#haleysthoughts

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙And also I relapsed yesterday💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙Not sure I even want to be alive right now. All this is so shitty. I miss my cat. It's only been 4 hours since he's been hospitalized and im just miserable.💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙Everything right now is so unfair. I hate life so much.💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙I hate this feeling. This feeling like I cannot get it out of my mind. I want peace. This will never happen for me and I must realize it. I want to be a free soul. I dont even want to exist in this society anymore. I barely want to be a person. But right now nothing feels worse than when you like someone so much it hurts so bad. I cannot even express my thoughts even if I wanted to. It is so terrible to feel this. Last night I was drinking with my best friend and I kept talking about him and I said I thought I loved him. Lol that bothered me worse than my actual hangover. I was totally talking out of my ass and I can't take it back. I don't love him. How could I? I love the thought of him. I love when I think of him cause he is seriously too nice to me. I just cannot take this. I wish he was mine. I wish he could at least be my friend. That cool guy friend who defends me at bars and makes sure I get home okay. Idk. This life is so much more than I bargained for. And now him. I can barely stand it. For some reason it feels worse. Lately I think of him everyday and whenever I see him after it's been a while my heart drops and I get incredibly anxious. When will this pass? I need someone to fill that void. Damn you handsome great sexy person. You're my self destruct. You're killing me inside out. I drink to kill the constant thought of you in my mind. At least I try but the alcohol makes it worse. I even dream of you. My goodness. This is the worst. I don't want to like you this much. I can't. You're killing me and you don't even know it.💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙It's nice when someone you don't fuck with anymore is dead to you. Well maybe partially there it's just nice to know it doesn't bother me anymore. I am able to live my life. Yeah I'm still miserable but I make it work. I still come through another exhausting day. These losers hardly cross my mind anymore. That's how you know someone was toxic and drowning you as opposed to helping you. Ahhh sweet freedom💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙As if life doesn't even make me suffer enough, I get to have allergies. This is just lovely.💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙So there's this ft job that I wanted quite terribly. When I work I work my ass off. All the time. Im never lazy or standing around talking. I am always working. So my manager talked to me and told me that yes, once again I wouldn't be getting the position. I fought to get this by getting interviewed twice for this. What I can accept is being rejected over the fact that someone is more qualified than me. What I cannot accept is someone telling me I didn't get a position based on the fact that I am too shy. Or that I simply dont stand out. They are asking me to change who I am. I don't understand. It's like who I am isn't good enough. Despite the fact that I work like a dog I get refused because I'm shy. Wow. I am a nice person too. I dont like heated discussions and I like to smile when it feels genuine. I like to be happy. I just never am. But I always make sure to come off in a polite and respectful manner to everyone. Even when I do not know them, I try to do this. So yeah, this really hurt me. I think I am best qualified. I was going to be loyal and sacrifice alot to work full time. But of course, as always, this piece of shit company never has my back through anything. Not to mention it doesn't even acknowledge me in any way. They never appreciate how much of a good worker I am. So, now, I am going to stay there until I find somewhere much better to work. I am sick of this place. I wanted to burn it to the ground yesterday. But today I don't care. I am a chronic mentally depressed person but I still refuse to give up. This brought me back making me bawl last night. My eyes are still swollen. But I am going to make it. I will have my time where I will shine. And someone will appreciate my constant hard work efforts. Because no one here notices me. Your fucking loss. I feel like warning anyone that comes here to watch out. If u shy, you will die cause they won't give a fuck about you. They will put you down. And they will not even notice if you are an outstanding worker. Instead they let non qualified chatty lazy people be in charge. And hopefully I can find someone who loves me. Coming home yesterday felt terrible cause I didn't have someone who could listen. No significant other half. I need to have the life I want. I am so sad all of the time. I am hurt by this. You bet. I have been loyal to one company for 3 years now. And they dont appreciate me. So yeah. Them telling me my personality is their reason for passing me up is downright insulting. I kind of feel like reporting them. But then they would somehow treat me worse I bet. Lol. Whatever.💜💙💜💙

[haleys-thoughts]

💜💙💜💙I hate Daylight Savings 😞💜💙💜💙