#gradilton

[a-deadletter]

brain, we studied and we fought and we cried for this damn dissertation that we now get to write

me: hear me out

me: a series of experiments, anonymously taken, defending my hypothesis to the public

brain: no one will take them

me: i disagree

brain: and if they fail?

me: brain, that's why we need them!

brain: your dissertation's a mess

me: so it needs revisions...

brain: it's full of contradictions

me: so's the whole damn division! we have to start somewhere...

[a-deadletter]

Getting "Non Stop" stuck in my head while working on my dissertation

Hamilton: What are you waiting for? What do you stall for?

Me: Writing makes me anxious and checking Tumblr once every 5 minutes gives me some semblance of reprieve even if it's probably ultimately hurting my productivity DUDE GET OFF MY CASE

[a-deadletter]

How my defense is probably going to go

Me: Ladies and gentlemen

Audience: Okay... that's kind of a weird way to start off a talk...

Me: You could have been anywhere in the world tonight but you're here with us in this classroom

Audience: Oh god not this again

Me: Are you ready...

Audience: No no no

Me: FOR A DISSERTATION DEFENSE?!

[a-deadletter]

What if dissertation defenses were like duels? Like, you get your best friend to try to convince your committee that you don’t really need to defend, it’s not really worth it. If they so no, then as soon as you get to the podium, count to ten and throw your dissertation in the air. That’ll put an end to the whole affair.

[a-deadletter]

Only first year, but my mind is older

first year grads: I prob’ly shouldn’t brag, but, dag, I amaze and astonish! The scholars say I got the same virtuosity and brains as my pops! The ladies say my brain’s not where the resemblance stops!

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven terms later: *dies*

[a-deadletter]

Standing outside while your friend defends their thesis

me: I WANNA BE IN THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS

[a-deadletter]

I can't stop until I finish my defense draft

me: They're being intransigent.

chair: You have to find a compromise.

me: But they don't have an analysis, they just hate mine.

chair: Convince them otherwise.

me: What happens if I don't get my committee's approval?

chair: I imagine they'll call for your removal.

[a-deadletter]

Grad school be like

The professor got overwhelmed after grading 5. My co-TA graded 29. I GRADED THE OTHER 51!