#hahahahahahahaaa

[jewllyfish]

CHARLIE KIRK GOT FUCKING ASSASSINATED!!!!!!!!

[bugmash]

How come every time I tell a hilarious, comedy gold level joke the only response I get is

"How did you get in my house?"

[the-alphonze]

G-G-GAMBLING YOU SAY??!

[artyparty007]

but what about the bore wormssssss

not the booooreee woooooormmssssssssss

🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱 THE BORE WORMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[i-think-i-love-ya]

SO MY FAVOURITE GIRL GROUP AND MY FAVOURITE BOY GROUP ARE COMING BACK ON THE SAME DAY HUH??

[savage-rhi]

DS: Rewind Ch. 28

Hello readers and friends! This update took a while, for that I apologize. Between real life and catching a nasty flu bug, it's been difficult finding time to work on this story. Nonetheless, here we are! Thank you if you made it this far with me! I appreciate you so much for sticking around and being patient. I don't know when the next chapter will be coming out due to still fighting said bug and dealing with life's curveballs, but alas there's gonna be some interesting shit-stirring up in future chapters! Have fun! :D

Dawn had come. The first rays of light from the sun shown on Gene as she tirelessly worked on her mask. The walking ceremony was supposed to happen tonight. She and several others would take the obcasus plant into their bodies and attempt to run alongside death. Despite Gene’s resolve to save Higgs no matter the cost, her body was growing anxious for what lay ahead. It didn’t matter how much training Pride nor the others in the clan had put her through, Gene couldn’t let go of her fear of death. It wasn’t what came after that frightened Gene, but the pain of being torn from one’s body. She also feared not having the DNA of the Neanderthal coursing through her veins. For all Gene knew, everything she had done the last few weeks could have been a waste of time, especially if she was going to die because of a technicality.

Gene continued to carve, the knife she used scraping upon bone in long drawn out creaks. A mouth was starting to come to life, the lower half of a skull. She couldn’t help but resent how it was akin to Higgs’s, but the longer she worked on it, Gene could see the more animal-like appearance it had. There was something primal that was wanting to escape beneath the bone.

“It’s starting to come along.” Pride said, letting out a yawn as he greeted Gene and sat a few feet across from her. Gene didn’t say a word but continued on. Pride chuckled at how meticulous she was behaving.

“Tell me, what is the point of this part of the ceremony?” Gene asked, her tone blunt and bitter as Pride smiled, gesturing at Gene’s carving.

“Sleep deprivation stresses the body but brings it closer to rest. This makes the obcasus plant more effective during consumption. This is why you stay up three sunrises and three sunsets before the walking ceremony. Your god of death, or your death totem, will come to you in mind the longer you carve. This is your subconscious trying to send a message from your Ka on what will scare the BTs away from you.” Pride said, taking his time to slow his pacing. He knew Gene was out of it. The dulled and crazed look in her eyes a telltale sign she was in her zen, and also suffering from lack of sleep. She was doing well though, despite how exhausted she appeared.

“Have you guys seen anything on Higgs?” Gene asked. Every night when the Death Walkers would cross into one of the planes, seeking out answers to life's questions and trying to keep up with the events across the world, Gene would ask about him. The usual answer was nothing, for Higgs mostly walked on the beach which according to Pride, was not even a part of the five dimensions Death Walkers could transpire through without overdosing on obcasus. It was somewhere near the fifth level nonetheless according to his knowledge.

“Me and three others saw him.” Pride answered, his tone lowered as Gene looked up. She stopped carving and swallowed. This was the first bit of news she heard about Higgs, and she could feel her nerves spiking. Sleep deprivation didn’t help her emotions.

“He and his men are traveling towards Central Knot City, heading East. There was much death around him. The auras of the BTs we saw on the third plane were massive. Even our masks didn’t frighten off all the BTs. Some got too curious for their own good. Whatever powers Higgs gained from the EE, it's like he is a magnet for them but has the BTs on a leash. I see the chords on his arms, connecting to some BTs in the third plane. We had to jump to another level so he wouldn’t sense us or have BTs communicate to him our presence. ” Pride explained, watching Gene shudder as she got back to work on her mask. He could see her fingers shake, applying more pressure to the bone as she carved relentlessly now. It was as if something inside woke her up, be it adrenaline or another thing.

“I have to walk. I can’t let him hurt people anymore.” Gene said aloud.

“Gene--”

“If Higgs gets to Central Knot City, we might as well call this a fool's errand.”

“Gene--”

“What?” Gene didn’t expect the agitation in her voice to sound aggressive, but regardless, her tone betrayed her feelings. Pride tilted his head, ignoring her action. Even as Gene caught herself and shook her head, wanting to apologize, Pride held a hand up to silence her as he spoke.

“It’s not the people you are worried about, but you are worried about him.” Pride said, giving a firm nod as his eyes searched hers. Gene could feel her body further betray itself as tears streamed down the corners of her glazed orbs.

“I can’t let him die there. I can’t let the UCA get him. He’s doomed if he falls into their hands, then there would be no chance of me turning him back to the good.” Gene said honestly as Pride let out a sigh and momentarily shut his eyes.

“My heart goes out to you, but you will not be able to walk successfully if you continue to hold onto your fear of death. It’s through Higgs that you’re feeling that. You fear him dying and therefore you fear your own mortality.” Pride said as a matter of fact. His tone gentle yet hardened, very much carrying the weight of a teacher who had the experience first hand trying to get the naive student to come to their senses.

Gene shook her head and stopped carving, wiping at her eyes as she tried to compose herself. Being tired made it more difficult, but she attempted. Her body tensed as more muscle she had gained from training fluttered underneath her flesh.

“How--how do I let go so I can do this?” Gene asked, her eyes pleading with Pride as he let out a breath.

“Trust your Ka, Gene. Listen to it. I must go help prepare breakfast but finish the mask. You will see it. Your path is your own, Gene. When you walk with death to try and save Higgs, we cannot follow. So you must figure it out yourself.” Pride then got up without a word and left Gene to her own devices. For several minutes and for what felt like hours, Gene did nothing but stare at the half-carved bone. Her feelings a mess as she tried to figure out how to untangle the complicated feelings she had towards Higgs.

“Be with me.” Gene murmured as she took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying not to fall asleep all the while meditating. She pulled a small chiral crystal out from her pocket, placing it between her teeth and bit down. Some particles split from the rock and flooded Gene’s tongue. She grimaced at the raw texture while the matter began to take hold of her body, Gene steadied her breaths as her muscles constricted.

The clan would sometimes chew on bits of chiral crystals. Huge doses could procure chiral poisoning, but in small amounts could help the Ka communicate with other Ka's. Gene had already done this before with Fragile, essentially using telepathy to talk to her while Fragile slept. She hadn’t tried connecting with Higgs this way until now, but Gene had a strong feeling if she could bridge a connection with Higgs then maybe it would help her along.

