#goblinwrites

[dice-goblin-shapeshifter]

@brooklyn-house-week day 3: Podcast!!

So for today i decided to write something instead of doing an art peice. Ever since i saw someone headcanon that Cartee and Sadie host a weekly podcast I've always had is as a hc of mine that whenever a new initiate joined they got to introduce themselves on said podcast so i decided to write what that would've been like when two of my ocs joined. Dahlia (she/her) and Cricket (he/him) so without further ado–

Tuning into the radio station and switching the knob you tune into the 21st gnome.

Carter: "Hello and welcome back to Kane family and friends podcast-"

Sadie: "For today's first segment we have two new initiates to introduce to everyone!" Carter: "Hey! That was supposed to be my line!" Sadie: "Welp ya snooze ya lose."

Carter: "Anyway, not only did two new initiates arrive just today but they also arrived together and relatively unharmed."

Sadie: "Soooo without further ado why don't you introduce yourselves."

A soft unknown voice came through the radio.

New initiate 1: "Uh hi, I'm Dahlia-Aletris, I usually just go by Dahlia though...

A distinctly more excited, slightly deeper voice chimed up next.

New Initiate 2: "The names Cricket! I just turned sixteen and I'm super excited ta be here!!"

Sadie: "How did you two end up arriving here together? Did you know each other beforehand?"

Cricket: "Oh no, we bumped into each other on the way here."

Dahlia : "It was more like you barreling into me without any warning."

Cricket: "Not my fault you had your head burried in a map."

Dahlia: "You were running through the forest like a headless chicken!!"

Carter: "Ok, next question. Do either of you have any ideas on whose path you may want to follow?"

Cricket: "Honestly I have no idea. There's just so many it's gonna be hard ta choose."

Sadie: "Don't worry about it, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out."

Carter: "And you Dahlia? Any Ideas?"

Dahlia: "I've had a lot of time to think it over and I think I'd like to follow the path of Wadjet."

Carter: "Why Wadjet? If You're alright with sharing of course."

Dahlia: "Her domain seems pretty appealing and I've always had a liking for snakes."

Sadie: "Moving on. Could you to tell us a bit about yourselves."

Cricket: "Well i love studying, I'm Canadian, and I love bugs!!"

Carter: "You're from Canada? Which Province?"

Cricket: "I live in Quebec but I'm actually from all the way up in Nunavat."

Carter: "Interesting."

Dahlia: "Wait a minute, you ran into me in Mississippi."

Cricket: "Me and my mom were there visiting some cousins."

Sadie: "Huh, what about you Dahlia? Would ya mind telling the people a bit more about yourself?"

Dahlia: "Uh ok um, I came here from downtown Louisiana, I really like plants, and I uh want to become a tattoo artist maybe..."

Cricket: "Don't forget you're multilingual."

Dahlia: "My egyptian's really not that good."

Carter: "Don't fret about it! We have classes specially for that I'm sure you'll learn in no time."

Cricket: "Not that. I meant your french."

Sadie: "YOU'RE FRENCH!?!"

Dahlia: "I'm cajun actually, growing up i learned french and english together, sometimes i forget they aren't the same language."

Carter: "Hmm I wonder what kind of differences there are between cajun french and french french."

Cricket: "Probably about the same amount as there are between Cajun and Quebec french."

Sadie: "YOU'RE ALSO FRENCH?!"

Cricket: "Nah, i barely even speak the language. I only moved to Quebec a couple years ago."

Sadie: "Still!"

Carter: "Well french or not we're happy to have you both here."

Cricket: "We're Happy to be here!"

Dahlia: "Mhm."

Sadie: "The french taking over."

Carter: "Welp that's a wrap for now. On to our next segment cooking with Khonsu!"

[goblinselfshippr]

Bruce buying Caz one of those 5-in-one dyson airwrap things bc he hears lots of praise about them at events.

All is well until he hears half his family giggling from the master bedroom. Bruce already doesn't like his family being in his room, but hearing the unhinged cackling is setting off his dad senses. Fuckery is afoot.

Everyone's hair is curled, and they're all crowding around Damian while Caz attempts to put waves in his shorter, thick hair with the round brush extension. Dick has blue hair wax in the tips, Jason and Tim have red money pieces, Steph has purple highlights, Cassandra gets gold and silver glitter, and when they FINALLY get Damian's hair to cooperate he gets green all over.

Bruce makes the calculated decision to haul ass immediately away from all of them before he gets the same treatment. Gotham Twitter is flooded with pictures of their fabulous vigilantes the next day.

