what starts as a quiet dinner ends in the kind of silence that breaks everything
f!reader ୨୧ word count : ~2k
warnings : pregnancy, confrontation, mild panic/heightened emotions, implied neglect in relationship, arguments, language, heartbreak, mentions of crying, angst, angst and more angst, also grovel
pt.1 pt.2
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The days after that dinner blurred into weeks.
And something inside you, something you didn’t even know had a name, simply shut off.
You weren’t angry anymore. Not in the way that burns.
It was something worse.
It was indifference.
You stopped asking where Max was flying next. Stopped texting him good luck before races. Stopped staying up to watch qualifying just to see the glint of pride in his eyes. If he kissed you goodbye before a flight, you let him. If he didn’t, you didn’t notice.
Everything was numb. Like the anger had drained all of your emotions.
You still spoke to him. You weren’t cruel, but you stopped filling in the silence between the two of you.
You slept alone more nights than not, even when he was home. Sometimes in the guest room, sometimes curled up on the couch with a hand resting on your belly, your baby kicking beneath your skin.
And Max noticed.
It started small.
Him asking, “Are you okay?” more than once. Him lingering longer in the kitchen, watching you prepare tea in the morning like he didn’t know how to bridge the space. Like he wanted to say something, maybe even apologize, but didn’t know how.
So you didn’t talk about that dinner and you didn’t offer him a way back in. You didn’t owe him that.
Your days were filled with prenatal appointments, breathing exercises, and walks by the water. You went to therapy. You read every book on childbirth you could find. You laughed with friends. Even indulged in a romance book or two. You lived.
And Max? Max raced.
He called from airports, from paddocks, from the back of speeding cars. Like usual.
But this time, you answered when you felt like it. You started to prioritize your feelings, and that included not letting him vent every time a rival surpassed his car.
Once, after a back-to-back race weekend, he came home early and found you assembling the crib alone. You had a screwdriver in one hand, your heavy belly curved against the edge of the frame, sweat sticking your shirt to your back.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?” he asked quietly.
You didn’t even look up. “Because I stopped waiting, Max.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time after that.
Another night, you caught him just watching you, really watching you, as you massaged oil into your belly, talking softly to the baby. His eyes looked hollow. Like he was missing something that used to be right in front of him.
He reached out once, gently pressing a hand against your stomach.
“I miss you,” he said.
You looked him dead in the eye and replied, “You should’ve thought about that before you said you don’t give a single fuck about me.”
His breath caught. He didn’t answer.
That’s when the panic started. You could see it. In how often he started texting. In the way he asked too many questions at once: “How’s the baby? Are you sleeping? Do you need anything?” but never stayed still long enough to listen to the answers.
He was unraveling in slow motion, realizing the race he needed to win was here, at home, and he was already laps behind.
- - -
During the last stretch of your pregnancy, you took care of yourself like it was sacred. You ate better. You stretched. You slept with your hands curled around your belly like a shield. You sand softly to the baby when no one was listening. And when you cried, you didn’t hide in closets anymore.
You cried in bed. In the sunlight. While talking to your mother on the phone. You relished in the crying. It made you feel somehow powerful.
Max was losing his grip. You saw it in the way he hovered near the door when he was home. You saw it in the way he tried to touch you and hesitated.
Sometimes, you almost felt sorry for him.
But then you remembered the dinner. The way he had said it so easily, “I wouldn’t come anyway.” “You know how it works.”
Like this baby wasn’t a priority. Like he wasn’t the one who had convinced you to keep it.
And now?
Now it was too late for “I’m sorry.” The time for that would have been right after the dinner, and even then, looking back, maybe even that wouldn’t have been enough.
Now he came home from races and found half-finished baby clothes laid across the couch, your phone on the charger, and your presence in another room. He found lists of hospital bag items stuck to the fridge. Ultrasound photos pinned up, ones he hadn’t seen live because he had been in Singapore or Austin or God knows where.
One night he came back at midnight, another red-eye flight, exhausted and worn, and you were on the patio wrapped in a blanket, staring out at the water. You didn’t look at him when he slid the door open.
He stood behind you, silent. Waiting.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said eventually.
You closed your eyes. The sea wind tasted like salt and freedom.
“You should’ve thought about that before.” Your voice was steady. Cold.
“I was scared,” he said.
And that made a spark of that long-forgotten anger reignite, even if only for a moment.
“Ich hatte auch verdammt nochmal Angst, Max.”
Your voice trembled. “Ich habe immer noch scheiß Angst, aber das gibt mir keinen Grund, keine gute Mutter zu sein.”
You scoffed. “You know how it works, you said… Fuck off.”
He flinched. Actually flinched.
“I didn’t think—”
“No,” you cut him off. “You didn’t.”
You didn’t wait for his excuses. You pushed yourself up from the chair, one hand on your lower back, and walked past him without another word.
You felt his eyes on you.
You always did now.
- - -
It’s the middle of the European triple-header. You know that, not because Max told you, but because Santiago called you from the garage in Barcelona that morning.
He’d wanted to show you the custom embroidery you had stitched into his new gloves: “Volveremos más fuertes.” You’d sent them as a surprise. It made him smile, and you loved seeing your brother smile. Especially after everything that happened after his accident.
You talked about how the baby is due soon, the new swaddle you bought, the fact that your ankles were now unrecognizable. You didn’t talk about Max.
Santiago didn’t push. He never did.
Maybe because finding out your father was a fucking dick and had sired another secret child gave the two of you space to have your own secrets. Maybe because meeting said half-sibling a few years later and feeling like you’d found another piece of your soul, even though the two of you grew up in completely different circles - Santi was Latino through and through, and you were that kind of half-German, half-Slavic that made your head spin - gave you both the ability to understand things that were never said out loud. Maybe because you just loved each other.
He made you feel seen. Safe. And it didn’t hurt that he and Max had a weird frenemies rivalry going on, being on different F1 teams and all that.
It wasn’t until the next day, between FP3 and qualifying, that Max cornered Santiago outside the hospitality suite. The sun was high, the asphalt shimmering, and fans were screaming in the distance. Santiago was sipping water, his prosthetic leg propped slightly forward, resting.
“Can I ask you something?” Max said, hands in the pockets of his race suit.
Santiago glanced at him, one brow raised. He wasn’t sure what this was about, but it had better be worth his time. “Yeah?”
“It’s about Y/N.”
Santiago went still.
Max took a breath like it physically hurt. “What do I do?”
Santiago blinked slowly. “What the fuck do you mean, what do you do?”
Max looked down, not sure how to continue this conversation. When he and Santiago talked, it was almost always about cars, not Y/N. Santiago didn’t like his little sister dating Max, especially since he was the one who introduced them when she came to support her brother at a race.
“She barely speaks to me. She’s cold. Distant. She doesn’t look at me anymore. I don’t know how to get her back.”
Santiago stared at him, baffled. “Wait, she talks to me all the time. Sends me pictures of the bump, baby clothes, even voice notes. I just thought… you two were fine.”
Max shook his head. “She’s not fine. Not with me.”
There was a long pause. Santiago’s jaw locked.
“What did you do.” It wasn’t even a question. Santiago knew right away it was Max who fucked up.
Of course it was Max.
Max ran a hand through his hair. “I told her I wouldn’t come to the birth. That F1 is my priority. I thought… I thought she’d understand. That I couldn’t just leave mid-season.”
Santiago’s water bottle dropped to the ground.
“You told my sister-,” he said slowly, “that you wouldn’t come to the birth of your child?”
“I didn’t mean it like that-”
“No. Shut up. Don’t you dare explain that away.” Santiago’s voice was shaking now. “Do you even realize what you’ve done to her?”
Max looked like he wanted to shrink. “I panicked. I didn’t think-”
“That’s the problem, Max. You didn’t think.”
Almost the same words Y/N had used. And maybe they were right. Maybe he should have listened more and paid closer attention, not just to his own feelings. Y/N had made it so easy always supporting him and a standing in his corner. He had never really stopped to wonder how she felt about any of it.
Santiago stepped forward, his voice low but lethal. “She is terrified of being a bad mother. You know that? She never wanted kids because she was afraid she’d fuck them up. And you? You made her go through this alone.”
