Discover Top Posts Tagged with #god fearing

"Jesus, My Lord, My God, My All" - George Henry Grenville Manton.

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“The Lord is the one who will go before you; He will go with you. He will not leave you or abandon you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.”

-Deuteronomy 31:8

#christian #christianity #faithinchrist #god is good #jesus christ #faith in jesus #son of god #jesus is king #christian art #catholic art #faith #women of christ #woman of christ #god fearing

(Catholics don’t do divine command theory, right, that’s some evangelicals? Do Catholics do the ‘God would not tell you to do something wrong, that is just not a thing that would happen’? Or something else?)

Anyway, wow Vincent is perfect for the kind of story of,

God tells Vincent to do something which is wrong. (Yes literally God in this one, I’m not sure what kind of story like that this is but it is).

Vincent: I acknowledge Your ownership of every part of me and that You can do as You will with me. I love and honor and bow to You. And I’m not going to do that.

(God: 💙)

(This is a test of Abraham type of thing where him actually doing the wrong thing was never an outcome that was going to happen or supposed to, but seeing what he would do if told to was.)

God said ‘’Be Still’’.. so i’ve been sitting still.

wow, did i abandon my blog but so badly needed this? i actually need this more than ever now. let’s see what’s changed in my life… hmm.. i’ve obtained a gift called Clarity.

- my crowd has turned to a crew : i’ve learned that i’m not close with people forreal. i’ll call someone my bestfriend and they’re not that. i’ll call someone a friend & we don’t even know what’s going on in each others life. i’ll call someone family & they’re my biggest downfall. everyone has a report card on the type of person i am in their life yet I never thought to do one on them. i tried it, and every person outside of a good 5 got all F’s and x’d out of my life. no beef. no issues. I just don’t want to be in your life nor need you in mine. the word i’m using for people in regard to me is ‘’ENTITLEMENT’’. thats when people feel the need to over-evaluate everything I do or don’t do for their personal comfort, not thinking/caring bout mine. i’ve been having a year since it struck January 1st 2026. my dad had a stroke in February. i took a big loss in April. I became my dads full-time caregiver along with being a mother while trying to keep my job & people are worried bout theirselves?? who needs enemies when you got friends like that? who needs enemies when their personal turmoil is all on you. keyword: THEIR. do I look like superwoman or human? i’m not throwing my life hurdles to the side to appease people who don’t even make my life easier with a simple check in. people who don’t even care just as long as I let them trauma dump on me. bro? leave me alone. all I pray for is my C R E W, not no CROWD.

- im redefining what love looks like for me : what does that mean? it means i used to look for love in all the wrong people and places. outside, friends, men, family members. I never turned to myself or God until before 2025 ended. that emptiness you feel when the love you possess isn’t reciprocated or misunderstood hurts. badly. especially when that’s all you’re made of. I stopped taking care of myself, left my hair in my bonnet for weeks on end, never left my bed unless its to eat, work, or take care of my child. I shut the world out deciding to lay in my sadness until it didn’t suffice anymore. I hated laying around being sad, doing nothing, wondering who even am I if i’m not being loved? being needed? i let the rejection of so many people that I loved wholeheartedly destroy me. the rejection of not being enough while watching others be just the right fit. left me thinking ‘’well, is something wrong with me?’’ ‘’do I love to hard? too much? too passionate?’’ am I just too much? i sat with those questions and let it stop me from loving so intense as I do as a boundary. I know what my love is capable of, i know what it can unlock in someone and what it’ll bring out from someone. good or bad. pretty or ugly. I needed to pour that back into me little by little, piece by piece and give the rest to Jesus. A man whose love never wavers when it comes to me. He hears my cries of loneliness, sits beside me and says ‘’It won’t always be this way. But as long as we’re doing this together, I will love you always.’’ that sustains me. He knows my desires, he knows I desire to be loved correctly and without complaints. He knows now I don’t mind loving him alone until he deems me ready to be put in another persons hands. It’s not so I don’t mishandle him, it’s so he doesn’t mishandle me. I am far from perfect. I’m moody, i’m grossily emotionally aware, my discernment is so high I’ll know by body language when someone is off. a tone of voice. A simple action. I pay close attention to my partner. When i’m filled with emotions? I’m still working on controlling rational reactions when feeling triggered, starting to ask for clarity before I go off the deep end. i’m working on my tweaks so the man God has for me don’t have nothing to appease but keeping my nervous system at ease. Even that’s not that hard. i’m such a simple lover. you make me happy? I’ll make you happier. +

