I was wondering if you would be willing to take on an analysis of Cassian and Nesta’s relationship. I’m a sucker for romance and when I first read acosf I was so excited and happy for all the nessian although there were parts I felt so angry with Cassian because I felt were extremely unnecessary, like making Nesta carry a heavy pack all while not noticing her dehydration, telling her he’s shackled and not getting a decent reconciliation, to name a few. I feel like the story has this imbalance between the two characters because everyone already sees Cassian as this funny, mistreated by society, handsome huge cuddle bear in Feyre’s pov and we see Nesta as this unnecessary asshole in her pov. That, paired with Nesta’s self loathing, is why I can see why some readers are led to believe Nesta is awful to Cassian and might even go as far as agree that she needs to be worthy of him (which is why I have feelings about Mor who is an NC leader and one of her job titles is to help abused women but that’s another topic) then to read it explicitly in Nesta’s pov at the ending of acosf is what made me abandon the ship almost completely. which is a problem because we’ve agreed in previous posts just as Nesta’s pov is subjective by that same logic so is Feyre’s.
I loved reading your thoughts about Nesta and her father since that also didn’t make sense to me. I always figured Nesta’s trauma stemmed from the matriarchal side of her family and it’s helping me come to a certain understanding. I was just hoping maybe your perspective might give nessian a fresh angle I’m missing.
Hello! I will do my best. I assume we probably won't agree 100% but I am very much in the mood to lend some nuance to Nesta's character since the fandom is either intensely anti her or pro her, and both stances distort her character (and tbh some of the takes I've seen COMPLETELY missed the point of her entire character and of acosf, not to mention they are super vitriolic and antagonistic towards other people in the fandom. Calm the fuck down, y'all. No you op, just... the fandom.)
I take nessian as being a very different type of ship than any of sjm's others. Her other ships have tension that usually stops short of cruelty, but nessian are very aggressive as a couple and that energy turns antagonistic sometimes. Their dynamic is what made sjm make them mates, because Nesta is a force to be reckoned with and Cassian is not only strong enough to be with her and give it back, but he doesn't turn away from her either, when so many people in her life have stopped trying (Amren, Elain, Feyre to an extent).
I put the rest of this under the cut because it got very long!
Thanks for the answer! I had to ponder on this one because I feel like I’m getting an expansion on how/why Cassian isn’t the huge jerk some of us (me included) have come to see him as after acosf. I want to mention the things that make me largely critical of Cassian aside from Nesta’s character nuance. I’d love to read your thoughts.
The fact of the matter is he also said/did hurtful things to her as well which is still wrong. Nesta has a strong attitude that someone like Cassian can handle but then why not hold them both accountable if Cassian actively tells her he can handle her, even going as far as giving her permission to rip into him ‘let’s hear it Nes’ ‘anything you have you can throw at me. I won’t break’ but insults her as well.
It confuses me when people get mad at Cassian for being mean to Nesta because that street goes both ways. They both say horrible things to each other that they know will wound, though Nesta does it first and more often.
I see what you’re telling me here and that’s wherein the problem lies. They both have said things to each other. The fact that acosf is told in Cassians pov, we don’t get an indication/acknowledgment from him that he was an ass to Nesta at times as well. I think it can be debated if Nesta does it first because if you read back to their interactions pre acosf in fact Nesta only insults when she’s actively trying to keep him away from her. Not to get some sort of reaction from him. But I suppose that can be left up to interpretation. In another note, not to excuse Nesta’s behavior because ultimately I agree, she is expertly finding his insecurities and exploits them, but I appreciate that sjm gave this to a female character because it’s more prevalent in male characters (take a look at Will Herondale as an example). I like that Nesta was given that.
And it's ironic to me that Nesta gets angry at how Eris insulted Cassian in that way, because she has done the exact same thing.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say this is actually why I think Neris would be such an interesting ship to explore. The similarities of how both are experts at this mental warfare both at the hands of abusive parents that raised them to have those traits. I’m curious as to why sjm decided to give us a taste of Neris if she saw this or if it was just unintentional. Regardless, this is also a point as to why I have a problem with Nessian. Nesta in her pov sees this and acknowledges it. ‘Oily shame coursed through her’ but this same sentiment is not given to her back in Cassians pov, as I mentioned already. Because even if Cassians insults are just reactions to Nesta’s insults two wrongs don’t make it right. Nesta was also owed.
Nesta has identified a weakness and exploits it in order to push Cassian away, so I'm not surprised that it worked and he snaps.
