Never have I been more deeply affected by media than when it depicts a pair of siblings that were doomed from the start.
And I could just leave that there but I won't because I mean this in the "I love you but I don't really know you." way, and the "why did you leave me?" way, and the "I never left you, I swear, I didn't mean to hurt you, I never left you." way, and the "you could kill me and I would let you, I would guide the knife and hold your hand and smile and whisper with my final breath that I forgive you and I understand and that it was only ever going to end like this." way, and the "I should've done better. I should've kept you safe." way, and the "I hate you but I'd rip my own skin off and offer it to you as a blanket if you said you were cold." way, and the "when did we become this?" way, and the "I'm sorry I left I'm sorry I swear I was always coming back, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," way, and the "we are one flesh and one soul and one being, split unequal," way, and the "I see myself in your eyes but we are both warped beyond recognition." way, and the "you are all the good I could've been," way, and the "what am I without you? Who was I before? Before I was your sibling?" way, and the "you used to love me and now you can't even say my name without blood spilling from your mouth." way, and the "you're not the child I knew and loved." way, and the "I'm sorry I couldn't save us," way, and the "I am responsible for you and Gods I hate it but I am still responsible for you." way, and the "I know you blame me and I blame me too." way, and the "you shaped everything I am," way, and the "I would hide you if you were on the run and I would help you hide a body without question but don't you dare ask to borrow my jacket." way, and the "you're everything I wish I was and everything I know that I never can be, and I feel bile in my throat when I think of how little I am when compared to you." way and the "I love you. I'm sorry. Why don't we play anymore? What did I do wrong?" way, and the "one day I will laugh and not hear your voice tangled in my own." way, and the "I'm not your parent but I still raised you and I love you but I hate you for it." way, and the "you're not my parent but you still raised me and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." way, and the "you live just across the hall but we haven't spoken in a week." way, and then suddenly you're exchanging horrified looks because when did you stop being eight and when did we grow into this and when did your laugh make my chest ache and why can't we just run around and play pretend again?