When Gene opened up her eyes, she found herself on a beach. The waves slowly drifted across her feet as she rose up and began to look around. It was strange. The atmosphere was heavy as the dull grey skies grew with each passing second. While Gene tried to walk, it was as if the world was tilting on its axis. She felt wobbly, and some part of her knew she shouldn’t have been here. Not like this. Not yet. Up ahead, Gene squinted her eyes as she saw a hooded figure and it didn’t take her long to realize who it was she was staring at. Higgs. He was there, and she felt herself sprint towards him. Gene’s heart raced, the strong thumps pulsating in her ears.

“Higgs!” Despite the bitterness Gene held towards him, and the rage she had due to his actions, the love she carried for Higgs outweighed whatever resentments she had. As Gene drew closer, she noticed Higgs was on his knees, staring off into the ocean. It was only when Gene screamed out Higgs’s name again did he finally turn his head and acknowledge her. He rose and started walking in her direction, his pace growing fast until he was not more than twenty feet away.

“Usually I can feel your presence, but--I thought I lost you. I know we had our differences back in South Knot, but I didn’t want to give up on ya coming back to me.” Higgs said as Gene furrowed her brows in confusion.

“What do you mean, you’ve been keeping tabs on me the whole time?” Gene asked as Higgs nodded. The relief in his eyes was something of a surprise. He nearly looked like his old self, and Gene swallowed. She didn’t want to get her hopes up but something changed in him.

“The Extinction Entity, Amelie--she said you’d come. She said you’d be with me at the end.”

“Am I really on--”

“The beach? Yeah darlin’, you sure are.” Higgs said with a warm smile, shaking his head in disbelief as he chuckled. “Gene, did you finally see reason in the end?”

“Higgs, we should leave this place. Forget about Amelie, all this--come back with me.” Gene pleaded, getting straight to the point. It was probably a stupid decision, but Gene had to try. Maybe if she could convince Higgs right then and now, she wouldn't have to go through with becoming a Death Walker. Maybe she wouldn't have to hurt him to save Higgs from himself.

“I can’t just--abandon everything. Gene, there’s so much work I have to do. I can’t--she loves me.” Higgs blinked a few times in confusion, and Gene watched as he started to glitch in and out of time. It was as if his body wanted to jump, but was hitting some form of turbulence. Gene rushed up to Higgs’s side, helping his body stabilize as she held onto his shoulders and looked up at him.

“Higgs, what’s wrong? No, no, c’mon we should go!” Gene shouted, and then Higgs froze in place. His eyes widening as he swallowed. Tears mixed with abyssal tar ran down his face as he reached a hand out and caressed Gene’s cheek. He smiled, his features looking deranged as he shook his head.

“Gene--help me.” The hurt in his voice was so powerful, Gene felt like she was shattering into a million pieces as she witnessed the Extinction Entities face within Higgs’s features. The woman smiled at her, then shoved Gene back. As Gene’s body collided with the beach, she felt tendrils of black tar begin to consume her. She fought hard, but eventually, her lungs drowned out and her world went black.

Gene woke up hours later in a cold sweat, groaning to herself. She shouldn’t have fallen asleep, but as she started to come to, Gene looked to her side and noticed her mask was complete. Her eyes widened as she crawled towards the bone structure and picked it up. She gazed over the canine-esque features, and despite her emotions running high, she smiled to herself. Seeing Higgs was the right push, and Gene knew he wasn’t lost yet. She had to hold onto hope she’d survive the ceremony. She promised herself she'd do it for him.

As the day morphed into the night and the stars shone, Gene followed the ten other initiates to the central area of the cave where the paintings lied. A huge bonfire was lit, and many began to chant as deep hums echoed throughout the room. It was almost like a choir of celestials singing the creation of everything, and despite the weight on Gene’s body, she was in awe as she clutched her mask tightly to her chest over her heart like the other initiates.

Pride, along with several other older walkers gestured and led everyone to the middle of the circle and had them kneel down. A small cup with a black like fluid awaited them. Gene could smell the substance, feel it excavate her nose. The ocasus plant had a bitter and pungent scent when broken down into liquid form. From time to time, Gene could have sworn it smelled like death itself. The rot that permeates a carcass as its flesh begins to break down. Fitting for what was about to happen.

“When you are ready, state the name of your death totem and consume the plant. We will walk with you and either say our goodbyes or embrace you as one of the ancients. If you die, you die with honor. Proceed.” A woman said, then joined Pride and some others in consuming their portion of the ocasus then placed their masks on. They lied down, and their Ka’s flashed before everyone’s eyes, hovering above their Ha’s with an umbilical cord connecting them to their physical state.

One by one down the line, death totems were spoken aloud and after consumption, many had dropped and blacked out. When it came to Gene’s turn, she looked over at the bodies of her peers, seeing that their Ka’s were not popping out like Prides’s or the others. She swallowed nervously, wondering if she was going to die right then and there. For a brief moment, Gene met Pride's gaze as they watched each other. She clung hard to her mask then placed it upon her face. She saw Higgs in Pride’s spot, watching her with worry like he had done when Gene signed up for training to become a porter. Gene slowly exhaled, and brought the cup and its disgusting contents to her lips through the mouth of the mask as she felt a surge of adrenaline course through her body.

“Xolotl.” Gene said aloud and consumed the plant substance in one gulp. Her body ceased and the world went void. There was no pain. Death had consumed her quickly before her mind could process what was going on.

A powerful whooshing sound was the first sense Gene gained back from having died. Despite having no physical body, some part of her was moving through space. A vast void that stretched as far as the eye could see followed by cackles. It was like a pack of hyenas post-kill, but the sounds were altered in such a way that it was like hearing a primordial hoot. Something that should never have been but was.

From the corner of Gene’s peripheral vision, she saw four lights shoot past her. The first bit of anything alive glimmering in the dark. They met up at this weird tunnel-like tube followed by Gene trailing after. Her Ka felt like it was being sucked out of a cup through a straw as she tried to scream, but couldn’t. Gene was conscious yet was not. It was strange being on the boundary line between life and death. She was starting to lose sight of the concepts that were on her world, bound for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Gene suddenly opened her mouth, finding herself drifting through ocean water. She kicked up from the sand beneath her feet, launching her body at the surface. She arrived with a powerful gasp of air, mimicking the same motions a newborn would make after leaving the womb before she swam back to shore. As soon as her hands clasped the sand beneath her, Gene became fully aware again. She could feel the hairs on her skin rise, knowing she was on a beach but it wasn’t the one Higgs nor the EE were roosting in. She could feel her mask tighten on her face while her breath hitched. Gene attempted to take it off, but to no avail. It was glued to her, and then she saw them. BTs, giant whale-like creatures that transcended death flopping about. Their large bodies moved through the sand and water like a ghost drifting through walls of a broken home.

