Only Half a Blue Sky (Chapter 5)
Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes
Chapter Title: One More Shiny Memory
A/N:Just so you know I'm not late, it's still Wednesday here in Spain. :)As always, thank you to my lovely beta 12AngelOfDarkness21, who continues to be patient with me. (As always, remaining mistakes are mine)And also, thank you to you if you're still here. Thank you for staying, and I hope you're loving it so far. I may also have introduced an additional character. Please welcome them with open arms, they are lovely. LOL! The chapter title is from Save the Last Goodbye (Union J).
'Love isn’t soft, like those poets say. Love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close.’ - Stephen King
It’s not unusual that the late morning after the gala is a quiet one in the Avenger’s Tower, with how exhausting they all find it to look all normal and happy, to hide their personal demons and put on angelic masks. In short, it’s tough to try and be liked. Not to mention that they had to scout for any information regarding the missing sceptre after HYDRA’s fall from SHIELD.
Even for a spy like Natasha, bluffing through the night amongst important and powerful people is a chore. Her years of slipping from one persona to another have helped her, but has never numbed her of the exhaustion of feeling used and filthy. It still makes her want to crawl out of her skin. Only this time she’s not alone, she has her family she can rely on if she ever slips, because while she’s good — the best — she’s not perfect.
Steve’s making some late breakfast for everyone, because he’s reliable like that. It’s probably brunch already with how it’s almost into the afternoon. Nonetheless, bacon and Steve’s pancakes are amazing at any time of the day. It looks like Clint’s already done with his first plate and is eager for the next batch.
She takes the empty seat next to Clint at the breakfast bar, and sips at the coffee the archer had prepared for her.
Bruce is nowhere to be seen, probably back in his lab or still asleep. Thor’s back in Asgard since last week for an annual check-up on Earth’s Alien Invasion status, and for some query about the sceptre and how to find it. Tony didn’t return home with them last night, and according to JARVIS he’s with Bruce Wayne.
She only raises an eyebrow at the AI’s news of the genius’ whereabouts. She’ll try to subtly ask later if those two had finally decided to act on everyone’s excited pairing of them. Or they could have discovered that they’re actually soulmates, after all this time of dancing around each other. It’s not far-fetched that they could be mates, they’re both almost alike.
But there’s also that thing between Tony and two certain super soldiers. And right now, one of the super soldier is glaring at his Starkpad like it announced another HYDRA take over.
James’ scowl is on full murder mode right now, and she truly believes someone will get stabbed if she doesn’t do anything about it. Well, maybe not her because Steve can probably calm his soulmate so no one has to bleed, or miss an important body part.
‘Oh my god, Steve, you’re a lifesaver,’ Sam exclaims happily as he enters the kitchen, sniffing the delicious aroma of pancakes and fried bacon. ‘And who in hell killed your dog, Barnes?’ he asks when he sees James’ face.
James turns the glare on Sam, and Natasha can almost feel the way the black man’s heart stops beating for two seconds upon confronting the deadly eyes of James, though they more likely belong to the Winter Soldier. So far they haven’t had any episodes regarding the Soldier with James’ slowly easing into therapy with the help of Princess Shuri’s technology. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t happen.
‘Buck?’ Steve’s suddenly there beside James, full of concern with pancakes forgotten.
‘Nothing,’ James replies brusquely and closes his pad. And suddenly, as if he remembers logic, his face sheds off the Winter Soldier glare and morphs into a composed mask. It’s crazy to see the immediate switch of persona on someone other than herself. ‘I just remembered some bad things,’ he explains, but Natasha can tell he’s lying. Only a liar knows another liar.
‘Maybe you need more rest, Buck,’ Steve offers, oblivious to James’ lie.
It piques Natasha’s interest. What could be James covering up that he’s using his bad memories as a lie, when it’s usually the bad memories that he hides behind another lie? What is James hiding from Steve?
‘Coffee,’ Tony cries out as he walks out of the lift and into the common room, his voice reaching the kitchen. He beelines for the kitchen and drapes himself all over Clint. ‘Birdman, I need Jove’s sweet nectar of life.’
Clint only chuckles and shuffles Tony so the genius is on his lap instead. ‘Here you go, lover boy,’ he teases and brings his own cup to Tony’s eager hands. The two have the same taste in coffee, apparently. Both put too much sugar than necessary.