“I didn’t mean for-”
“She stayed by my side for seven months after the crash. When I couldn’t walk, couldn’t drive, couldn’t breathe without thinking I’d lost everything. She missed work, she cleaned up after me when I puked from the meds, she listened to me scream in my sleep and never left. She is the reason I’m standing here right now, the reason I am the driver that I am, even with one leg missing!”
Max looked away. Shame clawed up his throat.
“She was the only person I couldn’t push away. After I lost my leg, I acted like the biggest asshole on this planet, and she still stayed and helped me. And you managed to do it in one night.”
Max’s voice cracked. “I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“You grew up with Jos fucking Verstappen, Max! You know what it means to be neglected. You know what a parent’s absence can do to a kid.” Santiago’s face was pure fury now. “And she knows too! Did you forget that her father - and I’m saying her father because I do not claim that dumbfuck as my parent - was the biggest prick and cheated on her mother all the time? She never wanted children, too afraid to mess up being a parent!”
“And now you’re becoming the very thing you swore you’d never be. The very thing Y/N was afraid of. For what? A fucking trophy?”
Max’s silence said everything.
Santiago turned away, shaking his head. “You don’t deserve her and you don’t deserve that child. But if you even want a shot at being in their life, you better fix this. I don’t know how, but you fucking fix this.”
Max swallowed, gaze on the ground. “Do you think she still loves me?” he mumbled.
Santiago looked at him for a long moment.
Then, quietly: “Of course she does. That’s the fucking problem.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I honestly didn’t think anyone would read this, so thank you so much!
The good news is that I wrote this story a year ago, and it’s been sitting untouched in my notes app ever since. It still needs a bit of tweaking and rewriting, but it’s finished and I’m planning to start posting the chapters soon.
THANK YOU FOR READING!!
“I was fucking scared too, Max.”
Your voice trembled. “I’m still damn scared, but that doesn’t give me a reason not to be a good mother.”
Can't stop thinking about reader finally cutting them loose.
For three days there was nothing but radio silence. In those three days you had told yourself that it was a grace period. Time for Simon to cool off and realize how much of a bastard he was for saying all those things he obviously didn't mean. Johnny coming back over with a bouquet of flowers and endless apologies and cuddles.
Simon didn't apologize for his harsh words.
Johnny didn't call you later, as promised.
For three days you jumped at every single notification, silently hoping it was one of them. Any of them.
But it wasn't.
And you, unfortunately, got the answer to the question you had been asking yourself for months.
Did they still want this?
The answer was clear.
You didn't let their unofficial dismissal get to you. You still had shit to do. A life to get on to. A book signing to go to.
Jesus.
A book signing. A book you wrote. A book that was being published and released the day of the expo. You weren't expecting a huge line because this was your debut novel, but with the help of some ARC readers who had took to social media, there had been a bit of a storm brewing.
You had listened to John when he had mentioned writing under an alias. Don't know how crazy people are out there. They'd do anything to get close to you, Dove. Just better to protect yourself where you can. You almost hated yourself for listening to him now. Now you would just have to keep writing under your pen name.
You were getting ready to close up shop early when your phone finally pinged.
Kyle.
Fuck.
Of course it was Kyle. The one who hadn't treated you like you were constantly bothering him. Not the one who made you feel guilty for agreeing to your arrangement. Nor was he the one who fucked you and left you. No. He was just the one who just wasn't there.
Maybe that was just as bad.
What are you up to today?
That was it. Almost two weeks of radio silence and that's all he had to say? It just added more evidence that you were making the right call in ending this now. It had already carried on for too long.
You had two things on your to-do list and you wouldn't let Kyle's sudden reappearance deter you.
E-mail the publisher back.
Change the locks.
You didn't have the strength to face them again. If they groveled, it would be too easy to take them back. One against four wasn't much of a fair fight. And if they didn't care to fight for you... you don't know if you could survive it. Coming face-to-face with the proof that it didn't bother them to give you up even though it was killing you.
No. Cutting it off completely was the best thing to do.
So you didn't respond.
You left Kyle's text unanswered as you e-mailed the publisher back that everything was set for your flight on tomorrow morning. You would spend Thursday adjusting to the time difference and Friday you would rest up before the expo this weekend. She assured you that you would need to rest up your writing hand. Whatever that means.
You left Kyle read as you closed up shop several hours earlier than usual. You needed to drop off the bank deposit before you started on task number two.
You didn't bothering responding to Johnny when he had texted you when you were leaving the hardware store, purchase in hand. Asking if you were free Friday. Promising dinner. 'In or out. Your choice.'
It was almost second nature when you got home to pull up your phone. Ready to text one of them to see which one of them could come over and help.
Fixing a leaky sink? Nothing Johnny hasn't seen before. Need help moving furniture? John won't mind when you change your several times on what should go where. Kyle would always come in with take out the moment you mentioned you were hungry and whenever you felt like going for a walk when it was a bit too late in the evening, Simon was the first to volunteer as your personal guard dog.
But asking them to come and change the very lock you planned on using to keep them out seemed... counter productive, if not downright petty.
You were almost done with the lock when your phone sounded off. Only this time it wasn't a text. Someone was calling you.
You almost faltered when John's name came on your screen.
Fuck.
That almost got you.
You almost answered it.
Almost.
You clicked on the 'Sorry, I can't talk right now. Options, before finishing up your work.
And just like that, you were done. No help needed. You had changed the lock. Even adding on a deadbolt. Replacing the flimsy chain Simon had taunted you about. If someone wanted to get in here, that wouldn't stop them.
Well, now you didn't need to hear it anymore.
Not that you would really hear it again...
Your flight was in twelve hours. Although that seemed an ample amount of time you hadn't even begun to pack. You had luckily narrowed your outfits down, but now was the task of folding it nicely into your suitcase rather than just stuffing it in there.
On my way. We need to talk.
It was too late for talking. Three days too late. Several months too late.
The last message sent was four weeks ago. A new Thai place had opened up close to your apartment that you were wanting to try. All of them had given you excuses.
Not my taste, Dove.
Cannae do it tonight. Next weekend? Next weekend didn't happen either.
I can do tomorrow. Kyle ended up bailing. You forget the excuse he used.
Simon hadn't even bothered to reply.
The final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Almost two years wasted with nothing, but a broken heart to show for it. And the worst part is, they had all chipped away at your heart, leaving you to deal with the final blow that would shatter it.
Im sorry. I can’t do this with you anymore. wish you all the best.
Your fingers made quick work in blocking their numbers. It was best. If they wanted to reach you, they couldn't. On the other side of the coin, if they didn't care to reply, you wouldn't spend countless hours crying over the fact that none of them had been affected the same way you had.
You would deal with getting them their belongings that they had left behind another time. You had big things, great things happening for you. You were cutting your loses. You were cutting them loose.
Summary: Can you salvage what little self control you have left?
Warnings: aged up characters, explicit MDNI, angst, past cheating, swearing, submissive behavior, war trauma, oral (fem receiving), yearning, arguing, etc.
A/N: What do you know, I finally updated this series
Grovel Masterlist
It felt as if an inferno had burst beneath your skin. Although, you could not tell how much to credit that to embarrassment versus the dwindling effects of arousal. Either way, you couldn’t bother to look where you were going as you darted through the forest. Talu wouldn’t be home yet, still staying behind at the lesson like you should be. So maybe it would afford you a few minutes alone to properly assess the situation.
That is, if assessing it is what you really wanted. A part of you was tempted to shove the experience deep down in a black hole and pray that Lo’ak never brought it up in the future. A foolish dream, one he would never indulge. And then again…there was this other string of thought. The same that had your heart racing for entirely different reasons. That troublesome part of you that could only replay the memory over and over in delight.
You were never going to erase the feel of his hands along your skin, the way they had possessively mapped out every inch that you allowed. Even more so, the image of his submission, holding himself back with every fiber of self control he contained all in the name of pleasing you. Even his taste seemed to coat the back of your throat. Lo’ak was everything and more than what he had promised and now that you had sampled the experience, there was never going to be an escape from that truth.
This is why you didn’t play with fire.
You had a plan, you had a purpose and Lo’ak was squiggling all the lines you had carefully mapped out your life with.
