The greatest battle ever fought
In Feb. of this year I went blind and got very sick. It was discovered that I had a brain tumor. To all of my mutuals that wondered where I’ve been and why I haven’t uploaded any new INTP/anime/manga/book fanfictions that’s why. I was literally blind. It was terrifying not being able to see...it made me appreciate so much more having that ability. Being blind and mostly helpless left me with a lot of time to think..which, as any INTP will tell you is both a blessing and a curse. After a spinal tap and meds and treatments I have regained some of my vision back. I can read and function mostly the same as I did prior to the illness I just squint a bit more and I have bifocals now.
The year 2019 was the year of me facing all of my greatest fears:
The fear of losing my mind
The fear of going blind
The fear of dying
The fear of losing my mobility
I did not face these fears alone but there were often time it felt that way. Society was cruel and ignorant when it came to my cancer. It was not unusual to have someone say to me “You don’t look sick”, or “Are you sure you have cancer? You haven’t lost all your hair.”
On top of that the type of tumor I have is extremely rare and not much is really known about it so trying to explain it to other people was nigh impossible especially since I didn’t really understand that much about it myself.
No one person faces these challenges alone and no one comes out of this without being irrevocably changed. Whether you are changed for better or worse depends entirely up to you. No one but you can fully understand the pain of fighting this battle or the loneliness of your own thoughts at 3 am. That’s why the greatest battle ever fought is not on a battlefield. It’s the one you fight inside you.