Tony lets out a quiet, satisfied moan at the first sip. He sighs happily and takes another two sips that are followed by those low sensual sounds. The archer only chuckles fondly at Tony’s reaction, gripping the genius more firmly by the waist so he doesn’t slip. Two certain super soldiers look bothered by the scene, Natasha notices.
‘Better?’ Clint asks fondly as Tony leans further into his body. The genius doesn’t bother a verbal reply, rather nods and takes another sip of his coveted drink. ‘You look like a zombie, Stark.’ And that’s true, there’s a light darkening under the engineer’s eyes, effect of poor sleeping hours or — Natasha thinks — no sleep at all.
Tony only yawns and pushes his — Clint’s — mug in mute demand for more coffee, which the archer obliges because he has a soft spot for Tony and coffee. Natasha should probably tell his other best friend to stop rationing the genius caffeine because the brunet clearly needs sleep, rather than more reason to be awake. And she will, after Tony finishes the second cup, the only way to stop him from whining irrationally about the lack of his beloved caffeine.
‘What have you been up to last night?’ The innuendo is clear because Clint is a shameless person like that.
There’s a quiet crack of something at the head of the breakfast bar where James is quietly sat with Steve standing beside him.
Tony takes three more huge gulp of his coffee before he answers, ‘I was up all night, if it’s not obvious with you yet, Katniss.’ He takes another swig of his drink, completely clueless to the low sound of more cracking from the super soldiers’ part of the room.
‘Did you get some ?’ Clint asks teasingly.
Natasha wants to stop him, but is far too curious to know what did commence between Tony and Wayne. And at the same time, curious with how both James and Steve would react. Especially the former.
‘I don’t know what you’re trying to presume, Legolas,’ the genius tells the archer innocently. He puts his empty cup on the table and rises from his seat. He stretches, wrinkling his suit further, which already looks efficiently rumpled. ‘But as far as last night’s happening is concerned, all I can say is that I’m sore as fuck.’
There’s a loud crash. James’ chair clatters to the floor from the force of him abruptly standing up and exiting the communal kitchen. Natasha doesn’t miss the anger — perhaps jealousy — etched on his handsome face that he tried to hide by going away.
She turns to Steve, who looks shocked by James’ sudden departure. But then Steve’s blue eyes are back on Tony’s, who’s also surprised. There’s something like hurt in their Captain’s face as he tries very hard to school into something else other than wounded.
‘What’s up with Terminator?’ Tony turns to Steve with his question.
Steve looks away from Tony’s curious eyes, grooming his expression further to hide whatever trail of upset is left on his face. He stares with concern at where James had exited. He runs a hand over his face and says, ‘Rough morning.’
Tony doesn’t push for more information even when he looks just as worried as Steve.
Bucky needs to rein in his emotions. He tries to. Very hard. But it’s difficult when he knows Tony is supposedly his. Not that questionable Wayne guy that keeps showing up with Tony to important business meetings and company events.
It’s only been a week, but it feels longer than seven days. A week of pure torture of denying himself from seeing Tony personally but stalking the man online, reading every gossip site and all those blogs about IronBat shipment by zealous fangirls and tabloids alike. He’s also drawn away from Steve because he’s afraid he’ll slip and tell his soulmate the truth. And he can’t.
He doesn’t want to push his inner turmoil onto Steve’s plate when the blond’s already dealing with so much work regarding the secret HYDRA base they still haven’t found. He’s heard that Thor already went to Asgard to seek more help, because unfortunately they could be dealing with a magical stone that’s been keeping HYDRA hidden from any advanced technology that Tony had invented or had taken hold of.
Sasha, his therapist, is unhappy about his progress that week. She doesn’t say she’s disappointed with him about his lack of communication with his soulmate on important matters that’s bothering him, but he silently feels it nonetheless. Or maybe she’s not, but the demons in his head tell him that she is.
He’s sleeping less too, which shows on his face despite his best effort to do all normal tasks so Steve doesn’t worry about him more. He showers every day, shaves his stubble so he doesn’t look like a depressed hobo, eats three meals a day, drinks the tea Bruce suggests. But it’s all a façade, when deep down he’s slowly rotting in the hell hole that he’s dug himself.
