troublemaker streak, so it sort of balances out in the end--ha!
// HAVE YOU EVER
76 - Kissed a stranger: Oh yes.
77 - Drank hard liquor: Who, meeeee?
78 - Lost glasses/contacts: Don’t wear them. When I was made to wear glasses, I misplaced them all the time, but never permanently.
79 - Sex on first date: Hahahaha I always joke that apparently it doesn’t even take me one date, but to clarify, I don’t generally believe in not doing something you want to do for some societal-construct-related reason.
80 - Broke someone’s heart: I think it’s safe to say yes.
81 - Had your own heart broken: A few times.
82 - Been arrested: Nope.
83 - Turned someone down: Yup.
84 - Cried when someone died: Yup.
85 - Fallen for a friend: Hahaha oh yes.
// DO YOU BELIEVE IN
86 - Yourself: Who else will? :-P
87 - Miracles: No.
88 - Love at first sight: Love is a bit of a convoluted notion for me, so I don’t use the word lightly. I have this weird thing where I have to learn that someone’s personality clicks with mine somehow before I can really find them any more than superficially attractive. And I think, at least personally, I have to really feel like I know and understand and accept someone, and like they can offer me that same level of connection, before I can even think about loving them.
89 - Heaven: No.
90 - Santa Claus: As a Macy’s employee, I am obligated to say yes. :-P
91 - Kiss on first: “kiss first, talk later; I approve” --bahahahaha I’m leaving this answer.
92 - Angels: No. But I think the idea as a mythological or fantastical one is cool.
Maleficent (Maleficent and Sleeping Beauty versions)
The Doctor (Doctor Who, I’m fond of 10 and 11)
Lisbeth Salander (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
Susie Salmon (The Lovely Bones (the book is 97295978x better than the movie))
Lyra Belacqua (The Golden Compass/His Dark Materials series) (again book is a million times better than movie) (I recommend the hell out of this series. Seriously shaped my world views on religion and souls and death and whatnot as a kid)
Arwen Undómiel (LOTR)
Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
Elphaba Thropp (Wicked- both book and musical versions)
Dr. Christina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy)
Peggy Carter (Captain America and Agent Carter)
I could probably list more! But I’ll leave it at 10.
tagging: alienbotanist maloraerrrday takeamessagebackfromme fullfrontalnerdity hall0weenbaby inkedassassin .... and whoever wants to do this!
6:What are you looking forward to in the next week?
I GET TWO DAYS OFF NEXT WEEK! This is such a misanthropic introvert thing to say, but most of my cast is leaving town and I’m just planning on being completely ALONE for two days and it’s going to be glorious.
9:How late did you stay up last night?
I randomly stayed up until 3 for no good reason; my sleep schedule is all out of whack now.
44:What are you listening to right now?
I just found this playlist on Spotify called “Creativity Boost” and I really like it! The first song is Madness by Muse, which is awesome, so I’ve been listening to that one a lot lately.
Once you get this you have to share 6 random facts about yourself and then pass it on to 10 of your favorite followers :)
1. I’ve had a death cough for like a week, and today was the first day I woke up feeling like there might possibly be a future where I no longer have a death cough, so that is why I have been very scarce.
2. I started teaching myself to play guitar a couple of weeks ago, and it’s very exciting! My hands are abnormally small, so I imagine the more difficult chords will present some challenges, but so far I’m making good progress!
3. I sometimes worry that I’m very conflict-avoidant, because I will go a little out of my way to avoid potentially contentious topics of conversation. But I have recently been assured that I’m not nearly as bad as I thought...because there’s only so far out of my way I will ever go for any reason. So...there’s hope!
4. I stop myself from doing and saying a lot of things, often for fear of some imagined consequences, a lot more than I ever realized.
5. I can be pretty blunt, but I think I just have a much higher tolerance for bluntness than does the average person. Sometimes I think I’m being tactful, and people take what I say as mean-spirited.
6. I do not suffer having my time wasted easily. If you ask me to be somewhere at a certain time for some organized activity, said activity had better begin at that time.