Panic began to rise in her as Gene froze upon one of the BTs drifting in her direction. The creature let out a guttural sound as it looked her over. The thing didn’t have eyes, but Gene knew instinctively it was checking her out, sizing her. Eventually, it brushed past as its towering body went back to mimicking its real-life counterpart, swimming through the skies in boundless eternity. Gene couldn’t help but smile behind the mask. BTs were scary, and she knew all too well the horrifying feelings they could invoke, but seeing them like this, as her Ka, it was something to behold.

“Gene--” She heard a voice call out, Pride. He along with several others were waiting for her fifty feet away. She quickly rushed over to them, feeling weightless in this new plane of existence. There were four people from the ceremony that joined her as they each acknowledged one another, nodding in congrats as Pride stepped forward.

“Out of ten, only four of you made it. Congratulations. You have the blood of the Neanderthal. We are in the second dimension. This beach is called Purgatory. This is where most BTs congregate when they are not trapped in the world of the living. We will join you all in taking your first steps in death. All of us will walk this beach, and then you will begin your training for whatever it is you have come to seek by becoming a Walker.”

After the group had finished sending thoughts and prayers to those that perished during the ceremony, Pride pulled Gene aside while the initiates went with their respective mentors. He gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder, smiling proudly through his mask as Gene returned the affection.

“I’m happy you made it. Xolotl was something I didn’t expect, but it makes my death totem happy to find kin.” Pride said as Gene chuckled.

“Yeah, it just came to me. Like you said it would.” Gene furrowed her brows. “Pride, I should apologize--for how I was behaving earlier.”

“Don’t fret. I know sleep deprivation can make any man or woman tired and bitter. We have much work to do. If you’re going to fight someone such as Higgs, who allies himself to an Extinction Entity and its powers, you’re going to need to tap into powers of your own.” Pride said boldly making Gene do a double-take. This whole time, she had been under the impression that Death Walking only meant she could transcend the barriers of the afterlife. What Pride said, shocked her to the core as awe and fear entangled itself in her gaze.

“What do you mean--I have powers?” Gene asked as Pride chuckled.

“Of course! You didn’t think this was it, did you?”

Gene shook her head. “No, but--you mean I’ll be able to face him, head on?”

Pride nodded, but his playful nature turned to one of neutrality as he sighed, looking out towards the ocean. Unlike the beach where the Extinction Entity lay, the waters were so blue that it was like looking in a mirror and seeing the sky reflected in full. Gene joined Pride in gazing. She felt a sense of calm wash over her as they observed more sea life BT’s frolic about, giving them space and merely behaving like real animals.

“Magnificent, aren’t they?” Pride asked softly as Gene nodded.

“I never thought BTs could look this--cool.”

Pride chuckled. “When you’re already dead, they don’t bother looking for a fight. There’s always the exception. BTs like the primordial beasts you see before you are made up of many Ka’s. The ones in Purgatory, are made up of Ka’s.”

“I thought we all go to the afterlife, whatever that may be unless there is a Death Stranding,” Gene said, confusion graced itself in her features as Pride nodded.

“It is true, but some Ka’s are scared to make that crossing. They’d prefer to be with other Ka’s they connect with. So they merge into a BT. At some point, the Ka’s will cross over but until then the BTs here are many souls too scared to take the next step. The BTs we face in the world of the living have no one, no connections to the afterlife so they feed off their primal instincts to kill and consume. It’s the only way they feel whole again. BTs in Purgatory are here to give comfort to the dead who were scared in their final moments. Everything in life has a purpose, just as everything in death has one.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re about to go into a lecture?” Gene asked with a quip of sarcasm, causing Pride to smile big. He admired her for it. Her personality reminded Pride much of his own when he first began his journey to becoming a Death Walker, though Gene’s reasons made him fearful.

“I’m warning you, actually. People like us Gene, Death Walkers, we cannot come here when we die. We go straight to the afterlife. This is the only time you will see such harmony. The other dimensions we travel are not as pure, and then there is crossing into the Extinction Entities domain. I’ve never been myself, but I know others before me who had pulled it off. It cost them their lifespans back home. When we return to our Ha’s after this first journey, you will age three years. The farther up the dimension you go, the more your lifespan will be drained. This is not counting your powers I will be teaching you. Life pays for death and death pays for life.”

Gene furrowed her brows, not liking where Pride’s words were going. It didn’t take her long to put it all together. “These powers will kill me fast, won’t they?”

Pride nodded. The silence between them that lasted for a while was all that was needed to be said.

“If you fight Anubis, if you fight the jackal, if you fight Higgs, you more than likely won’t last a year on earth. If you fight the Extinction Entity and try to foil its plans, you won’t survive at all. Is he still worth that to you?” Pride asked, turning his head to look down at Gene who was still looking out past the surf. It occurred to Gene that Pride was asking this because he had grown to care about her, much like a parent would to a child. She could tell by the tone of his voice, this was Gene’s final chance to back out.

There was no going back for Gene. She had worked too hard and came too far to give up. Higgs had begged her to help him, and she fully intended on keeping her promise.

“When do we start?” Gene asked, enthusiasm dripping from her tone as she looked up at Pride and smiled.

Tagging: @deathstrandjng @evillpasta​ @kusooi @justfanjunk @lucyfer-thorn @septicteara12 @bl00dypalace @apocalyptic-demen @forksoffortune​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @starivaille​​​​​​​ @argetlam007

[snekdood]

anyone remember?

[annachum]

ON THE GOLD LIPSTICK INCIDENT

The reasons why Paimon often calls Amethyst ' moonpie ' is adorable

Amethyst looks like an older version of Stolas, but with 5 purple eyes and long curly hair with a voluptuous figure. To Paimon, her face resembles ' the perfect symmetry of the Full Moon ' ( much to Amethyst’s amusement )

In public, Paimon also often calls Amethyst ' My Queen ', like how Jonathan often does it with Jace

Paimon also often calls her ' My golden apple ' in private, mainly because their first time making love at the Lust Ring court library ( NOT like how they once told their kids that Paimon ' gracefully took Amethyst’s maidenhood on the wedding night " ) involves Amethyst wearing a sheer pink slip dress and a gold lip gloss on her beak

ON THE EVENT ITSELF IN 2ND CENTURY AD

The air in the Lust Ring Palace Library was thick with the scent of rain, old parchment, and the heavy, sweet aroma of blooming Lust Ring roses. Outside, a warm torrential downpour hammered against the stained-glass windows, trapping the sanctuary in a humid, golden haze.