What Nesta sometimes, explicitly, wants is for Cassian to leave her alone. Acofas when he insisted on walking her home and she tells him to leave and go back. She’s not in the wrong to ask for this. At this point Nesta doesn’t resort to insults yet he tells her he can’t see why her sisters love her or that she needs to try harder or leave. This is what I mean about Feyre/Nesta pov is subjective because in Feyre’s pov one can see Cassian has emotional intelligence but in Nesta’s that’s not really obvious
I dislike the arguments that because Cassian is older, he should know better or whatever, because 1) Nesta is an adult, and 2) as an Elder Millennial lol I know that age doesn't mean anything when it comes to maturity. In fact, I've lost my fucks with increasing frequency over the past few years. I know 20 year olds who are more mature than 40 year olds. It's just not that simple!
The way I see it more lessons and more reflections have been made in someone alive for 500 years than someone around for 25. I agree maturity levels vary and are realistically not linear but I’m heavy on the idea that removing that large age gap would help me see Cassian/IC from a more balanced perspective.
Feysand are leaders, nessian are warriors, and in the future I see elucien as co-conspirators and gwynriel as competitors.
I love this ✨
Cassian just isn't paying attention, he forgets that Nesta isn't a hundreds of years old Illyrian tough guy and she *had barely gotten to the bottom of the stairs at the HoW (edit because I forgot she did that just before these shenanigans). Nesta is a grown adult, he's not her babysitter, she could have said something but instead she just suffered.
Although you’re right Nesta doesnt need to be babysat the reason she is there is because of Cassian’s insistence. I mentioned before that Feyre’s wrong doings seem more palatable because they have this martyr undertone and similarly that’s what’s going on here. The hike scene is Cassian trying to help Nesta heal because he knows he can’t save her that only she can and she needs to face those demons. But having her carry the pack that was purposefully made heavy, is enough for me to reflect that Cassians anger is indicative that he is not equipped emotionally to have Nesta undergo this physically difficult task. The fact the hike is posed as a punishment for Nesta despite her clearly exhibiting self destructive tendencies is why I will hold Cassian accountable here basically.
Cassian is taking her reaction personally (and why wouldn't he, when she has spent so much time picking at his insecurities?)
It’s interesting that you say this because I feel like it adds some nuance to Nessian that IMO would make for long term problems in the relationship. Previous mistakes shouldn’t be held over your SO’s heads at the sign of disagreements if it’s been decided you forgive them. But I can appreciate the nuance for what it is.
and she is thinking of how the Cauldron and being Made affected her (and why wouldn't she, when she is still grappling with her trauma?) They are basically both thinking of themselves! And not considering how the other one feels.
Maybe the shackled scene is so alarming because of what was said but also what was not said. In Nesta’s pov she doesn’t believe she had a good reason to send Cassian away. Despite it being a very mature course of action. Let alone that she had very valid reasons for hesitating. Both thought of themselves but Nesta did no insults despite her being primed and ready to shoot them off. It’s amazing growth on her end despite her thoughts still being so muddled by her self depreciation.
To conclude this long post I basically want to summarize that in a way I feel like Nesta has been through so much and has said things. Those aren’t reasons to excuse her and I agree. but by the same logic when Cassian/IC does things to her instead I often see it brushed away under the guise ‘she has said things too’ but it still doesn’t make it right. Acosf Nesta was held accountable and by that same rubric so should Cassian. Thanks for your thoughts!! I’m open for these kinds of discussions
Just so you know I answered you all out of order (I think) because I am trying to work at the same time and I kept having different thoughts and I was scrolling back and forth through your response 😂 Also I'm putting this under the cut again because boy howdy long post!
I think re: whether Nesta and/or Cassian did or said hurtful things to one another, ultimately, I don't really care 😬 Feyre threw a shoe at Rhys in anger, he didn't tell her about their mating bond, he hid the pregnancy from her, Rowan hit Aelin, Aelin told Rowan she agreed with the genocide of his people, Bryce consistently disregards Hunt's trauma and wonders why he can't just get over things. None of those things stop me from shipping any of those couples (except quinlar because I just don't like her haha). That's just to explain my perspective on why I can still get on board with nessian. If characters do mean things to each other, 95% of the time I just shrug because it's mainly there for conflict and drama.
