#work stories

[barbaricjester]

Shout out to the little girl at my store today who had a shirt that said "skeleton mouse" and she was carrying around a plushie of a rat, had hair clips in her hair that had rats on them, and a necklace with a rodent skull on it.

As I was checking her mother out at the register she pulled out a handful of rubber rats from her pocket and put them on my counter, to which her mother sighed and said "no sweetie, he doesn't need rats" to which I just looked at her like this

[inbabylontheywept]

the fine and subtle art of arguing with old men

it was a good week for testing which meant it was a slow week for me. most of my job is fixing the machine when it goes down. if it doesn't go down, i don't have much to do. 

fortunately neither did marc. in a site full of ornery old bastards, he's the oldest and the orneriest, so it goes without saying that i enjoy spending time with him. he reminds me of my grandpa. hell, he reminds me of a lot of people. i've befriended enough grumpy old men that i've got a sort of momentum to it now - you know how it is, when you meet someone that reminds you of someone else you really like. you get to start that friendship off half built, because you already have an idea of how to like that guy, and some of that old warmth can be brought to the new friendship. a little ember to start the stove up with.

(i think that's one of the really undersold beauties of getting older. you stop viewing people as strangers and more like remixes of friends.)

anyway, i was sitting next to marc and we were talking about the future. i've got my eye on having kids sometime soon (year or two? hopefully?), and he's very happy for me. i've tried asking him for advice, but all he says is that he didn't do a great job with his own kids and they still turned out okay, so i should stress less and trust myself more. i hope he's right. he believes it, at least, and it's a hell of a thing to have the faith of an old man. his faith is hard won.

as for his plans, he's retiring at some point in the next six months, and is hoping to sell his home and buy something in florida. he's republican, so he views the state as paradise, and i'm not inclined to even try talking him out of it. it's his dream, you know? i know for a fact my paradise would be a lot of people's hell. life's funny like that.

still, we kept going on, and it was a good time, and then he reminisced about the last time he got close to quitting - back around 2020. our job required getting vaxxed, and he refused, and there was a big kerfuffle about it before the job actually backed down. i know there's not a lot of sympathy for the unvaxxed out here, but the man's 62. you get the shot when you're under 30 to protect the people around you, but when you're over 60, you're just getting it to protect yourself and it's hard to be mad at someone for kicking their own ass. 

still gave me pause though. i knew he wasn't going to take it well, but half the job of collecting curmudgeons is keeping them around, so i said 

hey. i'm sorry they bent your arm over it, but.

but. 

you should really get that shot. 

and he looked over at me, and i looked at him, and he actually spat. not on me, just the concrete, but it was enough to show that he was mad. then he walked away, as abrupt as anything.

i felt bad about it. i wasn't sure what i'd expected, when he was willing to lose his job over it before, but i'd been so invested in his dream of retirement - the idea of him sipping margaritias on a beach next to his wife, the wife he calls every day during lunch, the wife he says is the one thing in life he ever got right on the first try. the wife that almost divorced him back when he was in the airforce because he just wasn't home enough. 

(but he can be home now.) 

and then he mentioned the vax thing, and it was like seeing a pin hit a balloon. he works out every day and takes all sorts of crazy vitamins and is generally committed to getting the most out of his pension and his life. i didn't want this dumb weak point to be his achilles heel. 

---

i wasn't actually sure how long marc would be mad at me. i've seen him stay mad at some people for weeks. i wasn't sure if being friends would make that time go up or down. 

it went down. i'm glad it went down. 

he stopped being mad about two days later. we were doing front end maintenance one morning, and it was just that simple mechanical rhythm - hex key, replace the anode sheets, punch some off-gassing holes, oil it up, put it back in - that put things at ease. it always does. people working there are too busy to remember grudges, and it has this sort of mandatory practical communication that helps smooth things over. it was going great, and then out of the blue he said babs, you gotta be careful giving advice. those shots come with complications. what would you do if i got that shot, had a stroke, and died? 

and i don't know what answer he was expecting, but i just told him the truth, which is that i would be devastated. i'd feel like i killed him. i thought that was a pretty normal response, but he looked taken aback. he asked why i said it then, and i said i'd have felt the same if he died of covid. that's just life. sometimes, there's no way forward that doesn't risk some kind of regret. 

we finished the tube after that, in a silence that felt heavier than peace but lighter than anger. it felt like the ball was back in marc's court. like it would be rude to take that turn from him. 

we parted ways with a nod and didn't speak until the next day. 

---

i was doing spreadsheet work when he found me again. standard paper engineering - thinking of things we might need and ordering them in batches, months ahead of time. it always feels a little like plugging holes in a dam with my fingers. 

but he popped up, and we didn't even exchange pleasantries. he just said i'm gonna die one day, and you can't blame yourself for that. 

which is a hell of a thing to just tell someone right off the bat. 

so i said what 

and he said babs, i am in my 60s. something is gonna get me eventually, and whether it's covid or heart disease, or a stroke, there will be something you could have said or done before. and that's okay. it's not your job to make me live forever. 

and you know, he actually made a lot of sense. so i said 

okay. 

i'll keep your business yours. i just

you were talking about your retirement before this. and i want that for you very much. you've worked hard for 45 years, and you deserve a break. we're getting to sick season, and it would be the saddest fucking thing in the world if you got this close to winning the race then tripped in the last ten feet. 

and we sat there a few moments longer. i wasn't sure what to say, and i wasn't sure what he'd say, but eventually he just shrugged and said

yeah 

then he left. i figured that would be the end of it. 

