This is a weird ask. My sis (in her late 30s) is bisexual and so is her husband. They've been married for 13 yrs and are super happy. They are moving back to Chicago and I am so excited for them to come back home and I mentioned that I can finally drag them to Pride next summer (cuz Chicago Pride is AMAZING) and they both balked. They are not active in the lgbtq community at all and it's so frustrating!!! They both have been in same sex relationships. (pt 1)
I was sure I’d have another big sis as intense as my sis was with her gf was all through college. If gay marriage had been legal by the late 90s/early 2000s I wonder if they’d have gotten married. Anyway, my question is, was being lgbtq THAT hard back then? I feel like they’ve both washed their hands of the community and want to live their heteronormative life in peace. Which is totally fine but I want my sis to be a part of what;s impt to me too. Am I being totally selfish? (pt 2)
I should probably add that our parents are pretty cool (and I think they were when she came out when she was 17 yrs old) but my BIL has really homophobic parents, he lived with us one summer after their Senior year of HS (they've known each other forever) cuz of it and I wonder if that has anything to do with it. idk I don't think of the 90s as that homophobic but I have no clue really (pt 3)
A lot of bi people I know have unpleasant experiences with the larger LGBT community. If someone is paired with someone of a societally accepted gender then it’s incredibly easy (and common) for everyone to just assume they are straight, including in the LGBT community. They may have seen times when other couples were forced out depending on the gender of their latest partner or seen enough biphobia to expect that it would happen. I can’t begrudge anyone not wanting to participate in a community that doesn’t make them feel welcome very often. If your brother in law had bad experiences with his parents - that might also impact his willingness to be part of the community. If he still has a relationship with his parents it may be easier/safer to just let them assume he’s straight again rather then fight it at every turn. Or they may have completely different reasons.
As for the 90s - yeah it wasn’t easy being queer then. We didn’t have any kind of institutional support - no GSAs, no queer clubs in school, etc. I can understand someone not wanting to fight anymore.
All of that being said - I get that you were excited to have some queer family members move back close to you. I understand wanting them to be part of the community you’ve found. I’d suggest inviting them with low pressure and if they say no or make excuses just be cool with it and don’t ask them again that year. They may want to join you in the future, and they may not, that’s totally up to them.