my last relationships (2) both reconstructed my view of love. the first one not for the better (as time went on it actually was a blessing. that relationship taught me what inside of me needed to be healed/worked on) and my second one? taught mea sweet unconditional love do exist but it’s inside of me, both men were hellbent on tweaking my nature to fit their comfortability. the first man? he was just a controlling verbally abusive narcissistic jackass and the second one.. he was a sweet man, very protector and provider but, i outgrew men who constantly need to be babied or accepted for their harsh nature instead of changing it. you can’t constantly say to me what I need to change if it’s only helping you be comfortable in the relationship. when did I become prince charming? I’m the princess around this castle. I never have an issue owning my part in any problems that may arise in a relationship, heard or unheard. No one is going to get the chance to say I was the devil in their story unless they gotta LIE. both situations got something in common though.. they were rushed. love-bombing, nice gifts, future talks, all that cupcake and rainbows bs. but Love isn’t always like that? for me? it got dark and it got dark fast. we didn’t date, we didn’t really get to know each other deeply or emotionally, we weren’t friends first. we didn’t do what normal people are supposed to do to know if they want to even take the steps to get to all the good stuff. i was never pursued. no flowers just because, no popping up just because, no nothing. just immediately staked their claim and i sat there like tweedle-dee dummy & went along with it. then, came the nonsense. the harsh words, the things wrong with me, the way I talk, the way I think, the way I handle things, the way I do this that.. it was always me! aside from what they do to make me act that way. Andranae always has to take what people do to her or else. God forbid I defend myself. In the end? I’m always the bigger person. It went from being for their sanity to being for MINE. I had a man say to me ‘’you don’t even understand yourself.’’ *bombastic side eye* NO. Y O U don’t understand me so to make it sound like you’re not emotionally delayed you blame it on me. I know the type of woman I am, I know what I possess, I can tell someone about me if they ask whereas last year? I wouldn’t even know what to say. Re-discovering yourself again in your 20’s is like?? getting a colonoscopy. Gotta get all of the shit you’ve built up inside of you that’s physically harming you out, with the hopes you don’t have to do that again so you consume healthier habits. that’s where i’m at right now. I want to do so many things better. Show up for God better. Show up for myself better. Clear my mental better. Continue to rebuild my comfort zone. I’ve become so at peace with being to myself, I enjoy my distance from the outside world. Do I miss physical connection? Of course I do. I’m a lover girl but I don’t wan love from friends or men until it’s intentional, God-approved and safe. Someone who actually wants to know Andranae for the woman she is when she closes her bedroom door. The one who lays on her bed in complete silence sometimes to quiet her mind. Who likes to sit by the water and journal. Who loves old-school r&b music cause it feeds her soul to be loved/yearned like the lyrics say. Who likes watching her favorite youtubers play video games. The writer who pans out her ideal love stories through the eyes of her leading characters. Whose first turn when distressed is God for guidance. A genuine, deep-rooted lover who doesn’t like to fight. She nurtures, multiples, waters and provides. Sometimes she does bottle everything up and cry randomly one day, then she’s fine. Love her, she’s dramatic. She’s relearning everyday to love herself more than the idea of herself that she has. A question that burns my soul sometimes is : Just like your exes, were you in love with the potential of the woman you thought you could be instead of the woman God is calling you to be?

