#glow meta

[debbiewilder]

On Portraits - Ruth and Debbie

When Ruth moves to the GLOWtel in 1x04, she takes a portrait of Katharine Hepburn with her and hangs it above her bed. When Debbie sells almost everything in her house in 2x04, she still holds onto an incredibly large portrait of herself (she sells other picture frames so she could’ve sold that one too, but she chooses not to). Other photos in these environments are much smaller (or nonexistent) in comparison.

Clearly, these items are important for them.

Like most things in GLOW, it’s never overtly stated what these items mean, but I think you can come up with some answers if you look at Ruth and Debbie’s (unhealthy) relationships to themselves, their bodies, control/power, reality, fiction, and their careers.

Ruth

I’ve written before about Ruth’s relationship to “real.” The meaning of that word is incredibly complex for her, but I’ll just reiterate here with this portrait in mind. Throughout the pilot, the word “real” is used around seven times. Ruth clings to “real” in fiction but runs from it when it comes to reality. Ruth wants “real” parts, calls herself a “real” actress, but when Mark calls her “real” as they have sex, she shushes him. In addition, the word “real” is associated with her and Debbie. In their first scene together, lyrics play: “You make me feel mighty real.” During their fight in 1x01, Arthie asks if this fight is “real;” Melrose says “Who the fuck cares?” While Ruth doesn’t want real without the safety and control of fiction, together Debbie and Ruth find a “real” that neither wants but it becomes something they both need and are better because of. Ruth might not have gotten GLOW without Debbie’s “real.” Debbie might’ve been stuck in a loveless marriage without Ruth. Ruth certainly would not have gotten in Birdie’s good graces and helped save GLOW in 1x09 without her real need to communicate to Debbie. Their real drama makes GLOW come to life and Sam starts to see GLOW’s potential in 1x01 because of who Ruth and Debbie really are.

Ruth’s relationship to power is also very complex. Ruth escapes into fiction to find the power she never cultivates in her relationships. But, because of that, she self-destructs in every relationship and every acting opportunity. Ruth is not a submissive person. Ruth came from Nebraska to pursue acting. Ruth reads the man’s role because it’s better. Ruth confronts a casting director in the bathroom. Ruth goes to GLOW after being cut. Ruth is super empowered and clearly goes after what she wants when it comes to acting. But these moves are also super self destructive. Ruth’s not going to get a part she wasn’t called in for. Ruth shouldn’t confront a casting director in the bathroom…that’s…super creepy. She screws up her audition for GLOW by turning it into something it’s not. Like, it’s not Shakespeare. Just do the move you were asked to do and don’t turn it into a scene about stolen bread. When she’s given the opportunity to act in a real role (which is what she says she wants) in season 3, because she’s intimidated by Sheila’s talent and doesn’t feel empowered in this specific escapism, she just doesn't show up and self-destructs. In season 3, she also doesn’t go to acting class when others do and avoids real opportunities even though she still has the same goals she did in season 1. She does, however, show up to Justine’s audition without self destructing, reads the role she was called in for and gives a good audition but is still not chosen. Maybe with that one she doesn’t self destruct because she goes into the audition less insecure because she thinks she’ll actually get the role (and that’s why it’s so heartbreaking when they don’t ask her to read the scene another way, when she doesn’t get it).

Also, there are a few meanings to the word “act” which tie into this as well. Ruth hangs all of her agency and power on playing other roles. She wants to be active/act through fiction. When it comes to being in her own skin around other people, she is incredibly passive. She wants her role to be “acting” in ways because she doesn't act enough when she is just herself.

Even though Ruth is clearly not a submissive person, in her relationships, she’s almost completely submissive. She basically always defers to what other people want and need. She almost never expresses any of the power she demands so readily when it comes to fiction. This is part of why Ruth relies so much on fiction. And, this is largely why all of her relationships fail.

She destroys her relationship with Debbie. Instead of communicating about how their power imbalance made Ruth feel, she has sex with Debbie’s husband. Sure, she ends up being grateful for any crumb Debbie gives her after that and doesn’t screw them up after even though she’s forced to be even more submissive than she was before. But, I think that’s because she knows she owes Debbie for eternity. And, despite everything, she does want to make things right. Also, in a weird way, it must make her feel a tiny bit powerful to see how deeply Debbie cares about her. That despite everything, she still chooses Ruth to wrestle with in 1x06 and can’t help but stare at Ruth all the way down the drive in 1x03 and says, her voice breaking, that she wishes they could still have a conversation in 1x09.

She destroys her relationship with Sam. Sam’s words are pretty manipulative in 3x02. (Roughly: I think you want me -> You’re in MY hot tub (I know you want me) -> “I’m telling you what we have.” Your thoughts and no is a “lie” and a ridiculous “belief” that has no basis in reality.) I don’t know how intentional this is, but when she goes to him in 3x09, I don’t think she really knows what she wants, she’s completely floundering by that point. Also, she still hasn’t broken up with Russell so they can’t be real, it’s another way to keep Sam at bay and ruin them before they even begin. So, she destroys them over a small part. Sure, she feels like a failure. I could be wrong, but it just doesn’t seem like they just fall apart over the role.

She tries to break up with Russell on the phone in 3x08, he says not to, and she just listens! And then, the very next episode, she cheats on him. Ruth just…can’t communicate in a healthy way.

Even with Sheila in 1x04, she lets herself be pushed around and sleeps on a pool lounger.

She just goes along with what anyone wants for her, and she thinks fiction is enough to offset how submissive she is with others. It’s clearly not.

So, yeah, escapism is big for Ruth. In fact, Ruth, on her own, rarely looks at herself in the mirror. Even when she’s in front of a mirror, she often doesn’t seem to see herself. In 1x01, when she’s with the casting director, she turns to face the casting director instead of her own reflection. When she’s with Debbie in the locker room in 1x01, she doesn’t seem to see herself. There are times when she does look, like 1x08 when she realizes she’s pregnant, and later when she cuts her own hair or as she looks at herself in character in 1x01, but she doesn't really seem to investigate who she is in any way while she faces herself basically at all until 3x08 (there’s one exception I could find, after she gets ketchup splattered on her in 1x02). So, anyway, that moment in front of the mirror is huge in 3x08 because she’s actually facing who she is and her own failings. She doesn't know how to fix any of that yet but she’s actually unable to turn away from the truth/reality more by the end of season 3.