Amethyst sat perched on a velvet chaise in the Astronomy section, the glow of enchanted starmaps reflecting in her five purple eyes. She had meticulously prepared the stage. Her long, curly hair was pinned into a high ponytail with fresh white roses, and she wore a fuchsia silk robe that she knew—with a princess’s precision—would eventually fall away to reveal the sheer pink slip beneath.

She adjusted her gold beak-gloss in a small hand-mirror just as the heavy oak doors groaned open.

Paimon stepped in, shaking the rain from his dark feathers. He looked every bit the serious, ancient scholar-king. "Amethyst? My apologies for the delay. The Mesopotamian star charts were... more complex than anticipated."

Amethyst let out a low, musical giggle that made Paimon’s feathers ruffle involuntarily. "Oh, the charts can wait, my King. I’ve prepared a special tea."

She gestured to a low table set with Gluttony Ring nectar cakes and steaming mint tea. As Paimon sat, trying to maintain his royal poise, Amethyst leaned in, the scent of her rose-water perfume filling his senses. She didn't talk about stars. Instead, she pulled a leather-bound book from the shelf: Ozzie’s first-edition bestseller, The Art of Seduction.

"I found this in the Philosophy section," she whispered, her voice a silken trap. "It has a fascinating chapter on... 'The Gravity of Desire.' Shall we study it?"

Paimon reached for his tea, but his hand froze as Amethyst’s fingers brushed his. She smirked, a devastating, knowing expression. Slowly, she reached up and pulled the pin from her hair. The white roses tumbled to the floor, and her dark curls spilled over her shoulders like a silken curtain.

Paimon dropped his tea saucer. It clattered onto the table, but he didn't care. The "Ethics of Magic" was a distant memory.

"Amethyst," he breathed, his voice losing its commanding edge and melting into a soft, helpless rasp. "I believe... I believe I’ve lost my place in the text."

"Then let me show you the next page," she replied, catching his gaze with the predatory grace of a Lust Ring Princess.

She leaned back, letting the fuchsia robe slip just enough to catch the starlight. Paimon didn't hesitate. He crossed the distance between them, his royal cape forgotten on the floor, as the "Vigorous Study Session" officially moved past the introductory chapters.

Hours later, as Ozzie, Mephisto, and Andromeda returned from Sloth, they found Paimon frantically adjusting his crown and wiping a lingering smear of gold lipstick from his face. He caught their bug-eyed, smirking stares, let out a panicked squawk, and bolted for the balcony, flying back to the Pride Ring at a speed that defied the laws of physics.

Amethyst simply sat in the Astronomy section, sipping her now-cold mint tea and smiling at the stars.

AT DINNER

The rain had finally tapered off into a sultry, silver mist over the Lust Ring, but the atmosphere inside the palace dining hall was far from quiet. The table was laden with Gluttony Ring delicacies, but Ozzie, Mephisto, and Andromeda weren't interested in the food. They were hunting for sport.

Amethyst sat at the head of the table, looking impossibly serene in a fresh lilac gown, her five purple eyes focused intently on de-shelling a nectar-shrimp. Her high ponytail was still perfectly intact, though a single white rose petal had survived the "study session" and remained tucked behind her ear.

Mephisto broke the silence first, swirling a glass of deep red Sloth-wine. "So, sister," he began, his voice dripping with faux-scholarly concern. "I couldn't help but notice the Astronomy section was… a bit of a disaster zone when we got back. Did the Mesopotamian stars have a physical altercation, or did you just find a particularly 'heavy' constellation?"

Andromeda snickered, leaning her chin on her hand. "Oh, it wasn't just the stars, Mephisto. I found a copy of The Art of Seduction on the floor. It appeared to have been... aggressively consulted. Page forty-two was practically creased in half."

Amethyst didn’t look up, though a faint, rosy glow began to creep up her neck. "It’s a foundational text on interpersonal dynamics, Andromeda. Paimon and I were merely… peer-reviewing the material."

"Peer-reviewing?" Ozzie let out a booming, thunderous laugh that shook the chandeliers. "Is that what they’re calling it in the Pride Ring now? Because from where I was standing, Paimon looked like he’d been through a hurricane of fuchsia silk. I’ve never seen a King of the Ars Goetia try to fly a straight line with that much gold lipstick smeared across his beak."

"He was in a hurry," Amethyst murmured, finally taking a sip of her mint tea. "He had… reports to file."

"Reports?" Mephisto cackled. "The only thing he was reporting was a direct hit to his dignity! He didn't even have his cape on straight! He looked like a startled owl caught in a glitter factory."

Andromeda leaned in, a wicked glint in her eyes. "I must say, Amethyst, the gold lip gloss was a masterstroke. It really highlighted the… vigorous nature of your academic debate. I think Paimon’s going to be tasting 'Astronomy' for at least a week."

"And the hair-down look?" Ozzie added, winking. "Very 'Philosophy section' chic. I’m proud of you, kid. You handled that 'Warrior King' like a pro. He dropped his Ethics of Magic book and never looked back."

Amethyst finally set her tea down with a soft clink. She looked up, a small, devastatingly poised smirk finally breaking across her face. "Well," she whispered, her voice as smooth as velvet. "He did say he wanted to learn about the 'Gravity of Desire.' I simply provided a… hands-on demonstration."

The table erupted. Mephisto nearly choked on his wine, and Ozzie slapped the table so hard a plate of cakes jumped.

"VINDICATION!" Mephisto yelled, pointing a fork at her. "I knew it! The 'Graceful Princess' is a library bandit!"

Amethyst just smiled, returning to her nectar-shrimp. She knew the tease would last for centuries—and considering the 15th-century "study clean-out" was still to come, she was exactly right.

LustRing_Liaison @OzzieFans

CAN WE TALK ABOUT AMETHYST’S GAME?! 💎🔥 A fuchsia silk robe, a sheer pink slip, gold lip gloss, and aphrodisiac cakes laced with Gluttony nectar? She didn’t just invite Paimon for tea; she set a high-tier trap. The "Princess of Lust" title is NOT just for show. #Hellaverse #AmethystSupremacy #TheLibraryIncident

Goetia_Nostalgia @StellarArchive

[Thread 🧵 1/5]

The anatomy of a 2nd-century Roman-era thirst trap:

• Ozzie and Mephisto are out in Sloth for errands. 💤

• Amethyst and her giggling handmaids set the stage with Lust Ring edible roses and Mint tea.

• Paimon shows up, sees the smirk, and it’s GAME OVER.