- my next partner is my very last one, i’m no longer chasing.. i’m waiting to be chased: people this very sick idea that I’m supposed to be chasing them. cinderfellas is at an all-time high today & the real men are being watered down because women rather chase men. I don’t care what a man’s outer appearance looks like. He could be out here having his way, going there here everywhere. Driving a very nice car. Great Career. and be the absolute scum of the earth. I stopped praying for the materialistic aspects of a man & started to ask God.. ‘’please send me a man crafted in your image.’’ I don’t want nothing shorter than a MAN OF GOD. That man has to walk God, talk God, move by Gods demand, engrossed with the word of God. I’m not asking for no bible humper man that’s telling me put on an apron, go make him dinner and have his big headed babies. I’m PRAYING for the man that goes ‘’Let’s pray about it babe.’’ A man that sees I’m having a day and will pray for me, without second guessing make the day better for me with something so simple. The man God has molded for me? fits specifically me and vise versa. He will glow differently, take care of himself differently. A man who prioritizes his relationship with Christ and himself? Is the man you should always go for. No one is saying he can’t go and have fun, do manly things, live his life it’s just little boy stuff don’t excite him. A man who’d rather indulge in things that create memories, open the lane for education and knowledge, bonding. A man who knows who he is inside and with God is ideal. I need a man who listens to me when i’m talking, not just for himself but for my mental. You’ll know when you’ve gotten yourself a man of God cause you just melt into him etc. Connecting spiritually is the one sign of intimacy I crave. I’m a sapiosexual. Stimulating my mind is the key to my heart. Redefining my love languages and I’m adding those 2 things. He will pursue me and never stop. I can lean on him without being ridiculed for my nature and vise versa. I don’t need a yes man, of course let me know when I”m being steered wrong but not with everything I say (something that kept happening in my last relationship). Builds me up internally and not just physically. (even though, don’t ever stop telling me i’m beautiful or I’ll think you hate me). I can’t wait till me and this man paths cross..he doesn’t even know the type of life of love we will have/create. I don’t need no Ciara prayer, or anyone else’s. Just my own cause I want my own testimony on a love God curated just for me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Most importantly? My relationship with God being priority.

God showed me months on months ago that life for me will be different. I asked for 2026 that the foundation of my assignment be formed so i’ll have the ground to stand on to sustain it. He went to work. I’ve been doing some accelerated self improvement, spiritual growth, immediate detachment from unwanted bonds, needing prayer more than a bad habit. I’ve went from praying for material things to change in my life to internal things to strengthen so I can continue to take what’s being thrown at me. In the beginning I forgot what I asked God for this year. I started this year so ready for any challenge he threw at me until he actually threw bricks at me. He said HERE YOU GO, OH THIS TOO, WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT THIS AS WELL, OH SHOOT TAKE THIS WITH YOU. Im standing here looking at him like Angelicas balding doll on the Rugrats because God what are you DOING!?! Stop!!! Until it clicked to me. Then he goes ‘’This is what you asked for.’’ I’ve been dancing around thinking I didn’t need to work on anything else. I’ve dealt with my family trauma, my friendship trauma, relationship trauma & i’ve put a lot of things to rest. God said the work isn’t done cause you’re asking me for a husband, businesses, education, financial freedom. I need your legs and spirit stronger before you get all of that but you will get it. So he’s actually took away every crutch, every bad habit, every irrelevant attachment, lust. Reminding me that I am so blessed with gifts he’s supplied me with and haven’t used them to their fullest extent. I will show you what’s attainable and make you work for it, all i’m asking is for you to commit to me for a little while n I got you. And God, i’m trusting nobody but you with my life as you already had it planned out. I’ve accepted my part in my own pain, i’ve surrendered and will continue.

Please when yall refer to me.. refer to me as God’s unhinged daughter. Thank you for reading and God bless you. I’ll be back <3

Andranae

#mental health #women empowering woman #black stories #spiritual growth #christianity #self care #god fearing