‘Shield family, I am back,’ Thor announces loudly and cheerfully as he steps into the communal living room.
‘Welcome back, Mr. Odinson,’ JARVIS greets back before Bucky could say anything, because his eyes are glued to the person following the god of thunder. ‘And I can’t say the same for you, Mr. Laufeyson.’
Bucky’s never heard JARVIS be unkind to anyone; the AI is always gentle, and maybe sarcastic and sassy like his creator at some instance. There must be some rational explanation to it because Bucky himself doesn’t like Thor’s companion one bit. The other alien, dressed in green and black leather, unsettles him and the Winter Soldier in him classifies the alien as a threat.
‘I see that Anthony still hasn’t taught his servant manners,’ the alien god asserts amusedly. ‘I may have a word with your master when I see him, valet.’ He smirks mischievously.
And Bucky doesn’t like how the new god is talking to JARVIS, or how he says Tony’s name. He wants to threaten this newcomer to stop acting like he owns the place and the people in it.
‘Loki,’ Thor warns, which the other ignores as he gracefully walks into the room with an air of self-importance.
Ah, so this is the infamous Loki: adopted brother of Thor and the person who caused the alien invasion. No wonder the god looks familiar. And no wonder Bucky dislikes him.
‘Look. Anthony managed to recruit another super soldier,’ Loki states, staring curiously at Bucky, who was trying to suffer silently in the living room while watching MasterChef Junior US .
Bucky’s just about to tell the god of mischief that he should keep Tony’s name out of his mouth or else, when the elevator door suddenly opens and strides in Tony dressed in a snugly fit black tank top and worn out jeans. The arc reactor’s light sipping through the thin material that Tony doesn’t usually wear in public, or around people.
Tony’s still self-conscious about the reactor when Bucky sees it as a blessing, without it he won’t have smart-mouth, kind, and beautiful Tony Stark in his life. And fuck does that tank top leaves so little to the imagination. He can literally make out the genius’ nipples.
Damn it, Barnes, he chastises himself. Keep it in your pants.
‘And I see how prison still hasn’t taught you manners as well, Reindeer Games,’ the genius retorts back for Loki’s earlier comment to JARVIS. The alien god glares at Tony. ‘Pop Tarts.’ He nods at Thor.
‘Hello, friend Anthony.’ Thor puts a hand on Tony’s shoulder.
‘You should have sent a raven ahead to announce that you won’t be coming back alone, Point Break,’ Tony says to Thor but his eyes are on Loki, who doesn’t look annoyed anymore from Tony’s prison comment.
‘And ruin the surprise for you, dear Anthony?’ retorts the god of mischief, smirking at Tony. He arranges his clothes as he takes a fluid sit on the couch. ‘Besides, we all know that you’ve silently been missing me.’
Maybe Steve won’t scold him if he punches Loki in his smug face. Bucky’s never seen anyone who is so full of themselves. Sure, Thor is a confident fella, but Loki’s beyond vanity. The god parades around like a peacock, and Bucky’s disgusted.
‘After throwing me out of my own building window?’ Tony huffs.
‘Oh, you can’t be mad about that, Anthony,’ Loki purrs — fucking purrs — with his eyes twinkling impishly at Tony as he leans comfortably on the sofa like it’s a throne rather than an over expensive couch. ‘I’ve already apologised for that.’ He rolls his eyes. ‘Besides, me thinks you rather like it rough.’ Another devious smile, and a lewd lick of his lips.
It’s too late to stop the growl that rumbles from Bucky at the mixture of anger and possessiveness in his chest while listening to the conversation. Anger for knowing that this alien god had hurt Tony in the past, and possessiveness at the blasé flirting Loki’s doing.
Three pair of curious eyes are on Bucky and he lowers his gaze in embarrassment.
‘Why don’t we proceed to the part where you’re useful, Rock of Ages?’ Tony suggests. And Bucky is silently thankful to the genius for the evasive manoeuvre.
‘Good thinking, friend Anthony,’ Thor agrees.
He looks up from where he’s trying to avoid everyone’s stare, only to detect that Loki’s eyeing him with interest that Bucky wants to challenge or run away from. He’s not sure which one to do. Instead, he glares at Loki with his best Winter Soldier glower.
