#guldurphen

[we-are-a-dragon]

Guldurphen (elf wizard): *singing I’m the map to self*

DM: Is that in character?

Guldurphen: (sarcastically): Yeah, I’m just suddenly Dora the Explorer.

DM: Okay, you take a -5 penalty to all rolls for the rest of the adventure.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Guldurphen (elf wizard): See, both of those plans sound reasonable, logical, and like something we should actually do. When you say “I need to convince Guldurphen” I expect the plan to be “Let’s fuck a bumblebee”.

DM: Chaotic neutral means that sometimes he’ll be unpredictably sensible.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Mio (elf ranger): We could dig a tunnel.

Guldurphen (elf wizard): That sounds like a lot of work.

Mio: We have a bear with us.

Guldurphen: Do you know anything about bears?

DM: No, guys. The bear belongs to Grunt and since Grunt isn’t here this week the bear does...?

Domri (gnome barbarian): Nothing of note?

DM: That’s the one.

[we-are-a-dragon]

DM: So what are you going to do now?

Guldurphen (elf wizard): (with swag) We look for a crispy waffle bitch.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Domri (gnome barbarian): I have an idea. And this time it’s a good one.

Guldurphen (elf wizard): Every time you say that I doubt you more.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Guldurphen (elf wizard): Do I have your permission to perform a post-mortem autopsy on you?

MeIAm (halfling ranger): No!!

Domri (gnome barbarian): What would a pre-mortem autopsy be?

Guldurphen: Vivisection.

MeIAm: Or surgery, geez.

[we-are-a-dragon]

M (playing MeIAm): Sorry, I was thinking about Jim the Eagle.

Ciaran (playing Domri): Who is Jim the Eagle?

M: He was still wearing his pyjamas when he went to save Dinglemouse.

Domri: Ah, yep.

Noelani (playing Guldurphen): I like how you said that like it would clear anything up.

[we-are-a-dragon]

Noelani (playing Guldurphen): (to M) You’re so pure. Like, okay, you’re not at all pure. But sometimes you say things and I’m just like “So small.”