It’s like she plays a character with those in her life since she expresses so little of her own wants or needs in her close relationships. She allows pieces of herself to come through, just like she does when playing a role. Maybe she thinks that if everyone validates pieces of her and if she expresses other pieces of herself in fiction, then that’s enough. Like she can Frankenstein all of that validation together into something that’s enough. It’s clearly not since she destructs in both fiction and in relationships.

However, this coping mechanism of escapism isn’t just constant down sides. She clearly developed it for a reason. Because of how she romanticizes the world around her and is unable to take things as they are, she fights for a place on GLOW and gets it. Because of creeping on the casting director in the bathroom, she learns about GLOW. Because of her inane levels of bravery due to her inability to take things as they are, she shoots the title sequence in 2x01 (which, okay, she kinda almost gets fired for but still). She finds real control and power in GLOW even without a title like producer or director. She takes charge of the GLOW pilot in 1x10. When Sam tells everyone that GLOW is done for in 1x09, she comes up with the idea to fundraise. She continually takes charge. This flaw is also a strength for her. She demands more because she doesn’t live in the world around her, she lives in the air of possibilities. (“We’ll let the stars guide us.”) In fact, because Ruth is incredibly brave, she leads Debbie to demand for more and push for more for herself too. I’ve written about that but I’ll just quickly point to a couple of examples: Debbie only becomes better at wrestling because Sam wants to show Ruth off to Patio Town in 1x05. She probably would’ve only asked for more money in 2x01 but because Ruth is the director of a title sequence she demands to be a producer etc etc. Ruth pushes Debbie to be better. Ruth of course doesn’t see this due to insecurity. Ruth believes Debbie’s life moves forward because she has an inherent shininess that makes her life move faster than Ruth’s. She can’t see the reality of their relationship or see Debbie clearly.

So, this portrait distills Ruth’s whole relationship to herself, others, power and fiction into a single image. Ruth turns to fiction for anything “real” because as herself, reality is filled with submissiveness and not feeling like she’s enough let alone in control. She hangs a large portrait of a famous actor on her wall wherever she goes during early seasons of GLOW because being around an image of that person makes her feel powerful. Because that person is powerful, that person was chosen. Her own image doesn’t make her feel any of that. She constantly strives to forget and escape from who she is. Also, this choice of actor is telling. It’s someone who is a force who changed the acting industry, and also someone who isn’t just a feminine ideal. Katharine Hepburn and her characters are known for being fiercely independent and incredibly powerful who push boundaries and challenges gender roles. Of course Ruth would aspire to that. Ruth constantly tries to push boundaries in acting just like her role model but often fails because she just tries to turn any situation into what she wants rather than making the most out of what’s in front of her.

Debbie

While Ruth clings to a large portrait of someone else to escape from who she is, Debbie clings to a portrait of herself. But, it’s not really the Debbie we know. The version of herself that she clings to is very posed. Debbie may cringe and make weird faces every other second, but in this portrait, she looks domineering and stoic.

The placement of this portrait, right behind the front door, means that wherever you go in this house where a family of three lives (at least in 1x01), you will see this portrait of Debbie, large, alone, looking down on you.

I think this says a lot about Debbie. While Debbie was willing to give up acting and give up so much for Mark and her son, she still demanded to be seen constantly and seen in a very specific way.

Debbie’s relationship to her own image is explored throughout the series as she struggles to overcome the belief that how she’s seen is her only value. And, since that perceived value is about to expire, it makes sense she clings to an image of herself—it reminds her of what she believes is her only worth. Since she holds on to a part of herself that she feels will soon fade, this also makes her feel incredibly powerless. This is probably part of why she tries to control her body in unhealthy ways such as having an eating disorder.

While Ruth is introduced to us in close up in 1x01, reading the man’s role (the role she wasn’t given, but one she demands), Debbie is presented in a wide shot, in a sea of bodies doing the exact same boring aerobics moves as everyone else. Debbie’s reflection is presented to us before Debbie and when we see her she looks half alive, zoned out. Debbie is presented as someone who calls herself “a bovine mutant.” This is how she sees her body and self in 1x01—replaceable (just another body doing the same moves) and something that exists basically only for men including her son (“Don’t you want to be happy and have a family?”). These first images say a lot about these character’s relationships to themselves and power.

Debbie is used to submitting to those around her, and, unlike Ruth, is not used to going after anything that she wants. In fact, I don’t think Debbie allows herself to want real things that would fulfill her at all until GLOW.  

Debbie, unlike Ruth, is from LA, has lived in LA her whole life (until Vegas). Debbie never fought for acting. Debbie was probably told she was hot and should try her hand at acting because it’s around in LA. She just clearly has a very different relationship to acting than Ruth does. She is willing to do anything to get power rather than latches onto a specific role like Ruth. In fact, she likely viewed acting as another way to cling to her own image, an image that she feels is going to expire very soon. And, once it expires, she believes she will be worthless, so she better get it on film now. I really don't think she ever used acting to escape into someone else’s image. Debbie also talks about wrestling in terms of her relationship to her own body, not really about playing a role, it’s about her feeling like a superhero, it’s Debbie saying she’s Clark Kent in 2x01 because it’s her body that’s being empowered. And, in the past, acting wasn’t empowered Cat on a Hot Tin Roof monologues like it is for Ruth, Debbie saw it as wheelchairs and comas, and being written out as men decide her fate. The word “coma” sums up a lot about Debbie’s relationship to the world around her in 1x01—her life is about being still and dead to the world as others choose to define her actions and her worth. Just like in that aerobics class, just as Mark chooses what her life should be, acting is about letting men decide if her body can move this episode or not. In addition, her relationship to the industry is clearly just as based in powerlessness and bowing to whatever men want as we learn in 2x05.

She doesn’t escape into fiction or turn possibilities into what she wants them to be. Debbie’s husband tells her to quit acting, she listens. She tells Ruth to give up on her dreams and just have a family like her in 1x01 because that is the definition of “happy.” She believes that is the most she or Ruth can get out of life—a husband. A husband who tells her to give up on acting, on everything. A person she doesn’t notice when she doesn’t touch him in over 40 days.

