This post is going to ramble on a bit, so strap in and try not to get too bored (apologies in advance for only including a couple photos).
I was recently reading a cheesy YA novel, and I came across this quote on the last page: "I'm surprised by how much I'll miss France. Atlanta was home for almost eighteen years, and though I've only known Paris for the last nine months, it's changed me."
In a manner of two sentences, a writer I had never heard of a few weeks prior was able to perfectly describe how I felt about my time abroad. Sure, the words are different from my own situation, but those are easily changed: 'France' and 'Paris' obviously become 'the UK' and 'London,' 'Atlanta' becomes 'Birmingham,' and 'eighteen' becomes 'twenty-one.'
And then, a few days ago, my friend Erin (the same Erin who studied abroad in Ireland for the spring semester and with whom I traveled in April) sent me this Thought Catalog article, and I once again felt like someone else was able to capture how I've been feeling since leaving London. In case you don't want to read the whole article, here's a quote that essentially sums it up:
"But the sad part is once you’ve done your obligatory visits for being away for a year; you’re sitting in your childhood bedroom and realize nothing has changed. You’re glad everyone is happy and healthy and yes, people have gotten new jobs, boyfriends, engagements, etc., but part of you is screaming 'don’t you understand how much I have changed?'The way your dreams have changed, they way you perceive people differently, the habits you’re happy you lost, the new things that are important to you...You know you’re thinking differently because you experience it every second of every day inside your head, but how do you communicate that to others?"
I've never been a very open person with my emotions. I always prefer to keep them inside me rather than bother someone else with them, which I realize doesn't make much sense and is not productive. It's just a tendency I have, and one that hopefully will change over time. All of this to say that it's been hard to understand how I've been feeling since returning home. I want so badly to be back in London, but I also don't want my friends and family to think that I don't enjoy seeing them after so long apart. I want to talk about my experiences with people, while also not wanting to rub the incredible times I was able to have in their faces. I want to continue my UK life, and yet I know that I need to focus on my last year of college before planning ahead.
I had multiple friends (and family. I'm looking at you, Mom!) tell me at the end of my trip that they were initially worried about me being there so long. Because of my home-bodied tendencies when I'm in Birmingham/Nashville, they thought that being away for a full 9 months without any trips back home would be too difficult for me. To say that they were shocked when I decided not only to study abroad, but to do so for a full 9 months, would be an understatement. I surprised even myself when I made that decision, but I do not regret it for one minute. Sure, I got homesick at times, but the benefits of living in one place for almost a full year far outweigh the few times I wished I could've been home.
Looking back on my trip reminded me of my high school's motto: Discere Vivendo, Latin for 'Learning Through Living.' For the better part of a year, I was able to live a different life - one filled with adventures in countless cities throughout 8 different countries, a foreign academic system, new friends, and brilliant public transportation that could get me anywhere I wanted to go. Throughout that time, I learned more about myself than I ever could have had I stayed in the States another year. I learned that I can be much more independent than I originally thought. In fact, some of my favorite times were when I explored London and other cities by myself, wandering around the streets and getting a little lost without the safety net of a GPS-enabled phone. I also learned that a city filled with 8.3 million people can seem small at times, particularly when you finally learn the Tube system and what stations are within a 5-minute walking distance from each other. I learned that planning trips can be incredibly stressful and time-consuming, but it's always worth it in the end. And lastly, I learned that I am already eager to return to 'the London life.' Who knows if that will actually happen, but I sincerely hope it will.
I'll leave you with 3 quotes that I've been thinking of recently as the 1-year anniversary of my flight passed:
1. A lyric from the Needtobreathe song 'Keep Your Eyes Open' (click to listen): " 'Cause if you never leave home, Never let go, You'll never make it to the great unknown." I don't think I really appreciated this lyric until I went abroad, but now it's one of my favorites.
2. A lyric from 'Cats & Dogs' by The Head and the Heart: "My roots have grown, but I don't know where they are." Because I spent the full academic year abroad, I was able to make London, the UK, and Europe in general my home. Despite living in Nashville for longer, London felt more like home than Nashville did. When I was in Nashville my freshman and sophomore years, I could merge onto the highway and be pulling into my driveway in just a matter of hours. On the other hand, being thousands of miles away from Birmingham forced me to create another home in London. I lived on my own more than I ever have before because I could no longer be with my family in such a short amount of time. And, to my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
3. The Jane Austen quote that started it all: "If adventures will not befall a young lady in her own village, she must seek them abroad." Adventures befell me in London and Europe, and I will not soon forget them.
I will feel personally offended if you ever call this the London Bridge.
Taken on my last night in London (aka my 21st birthday)
