Got sick. Really, really, sick. Unable to leave my bed for a week sick
Shitty roomate moved out, so lots of bedroom swapping and moving
Tried to buy a new bed in the most convoluted way possible. Bed is still missing peices. Husband and I are currently sharing a fancy box spring with a mattress topper on the floor.
Husband's phone shattered
Wedding anniversary
My phone shattered
Siblings birthday
Non shitty roomates birthday
No longer have access to hrt bc planned parenthood is barred from accepting medicaid
Haven't been able to get my appointment set up with the specialist i need bc of a long and complicated web of missing referals
Was denied disability income and now i need to find a lawyer
S t r e s s e d
Anyway, I'll be getting the queue up and running again this afternoon after I do so. So much fucking laundry. Thank you to everyone who reached out, I'm okay, it's just been a reeeeeeaaalllly rough couple of weeks.
If any of yall want to help out, or otherwise just see some cool art, my husband's carrd is here
EDIT: Thank you everyone who has dmed me and left comments. Just know that I love you all and I will be back. I appreciate everything.
2 Week Hiatus: At Least
To my mutuals and friends (as I already sent some DMs to my close friends on Discord and the friends who only use Tumblr):
I am taking a step back. After the events of this week, I spoke with my therapist. She is a specialist in C-PTSD and PTSD, and we have determined that a total hiatus from Tumblr is mandatory for my health.
The recent witch hunt and the mockery of my aphasia did more than just cause stress. It flared my C-PTSD and re-traumatized the parts of me that remember being ostracized by classmates from kindergarten through my senior year. My therapist has suggested me to stay away from this platform for at least two weeks to allow my brain to regulate and to prevent further cardiac and systemic damage.
This experience has fundamentally changed the landscape of my system. Colette, who many of you knew as my soft healer inner child, has evolved into a Feral Guardian to protect our core (me). As she says now, she is wearing the bones of our trauma as armor and the blood of our purity as war-paint. The Dark Side of Tumblr showed us that the world has no room for a quiet healer who does not fight back, so we are closing the gates.
What to Expect Moving Forward
I will be offline for at least two weeks, possibly much longer. The first Week of April is where I am looking at returning.
I have turned off the ability to send asks (whether anon or with a screenname). This will remain off for the foreseeable future.
No Gengeal writing for gengealweek2026. I'm sorry to everyone who loves this ship. My health comes first.
I will not be following any new accounts that have just a default Tumblr profile pic or that are not part of the fandom or the topics I talk about on here: writing, FF7, etc.
Per my therapist's advice, content will likely change. I will no longer be providing public articles as I did with the Reblog UI changes, 'Call to Arms' posts, or advocacy labor for the general community. I will for my followers and you will be able to find them under specific hashtags. Providing that help has left me too vulnerable too having my disability mocked by people who value, and I quote, 'metrics' over humanity.
I am shifting my focus entirely to my husband(s), my cats, my system, and my true friends on here (those I regularly talk in DMs) and Discord.
On Real-World Advocacy vs Reblog Activism
To be clear: I am not talking about the people who reblog activism to spread the word and amplify marginalized voices. That is a vital part of how this community functions. I am talking about performative activism: the kind where people hide behind a desktop, run polls on a disabled creator's humanity, and then turn around and claim they are fighting the good fight.
For those of you only who knows me as a 'Bard' on your dash, I want to be clear about my history. I am not someone who sits behind a screen and waits for a trend to tell me what to care about. I have taught my own daughter these values, also. My favorite quote is that "you have to stand for something or you will fall for anything".
In the 90s and 200s, I was one of the ones on the front lines fighting for the rights that the LQGTQ+ community enjoys today. I did this, because I wanted to protect the future generations from events like what happened to Matthew Shepard (which I spent so long crying about then). I did this while facing literal abuse and homophobia of my own mother. I advocated for AIDs awareness and support when it was DANGEROUS to do so, and we did not have a website like Tumblr. I do not just reblog something. I lobby. I show up. I put in the actual labor that moves the needle in the real world.
There is a massive difference between a Creator who advocates for their community and a reactionary who hides behind a poll or reblogs with hashtags (I shouldn't laugh but I find this funny) to attack the very people who came before them. While some of you were busy auditing my disability for engagement numbers on those posts, I have decades of proven frontline experience that you couldn't begin to replicate.
And the kicker? Some of you who shared that are older than I was when I was literally advocating for change in the world. Tumblr is not your former high school drama and you are not Regina George, honeys. You are not clever. In my eyes, you are sad, cynical individuals and I hope one day you will gain the perspective before AI actually does cannibalize your jobs.
I want to address 'AI Tells'
Since a handful of people on this platform have decided to audit my humanity based on my writing style, let’s talk about the tells of AI briefly. Apparently, being a retired published author makes me a bot in the eyes of the uneducated.