But by the stars, was it a thrill! An explosive dose of adrenaline that still laced your veins as you dove deeper into the forest’s depths. Even when your pace had slowed to a trudge, that delicious energy continued to reverberate through you. So much so that your feet almost turned back to return to the cave. Would he still be there waiting with bated breath and eyes that burned with his last reserves of hope?
What the hell had gotten into you?
Is that what you wanted? To find the same man that had broken your heart waiting for you with open arms? Giving in to his seduction was bad enough, but still yearning for more could quite literally be your downfall. Lo’ak had a way of speaking, even a way of moving that was charming and entertaining. You could admit that, but at what point had you allowed him to use that charm on you? How had he slipped you under his spell?
Maybe it had nothing to do with him at all. Could your own loneliness be playing into such reckless behavior? Surely it had been a while since you had laid down with a man. That was to be expected, though. War had been at your home’s doorstep for far too long. Who could think of intimacy at a time like that?
And yet, it was alarming to retrace the last few months and see how long it had truly been. The last male you had allowed into your kelku was Ke’hane. He had been sending you gifts for a few weeks, even stayed behind to help you at the healer’s tent during the rushes. Of course one thing had led to another until you had been laying with him frequently. But it had been months since that ended. Months since you had told him it was interfering with your work.
Had you been wrong to push him away? Was this a common pattern of yours?
No, it wasn’t the same with Ke’hane. Pleasurable of course but there was a lack of passion present when you thought of him. Your heart didn’t race when his lips descended on yours. His hands seemed to brush you the wrong way. Not the way hands with an extra finger had dipped along your curves until you wanted to melt and-
Your hands bracketed your cheeks.
There was something seriously wrong with you! At this point it could be considered clinical, you were sure of it. How else could you explain how every thought seemed to trace back to him?
So caught up in your whirlwind of hysterics, you didn’t initially catch the call of your name. On the third shout your heart leaped into your throat and for one moment there was a timber in that voice far too similar to the voice of the man you had just left behind. Except this one rang out higher, far more chipper than you could expect Lo’ak to be after your sudden escape.
“Y/n!” Tuk waved with an enthusiasm that was hard to reciprocate. A wiggly smile spread over your lips as she bounded from your right. It only wobbled more as the distance between you shortened.
Tuk was one of the loveliest souls you have ever encountered, so bright and caring. However, she was also one of the last people you were ready to see after dry humping Lo’ak Sully. Would she be able to see through the cracks in your facade? Oh no, what if she could smell her older brother on you? No, that’s ridiculous. Simply paranoia speaking.
You draped your hair over each side of your throat.
“Didn’t you hear me calling?” Tuk giggled, almost ramming into your side as she skidded to a halt.
“Apologies, I was a little…distracted.” And just like that her sudden pinch of concern showed just how poorly your ambiguity had paid off. Mother Above, you would be lucky to make it out of this conversation alive!
“You’re all red. Are you okay?”
Fighting back the compulsion to cover your cheeks once more, you shuffled back into a walk. Perhaps with the right excuse you could politely exit this conversation before letting it slip that your tongue had been down her brother’s throat mere minutes prior.
“I’m fine. Simply a little tired, Tuk. No need to worr-”
“Oh! You’re coming from Lo’ak and Teyam’s diving class.” Padding alongside you, her features softened in understanding. Whatever conclusion she had drawn you eagerly went along with it. “They can be so pushy sometimes! Especially Teyam. Drill after drill. It’s like he’s forgotten the fun of free diving.”
Tuk’s laugh was far stronger than your own trembling chuckle.
“I would have drowned if they had taught me instead of Tsireya!” Her dramatics, arms flailing and face pinching, finally cracked a sincere note in your smile. “They’ll run you into the ground if you let them. That’s why you have to give them a hard time back.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I could talk to them if you want. I know just the way to drive my point home-”
“No Tuk, there’s no need.” You jumped in quickly, watching the way she ground her fist into her palm with a mischievous glint. There’s no telling what devious plans she had inflicted on her brothers before but you knew better than to underestimate the grit of a younger sibling. “I appreciate the offer but I can handle them myself.”
“It’s Lo’ak isn’t it?”
Your mouth ran drier than the desert, words lodged in your throat with a tangle of sudden anxiety.
“His nagging knows no bounds.” She added with a roll of her eyes as your shoulders unbunched. Still with a thread of anxiety, you nodded and let the younger girl ramble. “That skxawng [idiot] hardly knows a thing about women. But just between you and me, you should know he is obsessed with you.”
There was a trickle of fondness in her teasing as she skipped along the bumpy forest terrain.
“He’d wring my neck if he found out I told you that, but what else am I supposed to do? It’s not like he has a chance on his own.”
Surely these were the last words Lo’ak would have his sister conveying to you, but things have spiraled into something far more complicated than a simple crush. Oh how you yearned for the things to return back to the way they had been that first night Lo’ak had returned! To leave him gaping and put out as you continued valiantly in your efforts of avoiding him. Perhaps if you had been more strategic in the beginning, you would have shook him from your tail by now.
“You’re a very good sister for helping him out.”
“I know,” Tuk shrugged with a grin.
“Well I should probably-”
“I know! Why don’t you come eat dinner with us tonight?” Although phrased as a question, the sudden spark in her countenance told you that Tuktirey would not be waiting for an answer, nor would she be accepting any form of rejection.
“With your family?”
“Yes! My mom is preparing a special dinner for us tonight. It’s the first Sully dinner we’ve had since coming back.”
“Oh Tuk, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to crash an intimate event like that-”
“She would love it!” Tuk did not give any shred of evidence or reasoning to support that claim. It made your stomach twist into knots imagining what reasons Lo’ak’s mother would have for appreciating your company. “Besides, it can serve as an apology for my brothers’ stupidity.”
Even trying to let her down gently felt like wounding a juvenile sturmbeest.
“That is very sweet of you but-”
“We don’t even have to talk to them. You can be my personal guest. Lo’ak and Neteyam know better than to steal the attention of my guests. It’s the perfect excuse.” Despite the years that had shaped Tuktirey into a young woman, there remained a streak of youthful jubilancy in her features. The draws of that innocence were infectious to say the least. It tugged at your heartstrings relentlessly, until the disaster with Lo’ak and the consequences of accepting this invitation were slinking back into the shadows.
“Well I suppose for a minute-”
“Great! If we go now you’ll have time to see my jewelry collection before dinner starts.” Tuk grabbed your wrist and yanked you in the direction of home with enough strength to have you stumbling behind her.
Tuktirey was a force of nature that you should have known better than to hope to fight against.
“I said I was sorry.” Neteyam repeated, jogging to catch up with the beat of Lo’ak’s pounding feet. You couldn’t have gone far. There were only a few minutes left in the lesson for them to finish up. Perhaps if he had been smart enough to snag Talu, she would have some idea where you normally sought refuge. “How was I supposed to know you two would be exchanging saliva? Last I heard she was still leaving your gifts out to rot.”
“I just want you to stop breathing down my neck for one second. Is that too much to ask?”
“So she hasn’t had some magical change of heart then. That can be tough, baby bro.”
Some days Lo’ak wondered how he had lasted this long without strangling his brother. His family could say anything they wanted about Lo’ak’s short fuse, but no one would know what it meant to be Neteyam’s Sully’s younger brother and the annoyances that came with being tucked under his wing.
“Go away.” He snipped back.
“Fine. I just thought you’d want to know that route will take you triple the time.”
Teeth grinding to the point of ache, Lo’ak heaved a long breath through his nose and paused to face his brother.
“What are you on about now?” Tail lashing and eyes slit into daggers, Lo’ak prayed for the strength to last one more minute in his brother’s presence. This was, by far, the fastest route he had found to your kelku, but if there is any chance that Neteyam knew a quicker route, or better yet your location, it had to be taken into consideration.
“I’m talking about how you’re going to be late. Mom said to make it back by eclipse for dinner.”
Whatever morsel of hope that had ignited in Lo’ak’s chest shriveled into ash. Of course Neteyam would only be here to make sure he attended family dinner. What type of golden child would he be, if not entering his parent’s kelku with his rascal brother in toe?
“I’m not going to dinner.” He huffed, turning back to continue his march.
