#gov team

[heyheyitzrauuuul]

Failure

I've never been one to care too much about school, sure I tried the AP course thing and I'd strive for that A but it was always just a grade. Sure I was college bound but I was never going to reach my sister's level in terms of college admissions. She broke 2000 on SAT, I struggled to break 1900. She had a 3.8 going into Senior Year, I had a 3.6. She's going somewhere... I'm not. So my freshman year when I saw her fall in love with the We The People Program and saw her dedication take her to that 1st place in Nationals I thought that maybe if I could match her efforts and accomplishments within the program, my family would look to me with the same admiration they look to her with. It might have been naive of myself but I promised her I'd call from D.C. and tell her what the weather was like April 2013. However, Gov soon evolved from something I had to do, another school activity, a forgotten promise into the class I looked forward to, my top priority and a hope for more time competing with the team I loved.

But then they announced us as the best unit 1, that feeling is indescribable. Panic. Pain. Regret. Fear. Resentment. Hopelessness. Disappointment  Self-hatred. Sadness.lot's and lot's of sadness Such powerful emotions consumed me. Fox's words of the pity awards conflicted with how the judges had praised us. What did we do wrong. For a team that all around was praised and stunned the judges, what more could we have done. What more could I have done.They all speak of how great we did and how the rest wasn't in our hands but I'm bogged down with the what if's. What if someone else replaced me on the team? What if I had been more succinct? What if I had been more utterly convincing? What if.. 

Now back to the title, failure. After they confirmed what we had assumed and named another team as first, the feeling of failure was consuming. I feel like I failed my team. I failed my unit. I failed my sister who from South Africa was hoping for the best. But ultimately I failed myself. Gov had become everything to me and now I feel like an empty shell. I don't want free time, I don't want a social life. I honestly just want that Monday night thrill, that Sunday afternoon exploration of ideas and those 4th period peer judging sessions. And boy what I'd give to have made my sister proud. Guess I'll have to google the weather

[carolineontheshore]

Finally

in Washington, DC!!!

Just lazin' around on my comfy side of the bed.

She's talking to her little brother, and explaining what the Declaration of Independence is through National Treasure XD Ahhh, sibling love!

Willa's in the shower. Ay, here she is.

I am attempting to reconcile my sleep discrepancies but I am FREAKING EXCITED. LET'S GOOOOO!

[carolineontheshore]

I can't believe it...

Tonight was the last Chambers I will ever have as part of Gov Team. Ever.

7 days from now, we will hear the results of Nationals...

7 days from now, we will prove why the hell we've worked so hard in the past few months...

7 days from now, I think I'll experience some heartache regardless of what happens.

I just wanted to say, it's been an honor working with you guys.

[carolineontheshore]

Six months...

and it has all led to this Saturday.

Hours of studying, articulating, thinking in a frenzied fervor has taken over the past few weeks. I can't go without a day of thinking how Madison or Hamilton would think about one particular issue or the other. National or state? Is civil discourse really as bad as they say? What the hell is going on in America?

My life is never going to be the same as long as I have these 29 crazy kids around me. We will continue to have our 1 AM adventures, gorging on Kogi burritos while desperately looking for places to piss. We will sleep in the same room, the rhythmic wheezing of one person piercing the still silence as everyone dreams of something greater, something that they will be able to achieve one day. We will hold each other when despair attempts to rip us apart, never giving up hope because there's still so much more to add to the grand scheme of things.

We will lie on the cold concrete ground, soaking in the stars as we gather the strength to turn our hopes into reality.

Adrenaline slowly courses through my veins, my temples throbbing at a steady pulse as I concentrate. Sharpen that wit, make it keener than that sliver of obsidian.

Good skill to you all.

[carolineontheshore]

Late night adventures?

Hell yes.

[ishqoinqilab-blog]

Day 3: The Best Day

he best day of 2010? I don't know. I remember a bunch of really, really spectacular days, but I don't know which one is the best. 