[goblinselfshippr]

Bruce w my disabled baddie insert thought/ficlet/thing:

Caz is finally allowed to run the comms after weeks of drills from Bruce and Barbara. Her first day actually operating them. Everyone leaves for patrol, she's cozy with a 30 oz coffee, and everyone starts checking in.

Huh, EVERYONE is on patrol tonight. Even more niche members like Azrael. Maybe it was predicted to be a busy night? Why wasn't she updated on that?

Everyone checks in, except Bruce, who left later than the others because he wanted to make sure she was ready. Ten minutes go by, and he hasn't checked in yet. He hasn't even activated his suit to show location. Just completely dark. Everyone's tense.

Okay, no big deal, maybe he got called away on JL business. Caz decides to send a very quick message asking if he's there, and maybe call Clark too. She does her best not to worry him because calling Superman in when it could just be nothing seems a bit nuclear. Tells him they'll keep him updated and goes about the protocol.

She picks up a radio signal from somewhere. Penguin snapping at someone to hurry up and bring him the "target," and Dent responding in an equally snappish manner. The signal never appears again.

Weird. She can't find where the signal originated from when that's a basic function on the computer. Not to mention those two chucklefucks wouldn't ever work together, even if it was to capture the Bat.

They would have had to grab him before even leaving Wayne Island, too, if he didn't even have time to turn on his comms. Why would they:

1- know he'd be coming from there

2- not immediately try to invade the base if they knew it was here

Something stinks. Caz relays the information and calls for someone to come investigate the island. She's being TOLD about evidence, but Dick is reluctant to either scan it in or walk back to the cave and hand it over. Tire marks on the road? How did someone even get a vehicle on the island without setting off the alerts? She'd assumed they'd taken a boat... or something that could fly. If she wasn't suspicious before, she sure as hell is now.

Caz calls Clark again. Despite working TWO demanding jobs, he somehow answers on the second ring. Interesting. She tells him she needs to see him urgently.

The second Clark arrives, fully suited up, she descends on him. Relaying all the information while he has the nerve to stand there and look seriously concerned. "Don't you think it's weird?" Caz asks, watching his reactions closely.

"What do you mean? This is a dangerous job."

"Two-face and Penguin working together? Without squabbling constantly over the radio?"

"So they joined forces for a common goal."

"You think those two doofuses are smart enough to find the cave, drive onto the island without raising any alarms, and then take down BRUCE? Without stopping to try and break in?"

"You said it yourself, they're not smart."

"No, but Bruce is. He would've known to turn his comms on and leave them open so we could follow his trail."

"Well, Bruce is stubborn."

"Stubborn, but not stupid enough to get snatched without leaving any clues. You seriously don't find this a little suspicious?"

"What are you implying?" Clark says defensively, his jaw set. For a split second, Caz falters, suddenly worried she'd have a very pissed off Superman AND a missing boyfriend.

"Look, if I'm falsely accusing you of something and making a complete ass of myself while we're both worried for him, I AM sorry. But you know Bruce. Tell me this doesn't sound like something he would do: Set up a fake kidnapping situation to test my ability to perform under pressure and without guidance. You could fly here in five minutes, pick him up, burn fake tire tracks onto the asphalt, and carry him off to a secure monitoring location without ever setting off an alarm."

When she sees the tiny wince on Clark's face, she knows she's not just lashing out.

"So seriously. Is he fine and just hiding out somewhere?"

"...Yeah, that's pretty much how it happened. Everyone else is in on it too; Babs is on a separate channel giving the actual orders."

Bruce nearly falls off the roof when she stomps up to the attic and screams out the window at him. Lucius swears he heard her shouting all the way from his office.

[goblinselfshippr]

Deleting the Bruce fic so I can start over hsjsjks it was bad, ignore it

[goblinselfshippr]

Sorry for any confusion on the emma fic I just posted. It is chapter ONE because my intro is listed as chapter 00

[goblinselfshippr]

SnowAngel chapter 1🥰

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: first half happens in a hospital, and there is mention of cannon typical violence that hasn't happened yet in this timeline (amputation). Lying to hospital staff. Caz waxes poetic about hotdogs and beefs with Hank

Additional notes: Sorry it took so long and there’s minimal romantic pining here. Caz has a lotta shit going on in-universe, including making sure her crush doesn’t find her behavior obvious.

Despite being a major pain in my ass, the time away from the school was a relief. No yelling, no Emma being distracting, no dumb missions to get dragged into.

First two hospitals obviously didn’t have her. Down a back alley and into a portal, I found myself on the path to the correct hospital. Man, this place was full of hippa violations, they just let supervillains in, had a guy amputate his adult son’s secondary limbs… note to self: never get injured here.