Debbie is unhealthy in her relationship to “real” in the opposite direction. Her whole philosophy can probably be summed up in 2x05: “That is the way it is.” But, to be clear, Debbie’s “realism” isn’t actual realism. She completely self limits and has a totally unhealthy relationship with reality in the opposite way that Ruth does. No, happiness isn't just having a husband or listening to what others want for her and how other see her. In fact, it never was for her. She was “miserable” with Mark as we’re told twice. As the series progresses, she consistently grows to become more like Ruth—she chooses work, she takes something meant for a man (a network for Debbie, a role in Ruth’s case) and takes it for herself, etc.

In fact, in 1x01, it seems like her only outlet for trying to correct the complete lack of power in her life (besides her disordered eating) is making Ruth feel small, and trying to have Ruth validate choices that make her miserable. She even wants Ruth to live the life she has, to have a family too, in order to validate them as well. She continues to ignore Ruth’s struggles and makes Ruth feel like a disaster in order to feel okay about her own choices. But, Debbie clearly doesn’t even view them as choices (even though they are) so much as “the way it is.” Debbie relinquishing control over Ruth throughout the later part of season 2 and 3 is such a huge shift because Debbie needed control over Ruth in order to survive for maybe a decade. It’s an incredibly vulnerable thing for her to give Ruth control and let her be happy with Russell in 2x10. Also, Ruth is the only person who understands her and validates her beyond her beauty and a surface understanding. I think that has always been very scary for Debbie, and she also deeply needs this so she clings and pushes Ruth away at the same time. She also must find the freedom that Ruth has in her own body, in herself, the way that she doesn't submit and internalize what men want (which is wholly how Debbie defines herself), such a threat. Even Ruth’s idealism is a threat to Debbie who self limits so much in her life at the start of the series. So, she tries to control Ruth throughout the series—her relationships, her career, etc. She hurts her just to feel a little less powerless in the world. And, Ruth lets her. (Except when she fucks Mark because it gets to be too much.)

In terms of Debbie’s relationship to her own image, Debbie wears nice clothes and jewelry (versus Ruth who typically wears frumpy clothes and escapes into fiction to be seen). She has many shots where she’s looking at herself in front of the mirror. For instance, as her relationship to wrestling changes, so does her relationship to her reflection. In 1x05, she struggles to find the meaning of wrestling in the mirror and then, by the end of the episode, she sees power in her own reflection. Ruth avoids her reflection, Debbie is often swallowed up by it.

Debbie is, like Ruth, used to submitting in her life and in her relationships and not expressing who she really is or what she really wants. When Debbie finds out that Ruth fucked her husband, she says, “I don’t know--I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” I think that she’s always been told what to do, has internalized this way of life, that just like Ruth, she doesn’t really know how to act/be active in reality. She slowly finds her way to discover those things, to discover her body is worth more than just that flat one dimensional image of herself on the wall. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?” (1x01) -> “I have no idea what I’m going to do?…You want me to wrestle?” 1x02 -> “I understand how to do that.” (1x05) -> “I want to fly.” (1x07) -> “I feel like a goddamn superhero.” (1x09) -> “Imagine I’m Clark Kent.” “Oh, no, I am a producer.” (2x01) -> “I fucking stole it…I am going to build us an eden.” (3x10) etc

This is at least part of why she hates men. She resents who she is around them, how much power she lets them have over her. With Mark, she gave up acting, gave up everything. He called Paradise Cove silly, wrestling silly. And, for a long time she gave in. She probably would’ve given in for the rest of her life if Ruth didn’t fuck Mark. Even in 1x10, after what Mark did, she gives in and gives up wrestling even though she monologues about how much it meant to her in 1x09. Even her relationship to Randy—she calls herself a “bovine mutant” and we see her eaten up by him in front of that portrait of herself. With Tex, in her relationship in season 3 after she’s grown so much, she clearly presents herself in a way that’s against who she really is, so that he thinks she shouldn’t be anywhere near his “ruthless” side when Debbie Eagan is the most ruthless bitch around. She controls how men see her, maybe because she thinks if they see all of her, they’ll realize she’s not enough (which is similar to how Ruth is in every relationship). She believes how men see her totally defines her and tirelessly tries to control how they see her. But, at the same time she of course resents this power they have over her (which is power that she gives as well).

Of course, Debbie does grow a lot and goes from housewife to star to producer to network president. She starts to see her own worth and slowly learns to demand more and submit less. But that is because Debbie demands power for herself and takes it by any means that are in front of her, that is living bigger (3x08) to Debbie, not any specific role like acting.

So...Portraits...

After looking at these characters a little closer, maybe new meaning can come when looking at shots where Ruth and Debbie stand by these portraits. Well—

Ruth throws away the dead animal that Sheila leaves for her and abandons her room when Sheila tells her to in 1x04 while standing in front of this portrait she escapes into for power. She sits on her bed realizing she needs to have an abortion, feeling totally powerless, as Katharine Hepburn looms behind her. She feels totally powerless calling her parents and asking for money while Katharine sits, breaking gender roles in a suit, being all badass and empowered behind her.

Randy chews on Debbie in 1x02, and her ideal self is right behind, a constant reminder she’ll never be enough. When she sells everything except for basically that portrait, she sits alone with only that ideal self there as company, haunting her. And, in 2x08, she covers it up with an American flag but it still hangs behind her as she parodies her own pain from 2x04 in the same exact spot.

It’ll be interesting to see, if we do see their homes in season 4, if these items are abandoned or are brought back as these two characters continue to heal and grow.

[sventheolsen]

let’s talk about this part of the Finale Scene

source: netflixglow

I genuinely think Debbie almost, almost got Ruth to agree to their (very straight) “Eden”/TV show. But she genuinely screwed it up by saying that Ruth was never going to make it as an actress (“If you had you would have right now).

Besides it being a tremendously terrible thing to say to the love of your life best friend, I think it exposes HOW MUCH Debbie is unaware about Ruth’s insecurities about their relationship.