She’s not in the wrong to ask for this. At this point Nesta doesn’t resort to insults yet he tells her he can’t see why her sisters love her or that she needs to try harder or leave. This is what I mean about Feyre/Nesta pov is subjective because in Feyre’s pov one can see Cassian has emotional intelligence but in Nesta’s that’s not really obvious
See I agree with this! I think Cassian probably should have left Nesta alone at that point, especially when she's explicit with her wishes. Two thoughts 1) Nesta doesn't normally ask people to leave her alone, she just insults them until they do. At this point it's been about 9 months since acowar and the IC, Feyre, and Elain have done nothing but leave Nesta alone. I don't think it's reasonable for them to completely sever ties with her. You don't leave the people you love alone to suffer. 2) Cassian realizes in acosf that the reason Nesta wanted to be left alone was because of the sound of the fire reminding her of her father's neck breaking, and he feels bad that he didn't realize that. And how could he? Nesta doesn't ever open up to anyone. She doesn't have to, but she also can't have it both ways, where people understand and respect her space, but she never offers them anything in return. That's a really unfair, uneven relationship. (I am speaking of Nesta in acofas and acosf, not prior to that. Before that, she had been making efforts.)
I don't think that Cassian having emotional awareness is a black and white thing, that he either has it or he doesn't. I think he has more than other characters (e.g. Az in regards to himself) but it doesn't always come through when his own emotions are clouding his judgement. It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing. So he absolutely had emotional awareness about what Feyre was going through and was able to support her through things that she wasn't necessarily expressing out loud in acomaf. That's not untrue, just because he wasn't able to figure out that Nesta had trauma around fires. Perhaps when he's more emotionally invested, it's harder for him to make those observations. That would make sense, to me.
I've made the analogy before that Feyre and Nesta's povs are like watching a movie with a GoPro strapped to Feyre's head in acotar-fas, and now with acosf we are watching the movie in widescreen. It's not that either of them were wrong or distorted, just that we get more in acosf because the narration isn't attached only to Nesta.
The similarities of how both are experts at this mental warfare both at the hands of abusive parents that raised them to have those traits.
Agree! I think Nesta and Eris are an interesting ship because of how horrible they could make one another 😂 I think it would be toxic and I love the occasional toxic ship (hello darklina). But - and I know you're going to hate this statement, but I'm going to make it anyway - this is what makes me think about when Mor says that Nesta would "thrive" in the Court of Nightmares. Mor doesn't think Nesta would suffer there, or be tortured there, or be abused there. She thinks that Nesta would rule the place. And doesn't the fandom, or at least part of it, agree? And for me, the overarching conflict in acosf is whether Nesta will embrace that nature, or if she will move down a healthier path because, as we know from Nesta's internal thoughts, she doesn't actually want to act the way that she's acting. She regrets a lot of the things that she says.
But having her carry the pack that was purposefully made heavy,
Didn't Az make these packs, though 👀 I checked and he did:
Cassian soared over the House of Wind to find Azriel there, hovering in place, a heavy pack in his hand. [...] He picked it up, muscles shifting in his forearm with the weight, and walked to her before dumping it between her feet. “I can’t fit a pack that big on my back with the wings. So you’ll be carrying it.” Had Azriel known that? From the icy, amused gleam in Cassian’s eye, she thought yes.
So yep, that is on Azriel. And maybe Cassian shouldn't be smug about it, but he didn't get that ball rolling, Az did, and yes, intentionally. (Also lol why was Azriel just hovering there?)
I’m heavy on the idea that removing that large age gap would help me see Cassian/IC from a more balanced perspective.
There is definitely the potential for that age gap to have resulted in Cassian having more maturity, but I don't think that sjm has actually written these characters to act like 500+ year olds. Not that it's possible for us to know what a person would be like, but they act like they are in their 20s and 30s, to me. The only character that I think acts really old is Amren. So maybe in theory Cassian could be more mature, but it's not a guarantee, even if sjm were better at writing these super old characters. I don't personally like the way that implies we should to hold Cassian to a higher standard in the relationship because of his age, because it should be a partnership.
I do think that, in regards to the way Nesta treats people and the way that they treat her, there is a huge difference. This is probably the subject of a different post, but Nesta does not offer people the same compassion and understanding that they initially offer her. The fact that they rescind those offerings after she rebuffs them is not at all surprising. She is learning to be better, because the things she says to people are often really, really not okay, and she knows that, and that's the whole reason she is saying them. But to me it's apples and oranges.
My response to Nesta's character stems from my belief that experiences and feelings are not an excuse for cruelty. If I'm having a bad day, I try really hard not to take it out on other people, and I've had enough relationships where I become someone else's emotional punching bag. At some point, I don't care what the rationale is. That's where I'm at with Nesta. I think she's a really fascinating character and I like exploring her emotions, but I do not agree with her behavior at all. Cassian honestly had way more patience with Nesta than I would have. After one rude remark, I would have been like "peace, have a nice life!" and gotten out. I just say that to further explain my perspective on their ship and their behavior towards one another. I am more forgiving of Cassian than perhaps other readers would be, because I wouldn't have kept trying as long as he did.