And because Loki must also be the god of chaos, instead of fearing like mere mortals do at the sight of the Winter Soldier, the god only grins with mirth. Bucky doesn’t like it. At all .
After his encounter with the crazy god of mischief, Bucky reports it to Steve because he needs a logical reason to not murder the god in his sleep. It’ll be hard to do but he’s willing to try. Especially when he doesn’t feel even an inch of comfort towards the new Asgardian.
‘They’re going to the Avenger’s Compound tomorrow with Thor,’ he informs Steve, who’s halfway across the world with Natasha and Clint on some recon.
Steve frowns but doesn’t say anything. Bucky can tell the blond’s thinking.
‘Will you come with them tomorrow, Buck?’ he asks. ‘Loki’s not trustworthy, despite what Thor says, because he’s bias when it comes to his little brother.’ Steve lets out a sigh. ‘Just so Tony has another eye to keep out on him in case Loki tries something.’
‘Sure, Stevie.’ He nods and doesn’t add that he already planned on going with the trio tomorrow at the compound even if Steve hasn’t asked him because like the blond, he also doesn’t trust Loki to behave. And if something out of hand happens, Tony’s only human without the suit — a fragile human that could easily get hurt.
‘How are you doing, Buck?’ The tense tone is replaced by a softer one. Worried, too.
‘I’m doing okay, punk.’ He offers Steve a small smile that the blond mirrors. ‘I miss you though.’
Steve nods solemnly. ‘I miss you too, jerk.’
And their nicknames are suppose to make them feel elated or amused. But not this time. Not when Steve’s thousand of miles away, and loneliness envelops him like a goddamn blanket. It’s never the same without Steve. It never has and it never will.
How did Steve survive when he thought Bucky was dead? Bucky can’t even stand the light aching that tends to follow him around when Steve’s away for missions.
‘Just one more day, honey.’ And for a second Steve looks like he’s about to pull Bucky through the screen and rub a soothing hand down his back. ‘One more.’
‘One more day,’ he mutters back like an assurance to himself. Maybe to Steve as well. He’s not sure who needed it the most between the two of them. But it’s motivation enough.
‘I gotta go now, Buck.’ There’s a displeased frown on Steve’s lips. ‘I’ll see you soon, yeah?’
Bucky only nods, not trusting he won’t cry and beg Steve to return if he uses his voice.
The call disconnects but Bucky continues to stare at the dark screen like he’s waiting for Steve to come back on. Or better, to come knocking on their apartment door.
He’s not sure how many minutes he stayed like that. But after some time he pulls himself out of his head space and formulates plans and tactics to keep Tony safe from the annoying god of mischief.
To say that he’s annoyed and jealous is an understatement. Bucky is shaking with envy and anger. How can he not when not only he has to keep his eye on Loki, but he also has to watch Bruce fucking Wayne flirt with Tony.
It’s not much of flirting and there are no casual touches, but Wayne is still staring at Tony when the genius isn’t looking and Bucky doesn’t appreciate it. Especially not when they whisper among themselves and Wayne makes Tony laugh.
Why did he even read all those gossip blogs about Wayne and Tony’s blossoming relationship? He’s been trying to deny those articles. Steve did tell him not to believe most of what’s written online unless they have concrete proof.
But what more proof does Bucky need to prove the gossip true when Tony looks like he’s enjoying talking to Wayne. They’re both people of the same calibre: smart and rich. They came from the same world. And Bucky’s known before that Tony deserves someone better than him, someone not broken. Someone stable who doesn’t have enough skeletons in his closet to call it a cemetery.
The two are actually perfect for each other. But still… Tony is his soulmate. His . Not Wayne’s.
He has Steve though. Glorious Steve Rogers that Bucky doesn’t deserve too. And maybe this is how the universe is teaching him patience, teaching him humility. How he’s not suppose to be greedy when he’s already been given more than his worth.
And Tony, he doesn’t deserve the half that Bucky’s offering. Tony deserves a whole fucking heart who will love him fully without someone else to share. So, Bucky has to endure. He needs to tolerate Wayne.
‘You do know you’re staring, right?’ Loki informs from across the room with a book in his lap.
They’re both outside Fury’s office. Wayne, Tony, and Thor are inside to talk with the Director about their plan to locate some magical sceptre that’s very important. Steve’s included in the meeting, he’s on a hologram screen. Bucky can still see them from the outside through the glass wall.
