#etemywords

[handslikeheartache]

1. You paused for a moment mid conversation like you'd suddenly remembered something very important, and then you kissed me, and then you smiled. 2. You made us dinner and traded witty banter with me while I watched, leaning against the counter. I smirked and rolled my eyes and you pulled me in for a kiss. My mouth tasted to two shots of honey whiskey, and your eyes were amber. 3. You got home from work and I was so excited to see you so pink cheeked and so bright blonde and I kissed you and I still tasted like two shots of whiskey. 4. You taught me how to kiss you softly, and I showed you how all those rough boys taught me how to kiss, and how it's a bad habit I didn't know I had. You taught me how to kiss you gently and I hope over time I can thank you enough. There are reasons why people decide to fall in love. Here are some of mine.

Reasons Pt. 1

[handslikeheartache]

Here, in your bed, cuddling a kitten and keeping warm after our showers, I think “this is why people decide to fall in love.” I think, “You make this seem so easy.” I think “I want to tell someone how I’m feeling right now.” I think “I need someone to listen to me fall apart for a second and stay there to witness me put myself back together again.” I think “I might have got it right this time.” I think I might have got it right.

Thoughts Pt. 1

[handslikeheartache]

I think the day’s sunlight reflected off my eyes on the walk back to your house. You saw the way I couldn’t tear my eyes from ever tree branch and flower field. I think that was a facet of me you liked, a part of me I thought would go unnoticed. I saw the way you looked at me, the corners of your mouth lifted. When brown eyes turn amber in daylight, an ordinary task becomes a Moment. I think, “This is why people decide to fall in love.” as the sun shined in your kitchen and I watched your hands work. You ripped the basil from their stems and I recognized that this was a facet of you I liked; amber eyed.

Moment.

[handslikeheartache]

“I want to say something new. Something like, "I fell in love today.” Something like, “I danced like no one was looking, even though everyone was totally looking.” I want to say, “I really am glad you stuck around to see this.” Sometimes…. I say something new. Other times, the conversations I have in the mirror are incredibly grimm. Sometimes my reflection doesn’t even show up. Sometimes, neither do I.“

[x-grae-x]

I live in a fragile body, in denial and made aware.

@graescaled

[x-grae-x]

Fact: Nothing's the same without you.

Fact: a customer had the same name as you, when he introduced himself I almost stopped breathing. Fact: even my mom can't believe how horribly I treated you. She also thinks I'm heartless. Fact: I'll never stop being in love with you. Fact: as much as I'd love to fall in love with someone else, I know no one will ever compare to you. Fact: I don't dream about you anymore. I don't dream any more. What's the point? Fact: you were the closest thing I've ever had to a dream come true. Fact: being friends with you is the worst kind of torture. I've never been a masochist, but there's a first time for everything. Fact: I swear to God, I still feel your hands in mine.

[x-grae-x]

And I swear I loved everything about you in all the wrong ways. I wanted all of your attention but didn’t know what to do with it once I had it and I wanted your arms around me but I wasn’t able to have that. So tell me how the hell was I supposed to love you and stay in one piece at the same time when breaking myself apart floated farther on the wind and there were so many winds keeping us apart. I adore you and that’s the problem. If you’re as strong as I selfishly believe you are then you’ll be fine if I say goodbye but I will keep coming back for more of you and I’ll keep reopening these wounds and I want so much to heal from all of this. I was hoping I’d be able to heal with you as a friend but I can’t keep living with one foot in your shadow. I’m prepared to do stupid shit for you because I’ve got nothing left to lose but I need to focus on everything there is for me to gain. Somehow I will always love you. You are exactly what I wanted, and everything I’m not ready for.

How Can I Be Ready?

[x-grae-x]

I dated a poet once. I thought it would be easy Because we'd get it. We'd understand each other We both romanticized the same evils We lived the same hells. But where I always found grace in suffering She found beauty in survival. And maybe I didn't want to survive Maybe she wouldn't love me If I was strong enough to love myself I hoped, maybe, she would stop trying to breathe If we started suffocating together Because isn't every love story meant to be tragic? Aren't we all supposed to bleed out at the end?

Ever After