No worries I understand! I want to apologize how long post got 😅 I want to first explain  my original question a little further to center myself from all the topics that have sprung below. I liked Nessian, sometimes I even still do (fic writers 🫠) . I felt like they started with this evenly matched energy that by the end of acowar had potential for Nesta to use to lean on and huge bonus points that the roles were gender reversed (I mentioned Wessa as an example) but I feel like I instead got a book centered around how unworthy of everyone, including Cassian, Nesta was despite both exhibiting these biting-at-other qualities sometimes turning hurtful on both ends. I noticed a post of yours about Nesta’s pov, I interpreted as how her anger and self hate are not meant for readers to take as a confirmation but more as a picture for the reader to see how in fact she’s not unworthy and people around her do love her and to see it as indication at how much in need of healing she was. And I felt like maybe it was a key to see Nessian a bit differently But I feel like the problem is still there. Basically Nessian went from this wonderful, equal to each other in energy dynamic to suddenly Nesta is not worthy of Cassian and as such I feel like a lot of the things Cassian did were swept under the rug simply for the fact ‘he didn’t give up’ on Nesta, because i quote you ‘I would’ve gave up on her’. Which like your entitled to feel that way but not everyone would agree (me) and Cassian as her love interest it shouldn’t be used as some sort of like Nesta-should-be-grateful kind of token.
(The following points about your post though, to make it less confusing, are in regards to how Nessian/IC becoming particularly problematic to me post acowar. )
Nesta doesn't normally ask people to leave her alone, she just insults them until they do- If I think about it Nesta’s insults/mean behavior is too complicated to chalk it down to ‘wanting to be alone’ it’s mentioned that she does it as a way to keep anyone from seeing who she is, a wall to keep herself from feeling too much and I think there’s several other stuff (like the parental abuse) but about Nesta’s wanting to be alone, a particular character trait that sets her aside she genuinely enjoys her solitude sometimes. She mentions after interacting with Emerie how it was enough interactions for a day. She prefers to have dinners in her private library alone. Back to the point though her unnecessary insults to get there is beside the point that I’m saying Cassian feeds it as well. Which my point is that both are wrong. But nesta gets the blunt end of the judgment per as @xstarlightsupremex comment which I agree. this point it's been about 9 months since acowar and the IC, Feyre, and Elain have done nothing but leave Nesta alone- Just to be clear I am critical of how the story could have reached some pretty essential points (elain standing up for herself) without making the sisters look like ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ if only there had been a little more attention to detail. I understand the sisters don’t need to put in this extra effort with Nesta since she wants to be alone. Really my problem is again with the story on how we’re told that Nesta is an ass for not going to dinners after being invited, for not moving into the River house after being invited. Those are the explicitly stated methods of ‘help’ the sisters try. I’m not expecting nor do I blame the sisters for not ‘trying harder’ it’s just that I feel like these weren’t attempts that warrants all this contemp against Nesta but maybe it can be dwindled down to an sjm failure or just Nesta’s pov/self loathing being subjective 🤷🏻♀️ She believes she’s a jerk for turning those things away when really no it wasn’t. Why should she be guilted into joining functions on top of already clearly struggling except to force a happy face?. And how could he? Nesta doesn't ever open up to anyone. She doesn't have to, but she also can't have it both ways, where people understand and respect her space, but she never offers them anything in return- I’m a little confused here because the space one wants is a right not really a respect earned? There is the ,she can’t have it both ways, that I disagree because she doesn’t want it any other way. I think if I want to give the intervention as problematic as I see it, any credit it’s that she doesn’t want anyone to help her/come close she wants to— cease feeling. That's not untrue, just because he wasn't able to figure out that Nesta had trauma around fires. Perhaps when he's more emotionally invested, it's harder for him to make those observations- I mentioned Cassians emotional intelligence in relation to his insults to Nesta not necessarily that I expected him to understand her fears or trauma because I agree how was he to know? Which is why it goes back the problem that Cassian really given any sort of responsibility for the hurtful things he says and does which are still wrong. And although you mentioned some of the wrongs in the other ships I understand it’s what makes these book relationships interesting, first I don’t been care nor have I read any of those other ships second my issue with Nessian dynamic is we have this imbalance he-said-she-said kind of relationship that Nesta is constantly pointed as in the wrong. From the fandom and the characters themselves.
