December 12, 2017 - what rhymes with Tuesday Tuesday
Tuesday... News Day? Hm Hm.
(i totally didn't accidently number yesterday's blog post wrong and then quickly renumber it or anything)
OK so. Today's a bit on the introspection side of things. I wanted to go over some feelings I have felt yesterday and today that have enough about some interesting discussions between me and Geo. You remember that drawing request we received? Well thanks to my consistent procrastination it definitely took longer than it honestly should have. The user messaged us yesterday and asked if they could see the process on the drawing. It was no big deal and I was like 'yea sure no problem easy enough to do' and I took a screen cap of the lineart and sent it to them. The part that was strange is what conspired during the wait for their next message.
I starting having a whole bunch of second doubts. 'what if they hate it? What if it's not good enough? What if it's taking too long?' My mind filled up with these thoughts and I started freaking out. I don't usually second guess myself like this. I'm quite the perfectionist, but I don't drill myself with questions of what ifs. Geo noticed something was off and he asked me what's going on. I told him about my worries and how unpleasant they made me feel. I told him how scared I was of what the guys answer could be, and the anticipation was agonizing. Geo said he understood all too well, because those weren't my thoughts, they were his. He told me that they were invasive thoughts, and they are there every second of his life. He then became somewhat concerned because he was afraid part of his mind might be bleeding into mine. I wanted to tell him not to worry, but I was already in a state of panic and uncertainty.
Geo said not to associate with those thoughts. They are his and his alone, and he will deal with them. Then he told me that if the requestee said anything rude or mean, he would personally tell the dude off for me. Funny enough, this seemed to help me a lot as I regained my senses. Mind you the actual requester didn't respond for like 30 minutes so the wait for the response was quite long. In the end they said they really enjoyed the lineart, and were excited to see the finished product. I figured they would have said that, I mean I'm such a perfectionist how could he not love it hahahaha. Erm, anyways I felt silly for being concerned, but I was kinda happy too because I knew if I was actually in any kind of trouble Geo would be there to defend me. I can't just let him deal with that agony all alone. Unfortunately, that's probably part of the reason he is afraid to learn switching and co-fronting. The possibility of thought bleed and the chemical effects of the physical body on his mind seem to weigh heavily on him.
Geo might act like he doesn't really care, and he always wants to try to keep me at a distance from him, but I know he cares about me and everyone around him. If he didn't care, he wouldn't try to pick up the world alone on his shoulders.
I'll do my best to support him though. It's the least I can do for the one who protects me and bring me along for the magical journey that life has to offer~
