HE HAD A NICE DREAM THAT NIGHT. it was warm, comforting. in it, his second son could be found jumping around, leaping from one ledge to another with bruce not far behind. it was their special game, the one they’d play to practice. jason ALWAYS wanted to beat him, & his spirit only invigorated them both. but, he never truly bested his mentor, bruce would always catch up, & this time was no different. a smile could be found on his face, his hand outstretched to catch the boy--- & that was the precise moment his eyes snapped open . . . he registers the harsh white light filtering through his windows first. alfred stood by the curtains, muttering something about it being late enough to eat lunch. next came the pain, THE SORENESS; his muscles ache & his head pounds. with a silent groan, he closes his eyes shut again, forcing them to see the dream again --- to see jason again.
so far out of his reach.
he can hear alfred walk to his side, & a familiar smell catches his interest. his eyes open again, squinting to see what his longest friend held. ❝ i know you prefer your protein shakes in the morning, master bruce, but i’ve decided a hearty breakfast will help you far more than liquid vegetables. ❞ immediately his nonchalant tone annoys him, HE DOESN’T KNOW WHY. in his irritation, he hoists himself up, gingerly accepting the tray of food. ❝ thank you. ❞ is all he mutters, staring wearily at the eggs & slices of toast, his hand immediately reaching for the fork. ❝ before i leave, i think it’s best that you know that master dick is visiting. he’ll be waiting in the cave. ❞ & suddenly the eggs don’t look appetizing anymore, his arm comes back to his side. there’s only one reason he’d be here, the realization brings back the chronic dull ache in the pit of his stomach. he could only guess his shift in demeanor is noticeable since alfred hesitates, lingering with a worried frown before leaving him with a mere word of encouragement.
as the door closes behind him, bruce finds himself wondering how alfred could meet dick’s eye, or anyone’s for that matter, after what happened. because he had nothing to do with it; it was all your fault. the pit deepens ( there’s nothing he can do but run again ). & so he gets up, letting another breakfast grow cold. bruce forces himself to go through the actions of the man he once was, spirited & purposeful: brush your teeth, wash your face, shave your shadow, comb your hair & most important of all --- AVOID THE SUNKEN REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR, he’ll only look at you with accusatory hate. & he does bow his head, looking rather at the sink & floor. as his hand moves through the cascade of water, his dream flashes in his mind . . . he sees jason’s smile, his taunting laugh & bruce’s own chuckle as a response. so close. he was so close.
an hour passes before bruce makes his way down to the cave, avoiding going through the study & opting to use his bedroom’s entrance. he didn’t want to see alfred’s concerning expression any longer, it only angered him more. everything--- angers him nowadays, his brow set in a perpetual state of distaste & irritation. even now, as he descends the winding staircase, he sees dick inspecting the capsule where jason’s robin suit should be--- IT WAS EMPTY. every sign of the second robin was gone, he made sure of it. despite focusing religiously on the emotional pain, bruce knows his body is in a terrible state. never had the dark knight been so reckless, simply overcome with great rage. what more i can do ? he thinks, if my body gives out then that’s all the better. a crusade now turned into a cry of guilt & THE DESIRE FOR DEATH; how could i ever live with myself ?
he doesn’t acknowledge dick when he reaches the last step; he walks past him & settles in his chair at the computer. he’ll have to avoid him when he gets back to the cave after the upcoming patrol, ( maybe he won’t have to worry about coming back, maybe . . . dick won’t have to worry about him anymore ). a fresh wave of guilt washes over his mind, drying his tongue, DEATH WOULD BE TOO EASY OF AN ESCAPE. jason suffered before he died, so will i. with that thought lingering, he sits & skims through the many cases that were left unfinished from the previous night, bracing himself from the questions that were sure to come.
@gryson
