i tried my best to do without •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅
"Here, you can have the rest."
The memory still lingers in the back of Aki's mind, how you gave him the rest of the rice in your bowl and smiled away his apprehension. You gave it to him, not his grubby kids. He thinks about how your fingers brushed against his, is your skin that soft everywhere? Or is it just your hands? He traces over his own knuckles in search of the same gentle sensation you'd unintentionally showed him. It makes him sigh to himself in the quiet of night, where he's allowed to be boyish, allowed to fantasize about your kindness. It makes him a little giddy, a girl being nice to just Aki, not just cause he works hard, but just...him. And he didn't even have to do anything! Kindness for the sake of being kind, it's something that would be hard for him to get used to, but Aki knows he sure would like it.
It's a bit like sleep walking, his body drags him across the house as he makes his way towards your bedroom, each step his brain tells him he should just head back to his own room, but it cold...lonely...doesn't have you in it, so he keeps going. He avoids any of the creaky spots in the floor, holds his breath when he side steps Power, who does actually sleep walks. He lets out a sigh of relief when he slips inside your room, unsurprised to see you’re still up.
“Hi, it’s late.” He murmurs almost chidingly, don’t take any offense, that’s just his regular tone.
“I’m aware.” You reply back, tucking a bookmark between pages and setting the novel to the side.
Aki comes like a loyal dog when you pat the futon, sitting just next to your hand. “Isn’t this sorta smutty?” He mumbles quietly, stealing your book, thumbing through it, laughing to himself at some of the cheesy lines. “How would you know that?”
"I'm an avid reader, sue me." He smiles at you from over the spine of the copy, you snatch it from him quickly. "So you read smut in your spare time?" You question figuring you've got him in a metaphorical corner.
"So it is smut?" Aki smiles at you satisfied with his discovery of what you happen to enjoy in your leisure time. You turn your head away to hide the look of embarrassment on your face, Aki lies down on your futon, you copy him, the two of you so close to touching, only inches apart from your arms sliding across one another. “You’re not usually up this late.”
“Neither are you.” You turn towards Aki, he remains stagnant. “Couldn’t sleep.” He murmurs, rolling over to face you, it’s too dark in your room to try and count your eyelashes, but he can make you the slopes and curves of your face. “So you came here?” You mumble, pausing when you hear a pause in Denji’s snoring through the thin walls, the both of you resume breathing normally when his snoring picks back up. “Mhm.” He hums, too tired to try and pretend to flinch away from your touch. The feeling of your fingers is a balm to a wound that he's been picking at for years, not allowing it to scab over, the stinging sensation reminding him that he's alive, alone. Aki sighs. "What is it?" You mumble, taking your fingers away, he clasps your fingers in his before you can pull away. "Nothing, sorry, I'm just tired." Aki lies to your face easily, something about being nervous makes his brain work overtime, makes him smoother.
"You could stay here if you like." Your offer is quick, like an animal that could scurry away at any moment, Aki holds it close to his heart.
"I would like that." This time, telling the truth is the much easier option.
Aki may not seem like the selfish type, but he is, with cigarettes, with his space, and certainly with you. From now on, he'll be more open about his selfishness, he figures that with whatever time he has left, it'll be the least he deserves.
dividers by @strangergraphics
a/n: i forgot tss used to be rlly indie before they got emo
