sanctuary
alexia putellas x reader fic!!
> soo angsty with a fluff at the end!! keeping my promises fr ‼️‼️
Your pov:
Your limbs went limp as one of the things you had always wanted slid through your hands as the final whistle blew, and it felt as though your heart took its final beat.
That hurt. You felt constricted and compressed due to exhaustion and emotion. You felt so little and helpless. You began to hear voices in your head, including those of your parents, siblings, and other family members. How would they react to this?
As multiple sounds erupted around the stadium, you collapsed to the ground with your head firmly buried into your lap while breathing deeply. Barcelona did win, but you fell up short. When Alexia scored the final goal, you were already defeated. You were supposed to own that. You were meant to be the one.
With tears in your eyes, you watched as Keira, Lucy, and Pina approached Alexia and embraced her. You were exhaling heavily and making an effort to stop your tears from falling to the ground by looking up at the sky. This was extremely unfortunate. Others would express their pride in you to you, but none of that would truly matter. Barcelona did win, but you came up short. It's always been you against the world.
You were the valued possession of your family. What's not to brag about when you're in Barcelona playing football with other professionals?
Before Alexia, you weren't used to coming in second in everything.
You hated her so much. She was competent and well-versed in every move, tackle, and technique, which you hated. You hated that others gave her some of the attention that was intended for you but went to her instead since she was always one step ahead of you. She was incredibly skilled, and you hated how well she played in every match. You hated the fact that she never made a mistake and was always perfect.
This was the only way you could prove your worth. You were in desperate need of this. You had to get everything just right. You needed to do better. Without this, you are nothing. Nothing worthy. The only thing that distinguishes you from the rest of your family was your love of football. It was the only thing that gave you life and made you feel seen.
Having this taken away from you entirely breaks you. You were only good at one thing that stood out.
You were never good at anything other than this. It's the only thing that has made you worthy. You truly have nothing and are nothing without this. You get deeply disappointed when you see someone doing something better than you have always done. When will the world stop taking things away from you?
You didn't see ona approaching you as you were looking up at the sky trying to stop your tears from falling to the ground. Ona sat next to you and simply looked at you, her eyes filled with pity.
She wrapped her hand around your shoulders and murmured, "Y/n.."
I looked at her with watery eyes. I probably looked completely worn out at this moment. with unkempt hair, glossy eyes, and bags under my eyes.
I replied "No, ona" despite the feeling of shaking in my voice.
I sigh and bury my face in the crook of her neck, "I hate this, I hate her so much. Why does it always have to be like this, why does this always happen to me?"
"I'm so sorry, y/n. I know that anything I say right now won't really change anything of what's just happened and i'm really sorry," Ona says while stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head.
For a while, Ona comforts me, and only then, when things began to feel lighter, did we stand up and follow the others to the changing room, with Ona promising to stay by my side the entire time I'm in there.
Alexia’s pov:
I was quite proud of the goals I received today. I was the happiest person alive after scoring that final goal because everyone appeared to be participating together. The girls approached and gave me many hugs and compliments.
"Congratulations, Ale! You deserve it", lucia said and stroked my shoulder, but Keira only gave me a hug and a tender whisper. Everyone was pleased, and Pina couldn't stop jumping and running around.
Not until I noticed y/n sitting down and ona seated next to her. I became aware that something was wrong at that point. Ona kept looking at me, and all I could see was pity.
I arched my eyebrows at her as if to indicate or inquire about what was wrong, but all Ona did was shake her head and keep rubbing Y/N's back. I began to feel strange and uneasy. All of a sudden, everything felt incredibly slow, and I was unable to make out any of the words that my teammates or the crowd were chanting. Right now, y/n was all that mattered to me.
I had never before seen her in such a state. She looked extremely weak and defeated. It made me feel weak as well. I felt weak after seeing her weak, and that wasn't nice.
"I think you have something to talk out with y/n," said Lucy and Mapi as they drew nearer to me and also glanced at Ona and Y/N.
I simply nodded, but it was so clear that I appeared absolutely off and weak as I immediately headed for the changing rooms.
As soon as Ona and I entered the changing room, everyone turned to stare at me, and it was evident that everyone felt sorry for me. As I was making my way to the showers, everyone started patting me on the back. At this time, I didn't really give a shit. I felt so worthless and numb.
What had been seconds changed to minutes, and those to hours. I didn't even notice or hear Ona tapping on the glass door and telling me she'll be gone because she needs to tend to things.
I was just staring at the wall, tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't know what to say to my family. I can already hear my father telling me how much of a disgrace I am to our family.
I almost had it. I had it in my grasp but couldn't keep it. I hate the fact that there is always an "almost" in everything I do. "Almost had it" , "Almost perfect" , "Almost" . It frustrates me because no matter how hard I try, nothing ever works out. I tried my hardest at everything, yet I always ended up being average. I hate the fact that every time I was ultimately seen by everyone, there were only fleeting moments of recognition.
I hate how Alexia doesn't even have to try that hard, whereas I have to try my hardest.
I gave everything I had just to be seen. I've always been second, third, or last in line to my siblings. Every time I'm second to Alexia, my stomach drops. Everything I do is never enough, and all of my efforts are never reciprocated. I hate how I'm always giving but never getting anything in return. I hate how I'm always the second option, the background person, the ignored side character. No matter what I do, I can never really be enough for anyone, and I hate how invisible I become when I lose "something."
Having to go through this again literally kills me. I wish I had never felt this way because I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate how depressed I am and how the universe is against me. How it weakens me to the point where I am unable to do anything. I poured my heart and soul into that match. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for nothing in the end.
