#godbothering

[suzirya]

I'm introducing the phrase "that's the devil talking, telling you that you don't deserve to feel good" into the household lexicon 😈

[wakingfromthewater]

It's Advent 2, the first Sunday in December and I am not in service, I have not been in rehearsals since October, I am in the empty office playing O Magnum Mysterium out of the shitty speakers of my Dell because I can't remember the composer of the piece I want to hear only how the sheet music looks, I used to say that it's not Christmas until I hear this or sing that but the truth is that Advent means Christmas will come regardless of any of that. That you have time to decide to be ready.

[loki-zen]

Really, I think Elder Price spoke for all of our existential crises when he sang

“Heavenly Father, why do you let bad things happen? More to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me?”

[suzirya]

Watching Conclave as an ex-Catholic gave me the weirdest processing dream last night

[suzirya]

Living just comes with a bit of heartache

Heartache comes with a bit of young faith

Faith stays young till your heart get broken

Hope grows up to become someday

[wakingfromthewater]

Also because I won't have to hedge my bets by appealing to heaven much longer, here are the medals I've worn every day like dog tags as I interacted with ~60k strangers during a pandemic.

I don't want to be self-aggrandizing. I am extraordinarily lucky to have lost only people with a few degrees of separation from me. The friends I was most worried about, including the ones who got sick, have survived and seemingly without severe after-effects. But I also knew every day that I had no room for error. That if I brought it home I would probably be fine, but my family would not be. Every time I thought about treating something like it wasn't a big deal I would think, "We only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always."

377 days after I got an email saying work would be closed for a minimum of two weeks "out of an abundance of caution" and I got my second vaccination. Which is currently making me extremely unwell. But I am also overwhelmed with the possibility of not feeling so desperately conscious all the time and the knowledge that so many people are not safe yet, we can only start to face what the pandemic has done to us and to our collective lives, and we have so far to go still.

[wakingfromthewater]

Churches, churches everywhere, nor any imposition of ashes at a time and place where I can personally attend between the twin demands of my doctor’s appointment and Dyke March Committee.

[wakingfromthewater]

I saw someone make a very sanctimonious post about how the OP is using Lent to unpack their relationship with white supremacy and so should everybody else and I nearly told them that you're not supposed to use Lent to do stuff you should be doing anyway.