091023
today was something my god... i had to wake up so early to go on a date with this lame ass guy, i don't even wanna go into details because i've said it so much but just trust me...he is lame!
after the date, if it can even be called a date, i went to meet up with two friends. we ate dumplings and walked around downtown. we went to some bookstores and to some jewelry stores, it was very nice. one of the friends (her name is oceane) was smoking cigs in front of me and i was tweaking lowkey. i think i'm going to start smoking cigs again because vaping makes me feel like there's a part of me that is still trying to please to the male gaze and i hate that so much. i don't want to worry about how a man thinks i smell! dpmo!
when i got home i called jppp but only leo was free to call. i bought a bunch of snacks (i genuinely have a chip addiciton) and watched moving while munching, it is literally my favorite activity.
some of my friends keep inviting me to go out to bars and clubs (the nightlife stuff) and i really don't want to go, i know it's not going to be good for my mental health but part of me feels like if i never put myself out there, i'm never going to meet new people. i also always say no to going out with them and sometimes i worry that i'll be so known as a homebody that nobody is going to invite me to shit no more! i always preach to put yourself first but i'm afraid of being way too comfortable in my bubble that it gradually turns against me...i'll think about it when the time comes.