"A girl died because I was too afraid to love her"

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"A girl died because I was too afraid to love her"
Loyal souls know betrayal better than anyone.
Whiskey words & a shovel III, R.H. Sin
A few years ago, I tried to kill myself. May 8th 2013. I was sitting in my bathtub, sobbing. I had my razors ready beside me. I had a million thoughts and I couldn't think straight. The amount of times people have hurt me, betrayed me. I was ready. I just laid there in the bathtub and I wish someone would just stop me. It's just ever since I moved to this bullshit town, it feels like everyone wanted to bring me down. Until now it's still the same shit, everyone here is the same. The only thing that stopped me was my brother and I knew I couldn't leave him. What would he tell his friends? I couldn't just leave him like this. I try to be the best sister I could but I feel like I'm always lacking. I hope he knows I'm trying. I hate letting him see me cry. I'm so glad that I didn't let myself die. I've learned tons, but I'm still treated the same way. I've met some people, but loneliness is still there. I've done many things I shouldn't have, but at least I'm still here. I just wish I knew better. I wish I could take care of myself, the same way I take care of others. I wish my younger self knew what to do.
ex is short for exit this is what I've come to realize stop leaving the door open for someone who no longer deserves a key
Whiskey, Words, and a Shovel II, r.h. Sin
Little steps for feeling better/self love
-Wear your favourite lingerie -Play your upbeat music -Dance a bit -Take a bath -do a full glam makeup look -have a spa day -go shopping with friends -take lots of photos -paint/draw -write! -pick your favourite upbeat song and use it to wake up in the morning (mine is wake up by arcade fire and I'll be fine by clairy browne) -pick outfits for the week -do/cut your hair -dress up fancy for no reason -buy a book and put tabs on your favourite parts -cry a little if emotion needs to come out, no need to hold it in -have a little get together with your friends -go on a hike -go on adventures (picnics or go somewhere you haven't been) -go to an indie cafe -try slam poetry or go to a slam poem event
You think I learnt the wrong lesson
But you don’t know that i'm constantly testing myself
Guess who’s getting laid on fridayyyy
FINALLY lol
I just cried until my face started to sting and honestly I think I actually feel better after bottling all my stupid ass emotions up. It was like a panic attack and I was scared that I would kms but it’s all good I feel relieved now lol I’m in a phase where I pick a moment from the whole thing and just overthink it until I cry