As I neared the receptionist desk, I put on the innocent, worried face. “Um, excuse me, I’m sorry… I have a bit of an issue.” The woman looked at me curiously, so I continued, “you wouldn’t happen to have any unnamed patients that stayed here recently, do you? See, my cousin fled town with some guy about six months ago, and I haven’t heard from her since.” I slipped the artificially worn photos onto the desk. The woman’s eyes widened and she nodded, “I… let me take you in to meet with someone.”

Three packets of paperwork and two hours later, I’m let into the room. I’m sure to put on a big show, like the last words I said to her weren’t some form of “good riddance, bitch” at 8 years old. Kids are assholes, what can I say? I really ham up the head injury she has, that it must be from the guy she was with. I ask them to not let anyone else near her no matter what, just in case. I sneak a little camera into her flowers too, not willing to chance it. I’m told it’ll be a slow process over the month before she can be relocated to a different hospital. I make a tearful phone call to “Dad” when the doctors leave. Hank sounds done with my shit.

All in all? I’m pretty proud of myself. I knew exactly what to do, and I got through it. Celebratory hotdog time. Damn, I loved those. I know humans find them unsavory, but so is everything when you think too hard about it.  I could eat six New York style dogs before I get sick from overeating— not that I would. Just two, one for now and one for later. May as well get Logan one, too, and Hank, maybe.…

Before I knew it, I was turning up to the school with my two New York dogs, and two dozen extra hotdogs to make sure there’s enough for everyone. I didn’t want anyone to feel left out.

“Plain dogs, seriously? Not even Ketchup?” Kitty grimaced, unwrapping one. “That way no one squabbles about not liking the toppings. There’s condiments in the fridge, put whatever you want on there,” I pointed to the kitchen. Bobby challenged, “Anything?” I felt a headache coming on. “Bobby, if you want to ruin a perfectly good hotdog with something vile like chocolate sauce or sprinkles, go ahead. I can’t stop you, but I can tell you I will be disappointed if you waste food like that.” The two leave with their food toward the kitchen. I quietly hoped I hadn’t given them ideas.

 Emma avoids the bag of hotdogs like the plague, but I figured as much. I was pretty sure she didn’t like pizza either. Human food was usually pretty tasty, so I couldn’t understand refusing something just because it didn’t match your aesthetic. They’re unhealthy, I guess. I dunno, I can’t understand how meat And bread is bad for humans, they’ve survived on it for this long. I didn’t say anything. I felt like if I offered to make her something else I’d either seem rude or make her feel weird. It’s none of my business, Emma’s a grown woman who doesn’t need me fussing over her like one of the students. She’d be insulted.

Instead, I took two dogs downstairs to Hank with a couple ketchup packets in hand. Hank rolled in his chair away from the workbench and over to his desk to eat. He spoke while putting his hotdog together in a methodical manner, “So you found our missing Jean.”

“Yep, right where I thought. Hey by the way? Make sure Warren never goes to that same hospital— or anyone for that matter.”

“What? Why?”

“Suuuper unsafe and unprofessional, they’ll let anyone up in there. Case in point.”

“You mentioned a teammate by name.”

“Angel instincts.”

“I see.”

We ate in silence for a moment. I handed him a napkin when he got ketchup on his lab coat. When his food was finished and we’d had a moment, he started speaking again:

“Could you tell if Jean was still occupied by the phoenix?”

“She was comatose. No idea.”

“Forgive me, but couldn’t you have used some of those aforementioned ‘angel instincts’ to tell?”

“I can’t go in someone’s mind.”

“Can’t or won’t? As I recall, you were set to be Jean’s student due to your similarity in abilities, and were only assigned to Logan when the professor could no longer subdue your tantrums.”

I opened my mouth, then closed it. I had no argument for him, so he continued.

“When your father pulled you out of classes here, everyone worried you would let your training lapse. Your behavior these past few weeks have proven our fears true. On multiple occasions, I have witnessed you in situations your powers should easily solve, and yet you’ve done nothing to help yourself.”

“It’s not like that, and don’t forget who’s been doing most of the work around here.”

“That would be Ms. Frost. Not you. You may have located Jean, but that is just one item on the expansive list here. Not to mention, you completed your mission using your father’s resourced instead of your own strength. It isn’t helping your case.”

“Whatever. I didn’t come here to argue,” I muttered. I grabbed my trash and made my way out of the lab, trying not to do anything shortsighted when Hank said something to himself about me spending too much time around Logan.

[goblinselfshippr]

Ok google, how do I post my indulgent self insert fanfic without feeling embarrassed that everything I write is stinky poopoo

[goblinselfshippr]

Anyway I'm gonna force myself to try writing again. Probably Emma's