Remember, we get introduced to Ruth and Debbie in S1E1 in the context of Ruth as a failing actress, and that original failure haunts Ruth even now (though shes in a successful show with some moderate artistic control). Its also kind of telling because in Debbie’s head, she’s the loser in this relationship, the one who gets cheated on, the one who has to act like a dumb blonde and seduce businessmen to get her way. I think Debbie genuinely thought she was doing Ruth a favor, like - "look at this sinking ship with Sam and his daughter thats LITERALLY nearer to your age than you are to him - do you want this? Or do you want me?”

Also a few episodes prior, Debbie clearly wasn’t there for Ruth the way Ruth was for her. Ruth tries so hard to make Debbie smile and laugh and be Okay with living, and exhale every once in a while. When Ruth brings up how lost she feels, Debbie glosses it over to a monologue of her own wants and desires. Debbie isn’t a good friend in that moment either.

Bringing back to this scene, that’s why Ruth hits her back with the “you know me better than everyone” because Debbie DOES. she knows how much it shaped Ruth and still delivers the slap in the face at that crucial turning point, and Debbie should have known better.

Okay, speculating on where we'll be going from here in S4 (if Netflix doesn’t cancel it):

- Ruth is going to probably not succeed as an actress. Not because she isn’t great, but because she literally spends more time, as we have seen in the past few episodes, investing in Sam and doing the emotional labour for him to reconnect with his daughter. She’s going to confront that reality that Debbie so savagely put out and she’s going to feel angry as hell that Debbie was right. She’s going to stall meeting Debbie again for a while.

-Debbie, whose breakdown has been hinted to heavily in S2 and S3, is going to descend into her work and getting “ratings” and succeeding in an all-male environment. Ruth who? She’s going to try to be a good mom, cry into some hard liquor about not ACTUALLY being a good mom, fuck some guys rinse and repeat until an inevitable breakdown.

I’m going to write another meta about how for Debbie Eagan her story hasn’t been about a crumbling marriage and/or motherhood, it’s been about how she forcibly reshapes her desires and ambitions to succeed in the glitzy misogynist arena of show business. It’s clear that she’s supplementing money and power for the lack of fulfillment in her life, and how Ruth was the only thing she latched onto as an alternative for this hollow life. (lol I’ve said too much)

But GLOW has been always about community, about sisterhood and how women come together to overcome structural issues and hardship and that’s why I think EVEN IF you don’t care for DebbiexRuth romantically (lmao what were you watching) then you’d have to admit a reunion where these two MAKE THEIR PEACE is thematically, narratively and emotionally justified for the show.

Tl:dr Debbie Eagan should know better but let’s rationalise these actions by speculating on her psyche

[debbiewilder]

Hello friend I feel like you would know the answer to this: did Ruth ever overtly, metaphorically, subtextually or literally explain why she slept with Mark? To Debbie or otherwise? I can't remember at all

Hi there, hope you and your loved ones are staying safe!

In 1x09, at that party to raise money for GLOW, Ruth says, “I’ve made a lot of terrible decisions. Some of them I don’t even remember. I hit rock bottom when I slept with my friend’s husband. I was really wasted at the time. But, the second time I wasn’t. I knew what I was doing. I was sober and insecure and I think I was acting out of this deep well of resentment I didn’t even know I had. And, it was just buried. And then it all came out. And I fucked up a real friendship.”

(This is yet another instance of Ruth and Debbie’s relationship making the show within the show work, how they actually make each other and the show better. They get money because of Ruth’s real admission here. Ruth gets her job at GLOW because Debbie comes in screaming at her, not because of her monologue. But I digress so…back to Mark.)

This answer in 1x09 is as close as we come to an overt reason for why Ruth did what she did (as far as I remember), and throughout the series we see Ruth act out because of her resentment of Debbie and insecurities when it comes to their relationship. So, this tracks.

But, Ruth is a pretty unreliable character throughout the series. In the first episode, she basically says that has no clue why she had sex with Mark, says “It just happened.” And Debbie calls bullshit on that. So, while I do think what Ruth’s saying is true in 1x09, there are potentially a lot of other layers at work here too.

Before they have sex for the second time, Mark repeats what Ruth said–Ruth thinks there are shiny people (like Debbie) whereas Ruth and Mark are always overlooked so they deserve something good too. In the locker room scene in the pilot, we see Debbie discounting how Ruth feels. Before that, we see Ruth humiliated in an audition, she has to ask her parents for more money, her life seems like a series of humiliations. And, then, finally, we get to Mark. Mark is actually listening to how Ruth feels to the point where he repeats her words back to her. Plus, Mark feels the exact same way.  That’s a really important aspect of this too I think. She’s being listened to, heard, understood. She’s not getting that anywhere else. That relates to her insecurity too, sure, but I think it’s another layer to why she does what she does.

Also, he climbs a trellis to get to her. Ruth is treated like nothing in her relationship with Debbie and in her audition (which I said above) and in acting class, but Mark is climbing a trellis to try and reach her. To him, she’s not only worth listening to but also worth the effort of climbing a trellis. Ruth must feel pretty powerful in that moment.

Plus, in that sex scene, she dominates Mark. At the same time, Debbie is trying to fold herself ever smaller to become exactly what Mark wants. So it must be pretty satisfying, make Ruth feel pretty powerful, to dominate the man who is belittling the friend who is constantly belittling her. That might be a confusing sentence so here are a couple of things to attempt to make that clearer–

Mark -> is always criticizing/belittling Debbie -> is always criticizing/belittling Ruth

Ruth -> dominates Mark -> is always dominating Debbie = Ruth uses this as a way to dominate Debbie

In other words, I think she also uses sex with Mark to even out the power imbalance Ruth feels is present in her relationship with Debbie. Ruth is constantly talking about how easy everything is for Debbie (which is bullshit, her belief in that is totally based in insecurity), and I think this is her way to grab at a little power over Debbie. Also, to actually have Mark in such an intimate way, to have what Debbie has, in some fucked up way must make her feel a bit shiny too. It’s a way for her to be Debbie. Which…I mean, I’m sure Ruth’s insecurities must lead her to want that at times. Also, Ruth often wants to not be herself, that’s part of why she turns to acting. So, it relates to that too. 

Plus, Debbie acts like Mark is the pinnacle of her existence in the locker room scene in the pilot. So, Ruth gets to destroy what is most precious to Debbie, basically Debbie’s whole worldview, since Debbie’s already taken acting from Ruth in a way by getting parts when Ruth couldn’t, by acting like Ruth still going to scene study class and pursuing acting in 1x01 is pathetic.

