scopOphilic_micromessaging_1247 - scopOphilic1997 presents a new micro-messaging series: small, subtle, and often unintentional messages we send and receive verbally and non-verbally. (2022)
A man walked up to me today with his peen hanging out.
I'm a mail carrier on a highway contracted route in Alaska. I do work for the USPS, but I'm not employed with them. These are routes that are too spread out and too rural even for the USPS employed rural carriers, so they contract these routes out to independent carriers like us.
So, that's what I was doing today when I got an eye full of a 50 yr old penis. This is how it happened.
I pull up to a stop, and since this particular stop was what I consider to be the halfway point of my route, I decided to check my email. I was waiting for something important and I didn't want to miss it. I wasn't even there a minute when I looked up to see a big white truck pull up in front of my little Forester.
I decided, ok, I'll wait a little more and proceed to mess around on my phone while this dude gets out of his truck and goes to check his mail.
He gets back into his truck, and I wait another minute, but he doesn't leave. OK, I think to myself, maybe he decided to read his mail before he drives off. So, I get out, grab the next bundle of mail, and pull the arrow key out of my pocket to open the first CBU (Cluster Box Unit), and I start delivering the mail all the while I'm acutely aware of everything around me. I'm delivering mail on the side of a highway with only my car to shield me from the traffic going by 20 mph over the posted speed limit. By now I can tell by the sounds of the tires on each car if they are just driving past me or if they are going to stop behind my car and ask me some inane question like "Do you have anything for me?" You're a complete stranger to me. Am I supposed to know who you are? But on this particular day, the traffic on that road was nearly non-existent
Since he hasn't left yet, I decided to deliver the mail to each CBU before I even start on the packages. I don't care that he's sitting there as long as he stays in his truck. I get halfway done with the third unit when I hear his truck door open again. I can hear the snow crunch under his feet as he approaches me. So, I close up the CBU all the while mentally preparing myself for yet another stupid question. He doesn't disappoint, either. Upon seeing that I closed up the CBU, he asks, "I guess I have to go get my key then?" I turn to answer him and tell him that yes, he needs his key to get his mail when I see something that I never once saw in all my seven years of working retail.
Don't get me wrong, though, I've seen a lot of shit working retail. Some of it even included actual shit. But seeing a grown ass man piss himself in the produce section while snacking on grapes still could not mentally prepare me for what I saw today.
This man stood there and asked me if I finished delivering the mail for box #5 all the while free ballin with his little Vienna sausage poking out of his fully unzipped and unbuttoned pants. It was roughly 20 degrees outside today. How could he not feel his Vienna sausage shrivel up like a piece of Jerky?
I quickly told him no and finished locking up the CBU. Then, as he was walking back to his truck to get his key, I walked back to my own vehicle and fully noped the fuck outta there. It didn't matter that I hadn't finished delivering the letters, nor did it matter that I never even started delivering the parcels. I just had to get away from there. I circled back, of course, after completing all the other stops on that street. But I found he was still sitting there in his truck. So I passed the stop up again.
Later, after all my other stops had been completed, I would circle back one more time to find he finally vacated that stop. The folks got their mail and packages, just a little bit later than usual, thanks to their free ballin neighbor.
