#halfhumanhalfheaven

[handslikeheartache]

Dec 23, 2017

You say you won’t choose sides, but not choosing sides is, in fact, choosing a side. I’ve paid enough attention this year to know that not choosing a side could mean choosing the side of the oppressor. It’s how rapists go free, when the entire court has gaslighted their victim into self doubt.

It’s easy to say something as ignorant as “I’m not choosing sides,” when nothing’s happened to you. You’re just a bored juror who would rather be anywhere but here.

What’s scary is you saying “I’m not choosing sides, but if i had to i wouldn’t choose yours. Just because you asked.” She set my house on fire and all I ask is you take away her matches. Instead you shrug and hand her your lighter. It wasn’t your house that burned down.

The truth is I’m not asking you to take sides. Im asking if you’ll comfort me when i leave the room he’s in because I’m not ready to face him. Or will you lock me in a hallway full of their smiling faces because it wasn’t your heartbroken loneliness at 2am who’s hands were just out of reach of being capable of fixing anything.

You say you don’t choose sides because you’re stubborn and it makes you uncomfortable, but you being on good speaking terms with someone who felt so comfortable disrespecting me makes me uncomfortable.

The thing is, you do choose sides.

You just don’t choose mine.

[handslikeheartache]

Last night we got drunk on cheap champagne and sat in the park at that special time of night where everything exists in grayscale. We talked about our shitty childhood grades and our shitty parents’ parenting and how we just want to be okay now. We figured I’m the yin to your yang, the casual dark to your purposeful light. We admitted we’ve been trying not to say we’re in love and instead of admitting it still we kissed instead. We decided we’re allowed to take this slow. I don’t usually say this, but we’ve got so much time to take this slow.

Thoughts Pt. 2

[handslikeheartache]

1. You paused for a moment mid conversation like you'd suddenly remembered something very important, and then you kissed me, and then you smiled. 2. You made us dinner and traded witty banter with me while I watched, leaning against the counter. I smirked and rolled my eyes and you pulled me in for a kiss. My mouth tasted to two shots of honey whiskey, and your eyes were amber. 3. You got home from work and I was so excited to see you so pink cheeked and so bright blonde and I kissed you and I still tasted like two shots of whiskey. 4. You taught me how to kiss you softly, and I showed you how all those rough boys taught me how to kiss, and how it's a bad habit I didn't know I had. You taught me how to kiss you gently and I hope over time I can thank you enough. There are reasons why people decide to fall in love. Here are some of mine.

Reasons Pt. 1

[handslikeheartache]

What if I get ripped apart by hands that aren’t mine? What if I’m not the one feeding myself to the wolves? What if I’m feeding myself to you? I don’t mean to leave you starving. And you’re asking for more. And your bites never kill. What if all I taste is lavender and rosemary? And this city-stuck witch wants to sew up our wounds. Bury me in mud until I blossom. And the house burns down. And the smoke doesn’t kill. So I lay there, chewed apart and choking. I don’t want to leave you. And there’s nothing left of me to feed you. And there’s no more house for me to burn. All I’m left with is your taste, like flower and herb.

they want me to starve you.