“Funny that you think there is a choice.” Neteyam chuckled, a few strides putting him back in line with Lo’ak. “It can wait, bro. It’s not as if she will flee the forest within a few hours.”
A bold claim to stand by, in Lo’ak’s opinion. Your stubbornness had a perseverance that rivaled his own. If fleeing from him forever was an option, then you sure as hell would have taken it by now.
“You don’t know her. Every second I leave her alone is another that she has to overthink everything. I need to find her before she spirals for good.” His nostrils flare for the dozenth time. Once more, there is not a trace of your scent in the air. Perhaps you didn’t run home after all. No, you’re smarter than that. You knew that would be the first place he’d look.
“Always the dramatics,” Neteyam grinned while slinging an arm over his shoulder. Despite the rough shrug, his brother continued to sling them together. “If what you say is true, then she may just have to spiral because Mom has been planning this dinner for weeks. Which means if you don’t show up, she will skin you,” He shoved a pointed finger into his chest. “Then me. Then you again.”
His mother’s will was not something to be reckoned with. Warm smiles and hugs could turn into bared fangs and retribution in an instant, when it came to opting out of precious family gatherings. And his father…well his father catered to her every whim with soft eyes only the women in his life received. It was something that didn’t make any sense to Lo’ak, that is until he had fallen for you.
When Neteyam dragged him back in the direction of their parent’s kelku, it took everything within him not to turn around and start tracing your tracks from the cave. Patience may not have been his strong suit but leaving you alone to stew like this could very well undo all of the progress he has made over the past few weeks.
In fact so much more than he could have realized when he woke up this morning. Today was shaping out to be one of the best days he’d had in months. That is, before Neteyam interrupted and kicked your overthinking tendency into hyperdrive. God, if this was the first and last taste he ever got of your lips, he was going to bury his brother six feet under!
The walk back was silent, not that Neteyam was bothered by it. Since his courtship had continued to progress with Talu, nothing could bring him down these days. It was in drowning out his brother’s soft humming and replaying the caress of your skin beneath his fingers, that Lo’ak found himself distracted and therefore missing the increasing perfume of your essence as they trekked closer.
Lo’ak followed his brother’s ascent up the tree, giving the forest one longing look back as if you would suddenly appear from thin air.
And then….
And then when his shoulder dipped past the entryway and his brother started explaining why they were late, you did appear. Perhaps not out of thin air, but instead wrapped in half of Tuk’s jewelry collection as she rambled about the new pearl necklace she was making. All manner of feathers, jewels, and spare shells were strung around your neck in a layer thick enough to worry about suffocation.
However, your attention was ripped from that concern entirely the second he had parted through the entrance. Golden eyes stared back at him like a prey caught in a trap, and despite the less than friendly welcome, Lo’ak couldn’t help but preen at having your attention once more. For better or worse, his presence had come to elicit a response from you and that alone had his chest swelling with pride.
It seemed that Eywa herself was finally ready to bestow some luck upon him because while he was ready to tramp through the forest for hours hunting you down to plead his case, you were deposited in his lap instead. Here in his…family’s kelku?
“I didn’t realize we’d have a guest.” Neteyam lips twisted into a barely concealed flash of amusement. “It’s nice to see you again, y/n.”
The only thing that stopped Lo’ak from tearing his brother’s throat out with his teeth was the beautiful blush that painted your cheeks. Of course this teasing was only going to whip your embarrassment and reluctance towards him to higher levels, but watching you squirm at his presence was painting a plethora of far more sensual scenarios he could see you writhe in.
“Kaltxi [hello],” you said.
Lo’ak bit back a smile at the formal gesture you extended to him and his brother, touching your fingers to your forehead. It was beyond cute seeing how you scrambled to pretend like the two of you hadn’t been caught in a compromising position less than an hour ago. Stars above, what he wouldn’t give to find himself in that position again!
“Kaltxi, tahni [star],” He returned. Your eyes darted back to his sister but his own trailed along the small bumps forming along your arms. Perhaps if he was closer he could see a shiver travel up your spine or catch the sweet shift in scent that drove him near madness. Your time together had not left your mind, that much was for certain.
So now, bolstered up by a confidence that was dangerous to have in the presence of his family, Lo’ak glided down to sit beside you. Neteyam took the last spot next to their mother who diligently turned the last of the meat over the fire.
“She’s my guest.” Practically sprawled across your lap just to give him the evil eye, Tuk made her point with a snipping tone. Amusement tugged at the corner of your lips. There and gone as quick as you could stifle, while nervous hands rolled the beads of his sisters necklaces back and forth.
“Understood,” Lo’ak vowed with a grin, though it did not dampen his sister’s ire for a moment.
It was rare to see you this quiet. Even more unusual to be in your presence without receiving backlash or treacherous glares hurled in his direction. The closest thing he got to retribution was his little sister’s fierce expressions when he had glanced over at you one too many times. Regardless, he could feel your unease with every passing moment.
His mother’s questioning only made matters worse. Neytiri was anything but subtle as she asked about your time training under his grandmother, and pried on updates with the swimming lessons. She even went as far as asking about your sister, eyes darting over to Neteyam without an ounce of shame. It couldn’t have been more convenient for her, meddling with both of her son’s love lives in one dinner.
You responded with an elegance and grace that had his heart racing. Surely this calm facade you exhibited was one that you’d earned through years of being put through the ringer by his grandmother. To his family, there was very little evidence of your nerves as you told stories of Talu and patiently entertained his mother’s line of questioning. Even Neteyam leaned forward with interest, drinking in every drop of knowledge on Talu you bestowed.
But Lo’ak could catch the occasional tremor in your tone. He could feel the way your tail curled mere inches away from his own. When he tried to curl the skinny appendage around your own it was yanked away. Your shoulders straightened and that beautiful shade burst beneath your cheeks once more. Whatever sensual thought had sparked in your mind was now twisting his to ends he could hardly endure.
Your eye caught his and it was only then that he realized Tuk had graciously steered the conversation in her direction.
“Rin’ya made an entire top out of the flowers so I would really only need to visit the cliffs one more time to get the rest of the materials.” She insisted but Lo’ak couldn’t be bothered to reorient himself with the proper context or listen to his father’s inevitable refusal at her request.
This little reprieve, however, made something within you surge to the surface. Eyes of molten gold heated into something disastrous he could not wait to fall into. Curiosity and desire strangled him relentlessly. What was swimming through your head? What fantasies, or better yet memories, were overriding that sensible part of you that was typically all consuming?
Whatever it was, Lo’ak was determined to make it a reality. He would rake himself across hot coals if that made you happy. Lo’ak tried to convey this promise with his eyes but you averted your own when it became too much. His tail chased yours until they were intertwining, out of view of his family.
The rest of Pandora may as well have been a pile of ash when you were sitting beside him like this. When the taste of your lips still lingered on his tongue and the subtle skew of desire in your scent gave him hope to taste so much more. Lo’ak was in the depths of it now. Too far gone to lace caution with his next choices. Too heavily intoxicated by the mixture of recent memory and what-ifs for him to bother being embarrassed when his mother started telling some of his childhood stories.
Then again, had he ever really crawled out of the trenches when it came to you? Years apart with an ocean dividing the two of you and romantic flames to quench that desire, yet nothing could pull his thoughts away from you. Some days he wondered had his family not returned to the forest would he have spent the rest of his days yearning for you and ruining whatever romance he had on the island as a result?
“It truly was delicious,” you spoke with a warm smile.
Shit! You were already preparing to slip away.
“You are welcome any time, my child.”Neytiri smiled while gathering the wooden bowls and handing them off to Jake. With a devious glint in her eyes, his mother truly could not be more obvious. “Lo’ak will walk you home.”
He was wrong.
When it came to his mother’s meddling there truly were no bounds.
Yet today, he was grateful for the stiff command in her tone that bubbled perfectly beneath her sweetness. She had a way of orchestrating the moving blocks of her life-or rather people in her life-until they fell into just the right fashion. Not even you could stand a chance against such a force.
“Oh, that is very generous but I’m sure I can manage.” Your ears flickered with apprehension, eyes not daring to peek his way.
“Come on,syulang [flower].” He stood swiftly, offering his hand. “My mother will jerk a knot in my tail if I let you walk home alone. So really, you would be doing me a favor.”
