Welcome to Earth, Where We Just Can’t Keep Our Feet on the Ground!
Citizens of Earth know the score: from the old photographs of biplanes tacked to the wall of the historic bar to the ruby red heads of shiny rockets peeking out from backyards, this city has always been a pilot’s town.
Established in 1906 as first an airfield for early flight experimentation, and later known as a test pilot’s paradise, the city of Earth, Ohio, stretches across many miles of green parks, tree-lined streets, and exceptionally blue skies. Additional acreage outside city limits includes golden cornfields, plus grazing and woodland. And in and around town, you’ll find many dazzling attractions, shopping and dining, and opportunities for arts and culture.
No matter what your preference, there’s always something to do in the city of Earth—whether your feet are firmly planted on the ground or your head is in the clouds!
Let us show you around!
PLAY HERE
From skydiving to hang gliding, rocket rides, and aerial displays … to hot air balloons, jetpacking, kite shows, and private flight lessons, Ohio Earthlings are never starved for recreation—and our skies are always full of wonder. Plus, we have many terrestrial attractions as well! Catch up on some old-world reading at our nationally recognized pulp museum, explore our local hiking trails, or join us for planetside events like antique terrestrial car shows or holiday parades!
SHOP HERE
Our new hover mall offers shoppers everything they could possibly need—from modern furniture displays to antiques, housewares, sporting equipment, televisions, shoes, clothing, and more—all in one convenient overhead location! Earth’s city council firmly believes that in the future, we’ll all be shopping at floating malls with ample hoverparking. And contrary to popular belief, these megastores don’t take anything away from main streets, small businesses, or our local Andromeda Heights neighborhood, which all lie directly beneath this sky behemoth!
EAT HERE
There’s no fresher food experience than the one you’ll find in the city of Earth, where many grocers and restaurants are supplied by local agriculture. Even our new autoautomat sources from Liquid Sunshine Farms or Gator Land Ranch, two holdings run entirely by Floridian refugees and responsible for some of the most impressive and flavorful yields our town has ever seen!
LIVE HERE
If you lived here, you’d be skydiving, parachuting, or landing a rocket by now. With the influx of space workers as well as Floridians, our city’s population has exploded in the last ten years. Whether you see yourself in the cozy apartments and historic row or multi-family housing of Andromeda Heights, the suburban ranches and sprawling backyards of John’s Glenn, or among the tight-knit prefabs and mobile rocket housing in Luna Park—not to mention our many farmhouses and acreages just outside town—we want to say, “Welcome to Earth!”
Earth, named one of the country’s Best Hometowns in 2145, continues to be one of Ohio’s most innovative and exciting communities to live, work, and visit.
And rumors of a dwindling main street, small business obsolescence, or disgruntlement from long-time residents over lack of access to the Event Horizon zone are greatly exaggerated…
SNEAK A PEEK AT ONE OF FOUR SUGGESTED THEMES & SUBPLOTS FOR EARTHLINGS...
The Great Rocket Men Invasion…
Space workers or “Rocket Men” are persons who work in space but maintain a residence on Earth—such as flight path toll attendants or pilots of 18-thruster vessels—and for the past decade or so, they’ve been moving to Earth, Ohio, in droves. While many Earthlings are welcoming, others are tired of the rapid growth and rising housing costs associated with the population boom. Space men go home!
Take Your Place Under Our Sun…
with the American-Alien Florida Benefits Program!
Here's how it works: our agents, certified American space pilots, will bring you and your galactic loved ones to our headquarters, which orbits our fabulous, golden star. Here, you will be processed while enjoying the highest-quality services and amenities. Meanwhile, our hospitality team will design your disguise and cover story for planet Earth. Choose from one of our amazing unknowingly program-participating cities: Baltimore, Maryland; Norwalk, Connecticut; Buffalo, New York; or Earth, Ohio!
Here's why more and more families choose the Florida Program for their top-secret stay in our Solar System…
Not only does our program provide you with special benefits and so many opportunities for cultural enrichment; we'll also assign you or your family your very own secret government agent to help you navigate undercover life on our thrilling wonder planet. Our agents help with everything from neighborhood welcome wagons to serious breaches in security.
Whoops! Did you accidentally brag to Bill from next door that you were born outside our Solar System? Not to worry! Use your panic button and one of our plucky young agents will zap that knowledge right out of Bill's head with one of our state-of-the-art Bradbury Rays. It's the newest in top-secret memory technology, guaranteeing total safety for you and your loved ones during your stay on Earth.
It’s so easy to apply to be a sun-kissed, mosquito-infested “Floridian!”
Qualified extraterrestrial or intergalactic citizens may apply to enroll in the fabulous, subtropical American Florida Benefits Program at their local planetary resource center or by calling our offices' communication relay at [FREQUENCY].
As a member enrolled in Florida benefits, you are entitled to:
(1) housing assistance in the form of placement and subsidy or loan;
(2) job placement or agricultural financing so you can start your very own farm;
(3) food assistance and access to food alternatives if necessary;
(4) safety measures, including a custom-designed, lifelike human Earthling disguise with a built-in translator and panic button and falsified documents and a cover story from our fictional “Sunshine State”;*
(5) other qualifying discounts and memberships—such as tuition reimbursement, AAARP (American-Alien Association of Retired Persons) membership, or childcare options like our super secret after-school program
*Tales from the nonexistent, eccentric peninsula of “Florida” range so strangely and wildly that it’s easy as so-called “key lime pie” to pretend you’re from there!
Best of all, a Florida “vacation” never has to end!
After a period of ten Earth years, you’ll qualify for a chance to graduate from our program and become a dual citizen of Earth! Citizenship by way of our program entitles you to special waivers and fulfills background checks and character reference requirements.
So transmit our way today! When you’re a Floridian, there’s no telling what you’ll do next!