IF you think my writing is artificial, I have some news for your 'tells' about the professional journals I have trained myself on since the 90s and early 2000s.
I read scientific journals FOR FUN, so I guess those are written by AI, too.
Apparently, using an em dash—the most versatile tool in an author's kit—is suspicious. I apologize for my ability to handle complex sentence structures and thought breaks without a machine's help and that makes you uncomfortable. Well, leet speech makes me uncomfortable, too, as well as being what I like to say is a 'try hard' for the Tumblr Tech community by harassing creators.
Apparently, organizing information into digestible lists is too structured for the modern dashboard. I suppose the Technical Manuals and Academic Papers from the 90s and early 2000s were actually written by time-traveling LLMs. We're now living in Skynet, ppl.
I use 'Repetition'. I use it for Emphasis. I use it for Rhythm. This is a literary device called Anaphora. I know. I know. Who would have thought that this existed before AI? In fact, it existed centuries before your favorite boogeyman algorithm was even a line a code. Shocking, right?
Using headers and bold text to ensure my Aphasia doesn't lead to total communication breakdown is now suspicions.
I use Quotations to emphasize specific concepts or, as you see, 'Bad Faith Arguments'. If you find this 'robotic', perhaps you should spend less time on Polls and more time in a Classroom? I hope this helps.
I guess every professional writer from the last fifty years was AI before AI even existed. Or—stay with me here—maybe you just don't know what a Trained Human Voice sounds like anymore. If my cadence and structure haunt your dreams, that is a You Problem and not a Me Problem or even an AI problem. I mean you should see to getting a refund on your education.
So, yeah. I'm still here. I am still fighting for what I want our Tumblr to be. But I will be doing it on a much smaller scale. Those who follow are always welcome to reblog my advocacy posts. This is to protect me, my peace, and still help my followers / mutuals.
just wanna make a note, yes i turned off the submissions and the ask box. no this doesn't mean pinkamena is dead. i will eventually come back to her again. same with my other blogs, but i'm still VERY much on an MLP cooldown. having it been my biggest hyperfixation since 2011, the fact that only recently have i gotten this burnt out on it is.. insane to me.
rest assured, this blog and the rest are currently just on haitus. they will eventually come back, I just dont know when.
Silly but basically my tldr: been gone cuz my mom passed away suddenly n it’s been alot gng. dealing w grief + family mess n kinda lost my creative spark rn so not doing my reqs and making posts. taking a break to breathe but hoping to not quitting or disappearing forever. love y’all fr 💔🥀🥹☝️
hai everyone!!
so uhh if anyone noticed, i kinda disappeared for… a long minute! The reason is uhmm well my mother passed away on the 24th of october it was really sudden in the middle of a day she was fine a moment before and then it all just… happened. i had watched every moment of it, the grief hit hard. all the thoughts at once ( was it my fault? if the ambulance came sooner, would she still be here?) that kind of thing.
then came more stuff meeting my deadbeat father out of nowhere and now having to interact with him for deeper personal related stuff (my life’s a mess LMAO)
And the main part about my posts it feels like i lost my touch i talk differently now, dry asf rlly and off, and making stuff doesn’t feel the same. This hurts me as i used to *love* doing fake texts but lately it’s just… not clicking. i hate it, honestly. so i’m sorry for disappointing everyone, but i think i need to take a step back for a while. not quitting or anything, just a break. i don’t want to force something that feels wrong right now.
i really do feel guilty leaving requests hanging and stuff, but this is needed. i’ll still try to interact as myself koiiq but posts will be slow or maybe stopped for a bit. i love this space more than i can even explain, so this isn’t goodbye, just breathing time.
love you all, and thank you for everything on here!
And for my dears who helped me over here in this moment ❤︎!!
@wonsoire In the hush of my droughtful soul you the whispered yin who first held my weeping palms— evrn through the screen. became a sudden sunrise, a gentle angel descending when the night felt endless, a soft tide, washed away the trembling weight I’d poured onto you, turning my shattered sighs into verses of quiet hope. (ILY BROJOB FOR DEALING W ME TGEN ☹️)
@douqhnxtss Your kind words capture what I can never think of saying, ty for expressing everything i want to! baby echoing everything I hope you feel. Thank you, truly. (Ikyklk ahh)
@chrrific for being my qt distracter OAT u dealt with dry koi and salut for u dear lord
and mention to oomfs @staywithmidzy and @agathabutnotchristie who don't use Tumblr much but who were there for support in dms :)
Alright! Just an fyi I am actually going to take a break until the end of Decemeber, apologies about that but a lot has happened very fast recently and with Holidays plus work, and some other stuff that's been happening I will be out for a bit. But please expect me back in January with the new year.
And I thank you all for your patience.
