you watch him : you think you’re always watching him, like something about max draws your eye, even in a crowded room. you can’t help it. even when you had tried valiantly not to. eventually, your eye would stray, and you would seek him out like moth to flame. it’s different now though : feelings still unspoken, but his touch at your throat lingers still, some days later. neither of you have spoken about it. what almost happened. because you think he has more important things to worry about then the state of your heart.
luna. his daughter comes first, always. and you would never begrudge him that. but watching him as you are now, with his hands in his head and his body riddled with defeat ... this is not the max you know and, admittedly, love. “all i did was try my best,” @guidwin says, and you feel a myriad of things all at once.
sorrow, for him. because he has been through more than any one person should experience in the past two years. fury, at his in-laws, for daring threaten his place in his daughter’s life. indignation, at him, because he has always fought for what was right, so why does it sound like he’s giving up ? and empathy, for them, because max lost his wife but they lost their daughter.
it’s a conflicting mess of emotions that you struggle to contain. but you manage. you always do for max. ❝ they know that, ❞ you tell him quietly, and though you have no assurance that what you tell him is true, you have to trust that he’ll believe you. ❝ i know that. ❞ this, at least, you know. you hesitate, before you gently rest your hand on his shoulder as you crouch in front of him, and you catch his eyes with your own, and your smile is soft, but melancholic. ❝ when she’s older, luna will know too ... but you can’t give up. you’re her father. she needs you. ❞ speaking from experience, you know what it’s like to grow up without one.