‘Well, it’s not like it’s easy not to stare, eh?’ Loki leans forward from his seat, discarding the book on the cushion. ‘Anthony’s a lovely thing to behold,’ he continues when Bucky chooses to ignore him. ‘But… isn’t he out of your league, soldier? Especially when you’re already bound to another.’
Bucky can’t help the glare he throws at Loki, despite telling himself that he shouldn’t let the god get under his skin. But damn it, the bastard’s good at pushing people’s button.
Loki crosses his leg while a sneer paints his lips. ‘Greedy little thing, aren’t you?’
And that aches, hearing it out loud from someone else’s lips because deep down that is the truth. But truth or not, it doesn’t stop his hands from clenching into fists with Loki’s piercing remark. For fuck sake, just one punch.
‘It’s none of your business,’ Bucky spits acidly.
‘Oh, but it is.’ There’s a sharpness in his eyes that isn’t there a while ago. ‘You see, dear soldier, I’m not overly fond of Midgardians. But Anthony’s quite useful and interesting. I would very much hate to come back and find him being none of those two.’ He smiles at Bucky, but it’s vile and threatening.
And before Bucky would ask what Loki means by that, or maybe threaten the god of mischief back as well, the three men exit Fury’s office.
‘Guess we’ll have to drop snowflake before we head out.’ Tony eyes him. ‘FRIDAY?’
‘Yes, boss?’ the female-voiced AI answers.
‘Alert Bruciebear of his unexpected pick-up by Capsicle, would you, darling?’ He’s typing on his phone in a rapid manner. ‘And inform Pepper to clear my schedule for the next seven days. At least.’
‘I have alerted Dr. Banner of Captain Roger’s ETA in South Korea,’ FRIDAY announced.
‘Good girl.’ The genius beams proudly. He pockets his phone. ‘Gentlemen, shall we? We don’t have much time to spare.’
They all followed him to the hallway. Their party marches the maze-like hallways with Tony in the lead. Wayne right next to the genius which Bucky doesn’t like. But it’s much better than Loki near Tony because that won’t do any good for Bucky’s heart and peace of mind.
Thor and Loki are behind him, he made sure he placed himself as barrier between Tony and the threatening god. Whatever it was the god of mischief is spouting he shouldn’t believe any of that bullshit.
‘FRIDAY, sweetie? Tell your older brother we are arriving at the tower to drop off Cyborg, yeah?’
They’ve reach a door at the end of the hallway. And once it opens, it leads to a massive hangar that houses different fighter planes and a quinjet.
In Bucky’s ear, FRIDAY sounded please to help which is almost human. Another proof how Tony’s creations are as brilliant as he is.
They board the jet and Tony takes the pilot seat.
‘This is a new one so JARVIS isn’t installed to this yet,’ Tony explains to Wayne, who takes the co-pilot sit. ‘But since it stays in the Avengers HQ, I’m thinking that maybe FRIDAY is a much better choice since she’s the one running the programs there, and JARVIS is on SI and the tower.’
‘I’ve always admired at your AIs, Stark,’ Wayne comments.
Tony scoffs. ‘Is this the closest you’ll ever to admitting that I am smarter than you?’
‘And you know I won’t give you the answer that you seek.’ Wayne smiles amusedly.
‘Where are you guys heading?’ Bucky inserts, weary of hearing Wayne flirt with Tony. He’s more afraid someone might get hurt. Probably, him. ‘And why need the whole Avengers?’
‘We’re heading to Sokovia,’ Tony answers. ‘Bruce here has information that the sceptre could be there. We’re going to set up camp and wait, while Thuderbolt and Rock of Ages will scout for the sceptre’s magical energy.’ Tony grimaces at the magical word, still a hard man of science. ‘That’ll be easier than try to create an equipment with my Science Bro. It saves time.’
‘Do you need me to help you?’ Sometimes it gets harder to be left behind while his soulmate — soulmate s — are in the line of danger and he won’t be there to watch their backs.
‘You can sit this one out, Robocop,’ Tony assures him. ‘We’re not entirely sure it’s there.’
‘It’s there,’ Wayne insists. ‘You have to put some trust on me, Tony.’
‘But he’s coming,’ Bucky spats, the words sounding close to jealousy.