This was a favor you were not willing to grant him. He could see the resistance in the way your eyes scrunched while taking his hand. Hell, you were probably mourning the loss of having such consequences not fall upon him, wishing you could see him humbled in such a manner.
“I would go with you, but I’m supposed to get my hair rebraided,” Tuk pouted before settling down in front of Neteyam who was already searching for the wooden comb.
“That’s alright.” You smiled back at her. If only you knew what a good actress Tuk had come to be. Neteyam wasn’t set to do her hair for a few more days, yet both sunk into that lie with an ease that could’ve pulled the wall over anyone’s eyes. That is, anyone who had not grown up with such skxawngs.
With a plethora of nice words falling from your lips and a goodbye that felt far too long for Lo’ak’s liking, the two of you finally climbed down from the Sully kelku.
The air was stiff, only cut by the sound of crunching leaves and branches below foot. Nocturnal creatures were already emerging from the wood work as Pandora’s bioluminescent glow swiveled along every tree trunk and vine in sight. Any other night with any other woman this would be the ideal setting to make a move. However, something told Lo’ak that were he to not choose his words wisely now, it would be his own blood painting the scenery instead.
“I was sur-”
“We can walk in silence,” you clipped, arms already folding over your chest. Lo’ak couldn’t tell if you were cold or simply closing yourself off from him in every way possible. The former had him imagining the rise of your pert nipples, how they would feel beneath the rough pads of his fingers. Was your rough treatment in the cave any indication of how you’d react to receiving a mix of pleasure and pain? A sign of how you’d moan with a twist and flick to those sensitive buds?
Lo’ak reeled his mind out of those sinful trenches, just enough to adorn a thoughtful expression.
“I suppose we could, but I don’t see the efficiency in that, and I know how much you like to adhere to a schedule.” Tail coiling in on itself, you sent him an incredulous look that had your features scrunching into something far more endearing than he deemed fair. “We’re going to have this conversation at some point, it may as well be now.”
“And what conversation is that?” Your pace picked up. No doubt it was a way of trying to create distance between the two of you but it only allowed Lo’ak’s long legs to finally take their full stride.
“The one where you explain what happened today.”
“I do not have to explain myself to yo-”
“Listing everything I did wrong to set you over the edge, that is. My breathing was off. My hair wasn’t tied properly. I looked at you too much. I didn’t look at you enough. Feel free to stop me when I’m getting warmer.”
Frustration was already brewing in those beautiful eyes, but at least this time they were looking his way. He would gladly burn under the inferno of that gaze for a thousand years than spend one moment more in the cold shadow that is your absence.
“You really think you have it figured out, don't you?”
“Not in the slightest, syulang.” Lo’ak shrugged. “But I await your wisdom as always.”
You stopped short, halting so fast it dug a slope into the dirt. “You-” A harsh breath flared from your nostrils, one finger pointed up at his chest. The hue blossoming beneath your cheeks now was different than the blush supported by your dirty thoughts earlier. This display of anger was far more familiar, yet no less addicting.
“I…” Lo’ak coaxed, trailing off with raised brows.
“You truly are the most insufferable person I have ever had to endure.” Your ears were whipping back and forth so aggressively now that pieces of your long hair fluttered in the wind. God, how did you manage to be so beautiful while angry at him?
“Understood.” He gave one slow nod, watching the way your hairless brows bunched together in confusion. “It was my insufferable nature that had you taking reformative action today. Sort of a vague explanation, but I suppose it could work.”
Lo’ak’s drawl cut into a small huff when you groaned and shoved at his chest. Getting you to a level of aggression was uncharted territory. He didn’t put up a fight, simply shifting his weight back one step when you managed to shove him hard enough.
“Can you not leave me in peace for one moment? We kissed. It was stupid. End of story.” You stopped hitting him but your hands balled into fists and a sudden exhale rushed from you before those hands were pressing at your shut eyes. It looked as if a headache was coming on. “I don’t know why it happened! Kissing you drunk was horrific enough but this…” Your lips pursed as your ears pulled back. “Please spare me the boasting for once and let me live with this stupidity of mine in peace.”
Lo’ak let silence float between the two of you for a moment. You appeared to be in no rush to leave, despite the way you pinched the bridge of your noise and let out a long sigh. Perhaps you were gathering your bearings, but he knew better. You fight and fight any and everything that makes you feel even the slightest bit out of control, and yet next to the fire you remain.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” You snapped, finally whipping your eyes open to glare at him.
“Punish yourself.” Lo’ak’s tail twitched in anticipation but you simply scoffed. “You make it out to be this horrible thing that you have done, some sort of reason to shame yourself. But you have done nothing wrong. Not once since I have come home.”
“I don’t require your reassurance.” Those defiant eyes shifted to the floor as you struggled not to bite your bottom lip.
“I know you don’t. You don’t need anything from me. Pride aside, I can recognize that.” Lo’ak took one cautious step forward but this time you were looking up at him through thick lashes. Clear signs of agitation still present but your tail had stopped whipping and a trickle of curiosity painted your features. Lo’ak held to that curiosity like a lifeline, praying it would be enough to keep you here just one moment longer. “But does being independent really mean you don’t deserve to enjoy the spoils regardless? What makes you less worthy of pleasure than everyone else?”
It was bold to say the least but Lo’ak could already see you turning his words over in your head. That beautiful face had always been so expressive, narrating every thrilling twist and turn your brilliant mind took. When it came up short for explanation you opted for the next best thing.
“I am growing tired of your oh so precious evaluations of my character. You claim to want what is best for me all the time but every conversation we have ends exactly like this.”
“And how is that?”
“You gloating while I try not to strangle you.”
Hands made to nurture and care for the weak were surely not accustomed to choking someone out, but Lo’ak would gladly be your first subject. He would kneel at your feet, hands gently caressing the back of your thighs then there to steady himself as you stifled the air from his lungs. Through raspy breath he would drown you in praise and encouragement until his vision would blur and all he could see would be your radiant face.
Lo’ak’s throat bobbed.
“I infuriate you.” He took one step closer. You didn’t retreat.
“Yes.”
“Bother you.” Another step and you now had to crane your neck to look up at him.
“Without fail.” Your toes dug into the soil, most likely rooting yourself in place despite his advances.
“Drive you positively mad.”
“This is getting redundant.” Your crossed arms just barely brushed his chest, a mere whisper away from skin on skin contact and Lo’ak despised how thirsty he was for that simple connection. He envied the version of himself that lived a few hours ago, with your legs wrapped around his torso, hands mapping the curve of your ass and those soft lips pressed against his own.
“Then let me make it up to you.”
Your stubborn attempt at remaining unbothered crumbled as your features scrunched together in confusion. Warry eyes looked up at him but you didn’t back away, not even when he grazed his knuckles along your bicep. That testing touch gave him reassurance that Lo’ak desperately clinged to. You were a flight risk, but right now it seemed that your body had chosen to freeze instead.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been nothing but a bother to you since I’ve returned home. You have every right to hate me, scorn me, even ignore my presence entirely. But why watch me writhe under your wrath when you can do so while receiving pleasure as well. I owe you that much at least.”
Curiosity was a devious creature and one that could take hold of a person until they were driven to insanity. He could see it now mapping over your features and burrowing into your chest until temptation had formed as a consequence. His fingertips brushed over the warm column of your neck.
Lo’ak waited to be chewed out for the subtle scent marking, but instead your eyes squinted up at him.
“I am not a fool, Lo’ak.”
Trepidation wove into the pounding of his heart. He was playing with fire, that much was for sure, but sometimes taking a risk was the most reasonable thing one could do. And right now, he was willing to risk everything he had in order to get one more taste of you.
“You’re worried that agreeing to this would change things between us. That I would see it as progression in my courting.” When he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear you shifted your weight back slightly. “You’re wrong.” He rushed out.
God, it felt as if he was back to being a fourteen year old boy again when you drove him crazy like this. Nothing but an excess of hormones without a single clue of how to talk to a woman. Still, you were here. So Lo’ak blocked out the intoxicating fumes of your essence and got a hold of himself.
“You don’t want to talk about the kiss, that’s fine. In fact, if that is what you wish we will never talk about it again. I promise.”
