#guy from seek

[mys1gnature]

I had lunch with my friend... again. And it just... (smh). *sigh* I'm so disappointed.

[mys1gnature]

I woke up from my nap with a sudden emptiness in my chest, or more specifically in my heart.

I wish I had gone to the vigil mass tonight; maybe I wouldn’t feel so empty, and maybe I wouldn’t feel such a longing for my little friend from SEEK. (I sound like such a naïve teenager right now, don’t I?)

So… I asked him to have lunch with me. Notice how I didn’t say I asked him OUT to lunch; otherwise, that would be a date. But now I can’t help but think we should make it a date; because on dates, you talk about more intimate things like our feelings and such, right? I want to do that (clarify our mutual feelings), but at the same time I feel like he just wants to simply spend time with the girl he bonded with during SEEK. ❤️

[mys1gnature]

Just keep hangin' out with him more; he'll open up to you. I mean, you're still attracted to him, right?

my brother

[mys1gnature]

"Ain't No Party Like a Catholic Party!"

Last night, I attended the Knights of Columbus Formal with a group of friends, including my brother. My friend from SEEK came along with us.

Thankfully, plans regarding transportation and dinner reservations worked out. So we all met at the diner as planned. The overall experience went well; although, I felt a little awkward when certain people came (one mutual acquaintance came and idk if she likes me lol; and, the friend from SEEK drove on his own). The friend from SEEK had nowhere to sit, but my brother offered his seat to him so that he could sit next to me (what??), and that my brother would sit in the back. I felt so nervous the entire time! I had a hard time looking at him! I could feel my face burning up… Nonetheless, we were able to make some conversation.

After the dinner, everyone walked towards the parking lot. He wanted me to ride with him cuz he felt lonely, haha. The funny thing is, though, is that my bible study friend wanted to tag along with us; and, I could hear the hesitation in his voice when he jokingly said, “umm… There’s a fee?” Nice. Well played man, well played. ;)

After everyone found the KofC house, we all walked inside together. The dance itself was so much fun! I saw and said hi to whoever I saw (the crowd was HUGE), and stuck with my group and the SEEK friend throughout the dance.

The music they played was a mix of retro/early 2000s/current music, haha! I felt so pop-culturally ignorant for some of them… That’s sad. Anyway, my other friend finally showed up, and I got to dance with her for a bit! I also got to take a picture with my bible study group!

During the slow dance, I looked around all nervously, and then I looked at my friend. He playfully holds his hand out like it’s no big deal, and I… playfully accept it. We danced in closed position (his left hand holds my right hand as I put my arm on his shoulder, and his right hand is around my waist). We pretty much went back and forth between actually slow dancing, to jokingly dancing as if it were to hip hop, if that makes any sense. Then he noticed me looking around, and then seeing a group of girls slow dancing together; and then he said, “oh, do you wanna’ dance with them, and do your girls’ thing?” I said I didn’t know them, and it was ok… But we didn’t go back to slow dancing. Womp womp.

Later, they played some salsa and merengue (yes!!). I kinda’ lost him for a bit, but then he saw me through the crowd and came back to where I was. I felt bad for him, cuz I think he wanted to dance with me, but then looked really upset when he saw me salsa dancing with my brother. Eventually, there came a break in the music where we transitioned to dancing with each other! I ended up leading him though, which was pretty funny! He was able to keep up with his footwork though. I basically spun myself, hehe.

One of the other things that happened was a ChaCha Slide activity game… Thingy. The “leader” would give an instruction during a break in the music, and we had to follow it! Like, one of them was that we had to do-si-do with the person next to us! Another was, we had to find someone and compliment them on something; and, we had to find someone we didn’t know, and greet them. That was funny.

There were a few times when a conga line would form, and it was fun joining them. (The second time, the friend from SEEK placed his hands on my shoulder, gesturing me to join the conga line.)

Apparently he and some other people did an interpretive dance for All of Me, by Sam Smith. I wish I saw it! I heard it was hilarious!

And then my brother and our friends formed a mini-circle and tried creatively dancing. Lol, we pretended there was an invisible ball we had to manipulate. Oh and I breakdanced, in a dress. Not gonna’ lie, I’m pretty darn proud of myself. (Sorry, I just wanted to say that cuz it actually was fun.)

For the last slow dance (the song was Thinking Out Loud, by Ed Sheeran), he asked me to dance with him again, but I wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not; so, I passively hold my hands out. My friend saw this and said, “aw, come on! He wants to dance with you!” So I danced with him. I guess he was pretending to be tired, cuz he kinda leans over me at first, and then we placed ourselves in closed position.

Then he said,“hey, let’s do the gangster thing again.” Then we rock back and forth like hip hop dancers, lol. And then he wanted to go slow again, so we did.

And oh my gosh, my emotional chastity was just… it was off the charts. I felt so tempted to just rest my head on him, but I had no idea if we were just dancing as friends or not. So… I just keep looking everywhere but at his face. And when the lyrics said, “place your hand on my beating heart,” the friend from SEEK literally took my hand and placed it on his chest.

I died a little. (I just laughed it off.)

Then… Idk, he’s so cute. Cuz then he starts messin’ around and starts shaking his hips as we slow danced, and….

When the song was over, we hugged and he said, “that was so much fun!” And I said yeah. Man, I legitimately felt tears coming, and I just wanted to cry. At that point, I wasn’t sure if he did have a crush on me, and wanted to show it; or, if he was just totally oblivious that he messed with my emotions.

(My group went home, but I heard that others were having an after party.)

•••

As far as I know, I think he has a crush on me. Either way, I’m going to pray about this.

[mys1gnature]

(Mutual) crushes happen all the time; that doesn’t mean anything will come of it.

[mys1gnature]

I'm getting a hunch that he likes me too. ...or, he at least likes interacting with me.

[mys1gnature]

Umm

What just happened...?

[mys1gnature]

Umm…

Umm… This is kind of messing with my emotional chastity.

I just asked (yes through text messaging) if he would be coming to an event this coming Saturday (it’s midnight). He asked if it really was this Saturday, and asked for info. about the event.

So, I texted him the link, and that was the last I heard of him today.

I just, I just feel antsy because I don’t know whether he’s just thinking about it, or if he’s just saying it just to be nice. I hope I’m just being paranoid; otherwise, he’s sending me mixed signals. Person, you said hi to me, so… I thought we were cool?