Ruth knew that Debbie was unhappy in her marriage (“You never loved Mark.” “You were miserable.” she says in 2x07) and Ruth was horrible at communicating (in part because of her insecurities) so part of her having sex with Mark might’ve been to communicate all that she couldn’t say to Debbie. Of course, I’m sure Debbie never said she was unhappy in her marriage. Never even was aware that that was the case (Debbie says “I was happy” even in 2x07), tried to convince herself and Ruth otherwise. But Ruth and Debbie deeply understand each other, even though at the same time they also can't see each other clearly because of their insecurities. So, Ruth understood anyway. Also, in some ways, I think that deep down, these two characters are very similar at their core. So, in part it might be that she knows Debbie could never be happy in that life because Ruth could never be happy in that life. But, regardless, she could see through Debbie’s facade. Yet Ruth felt she couldn’t say anything. So she did something to communicate anyway--she had sex with Mark. 

Plus by doing this, she can prove that the person who’s always acting like she’s better isn’t. I mean, it’s especially ironic when Debbie has lines like “Don’t you want to be happy and have a family?” in the pilot. And, then Ruth is off having sex with Debbie’s husband like two scenes later.

But also, if we consider that Ruth wants Debbie in a non-platonic way, I think her having sex with Mark is the closest she can get to having sex with Debbie. There’s something very non-platonic about the whole thing? Plus, given how Debbie quickly forgets about Mark and focuses completely on Ruth. And, Ruth’s reasons for having sex with Mark almost all tie back to Debbie and their relationship.

So, yeah, while I think a lot of it does go back to what Ruth says in 1x09, there are a lot of layers to it. Anyway, there’s probably more but that’s what comes to mind!

[debbiewilder]

“Well, maybe that’s who you are now. Love does that...It changes us.” -TVD (yup I’m opening this with a TVD quote!)

In any good love story, characters don’t just do things in the name of love—they don’t just stand outside a house with a boombox or run to find the person they love on new year’s eve or risk their lives to save that person. They don't just perform actions to prove how they feel. These characters also transform as people because of their encounters with love. Because when someone affects you deeply, you change.

And, this is true for GLOW’s main love story.

To recognize what this change is and what it means, let’s go back to the beginning. Also, I’ll mainly be talking about Debbie, but I’ll also get into Ruth a bit too.

It’s clear in that locker room scene in 1x01 that Debbie despises a lot about Ruth before she ever finds out what Ruth did. It’s subtle, but it’s there. I think, in retrospect, it’s because Ruth sees endless possibilities for herself while Debbie only saw limits and housewifery and an existence for men. And, Ruth is right in front of her, consistently choosing herself and work and not even dating a man let alone trying to become exactly what that man wants.

Debbie thought that being Mark’s housewife was the best she could do with her life, the most she could accomplish. Even if it left her bitter and angry and she took it out on Ruth and Mark (I mean, it’s pretty bad that she didn’t even notice that she didn't touch her husband in over a month, let alone when that occurred during their marriage). But she still believed that life was the best she could hope for.

She thought, on the other hand, Ruth was overly idealistic and kind of ridiculous. I mean in 1x01 as Ruth talks about how she doesn’t have enough money to survive, this is Debbie’s reaction--

That’s so colddd!! But, she hates hearing about Ruth’s struggles. Because they’re Ruth’s own. In Debbie’s life in 1x01, absolutely nothing is her own. Nothing. She’s like, quit complaining about how you can't afford anything because you’re not landing a gig, Ruth, I had a gig once, my husband said it was silly and to stop having those. So I listened, it’s so great, I love my life. So, go find the first guy who wants you and marry him like I did, give up on everything, that’s all that life can offer you. Also, what do you mean you’re proud of your body, you should be ashamed and punish it! And, I mean…you have a lifelong dream to be an actress? No, no. Stop that, Ruth. Stop having dreams. Don’t want things, don’t struggle. Just take what’s handed to you and resent it like meee! It’s working out so great!

Debbie grows a lot. 

By the end of season 3, it’s clear that Ruth is the one who's actually been right all along, not Debbie. At least in part.

By then, Debbie consistently chooses herself, just like Ruth always has. 

She chooses work, just like Ruth always has. 

Debbie sees her body and mind as something more than just what men find it useful for, she’s not letting anyone else control or define those things, just like Ruth always has.

In fact, Debbie kind of does her own version of reading the role meant for a man (what Ruth did in 1x01) when she takes Tex’s network for herself in 3x10. The network wasn’t meant for her, her input was totally disregarded, but she took that network anyway. (The difference is that the network was actually possible for Debbie, so this push was healthy, and Ruth’s actions in 1x01 were more self destructive…I’ll get into Ruth later.)

Debbie does things with her love for Ruth, yes—she runs across the airport and sits across a pool and wrestles Ruth and brings clothes in apology and follows her until they’re lost on a mountain, the list goes on and on.

But, more than that, she also transforms as a person because of her love for Ruth.

Of course, then the question becomes, how can you be sure that this growth is at least in part due to Ruth rather than incidental, just randomly occurring while Ruth is nearby? 

In 1x01 at that aerobics class, you see Debbie looking like she’s in a “coma” and dead to the world just following everyone else’s moves until Ruth comes by, then she stops following everyone else—it’s the first time we see her using her body for herself. It’s because of Ruth.

At the end of the episode, she goes further. she fights Ruth publicly—Ruth’s the one who’s already made the stage her own. Now, Debbie joins her there and ups the stakes by bringing a dose of reality. And, at this point, they present their potential arcs and what they bring to each other—Ruth demands a moment of fiction, an idealistic show where she’s a hero of sorts and Debbie shoves in with reality and together the scene is way better than Ruth had planned, probably more cathartic than Debbie had planned, because Debbie and Ruth make each other better than they are on their own. For the first time maybe ever, in that scene, Debbie’s body is hers, no one else’s. It is there to express her needs and wants. And, it’s because of Ruth.

