The good thing about losing weight is you get to buy new clothes. The bad thing about losing weight if you have to buy new clothes – including underwear. Should you ever find yourself in this position, either (1) be very vigilant about discarding your now too big underwear, or (2) refrain from buying the same color/pattern as the underpants that no longer fit. Fail at these and you risk finding yourself in a hurry one morning and donning the old underwear. As they're still fresh from the laundry, you will not notice at first that they are two sizes too big. You will only notice once you have arrived at the office, parked your car, and begun the trek to your desk. At this point your underwear will begin sliding down. Since you're being a professional woman that day, and therefore wearing a dress, you will lack any fabric reinforcements to prevent them from falling. You adopt a peculiar gait as you have to hitch your underwear back up every third step. You step-step-hitch from the car to the elevator, and from the elevator to the street. The street in front of your office. The second busiest street in the entire city. During morning rush hour. You step-step-hitch your way across the first three lanes. Directly in the center of the street, with a full complement of cars waiting for the light to turn green, you miss. Step-step-hitch becomes step-step-drop, and your black and white polkadotted underpants are now in the center of the road. Not knowing what else to do you simply step out of them and continue your walk to your desk, hoping at the very least that no one was walking behind you. As you round the bend in the steps on the other side you can see your underpants still in the center of the road, the lace trim ruffling in the breeze. You make it to your cubicle and collapse, red-faced, in a fit of giggles. When you go back outside an hour later, your underpants have disappeared.