For the first time, Wayne looks at him with analysing eyes. ‘Yes, because I’m their ticket to get into the main city and their contact with the politician to make sure the people can evacuate when it calls for it.’
‘And Steve?’ he asks instead of punching Wayne and his usefulness. Maybe Bucky’s just imagining that smug look on the other man’s face.
‘America’s Sweetheart is going to meet us there with Brucie, Widow, and Legolas.’ Tony’s manoeuvring them on the landing pad.
‘I don’t like it.’ Sure, he’s not fine with Wayne being around, but there’s something else about the set-up that’s bothering him. ‘Why can’t I go? Just for back-up.’
They have safely landed and Tony swivels his pilot chair to face Bucky. He looks worriedly at Thor, as if he’s asking the god of thunder to answer the question instead of him. The genius had never been great with confrontation, and Bucky feels like this moment of truth will only bring him pain.
‘We also have other information,’ Tony starts, ‘that it might be a HYDRA base.’
HYDRA. Once again the cause of Bucky’s unending nightmares are back to haunt him some more. And after failing Project Insight, they managed to steal a magical item to help them gain power again. Christ! Cut one head and two more grows back, right?
‘And Steve thinks you’re not ready for this yet,’ Tony finishes, looking everywhere but Bucky.
‘The whole team had agreed to this, friend James,’ Thor adds, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. ‘We want you to be safe.’
And the voices in the back of Bucky’s head are saying something different. It’s not that they want him safe. But it’s for them to be safe… from him. Him, who is a monster — a killer. Why did he even think he’ll be able to watch his friends’ back when they should all watch out for him?
There’s another hand on him, cupping the side of his neck. It’s a smaller hand with callous palm. It’s also a warm hand that feels great against his skin. He leans to the touch instinctively because it screams: safe.
‘Whatever it is you’re thinking, it’s not it,’ Tony says, looking him dead in the eyes.
It’s Tony’s hand, Bucky notices a few seconds later. Tony’s touching him and it feels wonderful. He wants to stay in this moment forever with Tony gently massaging him in assurance.
‘It’s not safe for you to be around those assholes who abused you.’ His voice turns sharp, but continues to be soothing. ‘And I can see that you’re not ready to face your demons.’ His other hand reaches for Bucky’s clenched fist. When did that happen? ‘You don’t have to put on a brave face, snowflake. It’s okay to be not ready to face your demons… Trust me, I know.’
And there’s no room for argument with that. Not when the blatant evidence of Bucky’s terror about HYDRA is clear as a day. This is also for the best, even when he’s not one hundred percent okay with it.
To compensate his lack of participation, he tries to monitor Tony’s thermal signature via a satellite that JARVIS has hacked. He wants to keep an eye out for the genius since Steve and the rest hasn’t arrived at Sokovia yet, still stuck in Brazil somehow.
Thor and Loki have left to scout for the sceptre’s energy while Tony and Wayne set up a rendezvous point for their team.
DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers keep him company with his watch. He plays fetch with them at some point, and they might have caused a bit of a mess in the lab that he promises to tidy up before Tony arrives back.
He’s been keeping vigil for the last seven hours since the group has arrived in Sokovia. And now he’s hungry. But he doesn’t even want to blink in case he misses something significant. He wishes Steve and his group would hurry up and get to Tony. What is taking them so long? It’s been fourteen hours since Tony’s team had left and stayed in Sokovia, and still has no Steve for back-up.
It reminds him again how Tony’s nothing but human outside his suit. What if he can’t call his suit in time before he’s attacked by HYDRA? What if Thor or Loki are too faraway to help him? Maybe the gods won’t even know that something went wrong because HYDRA goons are sneaky little shits.
And all Tony has for back-up is that rich boy, Wayne, who’s more likely only there for his pretty face and illegal influence. But other than that, Bucky doubts Wayne would be useful for anything else. Wayne won’t be able to protect Tony.
God, why is Steve taking so long? And why does Thor need to leave Tony behind with Useless Wayne? Why can’t they bring Tony along with them where he’ll be safe between two alien gods, who will probably annihilate any HYDRA minion with a snap of their fingers.
‘Sergeant Barnes?’ JARVIS calls.
Bucky looks up to the ceiling. ‘Yes, J?’
