#gnoll rambles

[aestherians]

Once I realized that my longing for my gnoll life was becoming maladaptive, I began suppressing my gnollside. But either my brain is plasticine enough, or I've evolved to a point where I can control my self-repression enough that it didn't cause distress. It was always somewhere, under my skin. I just wouldn't let it come to the forefront in the last year or two. The crying fits and the despair for the mate I'll never physically hold in my arms was more detrimental to me than repression could ever be.

But I think I spent so long keeping my gnollside under my skin that I kinda forgot it was there. This is my first shift in months and it feels... foreign, almost.

I - me, myself, I, the person writing this - am undergoing an envisage shift and mental shift, with some light phantom sensations on top, but for once, the shift doesn't feel like "me." It feels like the shifts I had as a teenager, when I was first awakening and didn't know what otherkinity even was.

It feels like a creature wants to break free from under my skin.

And I think I'll let it. Just a bit.

Just for tonight.

[gnoll-king]

I’m still upset there isn’t a single eyepatch smooch in Julian’s route.

[aestherians]

"Never confess your crimes online" I know, I know, but sometimes the crime is species affirming. Lidl supports the Palestinian genocide, so I don't at all feel bad about stealing from them. Fish and shellfish is the best food for my inner gnoll, but it's crazy expensive right now. So sometimes I just walk into Lidl and put some fish in my bag and walk out again. And shoplifting also makes my inner gnoll whoop with excitement.

[aestherians]

Struck by the sudden intense feeling that I miss my old face

Gnoll feelings are too intense and full of longing for me to play around with. They have a tendency to turn into despair. But man... I do miss having a face like that

[aestherians]

It almost feels wrong to call myself gnollkind. I like the shorthand of it; "I'm a gnoll via otherkinity." It tells people in clear terms how to, like, conceptualize of my identity. But it also feels like I'm putting some clinical distance between me and my gnollishness. Humans don't say "I'm part of humankind" unless they're making a statement of some kind. When you get to the core of it, I'm just a gnoll.

[aestherians]

Watching Avatar 3 and relating so so much to the Mangkwan, as a gnoll (the fire, the blades, the reverence for bones, the blood, the howling and dancing, the ecstasy of a succesful hunt), and just sitting there like

[aestherians]

Gnoll noema. With my party. Early morning, still dark as night. Reconnaissance. A castle. I turn into my wyvern wildshape to spy through a window. I report back to the rest of the party in Common.

[aestherians]

"Gnolls worship demon lords" You're just mad our mother goddess is sexier than yours