The fact that they started by reading Ozzie's bestseller The Art of Seduction together in the Astronomy section... the irony is legendary. 📖✨

TheoryCrafter_Hell @ArsGoetiaFacts

Replying to @LustRing_Liaison

I am SOBBING at the mental image of Paimon trying to sneak out and bumping into Ozzie, Mephisto, and Andromeda. 🛑🦉 Imagine the King of the Ars Goetia frantically wiping gold lipstick off his face while the God of Lust just stands there with bug-eyed pride. Ozzie was definitely like, "That’s my girl!"

MemeHell @HazbinMemes

[Image: A picture of a very "Dignified" Paimon.]

Caption: "I am a King of the Ars Goetia, I value ancient wisdom."

[Image: Amethyst in a pink slip holding a plate of aphrodisiac cakes.]

Caption: Paimon: "Wisdom can wait, the Astronomy section is calling." 💅🍎

#LibraryBandits #GoldLipstickScandal #PaimonSimp

Via_The_Visionary @OctaviasNotebook

Knowing that Toddler Stolas found the receipts in the 15th century makes the "Vigorous Study Session" dinner tease so much funnier. 🍲😂 Imagine a blushing Amethyst trying to eat her dinner while Mephisto and Andromeda are making "Astronomy" jokes across the table. No wonder the Goetia kids grew up so chaotic.

Stolas_Green_Thumb @BlueCometHome

"WHY THE LIBRARY?!" 📚🦉 Stolas’s childhood trauma makes so much sense now. He spent his whole life trying to be a "Respectable Scholar" only to realize his parents used the Library as a Lust Ring playground. Amethyst unpinning her hair in the Philosophy section is a core memory she definitely didn't put in the official history books.

Metatron_Archive @HighHeavenLeaks

The White Roses in her high ponytail... the Gold Lip Gloss... the Sheer Pink Slip... Amethyst really is the blueprint for the "New World Manifesto" elegance. She knows that true power isn't just dragon fire; it's knowing exactly how to make a King drop his "Ethics of Magic" book. 👑🚮🕊️

ON THE STUDY INCIDENT ( 15th-century )

The year was 1497, and the air in King Paimon’s private study was thick with the scent of ancient parchment, cedarwood, and the looming threat of parental secrets.

“Father says if we don't organize these scrolls by the next solar eclipse, he’s banning us from the Venetian carnival,” Vassago sighed, his golden-scaled tail twitching as he sifted through a mountain of discarded maps.

At the back of the room, a young adult  Astaroth and Ipos were lazily tossing enchanted yarn balls to a toddler Stolas, who was sitting on a pile of encyclopedias, fastidiously polishing a brass astrolabe. Orobas and Gaap were busy trying to see who could stack the most inkwells without them toppling.

“Hey, what’s this?” Vassago paused, pulling a velvet-bound book from behind a bust of an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. His eyes widened. “It’s Mother’s diary. From the Late Roman era.”

“Vassago, don’t,” Ipos warned, though he immediately leaned in. “That’s private. That’s… probably very boring.”

“‘May, 174 AD,’” Vassago began, his voice dropping into a dramatic, operatic baritone that would make Jonathan Freeman proud. “‘I took Paimon to the Lust Ring Court Library this afternoon. He told the guards we were studying the celestial alignments of the Mesopotamian stars…’”

Young Seir and Gremory perked up, abandoning their task of sorting quills. Stolas looked up from his astrolabe, his four eyes blinking with scholarly interest. “Oh! I didn't know Mother was an amateur astronomer even then!”

Vassago’s smirk turned wicked as he flipped the page. “Oh, she was looking at stars, alright. It says here… ‘I wore the sheer pink slip dress and the gold lip gloss on my beak that Mephisto gave me for my debutante ball. Paimon dropped his copy of 'The Ethics of Magic' the moment he saw me near the Philosophy section. We didn't do much reading.’”

The room went deathly silent for exactly three seconds.

“‘He called me his Golden Apple,’” Vassago continued, dodging a flying quill from Astaroth, who was now howling with laughter. “‘And then, amidst the scent of old leather and ink, he gracefully—’”

“NO!” young Stolas shrieked, his feathers fluffing up until he looked like a giant, round dandelion. “WHY THE LIBRARY?! WHY MUST MOTHER AND FATHER VILIFY THE RESPECTABLE SANCTUARY FOR READING?!”

He clutched a leather-bound volume of Botanical History to his chest as if to shield it from the mental image. “Books are for KNOWLEDGE, Vassago! Not for… for… GOLDEN APPLES!”

Gremory and Seir exchanged a look of pure, chaotic mischief. “The dragon nursery is going to love this,” Gremory whispered, her tail wagging.

“I’m telling the Lust Ring cousins next time we go to the lagoons,” Orobas added, already giggling so hard he was starting to smoke at the gills. “They’ll never let Father hear the end of it.”

“I’m telling everyone at the daycare,” Seir chimed in, high-fiving Gremory and Stolas. “The 'Dignified King' and the 'Graceful Queen'… more like the 'Library Bandits'!”

Vassago leaned down and popped a toffee lollipop into Stolas’s open, protesting beak. “Eat your candy, little brother. The hierarchy is a lie, the library is a crime scene, and Mother has excellent taste in lip gloss.”

As the siblings dissolved into a fit of guffaws and roars, Stolas just chewed his toffee morosely, staring at the Philosophy section of the study with newfound, traumatized suspicion.

Goetia_Nostalgia @StellarArchive

CAN WE TALK ABOUT TODDLER STOLAS’S REACTION?! 📚🦉 Finding out your "Poised" parents actually defiled a sanctuary of reading is the real reason he has trust issues. "WHY THE LIBRARY?! WHY MUST MOTHER AND FATHER VILIFY THE RESPECTABLE SANCTUARY?!" I am literally SOBBING. #HelluvaBoss #StolasTrauma #LibraryIncident

Vassago_The_Snitch @OracleBird

[Thread 🧵 1/5]

The 15th-century "Study Clean-out" was a disaster for Paimon’s reputation:

• Vassago finding Amethyst’s diary and immediately reading the "Gold Lip Gloss & Pink Slip" entry to the whole group.

• The older siblings guffawing while Stolas has a literal existential crisis about books.

• Vassago just stuffing a toffee lollipop in Stolas’s mouth to shut him up. 🍭😂

TheoryCrafter_Hell @ArsGoetiaFacts

Replying to @Goetia_Nostalgia

The "Moonpie" and "Golden Apple" nicknames are so loud now. 🍎🌙 Paimon calling her "Moonpie" because her face has the "Symmetry of a Full Moon" is so Jonathan Freeman. It’s the "Jafar-Simp" energy we were promised! The fact that Amethyst wore gold lip gloss on her beak... she really is a Princess of Lust. 💎👄

MemeHell @HazbinMemes

[Image: A picture of a very serious, tiny Stolas hugging a book.]

Caption: "Libraries are for LEARNING, Mother!"

