genre : angst. mental health awareness. sweet gojo <3
word count : 1.2k
warnings : severely unedited, and contains word vomit. . . this is a vent post for myself, and mental health. it does not at all depict any specific form of illness, nor is it meant to be accurate for each individual. this is for me, and my emotional stability. it’s how me, myself, and i, feel.
11:25 AM.
"i think that our last mission actually went pretty well! fushiguru, nobara, and i handled it all quickly. gojo sensei even said he was proud of us!" yuuji spoke to you, walking side by side with the other two students that he cared so deeply about.
the only issue was… you stopped listening. it wasn't that you were uninterested, or didn't care about the excitedness that took him over. in fact, you cared about them all very much. you wanted to listen, to hear every word and be proud of the group for getting stronger and working together; but you couldn't. not when your hearing kept fading in and out. your ears only caught every other word, unable to piece any of them together. with each step you took, you felt it got harder to breathe. your eyesight occasionally unfocused, everything within just a few feet of you going blurry. only the outline of shapes could be seen.
were you just asked a question by someone? you couldn't quite tell. the only thing that sounded in your head was an obnoxiously loud buzzing, that made your brain go fuzzy. as if on cue, your sight clouded again. a seemingly innocent pebble landed in your way, causing your ankle to just barely twist as you hit the harsh sidewalk belonging to the jujutsu school. your body tripped forwards, and you landed with a thud on your knees. that was it. it had to be. just a little scrap to your body, and you'd be on your way again. hopeful to finish the conversation you had tried desperately to engage yourself in.
… only, the buzzing grew louder.
it pounded on your head, abusing your skull as if it had been a cage that the sound was trapped in. pounding, pounding, and pounding to be released. why wouldn't it stop?
make it stop! you silently begged to yourself, the plea going unheard by everyone as they watched in horror. what had gotten into you? the three students stepped away, afraid to speak, console, or even touch you. they didn't understand. why were you pulling so violently at your hair? why were you screaming out into the courtyard that the noises wouldn't stop?
it grew more intense. your skin began to feel as if it had a creature underneath it. crawling beneath it quickly and steadily, only before it began clawing at you. it wanted out. the anxiety wanted to rip you to shreds, and it made you dig at your skin for it to stop. another painful scream echoed out of your lips, sounding as if your throat had already gone hoarse as you did nothing but sob into your hands begging for it all to stop. had you finally cracked? every feeling and emotion that you hid beneath the surface– the worry, fear, and anxiety, all crept through until it could chip away and leave you here. a void of your own doing.
hands fell onto your shoulders, bringing your shaking frame into something steady. the feeling made you jump back, looking to escape. the embrace only tightened. he should have known to not touch you so suddenly without warning; but something had to ground you quickly and get you somewhere quiet to breathe. he didn't have the time to wait. especially not when he heard your screams from across the campus, and became burdened with his own fear for you. realizing you had nowhere to run, you opened your eyes to stare up at what had held you. gojo satoru kept you secure to his chest, while you struggled to breathe.
his lips were moving… what was he saying? you couldn't read them, and your ears refused to pick up on any sound other than your heart beating violently against your ribs. you needed to hear that voice. to feel his own heart instead of yours. you needed– yet you couldn't have. listen to him speak, dammit, you thought to yourself. tears streaming freely as you couldn't escape the mental prison you had somehow locked yourself in.
"gojo, what's happening to y/n?!" itadori asked, concern contorting his expression.
nobara was next, almost in tears of her own. "are they going to be okay? what can we do?!"
gojo shared a look of pain with megumi, hoping he'd understand. he had to get you far away from here, and keep you somewhere safe and to yourself. he knew this would happen, he tried so hard to protect you from the world; but it turned out he couldn't protect you from yourself. gojo looked relieved as megumi turned away from the two of you, grabbing his friends hands and dragging them towards the dormitories. shouts of disapproval and frustration from them could be heard by everyone in a ten mile radius. you could almost make out the words… until your sight refocused on gojo's lips. he was talking. was it to you? what was he saying?
come on, heart. shut up… quiet down, would you?!
"i'm sorry i wasn't here sooner, dove. i should've noticed you weren't okay," he sighed, pressing his forehead to yours as he began to lift you into his arms. "i'm going to take it all away for a little while, alright? long enough for you to rest, and come back to me so that i can help properly this time. i need you to be okay, i can't lose you."
truthfully, your boyfriend was terrified for you. it had never gotten this bad before, and he knew that he had no way of truly helping you escape the place you were often stuck in. he couldn't do much… but he could gently press two of his fingers to your forehead, mumble an i love you that you couldn't hear, and cause you to sleep in his arms. it wasn't a permanent fix, but it allowed you to stop crying, and for your heart to cease its aggressive palpitations.
when you awoke, he vowed to see to your peace.
time no longer felt real with you tucked away in his apartments. your senses regained their purpose, but you clung to him like a wounded child that was lost. over and over, all you could mutter into his skin was soft 'i love you's'. nothing peaceful would ever last for you, that much you knew. no matter what you did, you would never find happiness so pure that it would save you from the darkest parts of yourself. the parts that caused your own destruction time, after time. not every moment could be laughter, and serenity.
. . . but with gojo satoru around, you could at least breathe without restrictions.
i am a minor so if that makes you uncomfortable then dni.
The word angry wasn't nearly enough to describe how you felt right now.
You were beyond mad. Beyond pissed, beyond infuriated.
But your husband seemed so calm, as if he didn't have a care in the world.
As if he didn't just cheat on you with some random girl you've never met.
As if today wasn't the last day he'd be a married man. Though, you'd break that news to him later.
Right now all you cared about was the man towering over you. Soft lips kissing every patch of skin possible, hands tracing over your barely clothed body.
"I knew you'd come to me, princess. I am hard to resist after all," he sends a teasing smirk your way, bright blue eyes finding your own.
Normally you'd rebuttal with a flirty and sarcastic comment of your own. But you'd decide to let him have his moment for now.
"Suguru didn't know how good he had it, hm? You gonna finally let me take care of you?"
A nod of your head is all the confirmation Gojo needs, as he immediately goes to pull your lace panties off.
You'd deal with your cheating husband after you had your way with his best friend. Being petty never felt so pleasurable.
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