“Being quiet is a foreign concept to you,” you whipped back, head tilting to the side to study him. Lo’ak drank up that snip as if it was the most decadent of compliments. That sharp wit of yours always had a way of turning him inside out.
“I’m eager to learn,” He smirked and this time you didn’t lean back when he ducked down to meet your gaze. The vast height difference was enough to have his spine curving into an uncomfortable position but Lo’ak felt as if he could stand like this for hours if it got him that much closer to your soft lips. “We don’t ever have to talk about what happens tonight or any other night, if you take my offer.”
He was going to have to breathe through his mouth soon if your arousal continued to build like this. How could you stand there with suspicious eyes and hardened expression when your body was already priming itself for him? Sucking him in with that mouth watering scent like a viper readying to strike.
“Which is?” you whispered. Finally the first crack in your composure.
Lo’ak kept a tight leash on his hope. It had ways of running ahead of him, were he not careful. Your defenses were slowly being lowered but that did not mean he had conquered yet.
“Anything you want. Whenever you want. No expectations or consequences attached.”
You were biting at the inside of your lip. It was easy to tell when his own eyes kept darting down to softness that was slightly puckered as a result. Stars above, was this another means of tormenting him? If so, he more than deserved it. Would welcome it without complaint but, God, being in your orbit without fully having you, would downright kill him.
“That is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard.”
“It makes sense, considering what a ridiculous of a man you turn me into, yawne.”
And there it was. That spark you could only snuff out so fast before he caught sight of it. You knew how much he wanted you. You acted as if it was the biggest inconvenience in the world but there was a part of you that secretly reveled in his desire.
It was clear that no other man had ever yearned for you so openly in the way you deserved. And Lo’ak was hell bent on becoming the first and last man to ever crawl at your feet.
“You make the rules, yawne. Set the pace and I’ll follow. Whatever you desire, it’s yours.” Lo’ak felt as if he was ready to crumble when you suddenly reached up to rub a thumb over a few beads of his front braids. He considered taking down his hair from his bun to give you more braids to play with but then you were tracing over his jaw.
In efforts to keep himself from wrestling you to the ground and taking what he wanted, Lo’ak clamped a hand into the curved tree behind you on either side. The moss sprouted from between his fingers and dug under his nails when your thumb swiped over his bottom lip.
“Whatever I want?”
Your eyes continued to study the rhythmic drag of your thumb over his lips. When he spoke again, your thumb just barely avoided slipping into his mouth.
“Anything,” he exhaled. “I’m yours to do with as you please.”
There were moments in your life that felt like standing on the edge of a cliff. As if on the precipice of making a decision that would change the course of your journey. You recognized this as one of the most pivotal. Even more so, you recognized that sensible voice at the back of your head warning you of the danger ahead.
This was the part where you pulled away. This was the part where you shoved down the temptation gnawing at you until you could forget that Lo’ak Sully had offered his body to your carnal desires as if it had been yours for the taking all along. This was the moment you decided to do the sensible thing.
And yet, the very thought of doing so made your blood churn.
You’d spent your entire life being sensible. Catering to the whims of others. Training under Mo’at with a diligence and devotion that sucked everything you had to offer from your very soul. Suffering the horrors of war and loss and pain all to then stitch yourself back together and bear those secret scars alone so no one else would have to tend to them.
Being sensible had been your life and you were sick of it.
It had wound tension into the deepest crevices of your body and tossed you back and forth at night with nightmares that could only be chased away by a stupid singing box. And so for once, just once, you acknowledged how much you yearned to be reckless.
You had already given in to some degree earlier today. Wrangling Lo’ak into that cave had already crossed a line, so what difference did one step further make? If there were already going to be consequences of letting yourself slip, why not derive the full rewards of it as well? Otherwise, you were going to end this night tossing and turning in your bed as you tried to combat regret.
A taste of him would not do.
If you were going to have Lo’ak Sully, you would need a piece of him large enough to satiate this monster that had burst inside of you.
And then, only then, would you have the strength to return back to your life of well thought out choices and a structured schedule.
Lo’ak’s breath was shallow, yet heavy and dark. He too waited at the precipice. He put up an act of being obedient, letting you make this decision on your own, but he never played fair. With a tail twisting in anticipation and lips parted at the slightest brush of your thumb, he urged you towards darkness with silent begging.
This mighty warrior looked at you as one does their goddess above, clawing at the chance to worship you relentlessly.
And today, you were ready to take him up on that offer.
This kiss was far different from the one in the cave. This was slow and deliberate. Lo’ak followed the pace you set and you basked in every brush of contact the two of you made. Once again, his scent of starry nights and communal fires embedded itself into your skin. This man of mixed cultures swirled you into a void you never wanted to crawl out of.
“Thank you,” he exhaled against your lips when you placed one of his hands at your waist. The unearned gratitude sent a thrill through you.
Surely, Lo’ak had spent many passionate nights with various women far less innocent than this, yet here he was thanking you for the chance to brush his fingers along your waist.
Lo’ak’s shoulders were broad. That was one of the first things you had noticed on the night he returned and now you finally allowed yourself to map curious hands over the length of them. They traveled then down south, left hand digging slightly into one shoulder blade while the other wrapped around his bicep.
The Sully boy smirked but luckily you kept his lips far too occupied to spout smug teasings. For now, you would ignore how many secrets you were revealing to him. Lo’ak claimed you would never have to speak of this again and you were going to hold him to his word until you were both buried into the ground. With that assurance in mind, you ventured forward to explore every nook and cranny of him that had caught your interest since the moment he rested back on Omatikaya soil.
Your curiosities would have to be sated tonight because this would be a one time thing.
May as well make the most of it.
The hand at your waist now dragged down to squeeze the plump flesh at your hip. He paused for half a second in the kiss, waiting to see if you would reprimand him. You couldn’t find it within you to admit how much you enjoyed the way he couldn’t seem to control himself.
Standing bent down like this was sure to be an awkward position for him to keep. Still, dutifully he remained so that your lips could reach the warm column of his throat. Once your kissing had made paths further past his collarbone, Lo’ak stretched back to full height. His heart pounded against his rib cage like the drums that he so fervently danced to night after night.
The veins of his arms were pronounced even with only the moon’s light and tanhi freckles to illuminate them. Your smaller hand rested over the one at your hips. He unlatched it willingly so you could pull back and inspect those alien hands once more.
Years ago, any sort of acknowledgment of his demon blood would have him shuffling away and cracking jokes. Teenage Lo’ak was a boy still coming into himself, entirely consumed by the need to be accepted and loved despite his origins.
Now, he didn’t so much as flinch from where he watched you. He splayed those fingers apart at your prying and stood tall like a specimen waiting for your thorough inspection. It struck you once more, how much Lo’ak had grown up.
And you despised him for it. Despised him for growing into himself instead of sinking down into a pathetic villain you had painted him to be for years. You resented the way you still found every part of him, alien or not, intoxicating and beautiful. Lo’ak Sully had no right to come back a better man than the one that had broken your heart.
And you were ready to punish him for it.
You wrenched both of his arms behind him. Lo’ak quirked a bow but kept them pinned at the small of his back where you placed them. You didn’t bother checking your pouch for extra rope to tie him. That would be a kindness, helping him follow the rules even if he didn’t have the self control to do so on his own. No, if he wanted to be here, he would have to do it the hard way.
“No touching,” you commanded.
There was a flash of disappointment, evident in the way his ears twitched but Lo’ak straightened. He wore the countenance of young warriors on the morning of their iknimaya. Challenge accepted.
“No touching,” he echoed.
Wading in this battle of wills was gnawing at your confidence so you escaped the heat of his gaze by pulling him down for another kiss. Exploration put to the side, you dove in with a vengeance that had his lip bleeding by the end. The taste of iron mixed well with his natural essence and it only drove Lo’ak to match your hungered state.
Chasing after your lips as that was the only thing he could do, Lo’ak’s taller frame curved down until he was blocking out the moon’s light. That served to create an enchanting silhouette stealing you from the kiss and continuing your exploration. When you placed a hand at his chest, he silently took your command to straighten up once more.
Metkayina tattoos were a wonder to behold. The lengths and pain they went through just to ingrain these permanent markings into their skin astonished you. But Lo’ak was not the only one to have them. In fact, all of the Sully kids had come back with their fair share. Even Tuk had a few.