In the end of season 1, after constructing Liberty Belle and this bold version of herself that makes her feel so powerful (in part because Ruth is the other side of that, she leads the audience to applaud for Debbie, they construct the moves together), she can’t go back to that small version of herself, can’t go back to Mark and chooses Ruth very clearly over her old life. We don’t really know if Debbie planned that she was going to actually go up there in 1x10, or if she was dressed in case she decided to and was unsure and decides in that moment because Mark is such an ass and Ruth is right there calling to her. To be honest, it doesn't really matter. Ruth is calling out for Debbie, the show will move on if Debbie doesn’t pick Ruth. She has to choose between the man who calls what makes her feel strong “silly” or the woman who believes in her. She chooses Ruth. Regardless of when she decided, in choosing Ruth, she chooses her own body and her own mind (they’re her moves) and herself. Also, Debbie’s empowerment with wrestling is so tied to Ruth since she’s on the wrestling show because of Ruth and she only starts to find empowerment when wrestling Ruth. Everyone else proves to be a horrible partner for her in 1x06. Debbie’s growth is inextricably linked to Ruth. 

She chooses to be a producer because she sees how the girls are following Ruth as a director in 2x01, and she refuses to be bested by Ruth. If Ruth strives for more, so can she. It’s because of Ruth.

Oh, and when Debbie falls apart because Mark is moving on, because she realizes that comfortable life really is dead for her, she is seemingly only able to move on and quit self destructing after she has a huge fight with Ruth in 2x07. That is the thing that makes her realize how far gone she is. Not sleeping on the fucking ground. Not selling all her shit. Not doing drugs. Not really even breaking Ruth’s leg (she comes into that hospital still proud and blaming Ruth). Nope. It’s the thought that she might lose Ruth because of her own shitty actions that leads her to come back with those clothes and approach Ruth with actual humility. She was off the deep end in 2x04-2x06. It is through loving Ruth that she finds a way back. It’s because of Ruth that she can let go of Mark and that life that wasn’t actually meant for Debbie. And, just like Ruth can't face reality and can't actually apologize for having sex with Mark (she never says sorry), Debbie can’t verbalize an apology for breaking Ruth’s leg either. They still can’t face reality, they’re both very similar in ways. But, Debbie’s now one step closer. She writes it on Ruth’s cast. Debbie’s shame, her horrible action, is there for Ruth to see in sharpie for as long as Ruth wears that cast. And, others will see it too. Including Debbie. 

I’m sure there are other examples, but I think it’s clear that Debbie grows and transforms, at least in part, because of her love for Ruth. And, I think that’s an even bigger testament to how deeply she feels rather than any individual action she might take.

By the end of season 3, even after Debbie’s grown so very much, Debbie is still much more realistic than Ruth. She says, “I want my life to get bigger, not smaller…And, I don’t care about playing all of the great roles. I mean, it’s not realistic.” Debbie doesn’t care about acting in the same way Ruth does. She never has. That’s very clear throughout the series. So, performing in a tiny theater is living “smaller” to Debbie while Ruth says she views playing those roles alongside Debbie anywhere as living out her dreams (even though Ruth totally self destructs when given the opportunity to act a “real” role with Sheila that same episode—first by saying the scene doesn't translate to two women, then when she doesn't show up to the performance the next episode). 

Ruth clearly still needs to grow. A lot. She needs to add a bit of realism, she’s so resentful that she’s running in circles in season 3 and frustrated that others are growing and getting good things when she’s not. She’s stuck watching herself stay the same in the mirror while others grow and actually do things. Debbie’s been underlining to Ruth (and to herself—but that bit she’s starting to let go of in a healthy way) that Ruth just needs to let go a little bit of her idealism and see what’s in front of her. She doesn’t always say that in a nice way, and Debbie still has some growing to do. But Ruth has barely changed. In three seasons. As protagonist. She is still so idealistic, so bent on becoming a “real actress,” that she self destructs when offered any real opportunity to act. That happens in her very first scene of the series. And, it happens in 3x09 too.

And, it’s not necessarily that she needs to choose directing over acting, I really don't think it’s that. I think it’s how she approaches these things that needs to change. 

It’s how she uses fiction to compensate for how she approaches her life, her relationships—which are so filled with passivity, passive aggression, where she just lets herself to be guided in ways that leave her resentful and lead her to act out in awful ways. (But it’s okay because she gets to play roles that make her feel powerful…nope).  She can’t act in life, so she relies on acting in fiction. 

Having sex with Mark wasn’t some accident, it was a symptom of how unhealthy Ruth was and is in her daily life and how much she relies on fiction in a way she shouldn’t. Right before they sleep together in 1x01, Mark repeats what Ruth said to him before 1x01: “There are shiny people that have everything, and then there are people like us…” Ruth uses fiction to pretend she’s a shiny person. She needs to see that no one’s actually a shiny person (The person she was talking about when she said that to Mark was clearly Debbie, and Debbie’s never been shiny, she’s always been a self-destructive, self-hating mess). Ruth doesn’t have to compensate for anything. She’s okay as she is. She just needs to see that and go after things with that in mind. 

Even in Season 3, while looking at Debbie’s horse, Ruth says Debbie’s life has always moved faster. (I think it’s also interesting she’s on a horse, galloping around, while Ruth is standing still, watching…because, layers...) But, I mean...is that even true? Sure, Debbie got Paradise Cove and a husband, but those weren’t even things that Ruth wants. I mean, can you imagine Ruth on a soap opera? Nope. Recently, Debbie’s life has only moved faster because Debbie made that happen because she literally had nothing left to lose and also in part because of Ruth. (Ruth doesn’t seem to see her own influence on Debbie though, just believes Debbie has some magical quality Ruth lacks.) Ruth, on the other hand, is at a standstill because she refuses to accept what’s in front of her, refuses to make her life go anywhere. She resents Debbie for being a “shiny person” but refuses to do anything to better her own life. It’s just a lot easier to believe Debbie has something innate that Ruth lacks, some shininess, and that’s why Debbie’s life improves. It’s a lot harder to accept that the problem is Ruth. And, it is on Ruth. I think it becomes even harder to believe her own lies though when she sees just about everyone becoming better versions of themselves in Season 3. If Ruth’s excuse for Debbie’s growth is that she’s shiny and her life just moves faster, that excuse kind of falls apart when confronted with Sheila’s growth and the growth of so many others on GLOW like Justine, Sam, Arthie, etc.

