Jar of 2013: Because Gratitude
Like every other girl on Pinterest last January, I saw the idea for a grateful jar: recognize moments/milestones/gifts for which you’re grateful & write ‘em down in real time. Drop them into a designated jar to read a year later.
Today is one year later and I’m surrounded by scraps of paper representing the high points of 2013. Life-changing moments like “my memoir launched today” are beside “Huge Trader Joe’s is four avenue blocks from my place!” I relive the relief of “no complications with Mom’s angiogram” and “Dad was granted a three-month medical leave.”
I’m flashing back to “Jessica Todd’s Tumblr campaign” to secure a reading for me in North Carolina and the surreality of “seeing my Modern Love essay in print” in The New York Times. I’m giddy all over again when I see “Marie Claire Australia commissioned side-by-side essays from me and Laurie!” (April 2014 issue) and “The Marie Show with Laurie” for Mother’s Day.
I am holding scraps of evidence for a year of firsts: for my writing career and my role as new mom to my 20-year-old-daughter, Laurie. But a part of me struggles to assimilate these triumphs—2013 seems like my most fulfilling year to date?—in the context of my loss. As in, how did I manage this without Alberto? How was he not present for these milestones?
And then I remember the well-timed heart shapes, the inexplicable signs, the perfect day with his mother, the conversations we shared in my dreams. And feel like he missed exactly none of it.