---

i did front end maintenance yesterday, after being gone a week. it's one of my favorite things to do. i like working with my hands. i really like working with my hands. i'm glad i went to college, but in a different life, i think i could've made a better electrician than an electrical engineer. 

and at one step, when we were both hoisting the plate back onto the machine, his sleeve rode up, and i saw two bandaids on his arm. 

we finished the install, and i was ready to go back when marc actually stopped me. 

i got the shot, he said, almost embarrassed. like he'd been caught. and i knew he was gonna say something dumb about it, so i just cut him off by giving him a hug. 

i was relieved. hugging old men is kind of like picking up cats. if they like you a lot, they'll tolerate it, but that's about it. we sat there maybe three beats before his hands went up, and then he gave me one overly-hard thump on the back. in my experience, this is how old men tell you that they're done, so i let him go.

carla talked me into it, he said, almost defensive. his wife. his one good decision.

tell her i said thanks, i said back.

trump got the shot too, he said, less defensive, but oddly pleading. like he was consoling himself.

like he was nervous.

then it's gotta be safe, i said, and he looked up at me, strangely searching, strangely vulnerable. i don't know exactly what he was looking for, but i guess he found it because after a few moments his shoulders relaxed.

yeah, he said, one hand on the back of his head.

it's gotta be.

[tgirl-tamag0tchi]

At work today there was:

1. An old lesbian woman who was very enthusiastic about my protect the dolls pin once I explained what it was. As she was adamant about the importance of queer visibility in every day life to generate acceptance. She was sweet and just looking for a shovel handle lol.

2. The most disassociated and snooty looking academic egg with a thick grey wool sweater, white collar, and man bun. His eyes… were so sad. And he was kinda rude.

3. OMG FUCK SHE WAS HOT LIKE CORVY TRANS WOMAN WITH PRETTY BLACK FLOWER DRESS AND COOL SPACE TATTOOS AND BLEACH BLOND HAIR AND FUCK SHE WAS SO HOT DJJDJSKKSKSKSKKSKSKSKS #Imightbegaywhatamigonnatellmyfivegirlfriendsohno

[daysleftofsecondterm]

Something silly to share ! Hoping it brings some joy to someone :3

I work part time at a science museum in the cafe, and this particular museum is directed towards kids and families so we get tons of younger kiddos coming into the cafe every day. But one of my favorite things to do when a kid wants ice cream (or some other sweet treat) but its clear their parents or grandparents or whatever adult they're with doesn't want them to have sweets at 11 in the morning is to tell the kid "Nooo you don't want that, it's got Dinosaur Cooties on it". And I get one of two responses from this

One being "D: !!!!!!!" utter horror, "what do you MEAN dinosaur cooties exist??? I have to worry about THAT now???" and it is the funniest thing. Bonus points if the adult they're with plays along. Works best on younger kids, they're ALWAYS shocked that there's this New Cootie they have to worry about and suddenly the sweet treat is not at the forefront of their mind.

Response two being "No way >:(" to which I go "Yeah, you've seen Night at the Museum, right? The dinosaurs come to life every night! The big one in the lobby, her name is Rexie, she comes in here and *licks* all the ice cream, gets slobber *everywhere*, it's suuuuuper gross :(" That usually gets them LOL. Again bonus points if the adult plays along (most do, funnily enough!)

I've also had several kids come up to me throughout their meal and ask "Are you SURE there's dinosaur cooties on the ice cream???? D:" or something along those lines, and when I tell you I keep the bit going as long as I can.... It is so funny. I am nothing if not a man for the bit.

I love this energy. We do anything for the bit the next 1,067 days friend 🫡 dinosaur cooties be upon ye

[unnameablethings]

incident at work meeting today that I CANNOT stop thinking about:

my most eccentric coworker (man in his 60s. albert einstein hair. pants belted up around his ribcage. we'll call him Duck): "WAIT. Before we start the meeting. Hey Manager, do you remember the restaurant I told you about a while back, Patty's, in [town about a 2 hr drive from us]? And how it has the best pizza in the state? And you went to [town] and went to PATTY'S and then didn't get the pizza?"

Manager: "uhh. Yes?"

Duck: "Well I brought some for you!"

and my man fucking. pulls a ziploc bag out of his pocket. with half a slice of pizza in it. frozen solid. and deposits it into my manager's hand. And he says.

"Here. pizza from Patty's so you can try it."

Manager, in a tone of sort of surreal bewilderment: "The date on this says March 8th?"

Duck, BEAMING with pride over this sad greasy little ziploc of frozen pocket pizza: "That's the last time I went! I froze it for you though, you just need to thaw it so you can eat it."

Manager: "Thank you. Um. I'm not supposed to - I can't accept gifts from employees above a certain dollar amount but uh-" [he starts laughing] "I mean. this is a priceless item. Clearly. i don't know what the rules are for "priceless." I'll have to check, I guess."

Duck, SO helpfully, POSSIBLY joking (?): "If you leave it on your laptop during the meeting then the heat from your laptop will thaw it during the meeting."

Manager: "That's - okay. I am not going to do that. Thank you, Duck. Um. God. What was I even going to say."

[later, after the meeting is over, me and a couple coworkers following my manager back to his desk]

another coworker, morbidly curious: "Hey Manager are you going to eat it?"

Manager: "NO of COURSE not."

[meilas]

16yo coworker suggested we play the Taylor Swift playlist “because she’s getting married today!” Thanks for reminding me, I was doing a great job of not thinking about it! This is also the same coworker who said she liked Chick Fil A right in front of me, which should be classified as a hate crime.

[72dogs37cats1me]