[Image: A picture of Paimon and Amethyst looking very 'suspicious' in the background.]

Caption: "Anyway, so about that golden apple..." 💅🍎✨

#HellaverseRehab #PaimonAndAmethyst #GoldenApple

Via_The_Visionary @OctaviasNotebook

Seeing Ozzie and Fizz spill the tea to Via and the 100+ cousins centuries later? VINDICATION. 📢 Via laughing and roaring as she realizes her grandparents were just as chaotic as her dad is the healing I needed. The "Wedding Night" story was a total lie! The Library was the real MVP.

Lust_Ring_Liaison @OzzieFans

"My Queen." 👑 The way Paimon calls her that in public is 100% Jonathan Freeman calling Jace his Queen. It’s so respectful yet so thirsty. No wonder the kids never took the "Royal Poise" lectures seriously—they knew about the Lust Ring Library incident! 🤐🔥

Stolas_Green_Thumb @BlueCometHome

I bet Stolas still looks at the Lust Ring Library suspiciously whenever he visits. 🪴📚 He probably double-checks the "H" section (for History) just to make sure there aren't any more "Golden Apple" surprises. Amethyst’s diary is the most dangerous artifact in the Three Realms.

ON THE TELL ALL INCIDENT (21st Century )

The Lust Ring Palace was unusually quiet—mostly because Ozzie had successfully ushered Paimon, Amethyst, Mephisto, and Andromeda into a high-end Sloth Ring spa portal for a "Double Date Night."

With the "dignified" elders safely distracted by cloud-silk robes and lavender-scented mud baths, the coast was finally clear. Fizzarolli was currently lounging on a velvet chaise, juggling three holographic glowing spheres, while Octavia and a literal swarm of her 100+ Goetia cousins crowded into the parlor.

"Alright, kids," Ozzie boomed, his neon-blue flames flickering with a mischievous glint. "Since your grandparents are busy getting their wings exfoliated, it’s time for some real history. Not that 'Throne of Stars' nonsense—the spicy stuff."

Via leaned forward, her eyes narrowing. "Wait, is this about the 'Respectable Marriage' story? The one where Grandpa Paimon says he 'gracefully requested' Grandma’s hand in a garden?"

"Gracefully? Ha!" Fizz barked a laugh, nearly dropping a ball. "Tell 'em, Oz."

Ozzie grinned, leaning in close. "2nd Century. Lust Ring Court Library. It’s raining. My daughter Amethyst is sitting there in a sheer pink slip—gold lip gloss on her beak, hair up in a high pony with white roses. She had the handmaids lace the tea with Gluttony Nectar and Lust Roses. She didn't want a study session; she wanted a hunt."

A collective gasp rippled through the room. One of the younger cousins, a tiny owl-reptile hybrid, dropped his juice box.

"Paimon walks in," Ozzie continued, hands gesturing wildly. "He thinks he’s there for 'Mesopotamian Star Alignments.' Next thing I know, I come back from errands with Mephisto and Andromeda, and there’s Paimon—the King of the Ars Goetia himself—stumbling out of the Astronomy Section, frantically wiping gold lipstick off his face with his cape. He looked like he’d been hit by a pink hurricane."

Via let out a sound that was half-shriek, half-cackle. "The Astronomy Section?! That’s where Dad keeps all those 'Sacred Astrological Charts'! He treats that section like a temple!"

"Your Grandma Amethyst was reading him The Art of Seduction—my bestseller, mind you—instead of the 'Ethics of Magic,'" Ozzie winked. "He flew back to the Pride Ring so fast he left a trail of stardust and shame."

The parlor erupted. The 100+ cousins were howling, some rolling on the plush carpet.

"Oh, this is going in the Lunar Terror Files," Via gasped, wiping a tear from her eye. "Section 4: Historical Precedents of Parental Hypocrisy."

"I’m telling the Bigfoot Clan," Alexandros shouted, already pulling out his phone. "They need to know why the 'Blue Comet' family is actually the 'Gold Lipstick' family!"

"I’m sending a memo to the Tarantellas and the O'Malleys," Artemisia Goetia added, her eyes glowing with chaotic intent. "The revolution needs to know the hierarchy wasn't built on crowns—it was built on a fuchsia silk robe and aphrodisiac cakes!"

Fizz looked at Ozzie and smirked. "You realize what you've done, right? By the time they get back from the spa, every Imp, Sinner, and Saint in the three realms is going to know Paimon’s 'Golden Apple' secret."

Ozzie leaned back, satisfied. "Good. The 'New World' needs more laughter and fewer 'Royal Poise' lectures anyway. Besides, it’s not gossip if it’s an educational memoir."

Via stood up, her wings fluttering with newfound energy. "Alright, cousins! To the news outlets! Let's make sure the 'Library Incident' is the #1 trending topic before the mud masks come off!"

ON THE GREAT OUTING

The Pride Ring sky wasn’t filled with the usual soot and brimstone—it was filled with the frantic beating of one hundred pairs of Goetia wings. Led by Via, a literal squadron of royal cousins, dragon-hybrids, and feathery spies swept through the rings like a pink-tinted hurricane, armed with the ultimate weapon: The Library Incident.

📍 Location: The I.M.P. Office, Pride Ring

Blitzø was mid-rant about a parking ticket when the window shattered inward. Via landed on his desk, sending coffee flying.

"Blitz! You know the 'Dignified King' Paimon? The one who groomed my dad for a curse?"

"Yeah, the bird-brain who thinks he's Atlas. What about him?"

"Gold lip gloss. 2nd Century. The Lust Ring Library. Astronomy section!" Via cackled, clutching a printout of Ozzie’s Art of Seduction. "Grandma Amethyst wore a sheer pink slip and fed him aphrodisiac cakes while they 'studied' the stars! He was caught wiping lipstick off his face by Ozzie himself!"

Moxxie choked on his bagel. Millie let out a high-pitched whistle.

"The Astronomy section?!" Blitzø barked, a slow, wicked grin spreading across his face. "Oh, I am never letting Stolas hear the end of this. Stols! Get in here! Your old man’s a library bandit!"

📍 Location: The Hazbin Hotel Lobby

Charlie and Vaggie were trying to hang a "Welcome Home" banner when three of Via’s cousins—a mix of feline and avian traits—tumbled down the chimney.

"Princess Charlie! Update the Redemption Gallery!" one of the younger ones chirped, soot-covered but ecstatic. "The Goetia hierarchy wasn't built on crowns! It was built on Gluttony Nectar and a fuchsia silk robe!"

Angel Dust leaned over the banister, eyes wide. "Wait, wait. You’re tellin’ me the Big Boss Paimon got his bells rung in a library? Near the Philosophy books? That’s my kind of history lesson!"