After what seemed like hours, I stepped from the shower, still wearing my robe, and was taken aback to see alexia seated on the bench near my locker. She looked up at me with concern in her eyes, and she stood up and approached me, and I just stood there, not knowing what to do since I didn't want to see her or talk to her after what happened.
"y/n," she said as she approached me. Even after hours of showering, I probably looked like crap. I knew this wasn't going to go well with my eyes red and puffy, and possibly still tearing up.
I walked past her, but she grabbed my wrist. "What do you need, alexia?" I asked back, and she glanced at me with concern.
"I just got concerned about you, i wanted to check up on you after seeing you and ona sitting on the pitch awhile ago"
"Oh, so you do see?" I joked, laughing a little.
"What do you mean? I don't understand," alexia replied, still clutching my wrist.
"You know, now isn't a good time to talk to me," I muttered, attempting to free my wrist from her clutches, but she drew me in closer.
"No, tell me what's wrong. What happened back there? What's wrong with you?" she said, and just hearing someone ask if I was okay made me want to ball my eyes out since that question will always have a major effect on me.
I pulled my wrist from her grasps and turned around, keeping calm. "You really want to know, huh?" I asked, although it was plain in my voice that I was about to burst out bawling.
"Yes, I do want to know, y/n. Tell me what's wrong," she begged pleadingly.
Still turned around, fresh tears welled up in my eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time today. "That goal was supposed to be mine; it was meant for me, but you took it away," I cried out, my voice quivering with dismay and rage. I never intended to yell or shout at her in that manner, but it just seemed right. I've never been someone who likes to yell. Whenever something bad happened, I handled it correctly and kept silent, but doing this just seemed right. I didn't care who heard me yell or anything; all I wanted to do was express my outrage.
"I know how you feel," she responded, and I screamed back, "No, you don't! You'll never know how I feel, you'll never know what this feels like because you're not in my place," I cried, tears flowing down my face. I cried as I punched her chest in an attempt to push her away, but she just stayed there, letting me punch her chest while crying.
"You'll never know how it feels like to keep on trying and trying and nothing really happening, you'll never feel the need to try harder because you're already the best, you don't even have to fucking try, alexia! You don't!" I shouted as I stared at her and breathed deeply.
She looked at me and licked her lips as she tried to figure out what to say. "Trust me, I've been there, y/n. I know how heavy and painful it is to lose and to let people down. I've been there, I promise you. I've done that a lot of times already. I may not know what you're feeling right now, I may not know what you want to do but all I want is to be here with you because I've been there. I've see all of it"
"All I want is to be here for you because no one has ever been," she added as I turned my back on her and faced the locker again.
I was still turned around, crying, and leaning against the locker when I heard footsteps approaching and felt two arms circling my waist and squeezing me tightly. I didn't stop her because I didn't have the energy to do so anymore. I was just tired, numb, and exhausted. I was tired of others controlling me, invalidating me, telling me what to do and what not to do, and I was tired of my family's expectations of me. I just wanted to breathe and feel like the world wasn't always against me.
I relaxed into Alexia's touch, turned around to face her, held her, and cried while hiding my face in the crook of her neck.
I just kept crying while hugging her, and she just stood there stroking my hair and whispered words into my ears to calm me down. I felt like I poured all of my pain into my eyes as I cried.
I'm not normally a fan of physical interaction, but Alexia hugging me like this felt just right. It felt so right. It surprised me since everything felt right when she hugged me. Everything felt right. I felt comfortable and secure in her arms.
Being in her arms felt just right. I was the perfect fit for her, and she was the perfect fit for mine. The moment Alexia hugged me, all the voices in my head stopped yelling. It was as though a switch had been flipped. It seemed as if the world had come to a stop and nothing else mattered. Being in her arms felt like home, and I swear, I have no idea what home feels like because mine never did, but I just knew that this felt so much like home. This has to be it.
I had stopped crying after about an hour, but I was still in her arms, and I didn't want to let go. I was afraid that if I did, all the voices would return to haunt me.
Alexia took a thorough glance at me and examined my face, as if she was memorising every detail of my face, before softly smiling. "I'm sorry that you feel this way and I'd do anything to make you feel better, I really do." She went on to say, "No one should ever treat you like this, no one should ever feel like this. I may not know what problems you have with your family but you don't deserve all that treatment from them"
She caressed my face, and just by doing so, new fresh tears flowed because I'd been wanting for someone to do this for god knows how long. "You are enough, you are more than enough," she says, cupping my face.
"I've seen how hard you worked this season and I couldn't be more proud of you. If you felt like you didn't do much, I know you did. From the bottom of my heart, I know. I've been with you the whole time, y/n," she added, her eyes welling up with tears.
She hugged me, and I hugged her back with all I had, and she laughed when she realised how hard I hugged her back.
"I'm not going anywhere, y/n, I'll stay with you," she said, to which I answered, "I know you will, I'm just testing the waters here," and she and I both giggled.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you, ale," I whispered, putting my face in the crook of her neck.
I felt her smile when she heard me call her by the nickname that our friends called her, and I can assure you that I have never used that nickname on her.
"Get dressed, okay? And then I'll take you out to dinner," she added as she kissed my head. I nodded and followed her instructions.
After getting dressed, she extended her hand, which I gladly accepted. I intertwined our fingers and left.
"Is this a date?" I joked, and she grinned and drew me in closer.
"Only if you want it to be," she chuckled and kissed my cheek, and we both laughed and proceeded to walk with our hands firmly interlaced, never letting go.
I'm actually proud of this, what 😭😭 nah but fr ! I hope y'all enjoyed this coz I did HELPPP angst is defi my top 1 ! fluff my second <3 🤍 thank youuuuuu!! aaaaaaa plss give me more ideas on the comsec or just ask mee! thank you, thank youuuu aaa ilyy mwaaaa
