Dec 22, 2017
never imagined that one day I’d look around, and you just wouldn’t be there.
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United States
never imagined that one day I’d look around, and you just wouldn’t be there.
I realized that to restore that closeness with my colleagues that has always been so important to me, I needed to let them in. And that meant being more open and vulnerable than I ever wanted to be. I told those I work with most closely that they could ask me their honest questions and I would answer. I also said it was okay for them to talk about how they felt.
https://www.facebook.com/sheryl/posts/10155617891025177:0)
No, that trauma you faced was not easy, And God wept that it hurt you so; But it was allowed to shape your heart, So that into His likeness you’d grow. - Russell Kelfer
11/30
i wasn’t ready to live without you.
wow. not my words - but my words. 11.27.2017
11.18.17 - The first day of the rest of my life without my mom.
a reoccurring nightmare I would have as a child was the death of my mommy. and now, I am living out my biggest fear. my mom was my best friend. any and everything I put my mind to she supported me and never doubted it. I could talk to my mom about anything. I could never hold a secret from her, I would just end up telling her everything. Because she was that easy to talk to and understanding, I never felt like I couldn’t talk to her about something. and if I was doing cheer, theatre, basketball or anything mama was at every event. never missed. and she was so strong, so strong for so many years and because of her strength and just fighting her MS since 2000, I am at peace that she is resting. I keep telling my family what’s keeping me sane about this whole situation is know my mom has finally achieved a relief from her illness and us wanting her to still be here with us and in pain would be selfish. we have no clue what pain comes with MS. she wouldn’t have left me if she knew I couldn’t handle this. i’m just going to miss her so much. 20 years on this earth and I haven’t had to live a day without her, until now. “In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.”
Fall 2017
I hate that I couldn’t blog everyday, but I am keeping a journal with more private records. I can honestly say I have reached semi-happiness. I am still a work in progress but ever since I started back regularly attending church, paying my tithes and retracting back to my orignal self, I have found the beauty from within. I see my awesomness more now! (haha!) but its so crazy that when you begin to love yourself, people see you as concieted. But I’ve reached the point where I absoutely do not care. It’s time to stop putting myself and my happiness last. I’ve been filming a lot more (recently just achieved 150,000 views!!!) and businesses have been reaching out to me for sponsorships! I randomly picked up my pescatarian diet and as of today (11/14) I am nearly a month and 1 week clean of meat products! As I was reflecting on my goals for 2017, I am happy to say I have acomplished more than half! That is the first!!! I’m still focused and going strong! After thanksgiving, I am going to cut out dairy so that will make things a bit harder but if I can go a whole month without meat and not even crave it, I can do the same for dairy products (bye, bye queso!)
Anyways, life is still crazy. weird, random situations. but I’m enjoying the ride (in the most morally way possible)
xo.