Yet the curves of dark ink over Lo’ak’s skin were the only ones that had continued to run through your mind. The only ones that you had caught yourself doodling absently mindedly between patients at the healer’s tent. And furthermore, the only ones that had mysterious endings you had been yearning to view.
The markings drawn along his sides perfectly framed his abs and you took a moment to appreciate that detail with the brush of your fingertips and slide of your tongue. The intricate patterns along his outer thighs were just as enchanting and gave you a moment to add the imprint of your teeth along a spiral at his hip, grinning when Lo’ak jerked before steadying his stance. However, the most infuriating detail of his marking were the way each slid beneath the straps of his tewng [loincloth].
This was where your drawings had always come to an abrupt halt.
You were tired of coming to that frustrating end.
The fringed ends of his loincloth were soft and smooth along your fingers. They almost covered the prominent bulge tenting the material. Almost.
Warmth coiled between your legs at the evidence of his arousal. You had hardly let this man do anything, yet his body was already strung like a pulled bow. Peeking up from where you squat, you found Lo’ak already peering down at you. He made no effort to explain his state, nor did he hold any shame in his body’s reaction.
Confident bastard.
Nevertheless, there was a thrill to be found in the challenge he presented. Lo’ak was determined to obey your every order. You were determined to make him writhe in the process of doing so. Finally stripping him of that tantalizing smirk and bringing him to humbling depths he oh so needed.
The ties of his tewng were not complicated but you took pleasure in drawing out the moment. In fact, you slid down to your knees in graceful show before even beginning to toy with the strings. The image you had presented to him was nothing short of vulgar. Knees dug into the dirt, big wide eyes staring up at him through thick lashes, and kiss-swollen lips mere inches from where he ached the most. When you shifted towards his hip to tug at the strings you could see the way his fingers were flexing and clenching in succession behind him.
Lo’ak could make robust claims all he wanted, but getting him riled up was far too easy.
When the fabric finally drew lines down his inner thighs before drifting to the floor, there was nothing to stop his heavy cock from slapping against his stomach. Once again, Lo’ak didn’t so much as flinch in his vulnerable state. To the contrary, it was you that had to reel back your expression and take a small deep breath.
Ink crawled along his hips and pelvis to create shadowed pathways leading you to what you desired most. Where your brain not already fizzled into carnal thoughts and loincloth drenched, you may have had the strength to recognize what a pompous choice of tattoos this had been. But tonight, all you could do was brush your fingertips over the thick swirls and hold back a moan at the way they bounced crescent shapes around the base of his cock.
It travels straight to the heat of him. Heavy and hard and straining against his lower abs, his cock was a sight to behold. So much so that you sheepishly turned away to admire the tattoos instead. The slick that gushed from you at only one glance was borderline embarrassing and you wouldn’t be accepting cocky comments from him about how good your perfume of arousal smelled.
When you wrapped your left hand gently around one hip, thumb brushing the soft skin there, Lo’ak jerked for a second. It occurs to you then that there was a possibility Lo’ak Sully could be ticklish. For some reason, the idea of being the only one privy to that information made your chest swell with pride.
Your thumb dragged over designs at the base of him thoughtfully. His skin was like an inferno, heating from the raw power straining beneath, waiting to be utilized.
“It hurt like hell,” Lo’ak said when you pressed at another line of ink. The very thought of having a sharp needle near such a sensitive area made a shiver crawl down your spine. You couldn’t fathom how he managed to do it. But you schooled your features into that of indifference.
“What do you want? Someone to kiss it better?”
“Only if that someone is you,” said with a smirk but spoken with raw honesty, Lo’ak heated your cheeks to a dark hue.
No longer caring for what it did to your own body, you faced the length of him head on. Your thumb presses along the underside of him, taking note of every tahini littered there. Hardness wrapped in warm velvet, the feel of him along your fingers was exhilarating. Lo’ak’s tail lashed as he kept his footing. This was supposed to be your chance to get back at him, but of course he had to be beautiful. Every part of him carved into your wildest dreams until you needed a moment to admire the masterpiece before you.
Your pussy clenched around nothing. The thick wetness in your tewng had now stuck the fabric to your heated core uncomfortably. You tucked that desire away when knowing eyes stared down at you.
Your jaw clenched as you felt the power start to shift in his direction. This was not for him. He had offered himself to you. An offer you were going to make him regret.
And so you softened the muscles in your face into a mask of innocence as your right hand fully wrapped around his base. Lo’ak’s nose scrunched and his throat bobbed but he didn’t dare shuffle. Heated breath coated his length, joining the dollop of precum already blossoming at his tip. Your tongue could just barely flick out between your lips and it would brush the heat of him.
Despite wanting to marvel at his cock, you kept your own eyes trained on his. You watched dark pupils eat away at the golden hue there. And you smiled, such a soft and sweet smile that it was sure to reminisce that of the many willing lovers he had to have had on their knees for him before. False security fell over him, shoulders dropping and lips parting as he waited for your mouth to envelope him.
He twitched in your hand.
And then your plush lips pressed against his blunt head.
There and gone in a kiss so quick it could only be called a peck. You tried not to focus on how delicious his precum tasted, the few drops that had just barely made it past your lips.
You pulled back and Lo’ak groaned as your touch left him completely.
“You really do hate me,” he rumbled and you gave him a feral grin.
“Nice to know you haven’t forgotten.”
His eyes narrowed but your interest was caught by the indented teeth marks on his bottom lip. Whether from his own fangs or yours you couldn’t be sure, but they did make him look unfairly pretty. Not waiting for his response, you rose once more and latched a hand at the back of his neck to yank him down for another kiss.
It was nice to know that this technique of shutting Lo’ak up always worked. Your barely covered breasts squished against his chest. Reaching him required balancing on the balls of your feet but every now and then you faltered and the coarse fabric of his cumberbund dragged along your stiff nipples.
Your head was already spinning.
Part of you wanted to shove him to the ground and lay across him until you could feel every point of his bare skin against yours. There were too many clothes in the way-more so yours than his-but you ripped at his cumberbund first. Sneakily he undid the clasp in the back with his fingers but he still let you falsely take credit and throw the thing away. Your top went next and Lo’ak had to bite back a whine when you were back to pressing against him before he could get a proper look.
Nails digging into his hip, you could feel the incessant poking of his cock against your stomach. Every now and then his eyes would squeeze shut when the wrangling of your bodies together had provided unintentional friction. You could only imagine what expression he would make with your pussy clamped around him. Fuck, you would squeeze every last drop of seed he had out of him if it meant witnessing that pinched expression once more! Watching him unravel before you willingly.
But no.
That was not an option. Caution thrown to the wind or not, you knew better than to take things that far. Nor did you have any desire to reward him in such a way. If you were going to survive Lo’ak Sully, completely etch him out of your life for good, it would have to be done in a way that brought you pleasure and distinguished your aching for him afterwards.
“Fuck baby,” Lo’ak rumbled from his chest. That sound came from the very depths of him, it slithered like darkness incarnate and had you lighting up like a star in the night sky. You hated how much you loved his voice like this.
You punished him by sucking his tongue into your mouth. The muscle was hot and wet and bled with an essence that created visions of where else you would like to feel it. Consequently your decision was proclaimed before you could even think it through.
“I want your mouth.”
Both you panted for air, barely detached.
The order was harsh and unyielding but there was no missing the raw hunger behind it. Lo’ak’s head lazily rolled to the side, front braids brush his cheek in turn. His sharp teeth were already peeking out into a grin as he let the words roll through him.
“Where do you want it, yawne?” His grinning lips were shiny, wearing the combined saliva like his personal brand of lipgloss.
The question was not a question at all. It was a summon. A summoning to take full control, provoking you to see if you would put your own bashful nature aside and say what you wanted out loud.
Speaking so provocatively was not in your nature. Nor had you ever vocally demanded anything from a man sexually before. Following a man’s lead was a dynamic you knew well and always guaranteed keeping the peace, even if that did not in turn guarantee getting an orgasm by the end.
Lo’ak knew that. You didn’t know how he did, but with the way he was looking at you it was obvious he did. And he was calling you out. Even when he was the one offering himself as a toy for your enjoyment, he still managed to prowl over you like a predator.