That day in DC when we lobbied Congress and then, sitting on the steps of the Supreme Court, decided we were going to camp out for Chicago v. MacDonald. The excitement as I flagged a taxi for us (my first time ever!), conversing with the Nigerian driver in the front seat, the hilarity as we tried to fit on as many layers as possible in five minutes and then had to waddle out with our arms sticking out from our torsos because of all of the coats and sweaters we were wearing. There was Sam and I sprinting the last bit to the Supreme Court just because, and the Starbucks clerk who gave us all of the food for free, and talking to Adam Liptak of the NYT, and those ABC reporters and that blue-haired law student from George Mason and all of us wrapped up like Chipotle burritos in those aluminum blankets and doing cartwheels on the sidewalk and finally lying down and looking up and seeing the spectacularly lit Capitol Building right in front of my eyes... What made this day beautiful was the youthfulness of all of us, our energy bubbling over because we were doing something so unbelievably stupid and hilarious and once-in-a-lifetime, and that all of us were so close. We cared (and still care) for each other so much. I guess you could also say that the second to last day of States with Gov Team in Sacramento was also incredible, because just like in DC, I felt so much love and support and warmth emanating from everybody, all of us freaking out over court cases and law terminology in the same room and congratulating everybody and singing Ain't No Mountain High and giving possibly the best pep talk I've ever given in my life, and when it was over and all of us were stuffed in Samuel's room being ridiculous and Bhargav and I giving a speech at the banquet and oh dear god, the dance afterwards that proved that MVGT was probably the best thing to ever happen to the We The People organization.

I think another rather understated best day would have to be one from New York City with journo in March. That was the day where Roxy and I decided to skip basically every session of the conference (they weren't really useful, anyway) and instead went to the farmer's market and the grocery store and walked around the Columbia/Morningside Heights area and had a picnic in front of the Columbia library, joined by other journo kids and all of us just laughing and talking and lolling around in the grass, warmed pleasantly by the surprisingly hot March sun, and it was just a gorgeous day. I loved it. It made me glowingly happy, that sort of understated bubbling up of joy and warmth and I love being alive type feeling. What a gorgeous day.

There were plenty of days at Tufts, too, that were absolutely beautiful. But they've become all muddled in my mind so I can tell you oh, that time we played Quelf and stole three boxes of pizza and a crate of Honest Tea from the campus center, and right, that time we played lava monster tag in the common room or that one time when we went to that chocolatier in Harvard Square and that day when we sprinted up to the library roof in our socks to catch the blindingly beautiful sunset, or I don't know, everything. Tufts semester one is like one big long day full of awesome (and overwork, and sleep deprivation, and stress, and wonderful people). 

[ishqoinqilab-blog]

Seeing Things

t's a new feeling, returning as a visitor. Seeing the people I once saw day in and day out, people who I knew and talked to all the time...

I guess I miss those days. Gov Team. Journalism. College is strange, in that it's not special anymore to be with your friends all day, studying until the wee hours of the morning, or taking "field trips" out into the city. It's not a big deal anymore, that Gov Team is going to DC for a week and we're going to bond and we're going to live in hotel rooms together because in college that's all you do, basically - and you don't get that same giggly hyper energetic feeling anymore and people don't magically come together in that invigorating way the way they do on overnight trips in high school, like all of a sudden you're sharing these experiences and oh my god, everyone is so much closer now, la de da.

But at the same time, I wouldn't go back to those times in high school. At least, I don't think I would. Maybe sometimes. But that's just moving on, right? To bigger and better things. It's the same way with transitioning to elementary to middle school to high school - we lost things along the way each time. We lost playground tag, we lost before-school-library hours where we frantically copied each other's homework, and now we lost that strange camaraderie of high school students on field trips. That's the only way I can describe it, really. High school students on field trips. But college brings so much more, brings independence and it's so much about YOU the INDIVIDUAL, which in itself is invigorating. But yes. I wish I had a "gov team" or a "journo" in college, though I think that's just a matter of time before I find it. The LEAH Project, for one, is developing into that sort of a thing for me. I hope it does.

What I'm really trying to say here, though, is that it was wonderful to see Gov Team again. The evening in downtown San Jose, eating at Subway and of course, those last few hours in Quickly's reminded me so much of our team dinners and field trips and Chipotle outings...I love how we always find things to laugh about. I love how we sit there and we reminisce about DC and States and Mr. Chiang, but at the same time we're making new memories. We've changed, of course we've changed. Our group dynamics have changed. But we're still Gov Team, and it appears that there still ain't no mountain too high for us.