When they switch wrestling costumes in mid season 3, it highlights all of this. They’re trying on each other’s point of views to achieve real growth and meet in a healthier place the middle. I’d be surprised if Ruth’s transformation and realization that she needs a dash of reality to be healthy won't be at least in part because of Debbie. And, it’d be a missed opportunity if that wasn’t the case anyway. Because Ruth and Debbie both have had trouble seeing the real possibilities in their lives and basically have been blind from reality in opposite ways. They balance each other out. Debbie couldn’t achieve her full, healthier self without Ruth, I doubt Ruth could without Debbie.

[debbiewilder]

thoughts on: your ideal GLOW ending?

I mean, my ideal ending? Ruth and Debbie admit they’re in love.

But, I also really want to see Ruth have an arc. Debbie’s gotten one of the best character arcs I’ve ever seen but they’ve barely given Ruth anything even though she’s such an incredibly complex character and she’s the protagonist. Given what they did with her in Season 3, with her starting to realize how she’s living is unhealthy, I think the writers will probably allow her to finally grow in season 4. Ruth has always had issues with submitting to the needs of others in relationships (and self destructs in every relationship because she’s not actually submissive—she destroys her relationship w Debbie by fucking Mark bc she feels powerless around her, cheats on Russell after she sorta tries to break up w him on the phone and he says not to, etc), and Ruth compensates for this lack of power and control by relying on acting—many meanings to that word—it’s the only thing that allows her to act instead of be passive, it’s the only thing that allows her to take power. She frankensteins together validation for parts of herself that she presents as in roles and the parts of herself she presents to others (which is its own sort of fiction). But it’s not enough. She also self destructs in acting because she’s overly pushy and doesn’t take opportunities for what they are. No, you shouldn’t confront a casting director in the bathroom, no, you shouldn’t read a role you weren’t called in for, no you shouldn’t turn an audition for a wrestling show into some dramatic scene. And then she can’t even face acting at all in season 3 when others are going to class, she doesn’t go. She loses out on a real acting opportunity because she’s intimidated by Sheila (she can’t use acting to make herself feel powerful if she’s in a scene w someone who she thinks is better than her). Soooo the point I’m getting at is that I’d like to see her relationships to fiction, to those around her and to herself heal, for her to finally find power in the world around her rather than use escapism in unhealthy ways. I’d like to see her create her own roles—act but have control by writing them. I really hope she doesn’t end up taking Debbie’s offer in the end. I want her to discover for herself what she wants for her career, separate from Debbie for a bit, and I’d like to see her keep acting, just change her relationship to it. Fuck “real actress.” Be a real person and create a dumb role so you can do the thing you love. I’d like to see Ruth and Debbie collaborate on a show together—where Ruth isn’t in a role she wanted when she first got to LA, maybe she’s not a real actress, but she’s in some cute show that she created and it may air at like 10 am but it’s hers and Debbie helped her develop it. That’s my ideal ending. And for Ruth to finally find the courage to start to express her own wants and needs and...self in her relationships. Yeah. As I’ve said, Debbie has grown so much, there’s a lot less to say about what I want for her ideal ending. Also because I trust the writers more with her 😬 But, I’d like to see her continue to relinquish control when it comes to Ruth (after she falls apart over what happened in the airport of course...well, I hope we see that anyway) and to allow Ruth to be her own separate person. I’d like for Ruth finally to see that Debbie doesn’t get everything she wants and isn’t shiny, and I want the two of them to see each other more clearly. I’d like the power dynamic between them continue to even out. I think it’s headed there but I wish we had more seasons :/

[debbiewilder]

Debbie Eagan

loves

to

point

at

Ruth Wilder. 

(and only Ruth Wilder)

Out of the ring? Yes.

In the ring? Yes.

All the time? Yes.

(But she doesn’t point at anyone else. not even Mark who she also gets furious with. In a scene with him she just points to herself in fact..)

So, her pointing to Ruth underlines how she’s able to express herself physically around Ruth since she takes up more space with her body when she points. I don’t think she feels comfortable taking up more physical space around Mark, even at her angriest, which is one reason she never points at him in her scenes with him. Which is one reason Mark takes one look at her in 1x07 when she looks like she’s on top of the world and she crumbles and leaves the ring in shame. Which is one reason that, even after giving a speech about how wrestling makes her feel like a super hero in 1x09, she still leaves wrestling to try and work things out with Mark in 1x10. Because of course she does. She shrinks around Mark. 

She allows herself to take up more physical space around Ruth in a lot of ways and to express her weird, bodily impulses....like pointing 24/7.

I think the finger pointing is yet another thing that is randomly really complicated? Like the gesture suggests casting blame (why does she cast blame on Ruth but not Mark then if she doesn't use the gesture against him...again I think it has to do with feeling comfortable expressing herself around Ruth and that she truly blames Ruth more because she cares more for Ruth than she ever did for Mark, so Mark’s betrayal hurt less and she was able to let go of Mark while she continues to reach out in this fucked up way (physically and emotionally) to Ruth.). She also uses the gesture to choose Ruth, to choose to wrestle with her in 1x06 and 1x10. Just like her destructive anger against Ruth becomes used for good with the wrestling, so too the pointing. And, then there’s the question whether this gesture suggests she’s reaching out to Ruth with this gesture since she’s lessening whatever physical gap there is with it...I don’t know. 

In conclusion, Debbie, get it together.

[debbiewilder]

What do you make of the cloud painting on the ceiling in 1x08

I think there could be a few different readings to it.

One, it could be again how fiction / escapism helps Ruth in a dark moment. She can imagine the freedom of those clouds, escape into it, and feel a bit more free, a little bit less tied to her mistakes. 

This is sorta underlined by the lines in the scene. The nurse says, “Now, I'm going to give an injection next to your cervix that will numb your uterus and then we'll start the procedure. Now, you're going to feel a little pressure, okay? Does this all make sense?” And Ruth replies, “I'm a wrestler.” She’s escaping into a vision of herself being a powerful wrestler so she isn’t totally present for the pain. Fiction helps her here. The sky goes along with that.