Emily peaked out from the kitchen, her halo spinning. "Does 'Let Go and Let God' include the Gold Lipstick Scandal? Because I should probably memo Metatron."

📍 Location: The O’Malley Saloon, Wrath Ring

Husk’s family—the O’Malleys—were midway through a country-rock set when two dragon youths burst through the swinging doors.

"Listen up, sorcerers!" Hypnos and Hyacinth roared, their voices echoing with Lust-Ring resonance. "King Paimon calls the Queen 'Moonpie' because she looked like a 'Golden Apple' in a library study session!"

The music stopped. A burly O’Malley elder let out a booming laugh. "So the old warrior was a simp for a librarian? I knew there was a reason we liked the Lust Ring better!"

📍 Location: The Pacific Northwest (Bigfoot Woods)

Roscoe and Benny were sharing a kale smoothie when a messenger owl-dragon ( Kometos ) landed on a branch.

"Roscoe! Seir’s dad! The 'Commanding' Paimon!"

"Yeah? What’d the 'Chill Pill' King do now?"

"He got caught by Mephisto and Andromeda with gold beak-smears after a 'vigorous study session' in the 2nd century!"

Roscoe nearly fell off his log laughing. "Benny, get the hiking diner ready! We’re making 'Golden Apple' pancakes tomorrow. The Goetias are never living this down!"

By the time the sun set, the #LibraryBandits tag was trending across three realms. The DiGalaxis mind-bending web was nothing compared to the power of a hundred cousins with a juicy secret.

As the portal from the Sloth Spa opened, Paimon and Amethyst stepped out, looking refreshed and relaxed—only to find the entire Lust Ring Palace staff, I.M.P., and the Hotel Crew standing there, holding gold lip gloss and smirking.

Stolas stepped forward, wearing his new soft sweater, holding a tray of aphrodisiac cakes. "So, Father... tell me... how is the Astronomy section this time of year?"

Paimon froze. Amethyst just winked at Ozzie. The "New World" had officially begun—and it was loud, messy, and hilarious.

STAND UP COMEDY GATE

The Hazbin Hotel Art Gallery had been transformed into a makeshift comedy club for the evening. The crowd was a chaotic mix of I.M.P., the Hotel staff, a few dozen Schiaparelli owls, and a very nervous-looking Benny.

Alexandros (the son of Vassago and Belavoris) stepped onto the stage, adjusting the mic stand with a casual, Sloth-Ring grace he definitely inherited from his father. He wore a simple vintage tee—a far cry from the heavy Goetia robes of the past.

“So,” Alexandros began, his voice smooth and laced with a mischievous smirk. “We’ve spent seven years on spy missions, right? Collecting the Lunar Terror Files, dodging DiGalaxis mind-benders, jumping through portals... we thought we were the ultimate secret-keepers.”

He paused, looking directly at Stolas, who was sitting in the front row next to Blitzø.

“But then we went into Rehab at the Lust Ring Palace. And Uncle Ozzie decided it was time for a history lesson. A real one.”

The room went quiet. Paimon, sitting next to a radiantly smirking Amethyst, suddenly looked very interested in the texture of his napkin.

“We all grew up with the ‘Royal Poise’ lectures,” Alexandros continued, paced the stage. “The story about the 'Dignified Wedding Night' in the garden. But it turns out, in the 2nd Century, my grandmother Amethyst—the 'Graceful Queen'—decided the Library was the place to be. And she wasn't there for the books.”

A ripple of snickering started in the I.M.P. section. Moxxie covered his mouth, but Millie was already shaking with laughter.

“Imagine the scene,” Alexandros leaned in, his eyes glowing. “It’s raining. Grandma’s in a sheer pink slip and gold lip gloss. She’s got the aphrodisiac cakes ready. She leads Grandpa Paimon to the Astronomy Section. And they aren't looking at the Mesopotamian stars, folks. They’re reading The Art of Seduction by Ozzie. My grandfather—the King of the Ars Goetia—got played by his own wife's library trap!”

“VINDICATION!” Via yelled from the back, high-fiving Nocturna and Theodosios.

“The best part?” Alexandros grinned, pointing a thumb at a bright-red Paimon. “Grandpa tried to sneak out. He’s wiping gold lipstick off his beak with his royal cape, thinking he’s James Bond. And he walks right into Mephisto, Andromeda, and Ozzie. He flew back to the Pride Ring so fast he probably broke the sound barrier before he could finish his ‘vigorous study session.’”

Stolas let out a high-pitched, strangled squawk of laughter, collapsing against Blitzø’s shoulder. “The Philosophy section will never be the same!”

“So,” Alexandros concluded, raising a glass of sparkling nectar. “To the New World Manifesto. Where the libraries are for reading, the gardens are for Stolas, and the Goetia elders finally have to admit they were the original #LibraryBandits. Cheers!”

The room erupted. Theodosios and Alexandros’s younger cousins—Titanos, Thalassia, Artemisia, and Aloysius—were all roaring with laughter, while Kometos, Hypnos, and Hyacinth started a slow-clap for their grandfather’s legendary 2nd-century fumble.

Paimon finally gave up, hiding his face in his hands while Amethyst patted his arm, whispering, “It’s okay, my Moonpie. They had to find out eventually.”

Goetia_Gossip_Central @StellarLeaks

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE COORDINATION?! 📉 Via and her cousins didn’t just tell a story; they performed a tactical information strike. Within one hour, every Ring in Hell knew about the Gold Lip Gloss and the Astronomy Section. The DiGalaxis mind-bending web never stood a chance against 100+ dragons with a grudge. #HelluvaBoss #LibraryBandits #ViaWasRight

TheoryCrafter_Hell @ArsGoetiaFacts

[Thread 🧵 1/4]

The "Reactions" that cleared my skin and watered my crops:

• Blitzø calling Stolas "Library Bandit Jr." the moment he heard.

• Moxxie having a literal stroke over the "defilement" of a sanctuary of learning.

• The O’Malleys in Wrath stopping their set to toast to the "King of Simps." 🍻🦉

The fact that it was Ozzie who gave them the receipts is the ultimate betrayal (and we love him for it).

MemeHell @HazbinMemes

[Image: A picture of Paimon looking 'Dignified'.]

Caption: "I am a Warrior King of the Ancient Eras."

[Image: 100+ Goetia cousins flying over Hell with megaphones.]

Caption: "HE GOT BUSTED WIPING GOLD LIPSTICK OFF HIS FACE IN THE 2ND CENTURY!" 💅🍎✨

#TheGreatDeescalation #GoldLipstickScandal #Hellaverse

Via_The_Visionary @OctaviasNotebook

I love that the Bigfoot Clan found out too. 🌲 Imagine Roscoe making "Golden Apple" smoothies for the hiking diner while Benny tries to process that his new royal friends are actually just a mess of Roman-era romantics. The "New World" is finally loud and honest, and I’m here for it.