(Mor) She thinks that Nesta would rule the place. And doesn't the fandom, or at least part of it, agree?- I definitely see this is what Mor meant. Which is the problem. It’s a whole topic because as I mentioned what we have and know of Mor is from what we’re given in Feyre’s pov that she is kind despite having suffered, that she saves women, made a sanctuary for women, suffered herself at the hands of her awful family but yet all these deeds and trait arent applied to Nesta (I’m thinking this is where we will disagree) because regardless of their age she is a nc leader, like it’s a duty? I would agree it is totally warranted for Mor to have gone “peace bye” but shes not. she’s encouraging where Nesta would ‘thrive’ not even knowing or trying to see where these traits would come from and maybe either 1. Just go “peace bye” 2. Maybe as a leader not encourage those things? which leads to all the other women that might need help in CoN (but that a trickier topic) As I mentioned two wrongs don’t make it right, which again is what my point is here. And maybe Cassian shouldn't be smug about it, but he didn't get that ball rolling,- I hope there’s no confusion here because I’m very much well aware that Az did that but the point is that even as yuu said Cassian is smug and yet still He purposefully makes her carry this ‘extra’ heavy pack. Still cruel but no real regret in his end. So maybe in theory Cassian could be more mature, but it's not a guarantee, even if sjm were better at writing these super old characters. I don't personally like the way that implies we should to hold Cassian to a higher standard in the relationship because of his age, because it should be a partnership.- I think it’s the fact you had to use the words ‘in theory’ and ‘not a guarantee’ as a good reason for the gap to be left out as well. Because really at this point it’s just like 50 yes/50no depending. But since it’s what we got I want to clarify the age should atleast make them more, if not mature, then experienced. because they’ve been alive for a lot longer. Which imo does mean Cassian should be held at a higher standard there. Seeing the relationship as a partnership is the only way a reader can see it as because if not it would be borderline gross. So yea I agree it’s better to view it that way but yet another reason to sweep any wrong-doing of Cassian/IC away.
After one rude remark, I would have been like "peace, have a nice life!" and gotten out.- I don’t blame you but it’s ironic because This is actually what I would have liked for the IC to have done. Really the only ones to even remotely be able to even opinionate on Nesta are her sisters because you mentioned ‘I don't think it's reasonable for them to completely sever ties with her. You don't leave the people you love alone to suffer.’ Which reminds me that you mentions how pros/antis warp Nesta characters but I could never be such a heavy anti to say any of them deserve to be kicked to the curb despite all of them being morally gray. Which is often enough a lot of vitriol I see towards Nesta only. Cant stand that. I know there’s some heavy anti Nesta people that take things way out of context. I personally don’t see the sisters as trying so much as they were just making a slight attempt at not completely abandoning her (I’m still not trying to insinuate they should’ve done more). Other than that the IC, who are of no relation to Nesta, can be held accountable for their own cruelties torwards Nesta as well. Esp because the worst that they do to her is when she’s at her lowest healing journey at the hands of something they set her up for post acowar. And let me take the chance to point out the ‘cruelties’ I keep mentioning- Amren saying they need to manipulate her using Elain, Rhys threatening to physically hurt her left and right, Az and the heavy pack, to name a few. Which make Nesta’s insults pale in comparison. This is probably the subject of a different post, but Nesta does not offer people the same compassion and understanding that they initially offer her. The fact that they rescind those offerings after she rebuffs them is not at all surprising.- I don’t really see any of this compassion and understanding you mentioned. And by this I mean post acowar when nesta was at her lowest. because pre acowar I know people say IC are nice to Elain because she is nice, polite, and repentful and I truly get it like it’s cool Nesta doesn’t really get presents or get invited anywhere other than by her sisters but it still brings me back how Cassian/IC antagonize her sometimes even trying to hinder Nesta’s healing process post acowar— ‘let her build these bonds and stay out of it’— one of the few moments Cassians understanding peaks through. Like that’s the problem I’m trying to bring to light here that ties with how Nesta and Cassian relationship seems to work with Cassian being the guy Nesta needs to be worthy of. Like no he was an ass too. Nesta was an ass, the entire IC, Elain, and Feyre at some point were asses as well but it’s okay because Nesta was ‘mean first’. like I can’t get behind that. My response to Nesta's character stems from my belief that experiences and feelings are not an excuse for cruelty- Definitely it’s true and totally valid. And vice versa the issues/response to Cassians/IC in relation to this is that there is still no excuse for being cruel to someone regardless especially when they should be held to a higher standard for being in power.
I’m repeating myself at this point sorry I can blab and blab so I want to conclude that it’s extremely noticeable our point of views differ. I really don’t want it to go from discussion to argument. Id love to still hear your thoughts because discussion can be fun so I’m open to hear more if you are! I’m also willing to agree to disagree if you prefer! I’m glad to have brought some light to the topic 😊