‘I’d like to advise you to eat,’ JARVIS says. ‘It’s been fourteen hours since you last ate, and according to my database this is not good for your diet.’
‘Later, J. Thanks.’ He proceeds to stare at the monitor again with Tony and Wayne talking to some trusted officials about their plan and how not to get innocent people in the line of fire in case it comes into a battle.
‘I’d like to suggest you at least partake some PowerBar that sir often stores in the lab,’ JARVIS says. ‘It’s at the bottom drawer to your right.’
Bucky obeys if it’ll get JARVIS off his back. Besides he thinks JARVIS has some protocol about his diet that Steve might have installed just to monitor him while he’s recovering. It’s handy because he’s still not use to eating at normal people pace, since during his Winter Soldier days he only eats when it’s necessary for his mission. He can last three days without food with his super soldier metabolism.
He takes out five of the milk chocolate brownie snack and continues his vigil. He easily finishes two of it in less than a minute.
Tony and Bruce with some people — probably officials and soldiers — are heading north-west. Their caravan weaves through a frosty forest just a few kilometres from the main city.
And that’s when shit hits the fan.
The third PowerBar he’s opening falls to the floor as he watches an explosion happen within Tony’s group.
‘Fuck!’ His heart pounds in his chest as he witness the horror in the screen. Tony’s heat signature goes missing in the midst of the explosion. ‘JARVIS, tell Thor to get Tony,’ he says sharply.
‘He has been informed, Sergeant.’ There’s a masked fear in JARVIS robotic voice as well.
‘Tony!’ he screams, praying that he’ll hear the genius’ teasing over the comms.
‘I’m afraid, I’ve lost connection with sir.’ JARVIS’ sentence turns Bucky’s world upside down.
No! No, no, no, no. Even JARVIS can’t reach Tony.
‘Bucky, what happened?’ It’s Steve voice coming from the team comms.
‘Steve.’ Oh my god. It’s Steve. He’ll know what to do, right? He’ll tell Thor to rescue Tony. ‘Stevie, Tony’s caravan… there’s an… there’s an explosion.’ He sounds erratic and nervous and angry. ‘Please tell Thor to check on him.’
There’s a sharp intake of breathe in Steve’s end. And Bucky wants to ask why, but JARVIS answers his inquiry by showing him Thor and Loki’s location. They have been moving opposite Tony’s position. And they are far away. So far away that even with Thor’s flying he won’t make it in time to back Tony up.
And as a soldier, Bucky knows that every second counts on these instances. Six seconds is a huge time for Tony to get shot with his lack of armour or back-up.
Why are Thor and Loki that far away? Why did the trail of the sceptre go the opposite direction of Tony’s caravan? And where was Tony’s group heading that they had to go through some remote cold forest?
‘Sergeant Barnes?’ It’s JARVIS but he sounds so distant like some muffled background noise. ‘Sergeant Barnes?’
God, why is this all happening? Why Tony? If they got him… Jesus, he doesn’t want to imagine it. The chair. The cold cell. The harsh medical hands. The hard lab table. The painful injections. The drugs.
He exits the lab, and discards the comm. With shaky legs he runs as far as possible from the screen that still streams the passing chaos. He needs to take off and hide from the painful truth of Tony dy—
No, he can’t finish that thought. And he’s not even sure which is the worst case scenario anymore: his first theory or the second one.
Maybe if he doesn’t face it, if he can get as much distance as he can from the computer monitor, then none of it is real. This can all be some wicked nightmare and he’ll wake up with Tony still safely in the tower about to call him those stupid names that Bucky doesn’t get the reference to at times.
Please , he mutely begs whatever higher power is listening to him. Keep him safe. Please, keep him safe . Please.
‘Sergeant Barnes?’ It’s JARVIS again. He sounds more insistent this time but still hazy.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This is all Bucky’s fault! He should have gone with Tony. He should have insisted to come along. If he had Tony wouldn’t be… Tony wouldn’t be…
And now, it could be too late.
He feels like screaming. Maybe he has been because his throat feels raw and used and painful. But the pain is nothing compared to the ache that blooms in his chest like it’s on fire, like it’s been cracked open. He lets his anguish swallow him whole in its cold, aching embrace as he crashes to the floor in body-trembling sobs for someone he’d probably lost.