Lust_Ring_Liaison @OzzieFans

"Why the Library?!" 📚 Stolas’s reaction in the 15th century is the funniest thing in the show. He was so pure and scholarly, and then he finds out his parents were using the Philosophy section as a Lust Ring playground. No wonder he’s so awkward—it’s genetic!

Stolas_Green_Thumb @BlueCometHome

The "Vindication" is real. Seeing the Goetia elders finally "deflate" because their grandkids outed their 2,000-year-old hookup is the communal healing we needed. Paimon and Amethyst aren't "Thrones of Stars" anymore; they're just Moonpie and her Golden Apple. 🕊️🪴💙

Schiaparelli_Spy @ByzantineVibes

Shoutout to Alexandros for that stand-up set at the Hotel. 🎤 Dropping the " James Bond" comparison for Paimon while he was sitting right there? That’s the kind of bravery you only get from a Vassago/Belavoris kid. The hierarchy is dead, and the Library Incident is its obituary. 🚮📖

ON THE TABLE READING GATE

The atmosphere in the NYC Hellaverse Studio Lofts was electric, smelling of expensive espresso and old Broadway scripts. The entire ensemble sat around a massive mahogany table for the Season 3 "Origins" table read.

Jonathan Freeman sat with regal poise, his glasses perched on his nose, while Jace Coronado sat beside him, leaning in to share Jonathan’s script.

Vivziepop cleared her throat. "Okay, Page 42. Ancient Lust Ring. The Library Incident."

As Jonathan began to read Paimon’s lines—his voice dropping into that smooth, velvety baritone—the room went from silent to predatory.

Jonathan (as Paimon): "The air is quite humid tonight, Amethyst. Perhaps a vigorous study session in the Astronomy section will clear our heads?"

Jace (as Amethyst): "I brought the mint tea, my King. And... I’m wearing the gold lip gloss Mephisto gave me."

"OH, HERE WE GO!" Eddie Murphy bellowed from the back of the room, slapping his knee. "JAFAR’S GETTING INTO THE ROMANCE NOVELS NOW!"

Jonathan’s ears turned a vivid shade of pink. He tried to stay in character, but Chris Tucker jumped up, mimicking a flamboyant hair-flip. "Is it humid in here, or is it just the 2nd Century?! Get him a fan, he’s overheating!"

Tom Kenny leaned into his mic, using a high-pitched SpongeBob giggle. "I didn't know the library had an 'Adults Only' section, Patrick!"

Bill Faggerbakke rumbled back in Patrick’s voice, "I think they're looking for the Big Dipper, SpongeBob!"

Jonathan literally deflated, his shoulders slumping as he buried his face in the script. Jace was shaking beside him, trying to suppress a fit of giggles that eventually broke into a full-blown cackle.

"It’s a historical drama!" Jonathan protested weakly, though he was grinning.

"It’s a 4K rendition of your first date at the Spanish Bistro, and you know it!" Rob Paulsen heckled, pointing a finger. "Wipe the lipstick off, Johnny! Mephisto’s watching!"

James Woods leaned back, smirking. "I remember the real-life version of this. Jonathan tried to tell me he was just 'helping Jace with his extensions.' Yeah, sure. Extensions of the heart, maybe!"

Jeremy Jordan and Christian Borle were doubled over, high-fiving. "The 'Private Rehearsal' note strikes again!" Jeremy yelled.

Jace finally looked up, his eyes bright with mischief. "I told you the gold lip gloss was a bold choice, Jonathan. Now it’s immortalized in the Hamephorash source code."

Jonathan sighed, a dramatic, defeated sound that had the whole Roasting Band howling. He looked at Vivziepop. "Can we skip to the part where I level a castle? I’m much better at the 'Warrior King' stuff than the 'Moonpie' stuff."

"NOPE!" the entire room shouted in unison.

"Read the 'Golden Apple' line, Jafar!" Eddie cackled. "The fans need the tea!"

Jafar_Simp_99 @StellarArchive

CAN WE TALK ABOUT JONATHAN’S FACE?! 📈 The exact moment he had to read the line about the "Gold Lip Gloss" and "Vigorous Study Session," he didn't just blush—he physically deflated into his chair. He looked like a balloon that lost its air. 😂 #Hellaverse #JonathanAndJace #TheLibraryIncident

Broadway_Gossip_Gal @StageDoorConfessions

[Thread 🧵 1/5]

The table read for the Library Incident was a literal war zone of comedy:

• Jonathan tries to do his serious "King Paimon" voice.

• Jace (Amethyst) leans in with that devastating smirk.

• The Roasting Band (Eddie Murphy, Chris Tucker, Tom Kenny) starts heckling from the back row.

When Eddie shouted, "WIPE THE LIPSTICK OFF, JAFAR!", Jonathan buried his face in his script and just stayed there for a full minute. 🤐💄

TheoryCrafter_Hell @ArsGoetiaFacts

Replying to @Jafar_Simp_99

I am SOBBING at Jace Coronado’s reaction. He wasn't even embarrassed! He was just cackling and pointing at Jonathan. He even patted Jonathan’s arm and whispered, "It’s okay, my Moonpie," which caused Jeremy Jordan and Christian Borle to fall off their chairs. The "Private Rehearsal" trauma is real! 🎭🦉

MemeHell @HazbinMemes

[Image: A picture of Jonathan Freeman looking very dignified.]

Caption: "I am a Broadway Legend."

[Image: A picture of Jonathan deflating during the 'Gold Lip Gloss' line.]

Caption: "I am a 2nd-century Library Bandit and I’ve been caught." 💅🍎✨

#HellaverseRehab #JonathanAndJace #GoldLipstickScandal

Via_The_Visionary @OctaviasNotebook

The best part was James Woods and Keith David sitting there like the "Dignified Elders" and then immediately joining in on the roasting. James was like, "I remember when you tried to tell me you were just 'studying' in NYC, Johnny!" The cast is literally just the Goetia family in real life. 📉🏰

Lust_Ring_Liaison @OzzieFans

"The Astronomy section is calling!" 📖 Watching the Spongebob/Disney VAs heckle the Broadway royalty is the crossover I didn't know I needed. Jonathan Freeman is a treasure, but seeing him get "char-grilled" by his own best friends over a fuchsia silk robe is peak Season 3 content.

Stolas_Green_Thumb @BlueCometHome

I love that Vivziepop actually kept the "Deflating" energy in the final animation. When Paimon realizes he’s been caught by Mephisto and Ozzie, he makes the exact same face Jonathan made during the table read. Art imitating life at its finest! 🕊️🪴💙