A few weeks ago Gus's teacher reached out to say that he wasn't behaving like himself lately. He wasn't getting in trouble, but he was doing the opposite of what was being asked of him. More than one of his teachers noticed the change.
When Mom told me, I felt a weight slam against my chest -- not because I was disappointed in him, but because I was disappointed in myself. In my parenting behavior. I suddenly remembered all the times in the past few months he had asked for my attention and I told him I couldn't give it to him in that moment. I've been so stressed at work that I've been coming home short-tempered and annoyed by the smallest things. I've been so angry and Gus has taken the brunt of it. He didn't deserve that. That's not the dad I ever thought I would be.
Mom and I talked and agreed we should each make a point to spend one-on-one time with each of you at least once a month so that we're giving you the attention you need from us, and so that we get to enjoy each of you for who you are in this moment. We're both so proud of you both.
I asked Gus what he would want to do if we could do anything, just the two of us. He said he wanted to go camping and fishing. He had such a good time fishing at Mount Eagle over Spring Break. So I found a place in the middle of nowhere with a small fishing pond and places to hike. We borrowed some fishing gear from Dr. Strong -- I haven't been fishing in 30ish years -- and hit the road after Gus's 11.30am soccer game. We stopped at the Walmart in Morrilton and he picked out cheeseburgers, Ruffles (plain, ugh), Fruit Roll-Ups, Reese's filled pretzel bites, and bacon & eggs for breakfast.
The only electronic in our shed/cabin was a radio, which was a foreign concept to Gus. He had a hard time understanding that the music coming from the speakers wasn't from my phone via Bluetooth. We also had no cell service, which was nice. We played catch, checkers, read books, threw a few rocks into the pond, took a walk through the woods, and I answered all of his questions about the "Heaven or Hell?" decor plastered throughout the cabin. We both thoroughly enjoyed the time. Fishing in the morning.
Witts Springs, Arkansas. 4.26.2025 - 6.46pm.