Swallowing back the residue taste of him, you conjured up the closest thing you could get to a proper response.
“Where it belongs.”
Not at all what you had meant to say. That Freudian slip was going to cost you in the future. The glimmer in his eyes said as much. There was a split second of surprise across his features that made you feel as if you had won before that too was replaced with evidence of his profound satisfaction.
Fuck, you were playing right into his hand!
“Of course, yawne.” He acquiesced. But even as he descended to his knees, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Lo’ak was the one getting his way.
None of that ceased to matter, though, when his nose brushed along your loincloth. The softest of touches that had you going absolutely wild. You weren’t sure how things had gotten this bad but it was clear that your body had been clawing for this type of attention for a long time now. And the sight of his clamping white teeth on the fabric and using that to drag it down your thighs only curved your appetite higher.
Lo’ak was hungry too. Unlike you, he had no desire to put a cap on that. Once you had kicked your own tewng away, he bent down to drag his face up along your calf. Then knee. Then along the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs. It didn’t occur to you then that this was technically considered a form of scenting.
No, this only felt like watching a man get lost in a profound yearning for you, that you could not properly comprehend. Your body, however, had no difficulty resisting the urge to pick it apart and simply take it as an enticing promise.
Lo’ak couldn’t use his hands. He had them intertwined together at the base of his spine where you had directed them. Not once had they faltered, but there was vast temptation when your thighs were actively pressing together, hiding your cunt from view. Despite your demands, there was still a part of you that was used to waiting until a man spread your thighs wide and took what he wanted.
But Lo’ak couldn’t do that.
Not unless you lifted your rule. That idea sparkled up at you in golden eyes and lifted brows that claimed it was the most logical course of action.
Pressing your back against the tree, you bravely disregarded his manipulations and spread your thighs wide. When one dark brow curved upwards, you constricted your expression into that of indifference.
“Well?” You pressed, in expectation.
Although his plan had not worked, Lo’ak was not downcast. Instead, he focused his sights on the new prize ahead. Searing his unrepentant stare into every crevice of your cunt. At first you figured this to be another mind game to get you crumbling beneath his attention, but then his expression melted with awe. Genuine wonder painted his features and Lo’ak marveled at you like a man seeing the sun for the first time.
“Fuck, you have the most gorgeous pussy, yawne!”
That declaration turned the tips of your ears red.
“Shut up,” you bit back.
“Is that a new rule?”
You knew you should say yes. After all, Lo’ak’s constant nagging and rambling had been your source of irritation for weeks. That man never seemed to know when to shut his mouth. And now, here he was, offering silence if you so pleased.
For reasons you couldn’t discern, you declined.
“That is not what I said.”
Lo’ak leaned forward and placed a kiss on your mound. You almost slapped him for daring to recreate the move you had pulled on him but he spoke before you had the chance.
“As you wish, yawne.”
You expected him to dive in, slurping you out like a man starved. After all, that is what all of your past lovers had done. They sucked, licked and messily devoured as if doing so would prove something of them as a man.
But Lo’ak took his time.
He showed his hunger in more tactful ways. Slid his tongue along your inner thighs to capture leaking slick as if losing a single drop would be a travesty. Nostrils flaring with a pleased groan as he took in your scent like savoring the finest of liquor. Lo’ak was meticulous. Intentional.
When his lips finally did skim your already parted lips, he laid soft kisses in his wake. You were about to tell him off for teasing, when his glorious tongue finally got to work.
And glorious it was.
You would never admit it, but Lo’ak had reason to boast after all. You’re not sure how or where he had learned this, but his tongue was a weapon that he wielded to tear you apart. The way it circled your clit had your knees shaking. The caress at your entrance made slick dribble out of you as if on demand for him. Even the light tapping of his tongue along your sensitive button had moans crawling up your throat.
It was ridiculous, deriving so much pleasure from motions that would be categorized as mere teasing. Yet somehow, you craved this build up more than anything before. Lo’ak wasn’t here to get the job done and leave with his badge of honor pinned to chest. No, unlike the others, Lo’ak Sully was here for the journey.
He savored every moan, whine, and preen he could slip from you. He lapped at the sweet nectar with praising purrs every time more blossomed out. Every second was a joy. Every discovery that of the highest interest to him.
When he pulled back, your knees were already on the verge of buckling. There was no time to level your expression before he was staring up at you.
“Should we test my breathhold, paskalin [honey]?”
That rhetorical question did serve as sufficient warning for the pleasure that zapped through you moments later. Face pressed into the deepest crevice between your thighs, his tongue took turns between fucking up into your pussy and flicking at your clit while his lips suctioned around it.
Lo’ak played dirty. His hands remained immobile but he bullied one shoulder under your right thigh to open you wider. Letting out a squeal, you grasped at his braids for stability. The motion backfired as every tug pulling several braids from his bun had a thundering hum vibrating along your most sensitive parts.
“Lo’ak!” That cry elicited an enthusiasm from him that could not be contained.
Every fiber of him was poured into stringing your body out with never ending ecstasy. Your first orgasm bled into your second so quickly that you didn’t even register the fact that he had not come up for air once yet. You had thought that one release was more than what you could hope for with partners, even with yourself getting a couple was a rarity. In your mind, that was all the satisfaction your body needed.
Lo’ak had torn that concept to shreds. Every climax that bursted from you only heightened the unrelenting need for more. If choosing to do this was jumping off a cliff, then Lo’ak was rolling you back up that mountain, higher and higher until oxygen could not properly reach your brain and the whole word was a kaleidoscope of color and your moans bleeding into his.
There was no telling at what point you had taken to laying on the ground. You had only realized upon noticing the relief of no longer having to hold your own weight. Lo’ak’s hands were not pinned at his back any more but they dug into the soil on either side of your hips as he worshiped your pussy with his mouth alone.
“You have no idea how good you taste, yawne.” His chest heaved in order to get the words out and take in much needed oxygen at the same time. “You were right. My mouth belongs to this sweet pussy.”
And back it went the second those words had sunk past your skull. There was a distant thought at the back of your head, the idea that perhaps Lo’ak was waiting for you to tell him to stop before even considering letting up. With how much delicious torment your body had already been through, it seemed now was the logical time to put this to an end.
But your legs were over his shoulder and heels dug into his back to push him further. You weren’t ready for this to be over. You didn’t want to stop looking at the streaks of colored light dancing over his muscular back or pulled braids that were now out of his bun and splayed across and between your thighs. More than anything you didn’t want to stop the pure delight that coursed through your veins with every brush of his tongue.
Something was building.
Something that had been twisting in your stomach for years and now it was coiling to spring out in a euphoric explosion. You could taste the evidence of it. Could already tell that it would shatter you beyond recovery.
You craved that destruction.
Lo’ak was more than happy to give it to you.
Pushing his head down mercilessly, you rocked up into his mouth. It took every last fiber of energy you had left, but the end was in sight. He must have felt it too because his tongue started working double time over your raw clit.
Sound sputtered into static, your own screams just a far off drone. Stars danced over your eyes, almost as bright as the flames of your nerves catching fire. Euphoria was your new home and no other sense mattered in that space.
That was, no other sense besides the flash of dark blue skin and a deep voice that would occasionally tickle at your ears. Slowly, that presence dragged you back to consciousness. When it did, you were met with intent eyes and shiny lips pulled into a smile.
“There you are,” Lo’ak brushed his knuckles along your cheek. It was the first point of contact from his hands since you had forced them behind his back. You couldn’t find it within you to care that you had passed out nor conjure the energy to stop him from touching you.
His gentle care created an environment you could fully surrender to. Tomorrow would be responsible for stitching your resolve back together, but for now you were content to let him dress you in your half conscious state.
Lo’ak carried you back to your kelku. Neteyam and Talu were in the other room but you were not forced to address them. Every limb was limp but it felt as if you were full of sunshine warming you from the inside out. For the first time in years, you drifted to sleep effortlessly.
In fact, even the strange sky demon music box was not needed to fight night terrors.
Lo’ak set it up, regardless.
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I want Tim to grovel, I need him to endlessly trip over his feet trying to convey that he genuinely adores Lucy, I need him to truly see just how much he needs her and vice versa.