As you venture out into the galaxy, it's not all humanoids you know. Our universe is full of space-born life known as Cosmozoans. These creatures fly around the depths of space living their best lives and occasionally getting into crazy scrapes when a starship flies by. And you know what? A bunch are SO CUTE! We did a poll of our team to find out which ones we want to take home and snuggle with (not accounting for size).
So get out your EV suit, we’re here to pet space’s cutest lifeforms!
Gekli
These snuggly babies might get a bit close to your ship’s fusion reactors but there’s no denying how touchy-feely they can get. One, nicknamed ‘Junior’, was suckling off the Enterprise D until its kindred were found in a nearby asteroid belt. In our books, it can’t be blamed for thinking the Enterprise was mommy.
Farpoint creature
Maybe we’re pushing cuddly by including a jellyfish, but our local Benzite here, Mandiks, insisted. But what is undeniable is how beautiful and glorious these creatures are in their natural forms. When we say natural forms; well they also double as space vessels. So I guess you can cuddle them from the inside?
Gormagander
Sometimes given the misnomer, “space whale”, this majestic creature is endangered due to them being so obsessed with eating that they forget to reproduce. A feeling some of our readers may sympathise with. The bonus is adopting it in an official refuge will help protect them from hunters; so adopt a whale to save the whales!
Crystalline Entity
This handsome snowflake of awesome proportions might consume whole planets or all organic matter on a regular basis, but it has also consumed our affections. Just be sure to get your graviton pulses at the right rate or it may get confused as to where it’s dinner is.
Verugament
These gorgeous bioluminescent organisms migrate through space looking for new breeding grounds (they seem a lot better at that than the Gormagander; take notes, readers. We know you've been without, for seven years about). While easily small enough to get your arms around, they can deliver painful electric shocks and are considered by Bal here to be “icky” given their goopy texture. That's not for everyone, but they're definitely cute.
Gomtuu
Much like the aforementioned Farpoint creature, Gomtuu are sentiment organic space vessels who can communicate telepathically. These creatures share something with cats; the ability and will to defend their boundaries. Get too close without permission and you may find yourself caught up in an energy wave capable of destroying a Warbird. My cat is still more fierce about being petted without warning, however (incidentally, from our last pet poll it seems you lot are all about your cats too! Congratulations, we have readers of culture).
Rytonian
These little squid babies, again on the list thanks to Mandiks’ love of marine-looking life (we are told they have quite an aquarium at home), are formed from the gravity well inside nebulae. Large swarms may be formed during intense energy waves. Don’t you just want to boop their… their… I don’t see a nose but that won’t stop me booping them.
Tardigrade
These little creatures are a bit more of a huggable size. They’re interdimensional creatures who can incorporate other forms of DNA within their own and warp across the galaxy: your chief engineer can eat their heart out! (that's a human expression I'm told, we do not advise they actually do that). They’re friendly but fearsome in self-defence so absolutely do not be late with their dinner!
Disclaimer
We could include a great number of other entities such as the telepathic pitcher plant, Zetarians, Beta Renner cloud, Calamarain, Species 8472, Cosmic cloud, Nucleogenic cloud, space amoeba, and so on but we figure we have to draw the line at petting somewhere and have gone with the most common humanoid feelings on the matter. Do correct us though if you want to hug the space amoeba!
I'm just trapped here in a time loop
At the dumbest party of my life
But I'd rather forget or save the ship
Than look Ash Tyler in the eye
Everything was fine
When I accepted my fate
But through no fault of mine
He wants to ask me on a date
So I'm just Michael in a time loop
Michael in a time loop at a party
Can we really save the crew?
Michael in a time loop
Michael in a time loop at a party
No, Ash, I won’t dance with you
I’m running numbers in my head
trying to make a plan,
until that moment we’re all dead
then get reset again
I’m just Michael who you don’t know
Michael flyin’ solo
Michael in a time loop trying to help
I am hiding,
But he's out there
Just ignoring all my history
Memories get erased
And we'll get replaced
In an hour and be helpless, indeed
And I hear Stamets yell,
Tired of this bullshit on his own,
"Tyler, Burnham, I need you”
And my feelings sink
Cause it makes me think
I can’t pretend to be invisible anymore
Now I’m just
Michael in a time loop
Michael in a time loop at a party
I regret joining
Michael in a time loop
Michael in a time loop at a party
This ship deserves better than me
But I’ll help as long as he needs
'Til I’ve died a thousand times
I’ll blame it on duty
Or on my own pride
I'm just Michael
Who you don't know
Michael flyin' solo
Michael in a time loop by herself
Stop, stop, stop, stop
Something’s changing in me, I can’t
Stop, stop, stop, stop
I hurt everyone one I touch, so I should
stop, stop, stop, stop
If only if this time loop would
Stop, stop, stop, stop
Stamets, solve it soon because
Bang, bang, bang, bang
Mudd’s shooting everyone up
Bang Bang Bang Bang
If only if he would shut up
Clash, clash, clash, clash
We try to pin down this philanderer
But who expects a gormagander?
I try to stop him on my own
But then I don’t remember anymore
I can’t help but yearn, for a different time
No matter what Tilly says, I committed war crimes
And I look in the mirror
and the situation is clearer
And there’s no denying I’m just
Michael in a time loop
Michael in a time loop at a party
Can’t I stick to the Vulcan way?
Mmmm
Michael in a time loop at a party
Because I’d rather not say
I’ve been lonely all my life
and I miss the Shenzhou
And Ash has been on my mind
I’m just Michael who’s a loner
because she dethroned her
captain who dared choose her
God she’s such a loser
Michael flyin’ solo
Who you think that you know
Michael in a time loop just trying to help
Worse, she’s not by herself
All you know about me is my name
(whispers) This won’t end well, but I’m glad I came
Gormaganders spent their lives feeding off alpha particles in solar winds. Often so consumed by this task, they ignored all their instincts, including reproduction.“
Pretty sure my partner and I are Gormaganders. More eating, less children.
First Appearance: “Magic to make the Sanest Man go Mad” (DIS 2017)
Summary: These immense space-dwelling beings were on the Federation's Endangered Species list as of 2256. They fed on alpha particles in solar winds, and had virtually no reproductive instincts. Add to that the fact that some species, such as Orions, were known to hunt them for meat, and the Gormaganders were in serious trouble. Between 2246 and 2256, only 57 encounters with these gentle giants were recorded by the United Federation of Planets.