But, I also think it’s that you can find a little beauty even in dark moments. Which, to me, basically sums up GLOW. GLOW always puts people in shitty situations but lets them find a bit of light and good and beauty and love and self empowerment and joy there. 

Idk I love that moment too

[debbiewilder]

i might be reading wayyy too much into this but yk that one scene in 3x09 when ruth is auditioning for sam & justine and she says the lines "i got pregnant.. and then i got divorced" and she kinda visibly falters a bit.. like she was thinking abt debbie right? and just last ep while she was w/ sheila reading her lines it just SCREAMED debbie to me. whats w/ the universe trying to make ruth have her gay epiphany

Nah dude you’re not reading too much into it at all. At least based on my understanding of the show. 

Gonna talk broadly about how fiction functions within GLOW for a bit and say that GLOW often has characters use fiction to deal with and understand their own reality. I mean the show is primarily about Ruth and Debbie using the fiction of wrestling as a catharsis to rebuild their relationship. Fiction allows them to rebuild trust, to release that hate and resentment in a safe way. 

Fiction shows up all the time for the characters and in moments like totally fictional audition scenes in 1x01 and 3x09, the writers could choose ANY words in the world when they include totally made up stories within the fictional world. Why those specific ones? In that scene w Sheila in 3x08, why did the writers choose that scene out of any in the world? Those words are there for a reason. 

To really underline bold highlight this, our introduction to the show, the first lines of the series are a random audition scene, it’s not real Ruth we meet first, but acting!Ruth, and we don’t even realize this at first (which is the point, that line between fiction and reality is muddy just like it is in wrestling…Ruth and Debbie trust each other in wrestling, so they learn to in reality etc), and the specific line that opens the series actually say a lot about the series as a whole. “In this world there are good guys and there are bad guys. And we are the good guys. You see that name on my door? It’s my father’s name, son of a bitch. But this isn’t about him. This is about justice. This is about holding on to what’s ours. This is about my company and my name. And I will not be bullied into submission.” First of all, her saying she won’t be bullied into submission turns into a nice contrast for Ruth at the end of the ep (who is bullied into submission by Debbie = last shot in episode vs looking all empowered saying she won’t be bullied into submission in very first shot). The good guys and bad guys thing says a lot about GLOW as a whole, about Ruth as someone who wants to be seen as a good guy and who grows to accept darker parts of herself by playing Zoya, good guys and bad guys deals directly with those roles they have in wrestling, the “holding onto what’s ours” thing plays into what GLOW eventually means for Ruth and especially since she says this is the sort of role she wants we understand her better by it, etc…I mean there’s even more to that line probably but you get the point, which is fiction is so key to understanding the reality of the characters for GLOW that they start the series with it.

Plus, there’s this idea they come back to about roles and costumes, like in 1x04 with Sheila “It’s not a costume, it’s me.” But she lets go of that she-wolf to become more of herself and there’s this thing where characters believe in stories about their lives but they’re not necessarily true (like Debbie trying to tell a story that she’s happy with Mark and loved giving up working when she def hated it, Ruth believing she needs to be a real actress while destructing any real acting opportunity etc) and have to contend with that…anyway.

Other examples of fiction: In 1x09, Ruth has the attention of this room (including Debbie), and she uses fiction to carefully broach and apologize for her own fucked up behavior, to try and understand it, so she uses the fiction of drug addict-wrestler to help not only save GLOW but also understand herself since it’s a lot to own up to and apologize. Fiction provides the safety to tell/deal with truths she can’t in real life.

In 3x05, Debbie isn’t just asking Ruth to play Liberty Belle but also to step into her “costume” and understand her and connect further. When Debbie talks about loving wrestling in 1x09, it’s clear that this form of fiction allows her to form a new, more empowered relationship with her own body that reality never allowed her. When Debbie says in 2x02 that Liberty Belle already beat Zoya and they have no reason to fight any more, Ruth as Zoya counters in 2x04 by taking Liberty Belle’s kid and saying “We have unfinished business.” She’s not giving up on them in fiction which is her way of fighting for Ruth and Debbie in reality. You see a totally zoned out Debbie in 1x02 consuming Paradise Cove, watching a blonde in a wheelchair just like she says she was a blonde in a wheelchair in 1x01 on the show…the replaceability Debbie felt about her own body is found everywhere, even in the fiction she chose to consume / live vicariously through..not exactly empowering. The fictional escapism of Paradise Cove in 1x02 turns to fictional escapism of GLOW as Sam suggests what GLOW could provide for Debbie and sells a proxy Debbie (Melrose) humiliating Ruth. This fiction slowly allows her to find her own story and catharsis in fiction as 1x02 progresses, as the series progresses, and her own power as she actually starts to use her body in later eps. Fiction isn’t just a random thing in GLOW, it totally defines the story. 

So, now that I’ve pointed to some of the ways that fiction functions within GLOW, I’d say it’s about time we look at these specific scenes you asked about. I’d say again the line in 3x09 audition goes back to Ruth and Debbie stepping into each other’s skins more in season 3 especially in 3x05, understanding each other in this really deep way. I think that line totally relates to Debbie, to stepping inside her point of view for a second. She does falter, and I could even see her using Debbie’s point of view as a weird form of substitution even though it wasn’t Ruth’s divorce or whatever. Because they’re that entwined. Just like I think the bit before about finding the one thing that keeps driving you no matter what relates to Ruth too as she starts to question the role acting has in her life.

Okay, and the 3x08 scene with Sheila totally relates to Ruth and Debbie. Of course Ruth wants to read that scene with Debbie I mean….that scene screams a lot for them and again relates to stepping into each other’s skin. “Besides, I always wondered what it would be like to be you.” I mean….plus the line about blondes being after Ruth. And a certain blonde certainly is. And they stop the scene right at the blonde line and draw attention to it, like come on. She’s so uncomfortable…and yet says she wants to perform the scene with Debbie later soo #gayepiphany

Yeah so basically, the fiction within the fiction functions in a ton of ways, like helping Ruth and Debbie reach a greater understanding of each other (it’s deeper than understanding though….it’s literally stepping into each other’s skin) and just fiction functions in so many cool ways in the series to help characters heal and grow and escape and express things they can’t in reality. I think it’s not reading too much into it to look at that but rather pretty vital to understanding the show as a whole.