#graysexual problems

[confessionsofagraysexual]

Confession Time

I haven’t had a crush on anyone in a really long time. And now I have a huge squish on one of my friends (I know it’s not romantic or sexual because the thought of that is just 😖 and also he’s gay and I fully support his persuit of a quality boyfriend). But like I just miss him so much and he just texted me and my heart is like ❗️ because I just love talking to him and aldnfjovkfjfkfkkslhdbak

Anyway, hope that’s at least somewhat relatable.

[groovy-lady]

*siiiiiiigh*

According to my roomie, if you made a Venn diagram of Asexual and Sexual, Graysexual would be in between them so Graysexual can be considered Sexual. This makes no sense to me since Graysexual is on the Asexual spectrum of sexuality, not the allosexual ones. 🤷🏻‍♀️ *a confused gray-ace*

Here’s the definition:

Gray-asexual (gray-a) or gray-sexual: Someone who identifies with the area between asexuality and sexuality (or the adjective describing a person as such). For example, they may experience sexual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or of an intensity so low that is ignorable and not a necessity in relationships.

^this doesn’t sound like an allosexual sexuality. I could be wrong I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[groovy-lady]

Graysexual Problems

Seeing old happily married couples in movies or tv shows is kinda bittersweet b/c that’s definitely something I want (to get married and grow old with my spouse), but it feels like that probably won’t ever happy in reality outside of my relationships with fictional characters due to my graysexuality/lack of wanting to want to have sex.🤷🏻‍♀️

Like me not wanting sex is apparently a problem (which I had never thought of before dating Ben) since Ben wants someone exactly like me but who actually wants to fuck -his words, not mine- and as flattering as that sounds, it also kinda made me feel bad for being graysexual/not wanting to want to have sex.

I hadn’t thought of what Ben had said as awful at the time he’d said it. I had only responded with “oh, okay.” b/c I hadn’t been sure how else to respond to that since I had never been told something like that before.

I’m having a hard time not blaming myself for the breakup even though I logically know it’s not only my fault and that it was sexual incompatibility on both our parts.

Oh yeah, Ben has also said more than once that he thinks that everyone is probably graysexual in the beginning of their lives (or something like that). I was never sure (and still am not sure even when I think about it) how to feel about that.

[groovy-lady]

A Gray-ace & Flirting

Flirting is such a weird concept to me b/c it takes nervous habits or friendly behavior and turns it into romantic or sexual interest. It's so weird! I don't understand it at al! *CONFUSED FLAILING*

WTF IS FLIRTING ANYWAY?????

WTF CONSTITUTES AS FLIRTING????? It's confusing and weird and I don't understand it!! Do i need to police myself so I don't unconsciously flirt so I won't get hit on bt others or is it a useless thibg that is gonna happen even though I don't like it?!

I enjoy romantic stuff, or at least the idea of it, but flirting is a strange, weird, and foreign concept to me.

[groovy-lady]

Graysexual AFAB Problems

Uuuugh I have been told more than once that sex is an expectation in long-term relationships or marriage with men (heteronormativity sucks) and as a gray-ace it just makes me feel frustrated about relationships and discouraged about if I should even bother trying to date ever again. I’m also an AFAB gender neutral person who doesn’t want to physically/medically transition b/c I like my body the way it is, but I’m wondering if I should try to transition in some way to be taken seriously as a gender neutral person.🤷🏻‍♀️☹️

Just uuuugh. It feels like romantic relationships and marriage are off the table for me b/c of my sexual orientation since I’ll have to come out to every single person I ever even consider dating to see if they’d be okay with a relationship that will not have penetrative sex (which is apparently highly unlikely to happen with men since they need sex in relationships) and I shouldn’t even bother since it feels unlikely that I’ll find anyone who will accept my gender and sexuality. Blaaaargh.

[groovy-lady]

Uuuuuuugh

Recently, Ben and I were talking a bit at the doorway of his room and he was doing a little thing to irritate me (just like a light poke to the front of my neck). I lightly smacked his hand away. He said that his brain kept going, "Boobs! Kiss! Boobs! Kiss! I can't do either so all I can do is shit to piss her off." (Ben didn't say what he did in a mean way, btw; just in a matter of fact and kinda silly kind of way.)

All I could think to say was "oh. Well, what the hel are we supposed to do about that?" Then I said something along the lines of "We aren't good together since our priorities don't work well." Ben then said that we can talk more about this later (he was going to game on his computer.)

Ben being sexually frustrated isn't the only reason he pokes or tickles me, btw. Usually, it's either boredom or simply because he wants. Tho obviously this time it was b/c of sexual frustration.

Just... Blaaaargh. Why are most men in real life like this (or at least seem to be like this)?

Like otger than telling him something like “Stop doing that Ben. You being sexually frustrated is not an excuse to do things that annoy me”, I'm not sure what to do to encourage Ben to not do things to irritate me when he is sexually frustrated.

Like I know that Ben & I are open with each other about everything so we talk about lots of different things and we can be ourselves around each other. However, my brain just tends to blank on any kind of reaction to Ben being sexually frustrated other than a mild and confused "ooookay" or "oh". 🤷🏻‍♀️

Halp? 🤷🏻‍♀️

-A Confused Graysexual

[groovy-lady]

Graysexual Problems with My Ex-bf

Ben is glad that I can put up with his shit since mist people can’t, but it’s also why he’s frustrated that he & I didn’t work out in the relationship. Also, Ben doesn’t usually miss seeing partners (meaning exes) naked, but he misses seeing me naked.

Not feeling like I’m at fault is hard b/c the dealbreaker was Ben & I’s sexual incompatibility. Ben needs sex in a relationship and had we stayed together, he would not have been happy at all b/c sex wasn’t happening, which is why I feel like it’s my fault simply b/c of my sexuality and it really sucks. Blah.

[groovy-lady]

Blah.

Is it sad/depressing that I have relationships with fictional characters more often than real people? I’ve been having a conversation about this with Ben (who started it) and now I just feel blah about what I do. 😥

I do get that real relationships are valuable. I do the fictional relationships because they make me happy and I’m graysexual. I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager. It’s just hard to want to find a real romantic relationship since sex is sooooo important to romantic relationships and sex is something I’m just meh about as a sex-neutral graysexual and I feel like it wouldn’t matter if I got into another real relationship since it’ll probably just end once the person I’d be with finds out that I’m meh about sex and show no signs of wanting to want to have sex.

It’s also hard because Ben isn’t understanding it and I’m having trouble explaining it since I’ve never had to explain it before.